Your Monthly Horoscopes: April 2019
Hey, babes! It's your girl, the Mystic Model, checking in with your April horoscopes. This month brings a much needed refresher after wading through the murkiness of Pisces season in March. We're officially in Aries season, which also marks the beginning of the astrological new year.
On April 5th, we've got a New Moon in the sign of the ram that encourages us to take bold steps towards our dreams. Aries is all about the "self" and this dynamic energy just so happens to be exalted when the Sun is in this part of the sky. Over the next few weeks, the courage to boldly express who you are will come more easily along with the help of Mars in Gemini. This combination of elements—fire and air—will give you the energy to get shit done. However, this coupling can result in clumsiness and accidents if you're not mindful of what you're doing. There's also a tendency to burn out quickly, so try to balance enough time for rest.
Jupiter, the benevolent, goes retro on the 10th until August giving us the chance to engage more deeply with the soul-searching process. This is when the difficult lessons finally start clicking and we're able to see the blessings within our misfortune. On April 17th, Mercury moves into Aries joining the party with the Sun and Mars. Watch out for starting arguments just for the sake of ruffling feathers or proving a point. There's a tendency to be self-righteous and boisterous under this energy. Breathe and count to ten before you proceed with sending that nasty work email to your boss. The Full Moon in Libra on the 19th gives us another chance to revisit relationship issues that came to a head around the Full Moon in March. There's no coincidence that there are two back-to-back Full Moons in Libra this year, driving the message home about clearing our relationship karma and bringing ourselves—mind, body, and spirit—back into balance.
Check out your horoscope below to see what magic April has in store for you:
Aries
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Happy birthday, hottie! The month kicks off with a New Moon in your sign on the 4th, making this a potent time to plant the seeds for what you want to manifest six months from now. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro and over the next four months, you'll be integrating the spiritual insights you've been receiving through deeper research, study, and reflection. Once this retrograde is complete, you'll come out on the other side feeling more solid in what you believe. Mercury moving into your sign on the 17th blesses you with some brilliant ideas that can enhance your image and energy. People will be more argumentative during this transit. Avoid the drama and stay focused on the bag instead.
On the 19th, the Full Moon in Libra lights up your relationships marking a pivotal point of change, helping you release a long-standing issue with someone or a negative pattern in your relationship dynamics. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th bringing your focus to matters of love and money. Venus moves into your sign on the same day, heating up your life even more. Your personal magnetism is through the roof. All eyes are on you! (But what's new?) The month closes out with Pluto going retro on the 24th in your house of career, achievements, and social status. Saturn follows right behind on the 29th going retro in the same part of your sky. The work that you do over the Spring and Summer will have some life-changing rewards come Fall.
Taurus
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The month starts off a little more lowkey for you with the New Moon in Aries on the 4th bringing the focus to your inner-world. This is a time to discover who you are at the core and the programming that needs to be ditched for you to finally embrace the badass that you are. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro through your house of sex, death, and rebirth. The next four months can help you take a lighter approach to some of your heavier life experiences and the spiritual lessons you're integrating can be embraced with joy. Your personal mantra for the month is "Laughter is the best medicine". Mercury moves into Aries on the 17th, activating your dream world and bringing your fears to the surface. Keep a journal to work through the emotions that come up at this time.
On the 19th, the Full Moon in Libra illuminates your daily routines, health, and possibly some hidden enemies. If you've been questioning whether someone is Team Taurus or not, your dreams can be surprisingly insightful. Any health concerns can come to a head at this point that requires you to tighten up your diet and exercise routine. The Sun moves into your sign on the 20th, ushering in your birthday season! Your ruling planet moves into Aries the same day. During this transit, you'll likely enjoy nesting with your lover away from the chaos of the world. At the end of the month, Pluto and Saturn go retro in your ninth house. Throughout the Spring and Summer, you're given the opportunity to dive deeper into your spiritual understanding. This is a perfect time to sign up for that Reiki class, connect with a spiritual guru, or return to your old meditation routine. Use the time to nurture and water the roots of your spiritual wellness.
