What Does It Truly Mean When Someone's 'Romantic'?
Ah. Yes. Romance. Romance is an interesting topic to me because, since I tend to be pretty word specific (because of that I know that romantic means things like being fanciful and impractical), I must admit that sometimes, I think this word applies more pressure onto relationships than it should. Does that mean that I think that there isn't an art to wooing and that people deserve to experience it? Of course, not. I just personally believe that it's important to hold true and real romance to a more realistic bar than what we see on the television or movie screen.
So, what do I think that it means to be a romantic individual? Well, in the spirit of avoiding the fanciful and impractical, how about we look at this world from a more sensible—and yet still wonderful—point of view.
1. A Romantic Person Is Thoughtful
Another word for thoughtful is "considerate" and while that might seem like an odd way to lead off a topic like this, when you really stop to think about it—it's not. When someone is considerate, they use tact in conversations. When someone is considerate, they factor in other people's feelings when it comes to the decisions that they make. When someone is considerate, they respect other people's time, they avoid doing things that will trigger them or make them feel uncomfortable and they have a very kind demeanor. Someone who's considerate is also pretty proactive in their actions.
Matter of fact, one definition of considerate is deliberate. This means, they are intentional in what they do and, when it comes to relationships, a part of the intention is doing what they can to make people feel good. So, while this might seem like a super practical definition of romantic, that doesn't make it any less relevant.
The reason why I thought it was important to lead with this is because a lot of women find themselves getting their feelings all the way hurt because they confuse charming with consideration. A guy can be a complete and total ass and still charm your pants off (literally). A considerate man is going to make choices that factor in more than just the present. He's going to move in a way that shows that he cares about how you'll feel about him in the days, weeks and months to come too.
Sis, spend more than a couple of decades on this planet and you will come to realize just how romantic that kind of guy really and truly is.
2. A Romantic Person Is Attentive
A romantic person? They want to know your love language. Once they do, they don't forget it. They ask when your birthday is and honor it every year. They take note of what some of your favorite things are and then present them to you at the most random of times. When you're having a bad day, they're present. When you're having a good day, they want to celebrate it with you.
Bottom line, when someone is good at being attentive, what they strive to do is make others feel really special, wanted and valued. And yes, that is a cornerstone point of what it means to be a romantic individual. If you've got someone in your life who is affectionate, giving, sentimental and super consistent when it comes to all of these qualities, count yourself blessed. Attentiveness is an art and it's not a ton of folks who have truly mastered it.
3. A Romantic Person Can Move You Without Money
I actually think it's fascinatingly hilarious that one definition of romantic is to be impractical because, when it comes to a lot of people's expectations as it relates to romance, that's exactly what they are. To think that someone is only being exciting, passionate or chivalrous (which are synonyms for romantic) is when they're pulling out their credit card all of the time or purchasing things that shine is a huge fallacy. Honestly, that's kind of a cop out way to be romantic because simply spending a lot of money doesn't really require much creative thinking.
Love letters. Cooked dinners. Personalized playlists. Handmade gifts. Flowers (a bouquet or petals spread everywhere). A drawn bubble bath. Slow dancing in the living room. Kissing in the rain. Taking impromptu walks down memory lane. Sharing a dessert. These are some ways to be romantic without spending a ton of cash.
And I can speak from personal experience that these are oftentimes the kinds of experiences that you end up remembering more anyway. Besides, if you read all of that and thought, "Hmph. Sounds more like being cheap to me," perhaps you need to ponder if you are romantic. Or not.
4. A Romantic Person Is Seductive Without Being Sexual
So, here are some synonyms for the word seduce—entice, allure, fascinate, magnetize and captivate. While I think we all know that, for the most part, seduction is ultimately about trying to get someone to engage in sexual activity, a truly romantic person knows that there is a true art that comes with it. For instance, I was recently talking to a male friend of mine who isn't big on kissing or giving oral sex (he'll do both; they're just not on the top of his menu). When I asked him what the "selling points" were for actually sleeping with him, he told me that he does enjoy cooking for women, rubbing their feet and singing to them.
