Just a few years ago, I was a recent grad in a new city with no knowledge of how to play the industry game. Fast Company articles didn't provide enough tips for a young, gifted black woman in corporate America and I needed a guide on how to break through this tough communications market that is New York. I was lucky enough to find guidance in my mentor, Scheron Brown, who has become the shoulder I lean on as life's lemons turned into lemonade.
Many black women continue to struggle to find someone to lift them up and pull them forward in their careers because finding a mentor isn't easy, and we just want to be in the presence of greatness to learn the ropes on how to maximize our own potential. Mentorship has become one of the key ingredients many say is needed to move forward in your career. It's the secret sauce many of us are still in search of as we navigate corporate America and build our brands and businesses.
Here are a few women who share how they found their mentor and how their mentorship has helped them along the way:
Ericka Hatfield, 36
Her Occupation
Brand Development Director of SJS Consultants and CEO of The BB Group
Her Mentor
"My mentor's name is Florence Mitchell-Brown and her company handles operations for some of the largest production studios and companies in the entertainment business. It started as a business relationship and we had a great rapport. I knew I wanted her to be not only my mentor but someone who was a part of my life. She is truly my big sister in every way imaginable. I can discuss career strategies, relationships, and my faith with my mentor. I didn't have any set expectations, but I knew that I could learn a tremendous amount from her and she was someone I would benefit from greatly, not only professionally but spiritually and emotionally."
The Impact
"I believe mentorship plays a huge role in career success, access, and opportunities. It is also a great way to learn and grow from someone you trust. I really focused on finding a mentor in 2015. I was in the beginning stages of being at the senior level of my career and realized I wanted and needed an executive woman as a mentor. I had previously had male mentors but I really wanted a woman as it comes with a different set of challenges that men often do not understand. I knew I wanted to diversify my mentors. I had not previously had a black woman as a mentor and felt that it was a dynamic I had been missing."
"I had not previously had a black woman as a mentor and felt that it was a dynamic I had been missing."
Her Advice
"Make the relationship easy and accessible for your mentor. Calls, emails, Skype, social media, and text are great ways to communicate when you may not always have time for a face-to-face interaction."
Zaina Adamu, 32
Her Occupation
Cross-Platform Associate Producer at CNN
Her Mentor
"I have several mentors, but the one I meet with the most is Lashana Williams, a senior director at TBS. Speaking with someone regularly who is in a position I'd like to be in one day is motivating. It's a constant reminder that I can achieve my goals. In every situation, my mentorships flourished from simply establishing and building relationships with people I looked up to. Once I found the value in those relationships, I realized how critical they are in my life. No one gets to the top of their industries alone. We all need help."
The Impact
"When I first found a mentor who was willing to help, I didn't have any expectations, but I've found that they are an essential part of my growth as a professional. Not having one would have made my journey more difficult to navigate. I recognized early that I didn't have all the answers and having someone with more experience and knowledge to guide me has literally been my saving grace. I can't stress enough how important it is to ask for help and be willing to receive it."
Her Advice
"Don't be intimidated by titles. If you see someone you admire, request to meet with them briefly for advice. Everyone loves talking about themselves. Ask them how they reached success in their lives and check in with them periodically to see how they're doing. It's one of the best things you can do for yourself."
Folasade' Ogunnmokun, 28
Her Occupation
Owner of Unskrypted TV
Her Mentor
"My mentor is Latilda Owens and she is a financial analyst for the Virginia Commonwealth, as well as a mom, business mentor, and active member of the Richmond community. She does it all! Latilda and I have mutual friends and would end up in the same circle and she told me about an organization she was a part of that helped small business owners find guidance. She knew that I was working on my video production business and was interested in my work and my marketing method. Her being intrigued, inclined me to ask questions about how she felt about my work and what she thought I could do better to improve. She suggested I find a mentor through her organization Thrive and invited me to a few business events."
The Impact
"Latilda advises me on way more than just career goals. She helps me deal with life. I only expected for her to donate information about events, opportunities, and pitch contests. She has given me way more, like how to approach difficult clients or creative blocks. She's like a big sister who speaks up, even when I want to shut my ears. I thought it was important to find a mentor because I felt lost. I always looked up to my parents for answers but as I started to do things that my parents and older siblings never did, I had to find people who understood me and could help me grow. I don't believe you can do it alone and my parents and siblings got me to a certain point but it's up to me to find the help to go the rest of the way."
