"I dream it, I work hard, I grind til I own it...
Saying that every woman dreams of having it all can feel like the understatement of the century.
We all crave that work-life balance that is inclusive of an amazing career that we enjoy that keeps us financially afloat, a wonderful marriage to the partner of our dreams, and eventually, maybe, kids that are a little them and a little us to join the mix. We're constantly given messages that we can “have it all", we just have to work for it.
For Dnay B., who rose to notoriety when she got into formation as a background dancer for Queen Bey herself, most women might look at her life and think she has it all – the dream job, the ability to travel the world, rocking the stage of massive stadiums with the girl boss of all bosses Beyonce.
But, with big dreams come big sacrifices.
Like many successful, ambitious women, Dnay B. found herself making a choice between what she loved so dearly and who she loved so effortlessly as both were promising a happy, abundant future for her – just in different ways. It all came to a head while touring the world as a principal dancer alongside Beyonce for the Formation World Tour in 2016. Staring at the height of the ladder this early in her career and looking down at what could be the man of her dreams, she had to make a decision.
The guy in her life became the man of her dreams as the result of a budding friendship blossoming into something more. “He was my boyfriend for three years in high school," she recalled. But like many high school sweethearts, the puppy love faded for some time as she began to explore more career options at 18. The two reconnected in 2010, a bit more mature, and settled in their ways at 22 years old.
“He's always been my friend, [we've] always been in communication with each other, but we just started hanging out again. He was very supportive at the time," Dnay said about their rekindled love. Still, an important aspect of their relationship seemed to have trickled down from familial patterns. “I always ended up with guys that would be like, 'Oh that's cool, you dance' but they would never come to a show, or never watch it on TV, or anything like that." Reminiscent of her father, who she obviously adores and seeks for advice, she found herself attracting lovers who mimicked his shortcomings – something she was able to forgive in a parent, but would come to learn that she was unable to forgive in a lover. He was different in this regard, which made her appreciate their relationship even more.
The challenge of the relationship didn't appear until her career went into overdrive. In 2013, she got a last-minute call from Beyonce's team that they wanted her – immediately.
“Everything was good for the first two years, but it was right when I started the [The Mrs. Carter World] tour and how I had got the tour, that things were just a little shaky," Dnay expressed. “I literally found out about the tour the day that I had to leave. So, it was like dropping a ton of bricks or buildings on somebody. He had already been through a lot, which I understand. At the time, his mom was dying of cancer. He's an only child so he was looking for [and] he needed support, he needed love. But at the same time, I was stepping into my own light and being recognized as this new dancer embarking on a new tour."
Still, the relationship continued on in good merit, even as she traveled the world. “Three months turned into six months; six months turned into a year; a year turned into two years," she said. “And in that time, his mom passed away, I wasn't able to go, so there was just a lot of resentment."
Stuck between a rock and a hard place – the want to be physically present for your lover in need and having to stay focused for the most transformational time in your career – Dnay felt the heat. She wanted to make the relationship last, but she was also working a rigorous schedule day in and day out. On top of that, she wasn't receiving much support on her end, either. “We would talk when we could and I would see him when I could, but because my schedule was so demanding, he was like, 'I can't just be dropping everything because you have three days off.'"
Still, he also wanted to prove to Dnay that he was committed to their relationship. On October 29th, 2015, on her 28th birthday, he surprised her with a marriage proposal. It was something they had always talked about, but for Dnay, the timing was off.
“I think in his mind, he felt it was going to change my mind about what I wanted to do. It's what every little girl dreams about, but because I'm a little different…the outcome wasn't really what he expected."
Whether we care to admit it or not, a lot of the entertainment that is pushed our way as young girls leads to a servant mentality where we're taught that our voices, our gifts, our desires inherently come second to the men we may grow to love and adore. For black women, in particular, we are often taught that good men are rare and that you must hold on to the one you get once you find one – this mentality can become crippling to our strength and our potential.
That's why Beyonce – a woman who demonstrates that you can have a bomb ass career, a loving marriage, and kids, too (aka you can have it all and not settle, sis) – played such an important role in Dnay's life at a crucial time in her journey. With powerful women figures from her mother, step-mom, aunts, grandparents, and more, Beyonce gave her a name and a mentality for both what she learned from them and what it was she was seeking; not just feminism, but the courage to want and demand more.
