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8 Women Share How They Own Their Buzz Cuts
Coco Chanel said, "A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life." Muva was speaking the truth because a hair cut provides liberation and freedom for so many women.
It is especially hard for women of color to choose to embrace that freedom because our culture romanticizes long, thick hair. The moment you tell your mom, aunt, or play cousin that you plan to cut your hair, they will act as if someone died. For decades, it has been instilled in us that our hair represents our crowns. This means cutting your hair signifies being stripped of your glory.
Well, that is over and done because it's a new year, and we have the right to decide what our crowns bespeak. From rocking 4C kinky hair to donning a buzz cut, the choice is yours.
Rocking a buzz cut has to be the one of the boldest moves a woman of color can make. Thankfully, there are some daring and beautiful women living life unapologetically and wearing their buzz cuts with confidence and ease – these are their stories.
Jacinda
I decided to cut my hair the summer of 2017 because my hair was severely damaged, and I was really growing tired of my ordinary look. I also wanted to challenge myself and detach myself from my hair, since my hair was part of my identity then. As soon as I shaved my hair off, I immediately fell in love with my buzz cut and felt like a redefined individual. I felt free to be quite honest. I was breaking gender norms and embracing my baldness.
My shaved head reminds me that beauty is within and doesn't equate to how long your hair is.
Hair is just an accessory some people choose to rock more than others. Hair isn't a necessity for me; it's more like costume jewelry. Regardless of how people choose to rock their hair, buzz cuts should not be associated with just men. Buzz cuts are unisex hairstyles.
Lolayé Dubiose
My first chop was in July 2012 and I haven't looked back since. I had a decent length of hair growing up and I was always told, "You won't be cute without hair," or "Your hair is what makes you." I never understood how having hair could define a person and I was sick of hearing it, so I headed to my nearest barbershop and told him to go for it.
One of the best decisions I've ever made.
I just recently tried to dye my hair gray after being blonde for months, and it magically turned pink… I have no idea or scientific explanation for it (laughs). But I decided to embrace change and OWN my pretty pink buzz cut by rocking it effortlessly!
Tumelo Moliko
Living in South Africa as a young black woman, I've had to find creative ways of redefining the buzz cut in a way that showcases my personality best.
I color my hair, shave letters into my hair, maybe even add glitter if I'm in the mood; or sometimes I just wake up and leave my hair to do what it does best, shrink into beautiful little coils on the top of my head. I used to find myself grabbing any accessory and makeup product to put on, just to make up for the absence of hair on my head, however, I have now come to learn the true essence of owning my buzz cut.
Firstly, I had to fall in love with my revamped self and then, I had to confidently allow the world to see my cranium in its true element. From there, owning my buzz cut has become so effortless, yet so impactful on my being.
I've realized that being in high school and cutting your hair off completely is a BRAVE MOVE because judgment is inevitable. Being able to conquer my fear of judgment really did empower me in so many aspects of life. I shaved my hair off at 16 because I no longer wanted my hair to be perceived as an extension of my personality. I was known as the girl with the bob cut, and constantly complimented on my hair.
I no longer wanted my hair to own me.
Hair is praised in society and steers discrimination in many South African schools today. On the other end of things, a woman that does not have hair (whether it be by choice or not) is judged frequently by so many people in society because it goes against the norm.
In grade 10, I started feeling as though my identity no longer belonged to me. I felt as though my identity was now made up of physical things, including the strands growing out of my scalp. That's when I decided to be brave and stood in front of the mirror, picked up the clippers, and shaved all my hair off. I have felt empowered, liberated, and truly myself ever since. Owning my buzz cut meant repossessing my true self. I wouldn't change the experience for the world.
Shay
I chose to cut my hair as a form of expression and to make me feel more confident.
Art is an outlet for me. Cutting my hair happens to be the best form of expression for me now. Before I decided to cut my hair, I was feeling uninspired. I was stressed out, I wasn't focused, and I was kinda depressed. It felt like nothing was going right, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I felt like I was wasting my talents, I felt like I wasn't good at it, I was losing myself and didn't care about things I loved. I had to get rid of that doubt and get out of that mindset. I've been through some tough times in my life and one thing that was always with me was my hair. My hair was there when I was sad, inspired, stressed, happy, motivated, and depressed.
Art had always been a way to express myself. I've always been daring with hair colors and other forms of creating but this time, I wanted to cut it all off. So the night before I got it cut while I was sleeping, I sorted through all of my feelings and any doubts and any reminders that stopped me from wanting to be great. When I woke up that morning, I was determined to feel better, do better, and live better. With every shave, I was close to feeling like a new person.
So now every time I cut my hair I'm freeing my body, my mind, and spirit of any negative vibes and starting over. To top it off, I'll dye my hair a new color.
Cutting my hair gave me a sense of power and confidence.
You have to be a strong and daring woman to rock a buzz cut. I own my cut by living in my confidence. Now my room isn't the only place I feel confident, I'm confident everywhere I go! I smile back at people that smile and stare at me instead of looking at my phone or walking in another direction. Honey, I own every room I walk in now.
Morgan Bryant
I originally chose to cut all my hair off in 2009 to release myself from all the "good hair, bad hair" ideals I grew up with.
I know I'm not the only black girl who grew up telling people, "I have Indian in my family" just to give the impression that my hair would somehow be better because I was "mixed."
I have cut my hair and let it grow out many times since then, but this is the first time I have truly loved being bald! I enjoy the attention I get when I walk into a space and people are taken aback that my confidence is just as strong without hiding behind a bunch of hair. I serve face! I even started an Instagram page @baldgirlmagic and hashtag #BaldGirlMagic to celebrate beautiful bald women like myself. Whether you lost your hair from chemo or you chose to shave it, we all belong to this really cool club!
Sienna Brown
I own my buzz cut by simply being myself.
Six years ago, when I first cut my hair, I was uncertain about how I would be viewed. Not having hair has really allowed me to discover the best parts of myself and provide me with the confidence needed to go through life full-speed.
I am proud of the woman I am and the woman I'm becoming. I truly don't see me ever growing it out!
Khendra Harris
It's been almost 8 years now since I've cut my hair, and my reason for cutting it at 20 turning 21 was because weaves were expensive (laughs). I'd just wanted to try something new, finally getting to the legal drinking age.
I wasn't really thinking of the freedom that I was about to feel.
My reason for keeping it cut became so much more than just saving money. I'd felt so liberated, so open! I had nothing to hide behind.
I've owned having my short cut by being unapologetically me, no matter where I go.
By not being shy when walking into a barbershop filled with men, and by not being afraid to show the women in my family that there are many different standards of beauty.
Destiny Owusu
I own my buzz cut in the most beautiful way.
I chose to cut my hair 5 years ago because I wanted a new look. Something to make me look more edgy and show off my beautiful features, especially my cheekbones, more. I feel like if you can rock a low cut, you can rock anything.
Hair doesn't define beauty, YOU define beauty.
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Originally published on April 3, 2018
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Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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