Gemini
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The social butterfly of the zodiac can now emerge from its cocoon now that Aries season is here. Both the Sun and New Moon on the 4th bring your focus to new alliances and possibly bridging the gap between you and people you've lost touch with. The people that you're meeting at this time will play a major role in some of your big goals over the next six months. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro in your house of relationships. You may find yourself revisiting a past relationship or working through some hang-ups during this transit. The energy is also favorable for reassessing any business contracts.
Mercury moves into Aries on the 17th. Be cautious of combativeness and competition amongst your social circle. It may be time to make an executive decision if someone isn't wiling to be a team player. Mars is currently in your sign, making you less tolerable for any negativity that is slowing down the group's momentum. The Full Moon on the 19th lights up romance and creativity for you, making this the perfect date night for some Sips & Strokes. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, giving you a chance to relax after a busy month before we enter your birthday season. Both Pluto and Saturn go retro at the end of the month, initiating you into a deeply transformative process that will heal some of your most tender traumas and empower you in mind-body-spirit.
Cancer
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Career advancement is your top priority this month, with both the Sun and New Moon on the 5th encouraging you to plant the seeds for what you would like to manifest six months from now. This is the perfect time to start working towards that promotion or launching your own business. On April 10th, Jupiter stations retrograde in a part of your sky that has to do with your daily routines and health. Use the next few months to study up on a new fitness regimen or diet that can enhance your well-being. Mercury finally leaves your sister sign on the 17th and moves into Aries. Watch out for power struggles with your boss or your worker bees if you're the HBIC! It's best to err on the side of caution with Mars in Gemini amping up the "know it all" combativeness that can show up in our interactions during this transit. On April 19th, the Full Moon in Libra lights up the area of family and home. You may be saying goodbye to your childhood home in pursuit of making your own mark on the world. This is the perfect time to feng shui your space to invite more love into your home. Any issues with family can also be peacefully settled at this time.
The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, bringing your focus to friends and your long-term vision. The people that you connect with now will play a major role in your life over the year to come. Venus moves into Aries on the same day. A workplace romance may be tempting during this transit, especially with someone in a position of power and affluence. The month wraps up with both Pluto and Saturn going retro in your house of relationships, making the next several months good for coming to terms with some heavy love issues and revamping existing partnerships (romantic and professional). Out of all of the signs, you're the one most likely to have an opportunity to revisit a significant relationship from your past to see if your power struggles can truly be rectified.
Leo
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This month is all about your spiritual ascension with the Sun and New Moon on the 5th, bringing the attention to dating, romance, and creativity. Things are heating up for you and this can mark the beginning of a new fling for you. Avoid getting too serious at this time and just enjoy the moment for what it is. On April 10th, Jupiter goes retro in a part of your sky that has to do with higher learning and spirituality. Over the next four months, you'll have the chance to dive deeper into your spiritual learnings and you may even decide to revisit a former practice of yours. Mercury moves into Aries on the 17th, making you even more flirtatious that usual. Keep in mind, that this energy can be super aggressive, and given your fiery nature, it's best to avoid discussions of politics and religion on the first date.
The Full Moon in Libra on the 19th brings your attention to friends and associations. This can possibly result in the ending of a connection to a group of people that no longer resonate with you. However, this can also be the healing balm to restore balance to your connections as well. The choice is yours. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, making the next month all about the home and family. This is a good time to visit your childhood home or revamp your current living space with some cozy decor! Venus moves into Aries the same day, encouraging you to really own your truth when it comes to your creative expression You may surprisingly find yourself attracted to someone you're collaborating with at this time. The month closes out with Pluto and Saturn going retro in an area of your life that has to do with sex, death, and rebirth. Over the next few months, you'll be undergoing an inner metamorphosis and healing issues around power (or powerlessness) to come out on the other side feeling stronger than ever before.
Virgo
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The beginning of the month may be a little more quiet for you with the Sun and New Moon on the 5th in a part of your sky that has to do with the psyche, inner transformation, and the taboo. This time is best spent excavating the inner workings of your mind and addressing any trauma that inhibits you from expressing yourself more authentically. On April 10th, Jupiter goes retrograde and over the next four months you'll be drawn to explore your roots, making this a great time to visit your childhood home. Mercury finally moves out of its post-shadow retrograde phase offering you a much-needed sigh of relief. Your ruling planet begins its transit through Aries on the 17th. If there's an area of your life that you've been struggling to overcome (whether it be an addiction, codependency, trauma), you're encouraged to seek support through counseling, group therapy, or a trusted confidant.