“I guess I really started becoming aware of my independence," she confessed. “I knew I was over the relationship in February (two months before the first tour date of the Formation World Tour). It just took some time to build up the confidence to actually tell him… it took me those months to really deal with it."
It's no coincidence that the daily backdrop to all of Dnay's woes was all of the critically acclaimed songs on Beyonce's Lemonade visual album. Not only did Dnay assist in creating the beautiful imagery onscreen and onstage, but she was living it right along with everyone else who experienced the power of her songs and lyrics. An album that chronicles the story of love lost, abandoned, scorned, forgiven, and manifested into rebirth and activism – Dnay found her inner strength. It's no surprise that “Don't Hurt Yourself" became her motto.
“During the practice for 'Freedom,' we had to dance in the pool for the tour. And I am not a water girl, at all – I don't do water; I don't go to the pool; I don't go to the sprinklers. I don't do any of that," Dnay laughed. “And I don't know why the choreographers chose me to be the test dummy for the pool. So, we're in this pool and [Beyonce] is like, 'Oh, this is going to be perfect!' And [at that moment], I fell. And when I fell, I sort of fell fast. And I was like, 'Oh my god, I'm drowning, I'm drowning!'" Disoriented, Beyonce offered her a word of assistance. “She was like, 'Dnay, you're standing straight up – open your eyes.' I just felt like I was 10 feet underwater."
“Every night that I did that performance, it was just so freeing," she expressed. “I never felt sad… I just felt such a huge release every night, every time I hear that song, it just takes me back to that moment when I fell and I'm just standing up and I'm free. I'm not drowning, I'm not dead. I thought I was going to die, but I didn't. [It was] a strong release of so many different emotions. It's like you're being baptized every night and just washing away all the negativity, all the sins, everything that's wrong in your life. You just get to be free and pure after it."
Following the proposal and with a renewed and even deeper sense of purpose, Dnay found herself drifting further from her partner. “[I was like] OK, this is what I want to do. This - [dancing] - is my goal. This is my path that I'm setting for myself; the outcome wasn't really what he expected. So, his faith kind of fell through in a sense. And in the end, it was like, I'm not happy," she added. “He was stressing me out because he wanted me to be home, he wanted me to be cooking, he wanted me to do this, and I was like, I can't. I can't be stressed out at home and then I'm stressed out trying to learn these steps on this floor. I can't do both. I have to ultimately do what's going to make me happy."
Happiness and having it all for Dnay was choosing to leave him behind and continuing forward while honoring her journey, her talent, and her power. “I felt like I was leaving behind sadness, doubt, negativity, frustration – just from being loved the wrong way. I can't say he didn't love me, but it wasn't the love that I necessarily needed," Dnay admitted. “I left behind so many different things. I left behind a lot of tears. And I just get to walk away with my joy. I feel like I found joy leaving the relationship. Because happiness is temporary but when you find joy it's something that's unexplainable."
What's her advice for anyone else who may be struggling with the same battle?
“I would say that you should get to know who you are and get to know the things that you like and the things that you want and the things you need for you to find your joy," Dnay asserted. “Without challenge, there's no change. And you don't want to just be in a challenging relationship and think things are going to change. If it's not helping you, you're not going to grow. So, you need to be able to walk away from the challenge for there to be change."
Dnay's next personal challenge is empowering women, men, and children through her events.
“My workshops are not necessarily to become the perfect hip-hop dancer, but more so to remember why you love to dance," she said. “[I look forward to] walking in my truth and sharing my story, sharing my light with people. And I hope it just touches someone to be great."
To keep up with Dnay B. and her ever-growing dance resume, follow her on Instagram or visit her website to see if she's coming to a city near you.
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Now, I’ll be honest: as an avid TV-lover, I was well-prepared to hop on Zoom and jump into all the chatter around Bel-Air and her characters’ decisions. But after listening to her new EP Identity Crisis, I knew there was a lot more to talk about as well. During this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Jazlyn Martin delved into the challenging journey she’s faced surrounding her identity, newfound fame, and family influence, and how it all plays a part in her art. Check it out!
xoNecole: So I know that your father is in the entertainment world, but when did you realize you shared the same passion?