Her Advice
"A lot of times we overlook the women right in front of our eyes. We've picked out what our perfect mentor will look like, do, and be. Often times we have marked off our perfect match. Your mentor doesn't have to look like you and they certainly don't have to think like you, but they have to have an interest in seeing you succeed. I truly believe that if you put it out there that you want to learn and grow, that you will receive the person that can get you where you need to be. Be receptive and ready to act on the information being given to you, or expect to lose a great relationship."
"A lot of times we overlook the women right in front of our eyes."
Bee Pollard, 26
Her Occupation
Writer and Freelance Journalist
Her Mentor
"My mentor is a beautiful and successful black woman named Alissa Richardson. She's an award-winning journalist and assistant professor at USC who recently received her doctorate. I wasn't actively searching for a mentor nor did I believe I needed one. However, the moment I met her, I was just overwhelmed with her accolades, her experience, and her warm, welcoming spirit. She really lit the fire under me to hone my skills as a hungry writer, ultimately making me see that I could really make moves with my passion as my bread and butter. I came to her at the end of class about four years ago, and asked her if she minded being my mentor. With a smile, she agreed and our journey began."
The Impact
"She's pushed me to my limit. Mediocrity was and still is not a word in our vocabulary when it comes to my growth. She's presented me with so many opportunities for writing, editing, producing, and pitching. We've worked together on personal and professional projects that exposed me to the ins and outs of the industry. Allissa's always made time for me, being a shoulder when I needed it, a stern voice when I slacked, and a champion for all my wins. Our mentoring relationship has turned into a true friendship as I see her as my sister. She's given me so much confidence and made me believe that my voice was important. As a black woman in this world, much less this industry, I needed that so desperately."
"She's pushed me to my limit. Mediocrity was and still is not a word in our vocabulary when it comes to my growth."
Her Advice
"Find the person that mirrors your passion, your energy, your drive, and your appearance. There's something so comforting about having a black woman with a similar journey and similar-but-diverse narrative who I can relate to on levels unmatched. Your mentor should not only enrich your life as a career woman, but also be a source of light in your personal times of darkness. My mentor became my sister in a matter of years organically; I encourage all black women to find someone who can do the same."
Donicia Hodge, 30
Her Occupation
Brand Creative Project Associate at BET Networks
Her Mentors
"I have been lucky enough to have several mentors in my life during every stage of my professional career. One of my mentors' name is Assemblyman Bob Sweeney, retired. He inspired me to travel and get my Master of Science International Communications degree from St. John's University. I just always remember him saying, 'Don't let anyone take away your dreams. You go out there and make me proud.' If it wasn't for him, I would've never gone back to school or travel as much as I do now. My other mentor, Kai Brown welcomed me with open arms at BET. We have our bi-weekly check-ins and she makes me think about my future, which has helped me in my career thus far."
Her Advice
"It's already hard enough for young black women to move up in a higher position and better salary in the work environment. Surround yourself with people that have similar interests as you and you may find your mentor in that space naturally. When it happens, you'll know. Last, but not least, closed mouths don't get fed!"
These women found people to uplift them and pull them forward in their careers. Do you have a mentor? How has your mentor made a difference in you life?
Featured image by Getty Images
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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If, while on your continual journey to get the best out of your own tresses, you’d like to learn how to get them healthier than it’s ever been, I’ve got seven acids that are typically known for skin use that can be just as beneficial to your hair as well.
1. Salicylic Acid
When it comes to your skin, salicylic acid is beta-hydroxy acid that is great for your skin if you’re looking for something that will exfoliate it, clear out your pores and dissolve dead skin cells. In fact, this is why it’s an acid that is quite popular when it comes to treating acne.
Your hair will enjoy salicylic acid because, if you’re looking to remove product build-up, you want to soothe an itchy or irritated scalp or you’ve got some dandruff flakes that are totally driving you up the wall, salicylic acid has the ability to treat all of this. Either purchasing a shampoo that contains this ingredient or adding it to your favorite scalp scrub is probably the most effective way to get the most out of it.
Just make sure that if your scalp is sensitive or dry that you approach with caution. In these instances, it could end up irritating your scalp more than helping it out, so use a very little bit in the beginning to make sure that it vibes with you.