Listen, I've known this guy for a long time now and he's never had a shortage of female company. While I personally would find someone who "tolerates" kissing and head to be a huge turn-off, I get how he's been able to hold so many women's attention—he seduces them. People who are truly romantic, they enjoy their partner. They look for ways, outside of sex, to make them feel beautiful and desired. It's not just because there's some sort of end game in mind. For the true romantic, just knowing that their partner feels desired in their presence? That, is oftentimes, what even turns them on the most.
5. A Romantic Person Tends to Go ALL In
I think that my favorite thing about romantic people is that they don't half step. If they get you flowers, they want to make sure that it's your favorite ones. If your anniversary is coming up, they go out of their way to see that it's absolutely unforgettable. Even if they do something like bake for you for the first time, they take special care to make sure that the presentation is right. My late fiancé? He was super romantic. Even when we were both living on campus, if I was sick, he wouldn't just bring me orange juice and Tylenol; there was breakfast, tulips (some of my favorite flowers) and a card asking to go on a date with him when I felt better too. Or, when I had to leave one of my favorite pets to go to school, he mailed me a toy Simba because that was my cat's name. To him, it wasn't good enough to simply call me and say, "Wow, I'm sorry to hear that." He wanted to do some sort of gesture that made me feel like he truly understood where I was coming from.
On the romance tip, I know a husband who created an entire calendar of planned out dates for his wife. I know a wife who surprised her husband with a staycation that consisted of nothing but his favorite foods and things to do. I know a man who takes his partner on three-course dates (he plans something for the morning, afternoon and evening). I know a woman who created flashcards with words that defined all of the things that she adored about her man. Then she had those words painted into a portrait for him to put up in his home office. None of these things are super over-the-top. At the same time, none of them are mediocre in effort either. When a romantic person wants to convey how they feel, they make sure that the message is clearly sent. Often.
6. A Romantic Person Is a Solid Love Advocate
I like the word "advocate" a lot. It's someone who constantly speaks in favor of something (or one). Not only that, they highly recommend whatever they are in favor of to any individual who will listen. And someone who's romantic? They definitely fit this bill. It's like, no matter what is going on, they see love as the solution and remedy. Going further, romantic people tend to be students of love too.
They are the ones who journal their lessons learned from past experiences, along with their goals for the future. They're the ones who have love self-help books in their personal library. They're the ones who listen to relationship podcasts, can recite I Corinthians 13:4-8 (the Love Chapter in the Bible) basically by heart and—here's the real clincher—are extremely careful with the using word.
I believe I've shared before that, for several years now, I've gotten out of saying "love" for everything. I don't want to be in the habit of saying I love my future husband and I love lemonade IZZEs. My man deserves better than being compared to some sparkling drink. Honestly, truly romantic people can share a similar way of thinking because while there are some romantics who border on being love addicts (because they don't have a lot of balance in their approach to being romantic), a truly romantic person has a sense of integrity to them. They want the object of their affection to trust them and believe what they say. And so, while they do want the entire world to experience love, they want the love to be as real and healthy as possible. Romantic people will woo yet love often takes time. Again, if they are approach romance from a healthy perspective.
7. A WARNING: A Romantic Person Sometimes Needs to Be “Brought Back to the Ground”
I've shared before that one of my favorite quotes of all time is, "The excess of a virtue is a vice." Aristotle once said that and he's exactly right. So even with as admirable of a trait that being truly romantic is, the thing that romantic individuals have to stay on top of is not falling too quickly, idealizing or—dare I say it—romanticizing things to the point where they overlook facts and common sense. They also need to make sure that their "human trinity" (mind, body, spirit) are in alignment because "following one's heart" isn't the wisest motto to go by. Why? Because your heart is the center of your emotions and if you only go off of those, you can find yourself being all over the place.
