Wanna Get Better At Dirty Talk? I've Got 7 Tips For That.

1. Start Well Before Entering the Bedroom

An academic by the name of Camille Paglia once said, “Pursuit and seduction are the essence of sexuality. It's part of the sizzle.” A writer by the name of Marya Mannes once said, “All really great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction.” Actor Rae Dawn Chong once said, “You can seduce a man without taking anything off, without even touching him.” When it comes to all of these, if you were paying semi-close attention, one word that they all had in common is seduction.

In the context of what we’re talking about today, seduction is about attracting, enticing and persuading — and when it comes to pulling this off in the dirty talk department, you don’t have to be an award-winning pro.

Text him a sexy picture of you in the middle of his workday. Share a favorite sexual memory in graphic detail. Tell him what your favorite body part of his is. Plan a sexy date that, to him, will be totally out of the blue. Drop off a package to his job that contains his favorite-colored lingerie. Leave a voice note for him that features what you adore most about him.

Although this article is all about becoming better/more confident when it comes to dirty talking, by focusing on the art of seduction first, that actually gets you halfway there. TRUST ME.

2. Learn to Enjoy (or at Least Embrace) the Sound of Your Own Voice

So, on the heels of that voice note tip: If a part of you is uncomfortable with dirty talking because you are a bit self-conscious when it comes to the sound of your own voice, two hacks for this is to either play the voice note back to yourself before sending it OR cup your hand behind your ears to where your ears are closer to you; then say something. Believe it or not, what you hear is pretty darn close to how you sound on the phone.

Okay, so with either of these exercises, upon listening, what, in your opinion, would make you sound…sexier? Speaking more softly? Going down half an octave? Putting more breath or whispering into what you are saying?

Playing around with one’s voice a bit is actually something all of us should do because, saying “I want you” in a sultry voice translates very differently than speaking in a way where you sound like you are hanging out with friends at a bar. Tone is a big deal with dirty talk and in the area of having a sexy one, practice makes perfect.

3. Clearly Articulate Your Needs

Aside from the whole voice thing, something else that makes some people self-conscious when it comes to dirty talking is either stating what their sexual needs are or finding a way to clearly articulate them. Yet you know how the saying goes: closed mouths don’t get fed — and that is indeed the truth.

When it comes to this particular tip, take some time out to do some sex journaling first. Literally write down what you need from your partner. And how do you figure that out as opposed to a want? Well, a need is something that you find to be absolutely essential — and for sex to be a pleasurable and fulfilling experience for you, what would those things be? Do you need lots of cunnilingus? Do you need some soft music and a massage to set the mood? Do you need to get into a certain position in order to “get there”?

I promise you that a good lover absolutely wants to know what you need. And if you share those thoughts in the throes of intimacy, whether you believe it or not, that is absolutely and without question a form of dirty talk.

4. Ask Questions

Anyone who has amazing sex on a consistent basis will tell you that if there is one place to check your ego at the door, it’s in the boudoir. That said, just like you should figure out what your needs are and then share them with your partner, at the same time, you should never assume that you know everything that he needs — or even that his needs are the same each and every time the two of you come (and cum) together.

That’s why you should also ask him questions. What does he like? What does he fantasize about? What does he need in the moment? What did he enjoy most about the last time the two of you were together? What does he need more of that he hasn’t stated?

I’m telling you, I’ve worked with couples long enough to confidently state that when a man feels like his partner is genuinely interested in and concerned about his sexual needs, that alone makes him want to please her on a whole ‘nother level. Plus, it’s a very sexy and seductive thing to do and, again, dirty talk is all about seduction.

5. Get Comfortable with Getting “Dirty”

I have a friend who loathes the word “p*ssy.” Although I personally can’t relate (just sayin’), I get that some words affect people differently (because I also know some people who hate the word “f*ck” and I can’t relate to that either — LOL).

It reminds me of a podcast that I did recently. I cussed in it and the host said, “So, you obviously don’t have a problem with profanity” to which I replied, “Neither do you with that big ass Christmas tree behind you. Profane literally means pagan.” Now, to be fair, profanity means things like vulgar and irreverent — however, what that is can be based on perception to a large degree (especially since there are studies which reveal that people who cuss tend to be smarter, are more honest and are usually happier too).

My point? If cussing or dirty talking isn’t your thing simply because it isn’t, that is perfectly fine. On the other hand, if you have hang-ups about either because of someone else’s opinion(s), you might need to ponder that. At the very least, consider that “dirty words” may have a certain time and place.

For you, the bedroom may be where they need to transpire — without any guilt or reservation too; especially since studies also say that cussing and “dirty word usage” are things that can naturally happen during emotional arousal and that it can relax you to the point where it might be easier for you to climax if you say and/or hear them.

6. Multi-Task

What exactly do I mean by this point here? Something that some of my clients have told me is the reason why they are damn near silent, especially during foreplay, is because talking makes them feel re​ally awkward — like they are standing out like a sore thumb. Every time I hear that, I delve out the same advice: sex is a sport for all five of your senses (​sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch), so get into multi-tasking. 

When you are taking off your clothes, tell him what you are most excited about doing to and with him. Ask him what kind of pressure he enjoys while giving him a hand job (check out “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage”). Tell him how you want to be kissed while he’s going down on you and you are massaging his scalp.

Dirty talking is not like giving a — pardon the pun — oral presentation at work. You don’t just have to stand, sit or lie there rambling words. Do it while you are doing, umm, other things. Sexual multi-tasking takes the pressure off, in the best way possible.

7. DON’T OVERTHINK IT

I can’t think of one area where overthinking is truly beneficial — however, during sex and while you’re dirty talking is definitely on the top of the list of “Please don’t do it.” Y’all, a part of the fun of sex is you can be spontaneous, put your guard/walls down and be totally…free. And so, short of screaming out another guy’s name or being insulting, don’t put too much thought into what you “should” say. Focus on just being in the moment and verbally expressing what you feel about that.

Y’all, oftentimes, this hack right alone is enough to make you better at dirty talking than you thought you would and could be. Less thinking. More expressing. HOT.