

Picture this: it's a rainy Sunday morning in the winter. You wake up still tired from the night before (wink, wink) but nevertheless, you're in good spirits. You roll over to feel the warmth of your significant other but to your surprise, he's not there. You sit up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes in a slight state of confusion and angst––that is until he comes sauntering in with a tray of food. He's brought you breakfast in bed, specifically your favorite: Blueberry French Toast, eggs made just the way you like, a side of bacon, and a carafe of home-mixed mimosas.
The tray looks like it belongs on the cover of Food Network Magazine. You smile sweetly at him before digging in. Now this could be you IRL sis, but you playing. Put yourself and the lover in your life on game by putting them onto these delectable treats made by black bakers sure to keep your sweet tooth singing.
Chef Jeff Morneau
Courtesy of Chef Jeff Morneau
With a background in French Culinary and vast experience working for various catering companies and restaurants, Chef Jeff quit his job in 2011 in pursuit of more fulfilling work. Thus Chef Jeff Catering was born. And though he admits to initially running away from baking as long as he could, it's something he now truly loves in the most positive way. "It's the passion for me. I never look at the dollar amount and I think that's why I'm in abundance the way I am now. The satisfaction of my customers and the retention of my customers really keep me going." And while this self-taught baker excels at all things cakes, pies, cookies, cupcakes, and event planning, his viral claim to fame are no doubt his flaky, buttery, melt-in-your-mouth Haitian patties.
What Baking Means to Him:
"It's a sense of fulfillment to know that people seek something I created. My job isn't a job, it's a hobby that pays well. My downtime, I find fulfillment in creating new things and trying new techniques. Baking makes me whole. It gives me a sense of tranquility, I get a sense of peace out of it. It allows me to create."
Career Highlight:
"It would be the Haitian patties. I say that because the biggest thing you're planning is never going to pop the way you want it to pop. It's always going to be the least amount of work in, that's gonna be the thing. They [The Haitian Patties] were never supposed to be a thing. I forgot them at an event and I needed to figure out what to do with them. But they helped put me on the route of becoming a household name. You know, people are waiting on them to be released again. So now, I have a tangible product that's sought after."
Future Plans:
"I would like to have Haitian Patties in distribution and create well-branded cookware. I want to have more things inside people's homes that say 'Chef Jeff.'"
For more of Chef Jeff, follow him @ChefJeffDidIt.
Chef Jeff's Blueberry French Toast
Courtesy of Chef Jeff Morneau
Prep Time: 10 mins | Cook Time: 20 mins
Ingredients:
- 8 slices brioche
- 1 stick of butter
Egg Mixture:
- 1 cup evaporated milk
- 1/2 cup sweet condensed milk
- Dash of cinnamon
- 1 egg
- 2 tablespoon sugar
- 1 teaspoon orange zest
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 tablespoon of Brandy
Blueberry Drip:
- 2 cups blueberries (or fruits of choice)
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 1 tablespoon brandy
Cream Cheese Drizzle:
- 8 ounces cream cheese
- 1/2 cup sweet condensed milk
- 1/2 cup evaporated milk
Garnish:
- Whipped cream
- Fresh mint
- Sugar
Directions:
- In a bowl, whisk together: milk(s), egg, vanilla, brandy, orange zest, cinnamon and nutmeg.
- Dip bread in egg mixture, flip to coat both sides evenly. (Do not let it get too soggy.)
- Toast bread slices on a buttered nonstick skillet on medium heat until browned on both sides. (Dress with the drip.)
- Blueberry Drip: In small saucepan, add fresh blueberries, dash of Brandy, 1/2 cup of sugar, and bring to a boil; then slowly simmer for 5 minutes.
- Cream Cheese Drizzle: Mix Cream Cheese (softened), sweet condensed milk, evaporated milk. (Transfer into a squeeze bottle.)
- Top with 10 times sugar, a dollop of whipped cream and fresh mint.
Vee the Baker
Courtesy of Vee the Baker
Veronica Fletcher has Thanksgiving of 2014 to be grateful for when it comes to her booming business. After a coworker commissioned her to bake desserts to adorn the family dinner table, it proved to be the spark she needed to launch her then-fledgling version of Vee's Bakeshoppe. By Christmas of that same year arrived, Fletcher received more dessert requests from coworkers for their family gatherings. Following the successful holiday season, Vee's Bakeshoppe hosted a pop up in May of that next year where she sold out of her signature cupcakes in the first 30 minutes--officially cementing her as a small business owner.