On April 19th, the Full Moon in Libra illuminates your finances, values, and self-esteem. This can be a pivotal breakthrough for you when it comes to your own self-worth in love and money. Stop sleeping on yourself, Virgo. It's time to raise your price tag! The Sun moves into your sister sign, Taurus, on the 20th, making the next month all about higher learning, teaching, and foreign excursions. This is a great time to share your gifts and talents (and make some extra money while you're at it). Venus moves into Aries on the same day, setting you up for a passionate, lowkey rendezvous with a side of BDSM. April closes out with Pluto and Saturn going retro in your house of dating, romance, and creativity. Over the next few months, you may find yourself revisiting an old flame or breathing life into a hobby you've placed on the back burner.
Libra
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The Sun is in your opposite sign this month bringing the focus to relationships with the New Moon on the 5th, encouraging you to put yourself out there. You have the potential to meet an important person, romantic or business, that could figure into your life for some time to come. Jupiter goes retro on the 10th until August and the next few months will find you revisiting old friendships and associations that can be revamped to help you get one step closer towards your long-term goals. On the 17th, Mercury moves into Aries. Be cautious of picking fights with your lover or a business partner. This placement, along with Mars in Gemini, can have you (and others) feeling a little froggy. *cues "Knuck If You Buck"*
The Full Moon on the 19th in your sign places the spotlight on you! This is an ideal time to showcase anything you've been working on behind the scenes or simply posting that selfie of your big chop on IG. The Sun moves into down-to-earth Taurus on the 20th, bringing your focus over the next month to your daily routines and health. This is the time of year when you feel the pressure of getting your summer bod ready. Better late than never! Venus, your ruling planet, moves into Aries the same day, heating up your personal magnetism. Things are getting hot in the love department but maybe not so serious. Have fun and don't place too many expectations on a new fling at the moment. We wrap up the month with Pluto and Saturn going retro in your 10th house, giving you a chance to revise your career goals and strategize a better plan of action for the 2nd and 3rd quarter of the year.
Scorpio
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The month starts off with you feeling empowered to overcome any obstacles related to your psychological wellbeing. With the Sun in Aries and the New Moon on the 5th, you're definitely feeling the warrior spirit in any area of your life that's had you feeling defeated. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro in a part of your sky that has to do with the subconscious. Your dreamworld will be super active and you'll be receiving tons of insight via your Higher Self and Guides over the next four months. Mercury moves into Aries on the 17th, making you very vocal when it comes to what toxic behaviors you won't put up with (within yourself and from others). This marks a time when you make a clear shift from "Victim" to "Champion".
On the 19th, The Full Moon in Libra illuminates your finances, values, and self-esteem. This can be a powerful time of breakthrough for any issues surrounding your self-worth. There may also be news coming your way about a money opportunity or an expense that needs to be handled. Make sure you haven't been dodging those debt collectors. On the 20th, the Sun moves into your opposite sign bringing your attention to relationships and with Venus moving into Aries the same day, things can get pretty intense. A passionate, transcendental sexual experience can be just what the doctor ordered to unlock your coochie chakra. The month winds down with Pluto and Saturn going retro in the part of your sky that has to do with friends and your long-term goals, making this a great time to revisit old associations that can help make your vision a reality.
Sagittarius
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The Sun is currently in your sister sign, blessing you with a much-needed boost of energy after that heavy ass Pisces season. The New Moon on the 5th encourages you to do what you do best—level up. You're craving new knowledge, ideas, and philosophies at this time and this may be the beginning of a new spiritual journey for you. On the 10th, your ruler Jupiter goes retro until August, giving you the chance to go deeper into the areas of life that you've been expanding in. You may be feeling less social during this transit while you spend time integrating cosmic downloads that you'll need to help navigate your way ahead when Jupiter goes direct. On the 17th, Mercury moves into Aries, making you super chatty about all you've been learning. Avoid self-righteousness at this time. Mars is currently in Gemini, which can make you feel like you know-it-all. As Auntie Badu told us, "The man that knows something knows that he knows nothing at all."