Jazlyn Martin: I think it was very early on. I was a child who was full of attitude and fearlessness that would go after anything I wanted. I believe seeing my dad pursue music made me realize it was possible. I just had this hunger and fire, and my parents consciously fed and nurtured that - they are always all super supportive of whatever I do. So very, very early on, I was like, I'm meant to do this. And I just was like, I'm a star, and I know I'm a star.
xoN: Actually, let's talk about your family. What are some of your most important values, and how have your family and heritage played a part in shaping those values?
Jazlyn: I mean, my mom is like an angel; she's so graceful and kind, and I've had to work hard to get there. When I was young, I was very abrasive, headstrong, and stubborn. Whereas my mom gives an immense amount of grace in the way she carries herself. I had to learn that.
I think being strong is something I’ve always had. My parents always joke that they don't know where my personality came from. Because my dad is shy and timid and my mom is kind, and I'm a fireball. But my Dad always asked the important industry questions like, “Why do you want to do this?” And that instilled some purpose into me. It really carried me to keep going because it's so easy to be discouraged in this field, but that drive has helped me push through all of the challenges.
xoN: I bet. I have such a respect for actors and the way you all navigate the industry. Speaking of, let’s dig into “Bel-Air.” Were you a fan of the show? Did you have to go back and watch the episodes?
Jazlyn: So I actually did watch the show which is crazy because sometimes I don’t. I saw it was a reboot and was like, ‘Oh no, not another one.’ But I watched the first three episodes, realized how good it was, and ended up watching the whole season. I became a fan, and then a few months later, I booked the role!
I think the imagination is such a beautiful and powerful tool, and I feel like if you create something in your mind, it happens. It's a crazy thing, but I really just created Jackie's world - the house she grew up in, her parents leaving her, and everything. I created why she fell in love with dance. I really came at it from a human approach. If I see it, then the audience can see it.
xoN: Yeah, background plays into so much of how we deal with things, how we interact with people, and everything. And I feel like Jackie gets a lot of backlash. Like, we’ve all had a “Jackie Moment” to be real.
Jazlyn: She gets so much backlash! I just encourage people to give her grace and see the God in her because I do think she tells a lot of Black and brown girls' stories. People project on her, saying she’s too ratchet or hood, and I’m like does that mean she’s not loveable?
We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her. Because she’s helped me extend empathy to people I don't necessarily want to or don't think deserve to have it. But she's 17, she's figuring it out, and she doesn't have parents. Like, that's such a huge factor.
"We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her."
xoN: You mentioned how your character is viewed, which digs a bit into identity. So I want to talk a little bit about some of the emotional songs on your EP “Identity Crisis.” What inspired the track “Perfect?”
Jazlyn: When I was creating “Perfect,” I already had the EP title. So I kind of mapped out, like, the different conflicts I had in my head and categorized them into seven songs, and so one of my identity crises was being perfect. Because I feel like a lot of men tend to put women on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect - especially when you’re in the limelight. You know, you can't slip up. You can't say the wrong thing. Cancel culture is such a huge thing. And I just wanted to encourage people to give people grace to be themselves because that's not an easy thing to do.
I just wanted to take down this facade that I’m perfect because I never pretended to be. I never wanted to be. I think that's something people have placed on me, that I have it all figured out, I think I just carry it well, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy. I just wanted to be very vulnerable and honest. I think people think “perfect” is a compliment, but I think it's a cage because it doesn't allow room for error. It doesn't allow for you to be human and mess up and fail and take risks. So I just wanted to encourage grace.
xoN: Do you ever feel like you went through an identity crisis?
Jazlyn: I go through one constantly. Growing up, I didn't really have one. But I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just “other.” That was an identity crisis in itself.
Also, being introduced to a level of fame has been interesting, too. I think we all go through identity crises all the time because we’re evolving and changing. It’s beautiful, but it’s also scary; you see yourself this one way, and then something happens, and there’s a shift. So yeah, I think it’s something we all go through but no one talks about.
"I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just 'other.'"
xoN: I love that. And I know Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up, and you'll be speaking at the New York Latino Film Festival. Talk to me about what that moment means to you and what you hope to bring to the event. *Editor’s note: The interview was conducted before Hispanic Heritage Month began.