For Vee though, it's all about the feeling of satisfaction for people she serves. "The best part is the smile I get when someone enjoys one of my creations. I live for the pause and long, drawn-out "yums" when that first bite melts into their mouths. The happiness of being satisfied or having spirits lifted by a little flour, sugar, butter, and time is well worth my effort."
Length of Time Baking:
"I started baking in college with the hopes of recreating the desserts I grew up enjoying. The hunger for home led to numerous calls to and long recipe walk-throughs with my mom. Growing up, we didn't keep packaged sweets in our pantry because my mom, known to many in the Dallas area as the 'Cookie Lady', baked all the time."
Favorite Dishes to Bake:
"My beloved bakes are 7-Up pound cake, homemade cinnamon rolls, and a beautifully decorated layer cake. The versatility of and endless ways you can enjoy a delicious piece of pound cake has allowed me to create recipes that range from breakfast to dessert. The inviting smell and ooey-gooey goodness of a homemade cinnamon roll with a cup of coffee is the perfect way I like to start the day and end it on some occasions. Creamy, velvety buttercream, and bright colored decorative elements on my layer cakes allow me to be artistic and playful."
What Baking Means to Her:
"Baking is my therapy. As one who works a corporate job full-time, I look forward to getting into the kitchen after a long day and baking my feelings away. Sweet creations are always the best reward before calling it a day (or night). The process of baking and the bakes I'm able to create bring to fruition an idea, or emotion that I want to convey. It is truly my passion. I want each and every recipe that I craft to ring of my personality and love for good food, great moments, and amazing memories."
Let's go sis! For more of Vee, follow her on IG @veethebaker.
Vee’s 7-Up Pound Cake Recipe
Courtesy of Vee the Baker
Ingredients:
1 cup of salted butter (2 sticks), room temperature
1/2 cup of vegetable oil
3 cup of granulated sugar
1 Tbsp. vanilla extract
1 Tbsp. lemon extract
3 cup of all-purpose flour
5 eggs, room temperature
3/4 cup of Sprite, room temperature
Directions:
- We'll be using a single rack in the oven. Remove the top oven rack and place the bottom rack on the third position rack from the bottom. Preheat the oven to 290 degrees.
- Prepare your bundt pan by coating it with non-stick vegetable spray or shortening and flour. I personally prefer shortening and flour. (You cannot substitute vegetable oil for shortening here. The consistency is not the same.)
- Sift flour and set aside.
- Crack eggs in a small bowl, removing the chalaza. Beat eggs with a fork and set aside.
- In a bowl of a stand mixer, add butter, oil, sugar, vanilla, and lemon extract, and turn the mixer to Stir. Mixture should become light and fluffy before moving to the next step.
- Spoon in flour alternately with the Sprite while the mixer is going. You want to add enough Sprite to moisten the dry ingredients. I suggest you add the flour ingredients in thirds. Stir until mixture is smooth.
- Slowly pour in eggs while the mixer is running. Stir until batter is well mixed and smooth. Do not over beat the batter.
- Pour batter into the prepared bundt pan, spreading evenly to ensure the cake bakes out evenly.
- Bake for 90 minutes (timing will depend on how your oven cooks) or until the cake tester/toothpick comes out clean.
- Remove from oven and allow to cool for five (5) minutes before flipping out on the cake stand. Allow cake to finish cooling before serving.
Darius Cooks
Courtesy of Chef Darius Williams
Idle time might be the devil's playground but for Chef Darius Williams it was exactly what he needed to launch his now 7-figure business. After closing down his Chi-Town bakery two weeks before the pandemic hit, all it took was time, creativity, and a viral Peach Cobbler Pound Cake to position himself where he needed to be in this new season. And after just two weeks of fulfilling customer orders, Williams was able to obtain a space and staff to further serve his base with not just cakes but with a sense of care and compassion as well. "For me looking back over the years, watching my grandmother in the kitchen moving about--all of the values that I learned from her are sort of ingrained in me. And you see that come out in the food I make. So it's more so about expressing the history and the culture and all these little nuances that have inspired me to be who I am today."