The Full Moon in Libra on the 19th illuminates your mind with an influx of ideas that you can use for that book, podcast, or blog you've been wanting to start. This is a favorable time to release a project via social media. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, bringing your focus to your mental health. This could be a good time to start therapy or join group counseling to support you with any psychological battles. Venus moves into Aries on the same day and you may find yourself attracted to a spiritual guru or someone that shares similar beliefs to yours. April winds down with Saturn and Pluto going retro in through a part of your sky that has to do with your subconscious. The next few months can offer you deep insight and understanding into habits, karma, and past lives that contribute to a misuse and abuse of your power.
Capricorn
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Aries season brings career matters to the forefront over the next few weeks and the New Moon on the 5th can mark the beginning of an exhilarating, new experience for you when it comes to what you do in the world. This can be a time in which you're rising up in the ranks and becoming more popular as well. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro in an area of your sky that has to do with finances and values. Over the next four months, you'll spend some time revamping your budget and diving deeper into your relationship with money. It's time to address the poverty consciousness that may be wreaking havoc on your bank account. Mercury finally moves out of Pisces after an extended stay, and into Aries on the 17th, and the topic of discussion is about your career goals. Just be cautious of arguments with your boss or worker bees at this time.
On April 19th, the Full Moon in Libra visits your fourth house again, possibly representing the end of your stay in one residence as you prepare to move elsewhere. This energy can also offer a much-needed recalibration amongst any imbalanced family relationships. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th bringing your focus to higher learning and spirituality over the next month. This is a good time to expand beyond your current comfort zone of consciousness. Venus moves into Aries the same day and you may find yourself attracted to someone in a position of power. Be mindful of workplace romances especially with a higher up. The month closes with both Pluto and Saturn going retro in your sign, making the next few months a little more introspective for you as you integrate the lessons you've been learning about your personal power.
Aquarius
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Happy April, babe! The Sun in Aries and the New Moon on the 5th brings your attention to your social circle. It's time to branch out and meet some new people that are on your same wave. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retro in a part of your sky that has to do with learning, communication, and social media. The next four months is a perfect time to dive deeper into your studies and to revamp your social media strategy. Mercury moves into Aries on the 17th, which can cause some tension amongst your friends if you're being too bossy or self-centered. Be open to compromise and creating a win-win situation for everyone involved.
The Full Moon in Libra on the 19th illuminates your romance and creativity for you. This is an auspicious, harmonious time for you in matters of dating and you're likely to enjoy a peak experience with sweet connection at this time. If you've been working on a project behind the scenes, this energy is very favorable for your big reveal. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, bringing your focus to career advancement over the next month. Take a practical, disciplined approach to the work that you're doing. On the same day, Venus moves into Aries and you may surprisingly find yourself falling head over heels for a friend or associate. The month wraps up with Pluto and Saturn going retro in a part of your sky that has to do with finances and values. Over the next few months, you'll discover the power of embracing and validating your gifts that you'll more openly share with the world come the Fall.
Pisces
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You are working your way around the astrological wheel once again with the Sun in Aries and the New Moon on the 5th encouraging you to put your gifts and talents on display. This not only can benefit you financially but the positive reception you receive from others will boost your self-esteem as well. On the 10th, Jupiter goes retrograde in a part of your chart that focuses on your roots. You may be revisiting your childhood home over the summer or diving deep into your family's ancestry. Mercury finally moves out of your sign after an extended stay, and into Aries on the 17th, giving you a much-needed breath of fresh air. Your dreams will be super active, if you're not dealing with intense bouts of insomnia. Stock up on the chamomile tea and lavender essential oil to help calm your nerves.
The Full Moon in Libra on the 19th illuminates your daily routines and health. A longstanding imbalance in these areas of your life may reach a critical boiling point forcing you to strive for balance in your every day affairs. What we consume plays a big role in our mood and energy. It may be time to let go of the caffeine or dairy if it's not sitting well with you. The Sun moves into Taurus on the 20th, bringing your attention to your friends and organizations that you're a part of, making this the perfect time for volunteer work. You're a humanitarian at heart so make sure you're sharing your positive vibes, whether that's with your homegirl that's going through a rough time or a homeless person in need of a kind gesture. Venus moves into Aries on the same day. You'll likely want to lay low with your lover during this transit, preferring the privacy of what goes on behind closed doors.