Jazlyn: I’m bringing some Afro-Latino-ness! I always grew up seeing Latinos being represented in a very specific way—very Spanish, not very Indigenous looking. So I'm really excited to bring the Black experience, with the Latino experience, to the stage because that's something a lot of people don't know exists.
People are always like, “Are you Black or Latina?” Well, I'm both! We were just dropped off in different parts. I’m excited to speak on that and highlight how prevalent anti-Blackness is within Latino communities. A lot of Afro-Latinos have faced an identity crisis because of it, including myself. It sometimes feels like you’re supposed to hate the other half of who you are.
For me, I held onto that little Black girl inside. I refused to let her go. And that’s what I want to represent when I speak—resilience and acceptance of our full selves. I’m also looking forward to meeting fellow Latino people, especially Afro-Latinos, and sharing our stories. It’s not a narrative that gets much attention, and I’m excited to represent.
xoN: I’m excited for you! Finally, with all the praise and recognition you’re receiving now, what has it been like to transition from working in music, dance, and acting to now being in the spotlight? How have you embraced this new level of fame?
Jazlyn: Um, it's overwhelming. I think that's the best word. Sometimes, I'm joyful, because I'm giving back to the community. People resonate with Jackie's stories and see themselves in her, which I think is the biggest compliment to me. But then sometimes, you know, I feel sad because I'm like, ‘Damn, I'm not doing enough,’ like I should be doing more. It's crazy, the industry is so fast-paced that you don't really try to celebrate wins. It's just a transition, an identity crisis of the like.
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For instance, take Denzel and Pauletta Washington who’ve been married 41 years this past June. Denzel has been very candid about how he’s found “his very good thing” (including the fact that she paid the cab fare for their first date for all of you coffee date haters) and Pauletta has made it very clear that marriage requires a lot of work; that there is no “secret formula.”
Then there’s Samuel L. Jackson and his wife of 45 years next August, LaTanya. Just recently, he made headlines for saying, “I’ve done s--- in my marriage that’s crazy, you know? She has, too, in her head, or whatever in reality, but you got to go, 'Is that a breakup offense?' Or is it just that we need to spend a little time together and get some understanding about it?"
And then there’s choreographer, director, producer, actor — so many other “ers” and “ors” supreme, Debbie Allen. She and her former NBA player husband, Norm Nixon, celebrated 40 years of marriage this past spring. There are a few pearls of wisdom that she shared in a PEOPLE article that I want to tell you about; then, I’d like to add a couple of tips of my own.
Hopefully, by the time this piece is done, all of the content will serve as confirmation that if you truly want a marriage that will really go the distance, it’s not always gonna be a rom-com (those are scripted films) or a fairy tale (those are unbelievable stories for children).
Y’all, a long-term marriage is definitely where the big kids play. It’s not for the faint of heart, the selfish of the soul, or the people who don’t say what they mean and mean what they say when they speak their wedding vows. Yeah, “til death do us part” requires sweat equity, for sure. When it comes to building something beautiful, it can be worth your while, though.
Three Things That Have Kept Debbie Allen’s Marriage Together
Okay, first, a big round of applause for the fact that Debbie will be 75 in January and Norm is 68 this month (yep, Debbie married a younger man. Somebody needed that pointed out as a confirmation for their own relationship…call it a feeling). Next, just look at how smooth they move and — shoot — how limber Norm is in this here IG post! Yeah, something tells me that they’ve got (eh hem) another thing that holds them together — yet I digress. LOL.
Anyway, when asked by PEOPLE what got her and Norm to the 40-year mark, this is what Debbie had to say:
“So wherever there have been differences and there have been. Honey, over 40 years, child, we've hit some rocks and hit some walls. But at the end of the day, we really love each other and we sleep together every night and we love our family.”
Did you catch that? No matter what valleys and challenges made their way into their relationship, 1) there is a genuine love that Debbie and Norm share; 2) they sleep together every night, and 3) there is a real love that they have for their family.
What I read between the lines is one, their love isn’t just a feeling; it is a commitment and honestly, that is not taught enough in these premarital sessions out here. Listen, if you are only going to get married based on how someone makes you feel, you really do need to remain single. FEELINGS ARE FICKLE.