That's why, even with all that I just shared with you, romantic people also tend to need accountability. Loved ones who care about them enough to say, "We know you love love, just make sure you're seeing everything from a leveled perspective." Oh, but if the person does, if they know that they can make someone feel like they are walking on cloud nine, even with their feet still on the ground, they can be a real blessing in someone's life.
How romantic are you? How romantic is he? Definitely something to think about. In real life.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Getty Images
- 10 Best Romantic At-Home Date Ideas - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- Being Alone & Being Lonely, The Difference - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Platonic Friendship: What Does Platonic Love Mean? - xoNecole ... ›
- What Does Equally Yoked Mean - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Your May 2024 Horoscopes Are All About Setting Intentions, Focus, And Self-Discovery
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
May is a month of intention and about focusing on what you are creating in your life right now. Eclipse Season is over for the time being; Mercury is direct again, yet there are still more opportunities for breakthrough and self-discovery. The month begins with Pluto going retrograde in Aquarius on May 2, signifying the need to reclaim your power right now. Pluto will be retrograde until October 11, and this is a good time to experience a renewal within your belief systems, friendships, and community. After a time of change and regrouping, May is a time to create a new path for yourself and feel more secure in doing so.
Taurus Season is in full bloom, and on May 7 the Moon will be joining the Sun for the New Moon in Taurus. This New Moon is an opportunity for luxury, self-care, stability, and harmony.
When the Moon is in Taurus, we are guided towards taking care of ourselves more, and this is a good time to set your intentions for where you want to experience more ease, love, and TLC in life. This New Moon will be a powerful time for manifestation, so make sure you are focused on what you want to create in your life right now. Mercury then moves out of Aries and into Taurus on May 15th, and perspectives move into the energy of more logic, patience, and practicality.
Mercury in Taurus brings the focus to your finances as well, and this is a good time to ask for a raise or promotion, take care of finances, or build your assets.
What May 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
Gemini Season makes its debut on May 20 this year, and the Sun moving into these air signs makes the energy a little lighter and playful, and by the end of the month, people are looking to have some more fun. With a Full Moon in Sagittarius happening a few days later on May 23, the end of May is an exciting, eye-opening, and adventurous time. The Sagittarius Full Moon is the Flower Moon of the Year, and it’s time you receive yours.
Venus moves into Gemini on May 23 as well, and during this time, relationship matters can feel a little more all over the place. However, this is also a more social, charming, and dynamic time for love as well. While Venus is in Gemini, remember that communication is key, and a more open-minded and flexible approach to matters of the heart is needed.
One of the most important transits of the year happens as May comes to an end, and that is Jupiter's move into Gemini. Jupiter has been in Taurus for the past year, helping us grow and get the full picture when it comes to your stability, relationships, and finances, and Jupiter's move into Gemini brings things into focus when it comes to your self-expression, communication, connections, and joy in life.
Jupiter will be in Gemini from May 25, 2024, to June 9, 2025, and this is the perfect opportunity to connect with your creative genius and meet new people with whom you resonate. May, overall, has a lot of potential for opportunity, insight, and collaboration, and this is the perfect month to set your intentions for the future while also living in the moment with the people you love and who inspire you.
Read for your sun sign and rising sign below to see what May 2024 has in store for you.
ARIES
May is a coming-together month for you, and things are starting to make more sense after Mercury retrograde in your sign for most of last month. You are getting more time within your relationships and close partnerships right now, and the New Moon on May 7, happening in your 2nd house, is when this connection, love, and stability begin to come in for you. You have been asking yourself the important questions and are ready to break ground and create the new beginnings you see for yourself.
With Mars in your sign for the entire month of May, you have a lot of energy and passion at your disposal right now, and you are making things happen for yourself. This is a good time for feeling connected to your body and for seeing positive results regarding your health. Jupiter moves into your house of communication at the end of the month where it will be for the next year, and you are moving into a time of more grace, understanding, and opportunity for self-expression right now, Aries - own your voice.
TAURUS
The Sun is in your sign, and you are shining authentically in who you are, Taurus. May is a beautiful month for growth and a time when you are finding your balance between letting go of the past and remaining true to yourself in the present. The New Moon of the month is happening in your sign on May 7, signifying a time of new beginnings for you and when it comes to your goals in life and your sense of freedom.
Be confident in your desires, and know yourself, Taurus. With all the manifestations that are coming forth for you this month, clarity is one of them.
Mercury enters your sign on May 15, and this is a time of positive communication, connection, and gaining some new wisdom. With Mercury in your sign, be prepared for some extra communication on your hands as people are looking to hear your perspective. Jupiter moves out of your sign and enters Aries on May 25 after being in Taurus for the past year, and the luck you have been experiencing in life transfers to your finances, income, and value systems. Overall, you are finding your way and making sense of it all this month.
GEMINI
May is a time of rebirth for you, Gemini. You are in a good head space this month now that your ruling planet, Mercury, is officially out of retrograde and direct again. This is a powerful month for you when things are turning around for you and some extra good karma and luck are coming your way. With the Sun in your 12th house for most of May, you are getting an opportunity to renew and heal from the past and to gain some new understanding of where you have been in life and what you want to create moving forward.
Gemini Season begins on May 20, and it’s your time to shine! Gemini Season this year is a month full of opportunity and clarity, and you are bringing your best self forward. There is a Full Moon on May 23 in your opposite sign, Sagittarius, and love matters are coming full circle for you now so that you can let go of old belief systems that don’t serve you or your relationships anymore. Your most important astrological transit of 2024 happens at the end of the month on May 25, as Jupiter enters your sign for the next year. Jupiter in your sign signifies good luck, fortune, and personal success in your future.
CANCER
This month is about finding your balance, manifesting, and working together with others, Cancer. It’s about choosing peace and trusting your intuition right now to guide you forward. The Sun is in your 11th house in May, and you are thinking of the big picture and not letting anything get in the way of your vision or purpose. There is a New Moon at the start of the month in this area of your chart, and your power of manifestation is especially strong this month, so make sure you are following your true North and setting the intentions that feel right for you internally.
On May 23, Venus enters your 12th house of endings and closure, and love is about moving on and moving into more healing and emotionally receptive experiences. Relationship matters are moving through a transformation now, and you are learning a lot through your partnerships, both old and new, this month. There is a Full Moon on May 23 as well, and this Full Moon will be bringing up old work, projects, and intentions; it’s time to congratulate yourself for your successes and how far you come, as others will want to support you more right now as well.
LEO
Over the next month, you are getting the opportunity to stand your ground, speak up for yourself, and claim your space, Leo. This month is about being your biggest cheerleader and seeing yourself in the way you wish others to see you. The Sun is in your 10th house for most of May, and you are focused on taking action and going after your dreams right now. The New Moon on May 7 is a good time to set your intentions for said goals and dreams and to really believe in yourself.
On May 23, there is a Full Moon in fellow fire sign Sagittarius, happening in an area of your chart that has to do with your happiness, romance, creative self-expression, and overall joy for life. You are getting the full picture of where your priorities are or need to be, and are bringing more attention to the things that are going to truly make you happy and fulfilled at the end of the day. Jupiter enters Gemini on the same day where it will remain until 2025, and this move is expanding things for you when it comes to your friendships, community, and social networks.
VIRGO
May is a month of connecting with your soul and creating harmony in your life, Virgo. You are moving into a time of greater freedom and authenticity, and May is a good month for travel for you. With a New Moon in Taurus at the beginning of the month, you are expanding your horizons and gaining some much-needed inspiration. This is the time to do things differently and to not be afraid to take risks, and a leap of faith in yourself. You are feeling a little more optimistic in May, and this is creating an opening in your life.
On May 23, we have a Full Moon in your 4th house of home and family, and this is a good time for experiencing closure in this area of your life, and like things are coming full circle for you here. The first half of the month is all about adventure, and the second half of May, you are looking to build in your stability. Jupiter moves into your 10th house of career and success before the month ends, and you enter a year-long transit that will be positively influencing and expanding your reputation and goals in life.
