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For Black Women Who Choose Love Over Color

Her Voice

I've been in love with the essence of Black men for as long as I can remember and although I'll take love wherever I can get it, my preference has always been to love and be loved by a Black man.


I can never and will never dispute the fact that there's something about the way they walk, talk, build, and breathe that draws me to Black men.

However, in the current state of the black America, with the effects of systematic oppression at work, that seems like a dream deferred or worse...a fairytale, as we now know those to be unrealistic. The conflicts within our community spark a great deal of theories and speculation as to what the solution is to properly address and mend issues within the Black community.

One of the theories I've seen offered countless times is to essentially purify the race. In fact, it's been said on my timeline a time or two that those of us who are open to love outside of Black men are not true to our people, our causes, and our development as a culture.

As a Black woman who was raised in a mixed race family, this discussion always piques my interest, because although I don't see it that way -- I suppose I could see why someone else might.

However, I'm going to call bullshit for this reason and this reason alone: my Blackness is not dimmed by the brightness of a white man on my arm. A white man cannot and will not nullify the Black experiences that shape how I move through this world or how I contribute to the progression of our people.

And as beautiful as Black love is, this idea that we are limited to love those who look like us is disheartening and infuriating.

To wait because it's not in "God's plan" at the moment is one thing, but to have a good man walk into your life and set him back on the shelf to wait for something you don't even know exists to come into your life -- that's quite another.

For those of us who desire a romantic, intimate love with a significant other that we can share our whole lives with and not just the remnants that's what's possibly being asked of us. This is too great a sacrifice to make for the greater good. Love, is not something I'm willing to abandon. At only 25, I've already waited long enough and I'm not willing to wait longer on a technicality.

Are there good black men? Absolutely. However, finding a good black man is like bidding on an authentic limited edition Beanie Baby -- they're out there but hard as f*ck to find and even more difficult to obtain. They're hard to find for real ass reasons such as incarceration but they're also hard to find because let's keep it real: in some spaces, they are NON-existent. And if there is one within a 10-mile radius of you, he might be taken by the man or woman on either side of you.

Now, if you know where I can find them in surplus, please do shoot me a DM and share. I am most certainly willing to relocate. But until then, I refuse to turn down love meant for me simply because it doesn't match the utopian world we had in mind.

Love is love and if I can attain a love that doesn't bring me upset and pain, disappointment, or any of the things I've found in past relationships. Well, that's a win in my book.

There is a time and place for everything, including sacrifice. This isn't it.

This article is in partnership with Xfinity.

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