Two, they share a marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4) — each and every night. There is no “go sleep on the couch” (I really don’t get how folks get put out of their own bed; imagine if your partner tried to do that to you). Now, peep that she didn’t say that they always go to bed happy or pleased with one another; she said that they make sure that, at the end of the day, they always share that sacred space.
And finally, there is a love that they have for family. Family is a unit. A part of what marriage is about is two people doing their absolute best to keep the family unit together. Yeah, I know that’s antiquated thinking for a lot of folks, yet that’s why many older couples make it past 40 years, and many younger ones can’t even seem to get to five. #justsaying
As I reflected on what Debbie said, it got me to thinking about conversations that I’ve had with married couples who have at least three decades of “I do” under their belts, along with some of the things that I’ve recommended to husbands and wives who desire to reach that goal.
If you’re curious about what some of those things are, I’ve included five of ‘em below.
1. Prepare for Seasons. Ahead of Time.
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Although it’s October, and I’m currently waiting for it to be “fall for real” in Music City (geeze), I’ve been getting clothing for the fall and winter seasons since my birthday (which is June). Why? Because the prices tend to be cheaper. The moral to the story here: don’t wait for the seasons to come before you get ready for them — that literally can cost you. Dearly.
This applies to the weather and the seasons of life too. Y’all, when it comes to marriage, specifically, I’ve been known to say that women deserve to have a big and lavish party called a wedding because, contrary to the popular assumption of far too many, you are a BRIDE for a day; then you are a WIFE for a lifetime. Scripture says that a wife is a helpmate (Genesis 2:18).
Even beyond that, the Hebrew word for helpmate is ezer kenegdo, which means lifesaver. If that doesn’t sound like something that requires a lot of energy and effort, I don’t know what does. And here’s the thing — if you go into your union aware of the fact that it’s not going to be a party all of the time, that you indeed will hit some, as Debbie put it, “rocks and walls,” you won’t be so shocked when they happen.
You will already have some tips, tools, and hacks in your arsenal to get through those seasons (check out “10 Hacks To Get Your Marriage Back On Track” and “The Greatest Hack To Get A Marriage Through The Tough Times”). Because, just like you can’t stop winter from coming, at the end of the day, all you can do is get ready; maturity teaches you the same thing about the “winter season” of marriage. Real talk.
2. Give the Mercy and Grace That You Want to Receive
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There’s a Scripture in the Bible that says, “mercies are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:22-23). Interestingly enough, what follows that line is, “great is your faithfulness.” Although this is actually talking about how God loves us, let’s not act like Scripture also doesn’t say that husbands should “love their wives like Christ loves the Church” (Ephesians 5:24). Yeah, from a spiritual angle, marriage is supposed to be a supernatural kind of love.
It’s not supposed to be easy, common or simple. Supernatural things never are. And I can only imagine how many marriages would last if Christians (who divorce more than any other faith in this country, by the way) decided to be merciful and faithful to their partners…on a daily basis.
Yet even beyond that particular religion, imagine what marriage would look like, period, if couples saw being merciful, all of the time, as being an act of faithfulness. And what does it mean to be a merciful person? Merciful people are compassionate; they try to do what they can to reduce the suffering of others. Merciful people are tender; they are sympathetic and gentle (in word, deed, and tone).
Merciful people are forgiving; this one right here? I am floored by how many people want to be forgiven for their mistakes and yet can’t seem to muster up some for others. Yeah, if you’re not a good forgiver, marriage is not for you. Merciful people are tolerant; if you don’t know how to be patient and endure some things, this is also a reason to not jump anybody’s broom.
Merciful people like to be generous and bless others — again, selfish people should never get married. All they care about is what they can get out of something or someone. And then there’s grace.
An uncomplicated way to define grace would be it’s about extending favor to another person — oftentimes when they don’t deserve it (that is key). Favor is about kindness and giving someone preferential treatment (your spouse definitely deserves that). Favor doesn’t keep record or score. It doesn’t go tit-for-tat. It doesn’t “match energy.”
Favor likes peace. Favor likes unity. Favor seeks solutions instead of problems. A lot of marriages struggle because while a certain level of love is present, there isn’t much mercy or grace to speak of.