Length of Time Baking: Over 20 years.
Favorite Dishes To Bake: "Red Velvet Cake, Vanilla Cake with Vanilla Cream Cheese. Anything I can mix with cognac, rum, or tequila when it comes to food––I enjoy that a lot."
Career Highlight: "Starting the pound cake business and in two months, making a half-million dollars."
For more of Chef Darius, follow him on IG @Dariuscooks.
Chef Darius Williams' Strawberry Moscato Shortcake
Courtesy of Chef Darius Williams
Ingredients:
- 2 cups of sugar
- 1 cup of vegetable oil
- 1 1/2 cups of buttermilk
- 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract
- 2 eggs
- 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda
- 1 pinch of Kosher salt
- 2 1/2 cups of all purpose flour
- 2 cups of chopped strawberries
- 1 tablespoon of sugar
- 1/2 cup of Moscato wine
- For the whipped cream
- 2 cups of heavy cream
- 2 tablespoons of sugar
- 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract
Directions:
- Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
- In a bowl, combine the sugar, vegetable oil, and buttermilk until the sugar is dissolved. Then, add in the eggs and vanilla extract. Mix well. Then, add the remaining dry ingredients and mix until well combined.
- Pour into prepared ramekins and bake until golden brown. This should take 13-15 minutes.
- Once the cakes have cooled, remove and cut in half. Then, brush each half with Moscato.
- For the whipped cream, add all the ingredients into a mixer and whip until well combined.
- For the strawberries, mix with the sugar and Moscato and set aside.
To assemble, layer the cake with strawberries and whipped cream and enjoy.
Jarrett Hill
Having a restauranteur for a grandmother and a caterer for step-mom, if cooking didn't become a part of your personality, it would be very hard to believe. Luckily for Jarrett Hill, that isn't the case. Having been in the kitchen since he was a little kid, baking has always been an enjoyable part of his life. Whether it was baking desserts as a way to connect with his family as a young one or making monkey bread to cope with the myriad of emotions that come with a global pandemic, for Hill this passion is one he's found to be both a spiritual and saving grace during these times. "A friend of mine references cooking as a prayer and says sometimes cooking can be prayer if we're methodical in the way that we handle different things and really zoned in on it. That's always kind of stuck with me, that you can make anything into a prayer or a meditation. It's not just about sitting with your legs crossed or your hands folded. It can be anything where you really immerse yourself. And I've found that to be true for me."
Favorite dishes to Bake:
Puff pastry desserts, Cheesecakes, Banana Bread
What Baking Means for Him:
"I started to do 'rage baking' back in May and June with the protests happening all around because of anti-Blackness and policing. I was baking so much to the point where I started giving it away to friends. It's been something that helps me calm down in moments where I'm angry or sad or depressed. It's been really helpful. And I think part of it is also about feeling like you have a little bit of control over something. It gives a sense of accomplishment and I think that's important in the time we're living in right now. A lot of people's careers are thrown into question, their futures are thrown into question, and sometimes we just need a win."
Future Plans:
"I'm really curious about venturing into the edible space, so I've been intrigued by that. Especially since it's legal where I live in California. It's not a part of my long-term goals to open up a bakery, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. I do enjoy it but I don't want it to start feeling like a job."
To keep up with Jarrett, follow him on IG @jarretthill.
Jarrett Hill’s Banana Bread
Courtesy of Jarrett Hill
"I add in twice the vanilla, scratch the coconuts, and sometimes (if I'm really feeling myself) like to switch out bananas for sweet potatoes. Making my own vanilla extract is one of my favorite secrets to always turning out great baked goods. And it's super simple using scrapped vanilla beans and your favorite pure alcohol – i like to use bourbon or whiskey."
Ingredients:
- 2 cups mashed bananas (about 5-6 bananas)
- 2/3 cups canola oil
- 4 eggs
- 2 cups all-purpose flour (and extra to dust pan with)
- 2 cups sugar
- 1 box vanilla instant-pudding mix
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
- 1 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
- 1 (3.5 oz) bar dark chocolate (chopped into chunks)
- Salted butter optional for serving
Directions:
- Preheat the oven to 325°F.
- In a large bowl, mix the mashed bananas, eggs, and oil and set aside.
- In another bowl, mix together the flour, baking soda, salt, sugar, and pudding mix. Mix the dry ingredients into the bowl of wet ingredients, but avoid using a mixer. Do this part manually to keep the end result nice and fluffy.
- Chop up the dark chocolate bar. Add that and the shredded coconut to the batter.
- Grease the pan (this means rubbing lots of butter all over it) and coat the butter in a layer of flour. Flip the pan upside down to shake out the excess flour.
- Bake until the cake bounces back when pressed or if a toothpick comes out clean when poked in. Depending on the pan, your baking time will vary. With a bundt pan, estimate around 60 to 80 minutes, depending on how deep it is. Let it cool for about 10 minutes and flip it onto a clean plate or tray for serving.
- Enjoy it warm with butter or a scoop of ice cream! Keep it either refrigerated or left out in an airtight container.
Desserts by Ine
Courtesy of Ine Ihonkhai
The search for the perfect cheesecake is what led this Parisian baker on a serious quest to satisfy her sweet tooth. Emerged in a world of French pastries, sadly Ihonkhai couldn't find one that truly hit the spot so she decided to bake her own and thus the love affair began. 11 years later, her love for baking and sharing her baked goods continues to be the driving force behind her success. "For me, baking is a passion that can be shared and enjoyed with family and friends. It's often the dessert that gets people talking over dinner and I love that! It's also an outlet to express creativity and to be as imaginative and original as you want, there are no limits in baking and that is what's so amazing about it. Of course you make mistakes along the way, but that's all part of the baking process and definitely what has turned me into the baker I am today."
The Best Part of Baking for Her:
"For me, there are three best parts: 1) being able to use my creativity to come up with new recipes and dessert decorations, 2) my love of baking has revealed a new passion that I didn't know I had before: food photography! I now love taking pictures of my desserts just as much as I love making them, 3) sharing my desserts with family and friends. Eating the dessert has got to be the ultimate best part, right?!"
Career Highlight:
"As a homebaker, my highlight would probably be when I was contacted by a well-established coffee shop to supply them with my desserts. Unfortunately with the coffee shop based in Washington DC and me over in Paris this was logistically impossible! However it was a real honour to be contacted."
Favorite Dishes to Bake:
"I love making entremets with at least three different layers. The complexity of the different flavours is always so interesting and also beautiful to look at. I also love making cheesecakes, my all-time fave!"
Save us a slice, sis! To keep up with Ine, follow her on Instagram: @dessertsbyine.
Ine’s Hojicha Matcha Madeleines
Courtesy of Ine Ihonkhai
Ingredients:
Madeleines
- 115g melted butter (cooled)
- 130g sugar
- 120g plain flour
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1 tbsp hojicha matcha powder
- 2 large eggs (room temp)
- 1 tbsp milk
Chocolate shell
- 200g white chocolate
- 2 tsps hojicha matcha powder
Directions:
- In a large bowl, whisk together the sugar, flour, salt, baking powder and hojicha powder. In another bowl, whisk the eggs and milk together until frothy. Pour the egg mixture into the flour mixture and stir with a spatula until just combined. Pour in half of the cooled melted butter and combine well before adding the rest of butter. Stir gently until just combined. Cover and refrigerate the batter for at least 2 hours.
- Preheat oven to 190C. Grease and dust two 9-shell silicone madeleine moulds. Scoop 1 tbsp of the hardened batter into each mould then bake in oven for 12 mins. Remove madeleines from moulds and allow to cool on a rack.
- Chocolate shell: Melt white chocolate in a bain marie to 29C then mix in hojicha powder. Pour 1 tbsp of the chocolate mixture into each mould shell then press the madeleines into them. Leave to set in the fridge for 1 hour before removing from moulds.
Enjoy with a hojicha latte!
Doctor Jon Paul
Courtesy of Doctor Jon Paul
Armed with the knowledge and impressive skills passed all the way down from their great-grandmother, Dr. Jon Paul took to baking with both a natural ease and passion. (And you better, especially when your entire maternal side inherently knows how to throw down in the kitchen.) But it wasn't until one of their uncles taught them and ONLY them, their great-grandmother's coveted peach cobbler recipe that they took their commitment to the craft and love of community to a whole 'nother level. "To me, baking comes from a place of love. Because not only is it chemistry, it's a lot of time. If someone bakes for you, it's a way of them saying 'I got you.'"
Favorite Dishes to Bake: Pecan Pie, Circus Cookie Cheesecake, Peanut Butter Pie
What Baking Means to Them: "The best feeling in the world is knowing that you made something that people really like or enjoy. It's that feeling when you bake a peach cobbler for someone and you drop it off, and then you go to pick up the container you brought it in and they're like' there's no more of this?' That's the best feeling. So it's a form of joy for me."
Future Plans: "I can't say but I did something during COVID related to baking that will be on TV. And I'm hoping to do more of that, but that's all I can say. But I would love to do something where I'm able to work with other Black and Brown creators, and we're having conversations about food and the connections that we have to it. So I would like to do more in the television or entertainment sphere about baking and what it means to Black people and Black Queer people specifically."
To keep up with Doctor Jon, follow them on IG @doctorjonpaul.
Dr. Jon Paul's Carrot Cake
Courtesy of Dr. Jon Paul
Prep Time: 35 min | Cook Time: 1 hr
Ingredients:
Cake Mixture
- 2 cups granulated sugar
- 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
- 4 fresh whole eggs
- 2 cups pastry flour
- 2 teaspoons baking soda
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
- 3 cups raw finely ground carrots
- 4 ounces finely chopped walnuts
Frosting
- 1 1/2 pounds powdered sugar
- 12 ounces room temperature cream cheese
- 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
- 2 ounces room temperature margarine
Directions:
For the cake:
- Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. In a mixing bowl, mix sugar, vegetable oil, and eggs. In another bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Fold dry ingredients into wet mixture and blend well. Fold in carrots and chopped nuts until well blended.
- Distribute batter evenly into 3 (9-inch) cake layer pans, which have been generously greased. There will be approximately 1 pound 5 ounces of batter per pan. Place in preheated oven and bake for 50 to 60 minutes. Cool layers in pans, for approximately 1 hour. Store layers in pans, inverted, in closed cupboard to prevent drying. Layers must be a minimum of 1 day old.
- To remove layers from baking pan, turn upside down, tap edge of pan on a hard surface. Center a 9-inch cake circle on top of revolving cake stand. Remove paper from bottom of layer cake.
For the frosting:
- In a suitable bowl of large mixer, place powdered sugar, cream cheese, vanilla, and margarine. Beat at second speed until thoroughly blended. Hold refrigerated and use as needed.
- For the assembly: Place first layer, bottom side down, at center of cake stand. With a spatula, evenly spread approximately 3 1/2 ounces of frosting on the layer.
- Center second layer on top of first layer with topside down. Again with a spatula, evenly spread approximately 3 1/2 ounces of frosting on the layer. Center third layer on top of second layer with topside down. Using both hands, press firmly but gently, all layers together to get one firm cake. With spatula, spread remainder of frosting to cover top and sides of cake. Refrigerated until needed. Display on counter or cake stand with a plastic cover.
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Featured image courtesy of Chef Jeff Morneau.
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Feature image courtesy
We've All Heard Of Marriage Red Flags Before. Now Check Out 6 Divorce Red Flags.
Red flags. When it comes to relationships, there is nothing like knowing that there are glaring warning signs that are literally trying to tell you something, and yet, because of how you feel about someone, you choose to totally ignore them. Indeed, as author Steve Maraboli once said, “They ignored all of the signs…Pretended not to see the flags…You can break your own heart loving some people.” Geeze.
And this is why, when it comes to getting married, dating/engaged couples definitely need to pay attention to some potentially serious marriage red flags — lifestyle incompatibility; poor communication; financial instability; sexual incompatibility (you don’t have to have sex to know this by the way — couples need to discuss their intimacy needs and wants regardless); inability to compromise; any forms of abuse or addictions and/or unrealistic expectations.
Whew, please hear me when I say that, no matter how much you love someone, if you say “I do” without addressing (and hopefully resolving) these issues before jumping somebody’s broom, you could be in for a really unpleasant marital experience…if not divorce court up the road.
And speaking of divorce, although it’s not discussed nearly enough, believe it or not, there are also things that should be considered divorce red flags — also glaring warning signs that you are about to blow up your union, if you don’t gather yourself together, talk to your partner (and, if need be a marriage therapist, counselor or life coach) and work to get things back on track.
After over 20 years of working with married couples, some of which were right on the brink of calling it quits, here are six of the consistent divorce red flags that I’ve noticed — along with a bit of advice on how to effectively handle them…so that you don’t end up ending your marriage, when there wasn’t a reason to.
1. Impatience
I promise you, with everything in me, I don’t get — not really — why impatient people get married. There are a billion-and-one reasons why it baffles me; however, we can start with Scripture telling us that “love is patient” (I Corinthians 13:4) and, as I’ve shared in other articles, patience isn’t just about knowing how to wait well, it’s also about “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” Please tell me that you really caught that second one because it clearly says that patient people are able to deal with things like annoyances and hardships by remaining calm and without complaining.
Now, be real — how many people do you know, married or not, who act like this? And yet, again, the Good Book pretty much says that this is one definition of what it means to truly love other individuals: you can deal with challenging times in a steady and mature fashion. And this is why I can’t think of one client who will tell you that I am not a big fan of people worshipping the god of happiness.
What I mean by that is — how many times have you watched a post on social media (shoot, probably today alone) where someone has said that they left their marriage because “I’m just not happy anymore”? SMDH. Some people aren’t going to want to hear this, but only children should expect to be happy all of the time — and even they need to be taught just how unrealistic that is. Where the big kids play is getting that HEALTHY should always trump HAPPY — and the people who truly grasp this concept, they tend to be better at being patient than those who think that everything should be about their happiness darn near every minute of every day.
While we’re here, what are some other signs of being an impatient individual (who is usually unhappy most of the time)?
- They always want things done in their time
- They use pressure, stress, and ultimatums to get things done
- They get frustrated whenever things don’t go as planned (which means they are inflexible)
- They constantly cut people off in conversations (which means that they don’t listen well)
- They don’t know how to relax and be in the moment
And this is just five signs, chile. Anyway, the reason why this tops the list of being a divorce red flag is because, if you’re thinking about ending your marriage because you don’t know to deal with disappointments or challenges or you think that your spouse should move in your timeframe, not only do you have some tremendously unrealistic beliefs about marriage but you do about humanity, in general. Not only that, but leaving your husband, just to get with someone else? That isn’t really going to change things.
Hmph. Let me tell it, the reason why 67 percent of second marriages and 74 percent of third ones also end in divorce is because people don’t take the saying “everywhere you go, there you are” seriously and literally enough. In other words — if you’re impatient with the partner you have now and you don’t make some changes within yourself about your issues with impatience, you will be the same way with the next guy…and the next…and the next.
Divorcing because you don’t know how to wait well and/or deal with things not always going how you would like? That is a serious divorce red flag.
2. Making Comparisons
I’m pretty sure you’ve heard the quote by Theodore Roosevelt that says, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” What that basically means is if you are caught up in looking at what others are doing or what others have, it can rob you of finding pleasure, contentment and satisfaction in your own life — and when you stop to think about the fact that the internet/social media didn’t even exist at the time that he said this…whew.
When it comes to the impact that the World Wide Web has on people, one study says that social media causes 90 percent of women and 60 percent of men to compare themselves to what they see online; not only that, but 40 percent of those same people say that it affects them in a negative way. Another study? It states that social media content plays a direct role in individuals having low self-esteem, while another study revealed that 88 percent of women said that their body image was impacted by what they see on social media. And y’all, still another study cited that 75 percent of folks assessed their self-worth by what they saw online. Geeze.
If you take all of this in and then add to it the fact that some studies say that one in seven marriages say that social media played a direct role in their divorce — although there used to be a time when folks were needing to be intentional about not comparing themselves to their relatives, friends and co-workers, now they need to avoid doing it with the hundreds of people who they are able to access online on a daily basis too.
That said, I don’t care how big someone’s engagement ring is, how many trips certain couples go on or how someone speaks about their partner — everyone’s relationship is different and unique and it is pretty close to ridiculous to participate in self-sabotaging behavior by creating problems in your marriage simply because you wish it was more like someone else’s.
If there are things that you genuinely want to do or accomplish, then get with your spouse and start making some plans; however, if your core motivation is to keep up with other people, actually, that is low-key a form of being unfaithful to your own relationship because you are putting so much energy into what other folks have going on that you are neglecting the man who is right in the bed with you. And yeah, that ain’t good.
3. Unforgivingness
Someone else who has no business getting married — people who are stubborn when it comes to forgiving other people. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that it is rooted in complete delusion and/or egomania to think that people should give you grace and mercy when you’ve done wrong and yet you believe that can and even should weaponize forgiveness when it comes time for individuals to receive it from you.
What are some signs that you suck at forgiving other people?
- You constantly live in the past or bring it up (once it’s been addressed)
- You hold people’s faults over them like it’s a power trip
- You hold grudges for days and weeks on end
- You lack empathy and compassion (as if you don’t have faults as well)
- You keep trying to make people “pay” for what they have done
- You punish them by withholding engagement or intimacy (if it’s your spouse) from them
- You’re bitter
And yet, I can’t tell you how many times that a person has told me that they are ready to end their marriage because they told their spouse beforehand that if they did something ONE TIME, they were out — only for life to humble them by them doing that very thing and then begging for their partner to pardon them for it.
And if the first thing that some of you want to jump to is infidelity — first of all, reportedly only 20 percent of men and 13 percent of women, so this obsession with that topic really needs to cease. Besides, if you aren’t a good forgiver, things like your man hurting your feelings by not keeping a date, and you holding onto that? That can cause you to feel resentful over time which can make you want to make literal mountains out of molehills when it comes to other things that he does…things that wouldn’t be as big of a deal in your mind if you had let the original offense — which sometimes isn’t even an offense, it’s just a disappointment — go.
Some people aren’t going to want to hear this, and yet, still, it needs to be said: A lot of people end up divorcing, and it’s not because of abuse or cheating or anything as extreme. It’s because they leave very little room for error when it comes to their partner (which is unrealistic as hell) and so, since they aren’t good at forgiving, they don’t know how to handle it whenever someone makes a mistake (or a poor decision) — and so, they would rather leave than figure out how to heal the situation by forgiving their partner as their partner seeks a way to make things right.
And those people? They are never going to be in a healthy long-term relationship because the reality is that humans are fallible and will always need to be forgiven — ALL HUMANS (including oneself). People who don’t accept this, they are the unforgiving types who are a constant example of a divorce red flag.
4. Selfishness
I ain’t gonna lie — the times when I do tiptoe out into social media to see what folks are talking about and I watch even five minutes of relationship-related content, the first thing that comes to my mind is a whole lot of people are not emotionally mature enough for marriage, just by their selfishness alone. By definition, to be selfish is to be self-consumed and anyone who is consistently concerned about what they can get out of a relationship without even considering another individual — they are selfish. Not to mention the fact that Scripture shows us how to love and care for other people, especially our spouse:
"Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done." (I Corinthians 13:5-NCV)
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." (Philippians 2:3-4-NIV)
Did you catch it? If you truly love someone, you won’t be selfish, and if you want to show someone how much you care for them, selfish ambition cannot come into play. What this means is you’ve got to operate from a place of humility and be willing to take their own needs, wants, and interests into consideration.
Sometimes, when I’m in a session with a couple, all I hear is selfishness coming out, whether it’s from one or both sides. It’s not that they don’t still love each other. It’s not that they regret getting married. No, what they are struggling with is they either thought that marriage was going to be about their needs taking precedent most of the time or that they didn’t seriously consider the fact that, sometimes, they would need to put their own desires on hold for the betterment of their partner and oftentimes the relationship overall.
You know, when I recently read an article on some of the traits of a selfish person, three that stood out to me were that selfish people hate to compromise, selfish people put their wants above anything else, and selfish people don’t care about other people’s feelings. And these are the kinds of people who file for divorce on a daily basis — and that is both childish and sad.
Another thing to keep in mind about selfishness is it tends to be supremely self-centered — this presents itself as folks who are “good” at dominating conversations, skirting around accountability and responsibility and refusing to put themselves in other people’s shoes…and oftentimes, it takes a spouse “putting up a mirror” to their partner to show them that they are exactly this way.
If you just read all of this and you low-key feel triggered by it, ponder if what you currently think “isn’t working” about your marriage is more about you being more selfish than you should be. Because if you don’t learn that lesson in this relationship, you’ll just keep self-sabotaging other ones along the way — romantic ones especially, because no one really wants to be with someone who only focuses on themselves. Not for the long haul, anyway
5. A Lack of Research
Several years back, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “What Some People Regret About Their Divorce.” You know, one of the things that I absolutely loathe about how people date these days is they think that boyfriends are husbands, girlfriends are wives, and break-ups are divorces — and that is why so many people don’t really get the weight of what marriage and ending one really is. SMDH.
And that’s why, it doesn’t surprise me in the least that one study says one-third of people who divorce end up regretting doing it. I say that because, just like not nearly enough people get into premarital counseling before saying “I do” (check out “Why You Should Strongly Consider Premarital Counseling BEFORE Getting Engaged”), not enough married couples “get their oil changed” at least a couple of times a year by speaking with a reputable marriage counselor, therapist or life coach and definitely not enough will see one of these professionals before ending their union. And because of this, people make ignorant and/or rash, and/or emotionally charged decisions without really thinking about the fallout that can come from them.
For starters, did you know that more heart attacks happen to divorced men than non-divorced men? Meanwhile, women who’ve been divorced two or more times increase their risk of having a heart attack by a whopping 77 percent. In fact, people who get divorced are reportedly 20 percent more likely to experience health-related issues overall. Divorce also tends to lead to a significant increase in depression and anxiety, and there are all kinds of ways that it can jack up your finances, including taxes, assets, and retirement.
When it comes to what divorce can do to children, there is plenty of data out here that says it can lead to them having significant emotional issues, problems in school and it increases their chances of having substance abuse issues later down the road (and that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what it can do).
Can you survive a divorce if you get one? Sure you can. All I’m saying is, before you just “up and get one” — don’t let two random posts from some random ranters on Instagram have you out here thinking that it’s “no biggie” to divorce when it absolutely is. Do some thorough research into what the consequences of ending your marriage will be; treat it like it’s a dissertation. Folks who don’t take this advice — have mercy are they ignoring a HUGE divorce red flag.
6. Emotional Immaturity
Last one. Some people? Some of them are too emotionally immature for marriage or even a romantic relationship, in general. And what are some signs of emotional immaturity? Good question.
- Emotionally immature people don’t know how to control their emotions
- Emotionally immature people deflect and make excuses whenever they are called out
- Emotionally immature people hit below the belt during conflict
- Emotionally immature people constantly want to be the center of attention
- Emotionally immature people pout and/or throw temper tantrums
- Emotionally immature people rarely, if ever, self-reflect
- Emotionally immature people constantly deflect whenever topics make them uncomfortable
- Emotionally immature people are inconsistent and unpredictable
- Emotionally immature people tend to be passive-aggressive and/or defensive a lot of the time
- Emotionally immature people absolutely suck at listening because they only want to be heard
A while back, I watched a Tubi movie entitled What Fairytale? Boy, talk about some emotionally immature (and highly selfish) married folks. SMDH. Speaking of, a really good movie that’s currently loaded up on there as well is calledParachute — and boy, is it a big bright light about what it looks like to be codependent and in a relationship. Lawd.
My point of mentioning both of these films is, in their own way, they show what happens when one or two people are so emotionally immature (perhaps without even knowing it) that they have this Disney perception of marriage to the point where they make reckless and/or entitled and/or childish and/or impulsive and/or even ridiculous decisions about their relationship when that they really should do is do some self-reflecting and then get the professional help and support that they need to see and handle their marriage from a more mature and evolved space.
Emotionally immature folks? There probably isn’t a bigger divorce red flag than this one.
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I’ve been working with married couples for a long time, y’all, with an emphasis on reconciling divorces. And you know what? Something that I’ve realized is that a ton of marriages can be saved when people 1) recognize divorce red flags when they see them and 2) get that divorce is a very serious decision that has a truly lasting impact…on all parties involved.
It can’t be said enough that a red flag is a warning. Today is a warning that you could be considering a divorce when you really shouldn’t be. If you see these red flags, talk to your spouse, hit up a professional, and get around some healthy married people.
Never ignore red flags. Address them. It can — and typically does — spare you. A LOT.
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