We wrap up the month with Pluto and Saturn going retro in a part of your sky that has to do with learning and communication. Research and writing are supported at this time, making it an ideal transit to create new content that will get your social media accounts buzzing with more followers and engagement.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Monolith. If you’re blessed enough to get several decades under your belt while remaining in your (relatively) right mind, if there’s one word that you will find yourself using more and more often, it’s "monolith." The reality is, that very few things fall into the category of being “something having a uniform, massive, redoubtable, or inflexible quality or character” — sex included.
That’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “8 Kinds Of Sex Every Couple Should Have In Their Rotation” because, as you’re about to see in a moment, sex is too grand to be limited and, like I tell some of the couples that I work with, sometimes having intimacy issues in their relationship is because they haven’t explored and then discussed the type of sex that they enjoy most.
And, as you’re about to see, there are more than just a few.
1. Oral Sex
Oral GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyFellatio. Cunnilingus. Anilingus (also known as rimming). All of these fall under the definition of oral sex because oral sex is all about using one’s mouth to stimulate their partner’s genitalia. It’s funny because I recently saw an Instagram post where a woman was asking if folks could only get oral sex or intercourse for the rest of their lives, which one would they choose? And y’all, when I tell you that the answers were polarizing as hell. No side really won by a landslide. Interesting.
What I did notice is that when it came to orgasms, specifically, many of the women went with oral sex; which makes sense considering an overwhelming amount of women climax with the help of clitoral stimulation (only about 18 percent can cum from intercourse alone) — and oral sex is one of the best ways to make that happen. If you add to that the fact that you can receive peak sexual pleasure without the risk of pregnancy — yeah,oral sex is a win for many people whether it’s seen as an act of foreplay or the…main event.
2. Vanilla Sex
GiphyYou know what I saw that was actually pretty good (other than Drew Sidora’s character perpetually playing a victim when she was doing the very stuff that she was accusing her man of): Todd Tucker (you know, Kandi Burruss’s husband) movie,The Pass. If you haven’t seen it (yet), the main married couple are Maurice (Rob Riley) and Nina (Drew Sidora). Nina was already on a slippery slope, off top, because consistent sex in their relationship was not something that she was prioritizing (check out “What You Should Do If You Find Yourself In A Sexless Marriage”). However, when she did “fit it into her schedule,” vanilla sex was something that she was super fond of.
For the record, if there is a sexual position that is the mascot forvanilla sex, it would have to be the traditional take on the missionary. It’s considered to be traditional, conservative — the kind of sex that people who think that intimacy is for procreation more than anything and kinks should be avoided as much as possibly typically go for. In short, super-religious folks are gonna always revert to vanilla sex.
Now even though I didn’t just present vanilla sex to be fireworks central, I don’t think that anything is wrong with it any more than I think that something is wrong with preferring vanilla bean (which is always better than French vanilla, in my opinion) ice cream; especially since science says that missionary is what gets women the most consistent orgasms. Just make sure not to take the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach to it. Although missionary can be effective, if it’s all you ever do, it can end up becoming somewhat…boring.
This brings me to the next kind of sex.
3. Adventurous Sex
GiphyFolks who have the “I’ll try anything at least once” approach to life are usually all about adventurous sex. These are the kinds of people who aren’t afraid — or even hesitant — to try out certain kinks. They are the ones who you will hear had sex in a strange location and all you’ll do is shake your head or Elmo shrug. They are the people who will videotape themselves more than once (check out “Before You Make A DIY Sex Tape, Read This.”) and create bucket lists (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”), seemingly on a quarterly basis because that’s how intentional they are about trying new things.
Probably the best way to describe those who like adventurous sex is they’re adrenaline junkies which can be cool — so long that they aren’t so “on the hunt” for the next “high” that they don’t realize that intimacy, connecting, and not having to hang off of the chandeliers each and over time are good things too.