3. Don’t Manipulate Intimacy
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Whether you’re married or not, you should never use sex (or any form of intimacy, really) to get what you want from another person — and yet, it happens all of the time.
Unfortunately, I can’t tell you how many wives I have had sessions with who will withhold sex in order to get an outfit that is out of the monthly budget or to deflect from being held accountable for something that they did wrong. Sex is not to be a manipulation tool — it’s not something that you are to use to control your partner.
Sex is a physical way to express love to and for your spouse, connect with them in a very deep and profound way, and spend a very special form of quality time together (check out “10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important”). If you attempt to use sex for any other reason, all that really ends up doing is cause a breakdown of trust between you and your spouse, which can lead to resentment, emotional distance, and, before long, possible acts of infidelity.
And just how often should married couples have sex? Studies say that once a week (or four times a month) is a good indication of a healthy sex life between long-term couples. And before some of you hem and haw like that is too much — if you can prioritize 2.5 hours a day on social media, you can find an hour to be intimate with your partner once a week (check out “Married Couples, Here's How To Make (More) Time For Sex”). Yeah, let’s not play those games.
When you got married, you signed up to have a consistent sex life with your spouse (as much as is physically possible). If you didn’t want to treat sex like a marital responsibility…you already know what I am going to say, right? Sex isn’t a hobby in marriage; it is foundational for its longevity.
4. Treat Therapy Like Oil Changes
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There is nothing like a gaslighting person. Ugh. Right now, yep in real time, I’ve got a friend who recently went through a divorce and another who is going through one of the most challenging times in her marriage ever. The one who is divorced has an ex-husband who constantly tries to guilt trip her about “breaking up the family” when I can personally attest to the fact that his refusal to go through personal therapy and also marital counseling is what brought her to her breaking point.
Just one request and he refused (and still refuses). Then my other friend’s husband’s pride is completely off the charts. Somehow, he is constantly recommending therapy to others while believing that he is not a huge part of the problem in his own home (hypocrite much?).
It's another article for another time about how we need to remain as hypervigilant as possible about removing the stigma surrounding life coaching, counseling, and therapy (including sex therapy — check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Even beyond that, when it comes to marriage specifically, we need to move past the position that the relationship needs to be two seconds away from divorce before seeking out a professional.
What I tend to advise to married folks is they should look at marriage counseling like a car that needs an oil change — like a car on the road, marriage is also its own kind of journey, and counseling can help spouses to “take each other’s temperature,” unpack any problems (or potential problems) and gain some insight that can help them to avoid certain “bumps in the road.”
That’s why, even once consistent sessions with my clients are complete, I will recommend that they at least check in with me a couple of times a year, preferably once a season. Why? Because, when they say that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, greater words have never been spoken when it comes to the importance and relevance of marriage counseling. Trust and believe, chile.
5. As You Change, Express It
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I can’t tell you how many times I have said that, as far as relationships are concerned, one of my favorite quotes is, “People change and forget to tell each other.” When it comes to Denzel and Pauletta, Samuel and LaTanya, Norm and Debbie, I think what makes me honor them most is the fact that…well, think of how many times you’ve gone through some transitions and evolutions, shoot, just in the past three years alone.
For two people to remain committed to one another as they are growing, oftentimes at different times in a myriad of different areas, that deserves its own level of props.
And that actually circles back to what I meant about not basing your marriage on mere feelings. While so many people say that they divorced because “they outgrew their spouse,” isn’t it interesting how some of their close friendships remained intact? That’s because we oftentimes have more patience, compromise, and flexibility for our friends — and oftentimes, that is because we actually value them more than our own partners…and that is because many of us weren’t taught to esteem marriage like we actually should.
Okay, but back to my main point on this one. It’s a given that you’re going to not be the exact same person that you were on your wedding day. Know who else isn’t going to be? Your spouse. True commitment says that we don’t leave because we change; we change, and then we express it to our partner so that we can find some common ground to continue on that path that we said we would walk on…together.
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Best-selling author Dr. Barbara DeAngelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun. It’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” As I close this out, look back at Debbie and Norm on that IG post. Take in the love, humor, and connection that is shared between them.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. A marriage of 40 years isn’t either.
Oh, but how beautiful the end result of both is to behold, right?
Salute.
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Featured image by Rich Fury/Getty Images for The Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts