

Yahya Abdul-Mateen II Says 'Being Sexy' Isn't His Call
Ladies and ladies: if you aren't familiar, let me introduce you to a being named Yahya Abdul-Mateen II. He's an Emmy award-winning actor, 35, and towering at 6 feet 3 inches tall. His name, which roughly translates from Arabic and means "Graced by God," may be unfamiliar for Black men in Hollywood, but he's carving out his lane just the same.
The actor's first leading role is in the highly anticipated Candyman(in theaters August 27), as well as The Matrix 4, the newest installment in the Matrix franchise, and action flick, Ambulance, next year.
So needless to say, Yahya is booked, busy, and here to stay.
Yahya Abdul-Mateen II recently hooked up with ESSENCEfor their 'Summer Screen Kings' July/August 2021 dual cover issue (alongside Jazmine Sullivan), to discuss what really drew him to acting, his definition of sexy and whether a rom-com is next on his list of achievements (please, universe?!). Ultimately, we walked away with hella gems because as you all know, we love to get the male's perspective from time to time.
Our favorite highlights of the interview are below!
On how his curiosity drew him into acting:
According to Yahya, acting kind of...just...happened.
"I wasn't itching to be a star or anything like that. I wasn't thinking about movies or television. I just started following my curiosity…I got here by staying curious, by staying humble, and also knowing that there's so much more that I want to do...I think I've done a lot on other people's terms. I've been able to step into projects that were already written before my name was attached, and I'm so thankful that I was able to step in and support those projects. But now I'm at a place where I'm looking to come into rooms with my own ideas, and develop those ideas and tell my own stories. I think that's the next chapter..."
On what it means to be sexy:
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that Yahya is easy on the eyes. But the Watchmenactor says don't ask him about it, ask yourself what you see when you look at him.
"I don't think sexy tries. Ease is sexy. It's nice to have a little bit of mystery, and if I'm being perfectly honest, it's not for me to say whether I'm attractive or not. It's for me to have self-confidence. Confidence is sexy…"
A confident AND sexy man. Got it.
On whether a rom-com is in his future:
"We need more romance...We have adventure. We have action. We've got a lot of stories about trauma, because trauma is very present in our world right now. But we also need love. We need more straight-up, old-school romance. I don't mind putting my hand up and stepping into that place to say, 'I'll be your man, girl.' I don't mind that at all..."
Regina King on Yahya's dedication to the women in his life:
"That man talks about his sisters and his mother with so much love and so much appreciation...I think that was one of the reasons why we connected so well. It doesn't always work that way with actors, that you feel safe enough to be so forthcoming with your personal life, but we did that literally day one. His love for the women in his life, he leads with that…"
A cosign from Regina King, it gets no better than that.
ESSENCE's 'Summer Screen Kings' also features actors Don Cheadle (Space Jam: A New Legacy), Omar Sy (Lupin), Aaron Pierre (OLD) and Mekai Curtis (Raising Kanan). The issue hits newsstands on June 29th.
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Featured image via Michael Kovac/Getty Images for AFI
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
How A Couple That Never Spoke On The Phone Answered Marriage’s Call
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
As I move through life and experience different highs and lows, one thing that has become increasingly clear is the importance of self-love and self-worth. Now, I’m not saying it’s always easy, but I do feel like if it’s in a good place, people experience life more fully. And when it comes to love, my friend Amanda Wicks and her husband, Will Ford, are the perfect example.
Amanda may not remember this, but years ago, on one of her many visits back to Atlanta (we both went to Clark Atlanta University), she sat across from me at a dinner table and declared she was done looking for love. She was happy with who she was, and while she still desired it, it was no longer something she was chasing. “If it happens, it happens,” she said. The statement was so bold it made me quickly reroute our usual dating story catch-ups and awkwardly move to a different topic.
Well, the next time we met up, she told me she had met someone and was moving to Houston to live with him. Imagine my surprise and concern. Later, I’d find out that this decision, like so many other elements of their relationship, flowed naturally and organically. Their whole partnership has been full of peace and vulnerability.
Fast forward to today’s conversation, they’re still living together, celebrating four years of marriage, and planning to create a family. And while this stage of their story sounds generally normal, the way they got there is nothing but. Check out the "How We Met" feature below to see how a couple who never spoke on the phone and lived in different states ended up in a loving marriage full of ease, art, and authenticity.
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
Walk me through your ‘How We Met’ story.
Amanda: We met on Instagram (laughs). He followed me first, and I followed back because he does art, and I was intrigued by that. Honestly, we followed each other for a while before we connected. But I remember one day I saw a post where he had on a Martin t-shirt that I liked, and that sparked our conversation. He ended up telling me he made the shirt and actually mailed me one. So when I got it, I made a post wearing it, and that’s where the conversation started. Since that day we’ve communicated every day since.
Will: Yeah, I initially saw her on a short-hair Instagram page and followed her because I thought she was attractive. I actually showed her to my co-workers on one of our monthly outings as an example of my “type” – something I had never done. But one thing I will say is, I noticed she had on a Nina Simone shirt in one of her photos, that’s what got me. It showed she had more depth.
I guess that answers my next question. Did you have an initial attraction to each other?
Will: (Laughs) Yeah, I did.
Amanda: For me, no. I just wasn’t looking at him through that lens. I didn’t follow him because he was attractive. I don’t follow people online because of that. I actually remember a time when we were going back and forth, and I was like, “Aye, you kinda cute.” It was a specific moment. Once I started looking through his page more often, I started to view him that way, but it still was more of an acknowledgment. We really connected primarily because of our creative interests.
So, how did it go to the next level?
Amanda: I was in Nashville, and he was in Houston. But I’m somebody where if I feel like doing something, I’m going to do it. I had been meaning to go to Houston for a while to see a friend, so I felt like it was the perfect combination of a circumstance. We had been talking a lot, and I knew I liked him as a person and really wanted to meet him, but of course, I was aware of the idea that it could blossom into more. I remember I sent him a text saying, “Would you think I was crazy if I pulled up to Houston?”
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
What was your reply? Did you think she was crazy?
Will: In my mind, I was like, I don’t know. (Laughs) I wanted her to, though, so I wasn’t going to say yeah. It was a little wild, but I encouraged it.
Okay, so tell me about the date.
Amanda: I don’t know if you’d call it our first “date,” but the first time we met, we went to a skating rink. I was a little nervous about meeting him in person. Like, what if we don’t have chemistry – that was in the back of my head a little. But I brought my friend with me as a buffer, and thank God I did because he was so quiet the whole night. I literally can’t think of one thing he said the entire time. But the saving grace was that we had built a rapport. We reconnected the following night and were together until 5 a.m. – just sitting there talking. We ended up spending the whole weekend together.
Will: I’m socially awkward if I don’t know you. Also, before the date, I didn’t know what she sounded like or anything because, that’s another thing, we hadn’t talked on the phone. (They both really don’t like phone calls, so everything was through texts at this point.) I guess I could say I was kinda nervous, too. I had never met someone through social media, and then here I was, meeting her in person at a skating rink. I hadn’t skated in years, I was hoping I didn’t fall. But we had just been talking so much that I was open to it.
What made you want to take that risk?
Will: She has a level of authenticity that I’ve never seen in any other woman before, and once I saw her, it solidified that. I knew I wanted her around.
Amanda: I don’t think it was anything specific. It’s not hard for me to connect with people. But there were no red flags. We align across the board. That was different. We really connect on how we see the world.
"She has a level of authenticity that I’ve never seen in any other woman before, and once I saw her, it solidified that. I knew I wanted her around."
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
Out of curiosity, what are your love languages?
Amanda: I connect with all of them. I think it just depends on what I’ve been lacking. I appreciate words of affirmation because I’m so big on actions that I like those bold statements of love, and of course, I appreciate quality time. The older I get, the more I appreciate physical touch, but that’s not something I need. With receiving gifts, I like thoughtfulness, and I like giving thoughtful gifts, too. But acts of service is for sure my biggest one. I love when someone considers me and makes my life easier. That speaks to me most.
"I love when someone considers me and makes my life easier. That speaks to me most."
Will: I think it all depends on how I’m feeling, too. But probably also acts of service. I like how Amanda will buy me deodorant when I run out (laughs). She just does so much all the time to show that I’m thought of.
At what point in your connection did y’all have the “what are we” conversation?
Will: I don’t think we ever had that convo. We never defined anything, we just kinda went with how it was going. However, I knew I wanted it to be more serious when I went to visit her. She had been coming to Houston once a month, and I went to Florida (she was there for work) to see her. I realized I felt comfortable coming into her space, too. That gave me that last little bit of whatever I needed.
Amanda: Yeah, I can’t say I had a defined moment like that. But again, as we had more and more interactions, there were just no red flags. The more we thought about it, the more we realized no matter where we went relationship-wise, we were adamant about being a part of each other’s lives. We never had the “talking to other people” conversation or anything. But we did both understand we weren’t going anywhere. Eventually, it graduated to convos around building a life together, but even that was over six months in. I just liked him as a person.
Have there been any negative revelations that your partnership and marriage have taught you about yourself?