4. Morning Sex
GiphyI’ve been working with married couples for close to two decades now and when it comes to the healthiest ones in the bunch, one thing that they have in common is they prioritize sex (check out “Married Folks: Ever Wonder If Your Sex Life Is 'Normal'?” and “10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important”). Even if they can’t do it the 90s R&B way (you know, all night long, chile), they will fit in a quickie or some morning sex — and good for them.
Morning sex gives you a good dose of “feel good” hormones at the start of your day, helps to strengthen your immune system, makes it easier for you to be productive through the day, helps you to feel closer to your partner until you can be in each other’s space again and, some studies even say that it can give you stronger orgasms too.
You know, I once read thatalmost 65 percent of women never engage in morning sex — that is absolutely insane to me. Now that you see all of the ways that it can benefit you (and your relationship), if you happen to fall into that tally, maybe give morning sex a shot to see if it can become your new favorite type of sex.
5. Spontaneous Sex
GiphyNatural. Impulsive. Without premeditation. These are some of the words that are typically used to define the word “spontaneous.” When it comes to sex, specifically, what I like about it (especially when it comes to couples who have been in long-term relationships) is that it reveals what happens when people are so into each other that they simply can’t hold back; they’ve got to have each other NOW. Spontaneous people send each other nasty texts just because. Spontaneous people meet up at home at lunch (and not to eat…well, traditionally so…LOL).
Spontaneous people book hotel reservations on a whim. Spontaneous people have sex in the middle of the night. Spontaneous people are oftentimes very vocal about how they feel and what they want when it comes to copulation. One of the best things aboutbeing a spontaneous individual — and definitely liking spontaneous sex — is everything doesn’t revolve around a plan. Spontaneous sex is very lust-driven and since lust means things like “intense sexual appetite” and “uncontrolled desire” — in context, what could possibly be wrong with that?
6. Synchrony Sex
GiphySynchrony is all about something happening simultaneously. So, when you apply this word to sex, it’s when you and your partner feel totally in sync with one another on a physiological level. For instance, some studies say thata blind date is a win or an epic failure based on how much physiological synchrony comes into play because it’s all about things like heart rates beating at a similar pace and evenskin conductance (which is literally like an electrical current that is exchanged) aligning. And just how in the world can you create this if it doesn’t come automatically?
Engaging in things like orgasmic meditation (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”), spending time holding hands and cuddling, being intentional about spending quality time together — all of this can create physiological synchrony which can, in turn, intensify intimacy. Something else that’s cool about synchrony sex is when your bodies are on the same wavelength and you’re able to “breathe together,” it can increase your chances of experiencing an orgasm at the same time as well.
7. Solace Sex
GiphyIf you or your partner is someone who struggles with some level of anxiety, some or more solace sex may be what is needed. Solace sex is basically all about providing someone with reassurance. That said, I do think it’s important to go on record that this shouldn’t be used as a crutch.
What I mean by that is, if you are constantly participating in solace sex because someone has a crippling level of low self-esteem or they are extremely insecure, having sex with them to make them feel better about themselves is ultimately going to be counterproductive and, quite frankly, could end up turning into something toxic.
A lot of people engage in solace sex, whether they realize it or not; and that’s how sex ends up being misused instead of fully enjoyed (some of y’all will catch that later).
8. Make-Up Sex
GiphyHow many times have you heard someone (whether in media or in real life) say something along the lines of“Make-up sex is the best sex”? Any time I do, the characters Marcus and Angela from Tyler Perry’s movie Why Did I Get Married? almost instantly come to mind because remember how toxic they were and yet Marcus said that he didn’t mind fighting a lot because “the make-up sex was insane”? Yeah, it’s unfortunate how many people mistake craziness for passion which is a big part of the reason why I once penned, “Make-Up Sex Might Be Doing Your Relationship More Harm Than Good” for the platform.
Reconnecting with your partner via sex after a disagreement is fine. Being so poor at communicating that the two of you rely on sex to “gloss things over”? Eh…not so good. At the end of the day, make-up sex should be about celebrating reaching a resolve — not doing whatever you can to deflect from or avoid doing the work that it takes to actually find one.