2. Lactic Acid
Lactic acid is an alpha hydroxy acid that can help to even out your skin tone as well as slow down the signs of aging. The properties in it help to do this by reducing hyperpigmentation and boosting collagen production in your skin as well as keeping it hydrated.
Why is it great for your locks? For one thing, lactic acid is considered to be a humectant. This means that it pulls water from the air so that your hair is able to remain moisturized.
Another thing that makes it a winner is the fact that lactic acid breaks down dead skin cells on your scalp (so that your hair follicles are able to flourish), it can help to soften and detangle your hair (making it a helpful addition on your wash days) and it also helps to protect your tresses from heat styling tools and UV damage. Applying a hair rinse that’s made up of part lactic acid and part water can work wonderfully (so long as you apply it once a month, tops; more than that might be too “intense” for your hair strands).
3. Glycolic Acid
Glycolic acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that is actually made from sugar. Your skin will adore it because it smooths the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, improves the texture of your skin, gently exfoliates, clears your pores and brightens up your complexion overall.
The reasons why you should consider this acid for your hair is because it helps to keep your scalp youthful (and yes, there is such a thing; check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.”), removes excess sebum (that could be clogging up your hair follicles) and it helps to keep your hair moisturized. Your best bet here is to make it a part of your pre-shampooing ritual.
4. Succinic Acid
Succinic acid is an acid that is made from sugar cane and contains antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties. Although it doesn’t exactly exfoliate (like many of these other acids do), it can still be beneficial to your skin when it comes to reducing the kind of irritation that is associated with eczema, decreasing the bacteria that leads to breakouts and keeping your skin pretty hydrated.
As far as your hair goes, this is an acid that is worth trying out because it helps to balance the sebum that is on your scalp, remove dead skin and product build-up that can irritate your scalp and clog your hair follicles and, succinic acid is also beneficial when it comes to reducing dandruff and helping to prevent hair loss. Most people tend to apply this as a serum.
5. Hyaluronic Acid
I’ve officially sung the praises of hyaluronic acid on this platform before. One example is via the article, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday.” On the skin tip, hyaluronic acid is great because it deeply hydrates your skin, contains anti-aging properties and can even bring relief to vaginal (including vulvar) dryness.
Your hair will adore this particular acid because it aids moisture to it (including your hair follicles), will help to improve your hair’s texture and it also soothes scalp dryness, nurtures the cuticles of your tresses and decreases frizz. Using a serum rich in this acid as a pre-poo or as a leave-in conditioner is recommended.
6. Azelaic Acid
If you’ve never heard of azelaic acid before, this is your lucky day. It’s a dicarboxylic acid that, when it comes to skincare (and hair care) products, is usually synthetic. Anyway, if you are looking for a way to reduce inflammation, even skin tone after a breakout or if you want to use an exfoliant that will improve the texture of your skin overtime, you might want to give this acid a shot.
This one makes the list as far as your hair is concerned because, if achieving more inches is your current focus, azelaic acid might come in handy. That’s because it is able to strengthen your hair, thicken your strands and also stimulate hair growth from within your hair follicles.
7. Glutamic Acid
Glutamic acid is actually a type of amino acid. Skin-wise, it’s great for deeply hydrating your skin as well as protecting it from pollutants and damaging UV rays. Also, if you’re looking for an acid that treats skin dryness or “tightness,” this could be the answer to your prayers.
Since glutamic acid is also considered to be a humectant, it’s another acid that can moisturize your hair. As a result, it can decrease breakage while helping your hair to feel smooth and look shiny.
BONUS: Amino Acids
Speaking of amino acids and hair, please try to keep some amino acids in your diet at all times. The reason why is because, since your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), amino acids are pretty darn effective when it comes to helping you to maintain the overall health and well-being of your hair.
Ones to prioritize include proline (it boosts collagen so that your hair strands can maintain flexibility); arginine (it increases blood flow to your hair follicles so that they can receive the nutrients that they need); cysteine (it helps to keep your hair follicles healthy); alanine (it helps your system to produce more collagen), and isoleucine (it strengthens the tissues that help to make up your hair strands). All of these are available in supplement form or you can use Google to see which foods contain them.
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Although it might initially seem odd to apply acid to your hair, as you can see, certain ones will work miracles for it. So, test them out to see which one tickles your fancy.
Hell, since they work for your skin as well — it’s a two-for-one deal that is worth every penny!
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