Amanda: I’ve always felt that partnership is supposed to make the other person’s life easier. For me, it was a struggle to let someone help me in all the ways I didn’t really know I needed help. As I started having less capacity, I had to realize that it doesn't work anymore. It was hard for me to acknowledge and ask for help. I think that’s something I am still coming to terms with, even with other relationships in my life.
Will: I think I’m learning and still learning how to get out of my head. I’m the kind of person who always has to visualize stuff before it happens. And this relationship is the first thing that I don’t do that with. Of course, we plan stuff, but I know it’s gonna be good regardless. It allows me to stay in the moment. If I can do that with this, which is the most important thing to me, why can’t I do that with other things?
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
What challenges have you faced together?
Will: For me, the preconceived challenge was living together. I’ve never lived with a woman before. Even in my previous relationship, it was long-distance. I’m also the type of person that likes my space, but as soon as she got here, that was out the window. It was so smooth it made me feel stupid for questioning it.
Amanda: I’m grateful to say we don’t necessarily have challenges between each other together. But we have been struggling with infertility and health issues. Our biggest challenge thus far is trying to get pregnant. Even articulating that makes me realize I’m grateful it hasn’t caused a rift between us. I think we have been able to face it in a healthy way. But that’s an example of how having someone else there can be helpful. I was so functional as a full-blown individual doing everything by myself.
So, in my head, I don’t need anyone, but having someone there who is happy to support me has taught me it’s okay to welcome that. It’s made us stronger because it’s taught us how we both function under duress – it’s good to know it’s not terrible (laughs).
"Our biggest challenge thus far is trying to get pregnant. Even articulating that makes me realize I’m grateful it hasn’t caused a rift between us. I think we have been able to face it in a healthy way."
What are some of the shared values that are important to your relationship?
Will: How we see life, what we’re here for, and how you’re supposed to treat people. It sounds really simple, but it’s not as common as you think.
Amanda: We value being really good people – without strings. We both don’t value money, but we value stability. So we don’t have to endure the “why are you not hustling” arguments. We were both stable people individually, and we came together. Also, we both value meaningful connections, alone time, reflection, and family. That guides us in what we do and how we build a life.
Finally, what is your favorite thing about each other?
Amanda: I’ll say one of my favorite things about him is that he’s brilliant. I view myself as a smart person, but in my head, he can do what I’m doing ten times faster. There are times I want to push myself to do stuff, and I’ll just ask him because I know he can do it. It’s incredible.
Will: My favorite thing about her is how people see her. Being a witness to how important she is to other people’s lives is amazing. Standing to the side and seeing how she affects them is really special.
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Feature image courtesy of Amanda Hicks and Will Ford
Kamie Crawford's Guide To Red Flags And Breaking The 'Revolving Door' Dating Cycle
As the co-host of MTV’s hit show Catfish for nearly five years, Kamie Crawford has seen a lot. From exposing those who hide behind misleading online identities to bringing resolve to dating hopefuls in need of closure, it’s safe to say that Kamie knows a thing or two about navigating modern dating culture with logic and grace.
In a recent interview with Today, the 30-year-old TV personality dished on all the dating insight and lessons she’s picked up while hosting dating shows. Her trainer, Six, once imparted valuable relationship advice that emphasized the importance of not treating life and relationships as if they were a baseball game.
Unique Nicole / Stringer/Getty Images
"Somebody tells you something or (shares) how they’re feeling and you knock it back to them," she said. Instead, “we need to be playing football, where you throw the ball to someone and you say, ‘Hey, this is how you made me feel.’ And they receive it and they honor it because you’re on the same team."
In other words, seek to understand, not to prove a point. “Because a lot of times you can be right and you can stand on your soapbox, but it could be at the detriment of your relationship,” she adds.
The Relationsh*t podcast host also advises that the best way to combat the “revolving door” mindset in dating that makes it seem like there’s always something better on the other side is to be willing to make a good thing work because a few bumps here and there are normal.
“There’s a lot of energy out there right now of, ‘Well, if this one doesn’t do blah, blah, blah, then I’m just gonna go get a new one,'” she said. “Okay, you can do that. You’ll spend your whole life getting a new one, finding a new relationship, because you’re not willing to actually sit in something and work it through.”
While social media can be a space to meet new people whom one might not otherwise cross paths with, Kamie says that one of her biggest red flags is having a wandering eye on apps. Sometimes, a double-tap isn’t as innocent as it seems.
“I just think that that kind of behavior is so juvenile and ridiculous. I think you can like something with your eyes and not tap it with your hands,” she said.
Ladies, write that down.
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Featured Image by Ivan Apfel / Stringer/Getty Images