9. Casual Sex
GiphyIf you’ve ever read my article, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'” before, you already know it’s something that I’m not personally fond of; mostly because I know that casual means things like “careless” and “apathetic.” Luckily, I’m not the only one who feels this way because more and more mental health and relationship experts are saying that our so-called hook-up culture has more “side effects” than a lot of people want to admit. Take the article, “The Problem with Hooking Up” which I once checked out on Boston University’s website. A part of what it said is this:
“Hooking up can be risky because the relationship is not typically monogamous, and when it’s labeled as a friends-with-benefits relationship or other similar pseudo-commitment, it can lead to a false sense of security that might make people be less cautious.”
Are there any pros to casual sex? I mean, if what you’re after is purely recreational sex and you’re being safe (both physically and emotionally), I could see why it’s a “plus” in some people’s books. I’ll just say that as someone who used to be notorious for having sex with friends back in my sexually active days if you signed up for someone to have no real plans for/with you beyond getting off, you can’t get mad when they stick to their end of the deal. Just sayin’.
10. Mindful Sex
Giphy“Mindful” is one of those buzzwords that pops up a lot on the internet these days yet have you ever wondered exactly what it means to be that kind of person? To be mindful is to be fully present. To be mindful is to have a heightened level of awareness. To be mindful is to be intentional about not overthinking. To be mindful is to be super thoughtful and considerate towards others. And if you translate all of this into the act of sex — can you see how mindful sex can be extremely powerful and intimate? There’s no way you can rush through foreplay and consider yourself a mindful sex participant.
There’s no way you cannot know your partner’s needs and consider yourself a mindful sex participant. There’s no way that you can always have quickies only and consider yourself to be a mindful sex participant. Out of all of these, mindful sex is the kind of sex that all couples in long-term relationships should aspire to have the most often because mindful sex truly is some of the best sex (check out “Mental Foreplay Hacks That Ultimately Takes Intercourse To New Levels” and “How About Having A 'Mindful Orgasm' Tonight?”). If you’re planning on having sex tonight, try and be mindful about it; watch how it takes things to a completely different level.
11. Solo Sex
GiphySolo sex is basically masturbation. Aside from the fact that it’s probably the safest way to enjoy sexual stimulation without the risk of pregnancy or contracting an STI/STD, there’s also no way around the fact that it providessome of the same health benefits as sex with another person does include a decrease of stress levels, reducing the intensity of period cramps, making it easier to fall and stay asleep, strengthening your pelvic floor and, assome experts say, it can help to reduce some of the symptoms that come with perimenopause/menopause as well. Just one (main) word of caution here: if your solo sex consists of sex toys, “too much of a good thing” could affect how you feel about sex with actual people — and not in a good way.
There areplenty of articles out in cyberspace that (fore)warn individuals that sex toys can make it so easy to orgasm that you find yourself either faking orgasms with your partner (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP”) or disconnecting on some level with them because you’re so climax-focused that you’re not connection-driven. Solo sex can also make you a selfish (self-consumed) sex partner if you do it excessively too because, if you have mastered how to get your own self off, doesn’t it make sense that being patient enough to show someone else might feel like a complete waste of time? Balance is key with solo sex; that’s for sure.
12. Foreplay
GiphyForeplay is the appetizer before the meal. It’s what sexually arouses us to the point where we want to have sex and, from a physical standpoint, since lubrication makes sex more pleasurable for women, foreplay tends to be very necessary too. And why am I closing out with this one? It’s because some people are so into foreplay that they barely even “show up” for sex. Because they get a lot of what they need from foreplay alone, the act of sex doesn’t seem very necessary for them — which can cause real issues if their partner doesn’t feel the same way.
Bottom line with foreplay is it’s beautiful and essential, more times than not. It’s also something that you shouldn’t get in a rut about (meaning, just like sex shouldn’t always be routine, foreplay shouldn’t be either). Just make sure that you see it in the way that it was intended — warming up the engine before actually driving the car (so to speak).
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There you have it, y’all — 12 types of sex. Now that they’ve been broken down a bit, which one is your automatic go-to (it always works), which one is your favorite (your preference), and which one should you try out more? Because just like you can havea type of man, you can have a type of sex. AND just like your guy type can keep you stuck if you’re not careful…your type of sex can too.
Learn and explore. Rinse and repeat. Enjoy over and over. In that order too, sis.
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