LIBRA
May is an opportunity to learn, inspire, and spend some more time with the people who bring this energy out of you, Libra. The month begins with Pluto going retrograde in your 5th house of love, and you need some more time to grasp what is going on in your heart and how you can find your power in life here more. There is a lot to learn and discover this month, and the New Moon on May 7 will be an eye-opening and transformative moment for you where you can dive deep into your love life and commitments and see where a new beginning may be necessary.
There is a Full Moon happening later in the month and this Full Moon will be bringing forth spiritual guidance into your life. This is a Full Moon to connect, communicate, and share your insights and ideas with others. On May 25, Jupiter enters Gemini and moves into your 9th house of adventure, and you are entering a year of travel, enlightenment, spirituality, and higher education. Your mind is your gift right now; trust you have everything you need to experience greatness and be open to meeting new people who will help you get there.
SCORPIO
This month is about remaining open and receptive to what is possible for you and your future, Scorpio. You are in a good space to receive your due blessings and rewards, but your heart must be open to receive them. Your ruling planet, Pluto, goes retrograde at the start of the month on May 2, and this Pluto retro transit will allow you to rebuild your vision for the home, and help you figure out where you can bring more of yourself into your surroundings.
A lot of the energy of the month is in your opposite sign, Taurus, meaning it’s in your love and partnership zones.
May is one of the most significant months of love for you out of the year, and the intentions you set for your relationships on the New Moon this month will be creating magic in your love life for the rest of the year. On May 23, there is a Full Moon in the sign just after yours, bringing attention to your finances, income, and self-confidence in it all. The end of May is a time to focus a little more on your stability in life and to take a look at your finances. This is a good time to clean your purse or wallet, create some feng shui, and go over your assets.
SAGITTARIUS
Your guidance for the month is to go with the flow and trust your instincts, Sagittarius. The New Moon happening on the 7th is a new door opening for you, your health, and your daily routine, and you are focused on what is going to be best for you and your well-being overall. You are trusting your next steps ahead and remaining grounded with where things are in the meantime. It’s all about trust right now and how much of it you can have for yourself.
The Full Moon of the month will be in your sign on May 23rd, and this is a powerful Full Moon for you of closure, clarity, and self-confidence. You are letting go of what doesn’t resonate with who you are now and what you want to expand in your life. This is a good time to say your affirmations, meditate, and get out of your own head. Before the month ends, your ruling planet, Jupiter, enters your opposite sign, Gemini, and your love life gets an extra boost of good luck right now. Jupiter will be in your 7th house of partnership until 2025, and you are entering a year of harmony, Sagittarius.
CAPRICORN
Abundance is your birthright, and you are tapping into this energy this month, Capricorn. May is a month full of opportunities for you, and a lot of this good juju is coming through for you romantically right now. The Sun is in your 5th house of the heart for most of the month, and there is a New Moon here on May 7 as well.
At the beginning of May, make sure you are focused on communicating clearly, owning your passions in life, and having some more fun with love and the romance that wants to bloom for you here.
With Mercury entering your 5th house on May 15 as well, you could be receiving a surprise message or be having some interesting conversations right now that switch things up for you in love. On May 25, Jupiter moves into an area of your chart having to do with your health, lifestyle, and work life, and you are overall going to be coming into balance more here and experiencing some fortunate opportunities at work and within your daily routine. Overall, May is a month that is setting you up for success, Capricorn.
AQUARIUS
May is an opportunity for you to connect, move forward, and learn more about yourself and your heart, Aquarius. You are paying attention to the signs right now and making sense of things that may have gone past you before. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign as the month begins on May 2, you are someone who will be moving through a journey of self-discovery for the rest of the year and will be figuring out where your true power is in life and how to hone in on it more.
The New Moon in Taurus on May 7 is a new beginning for you and your home life, and a lot of this month will be about finding those people and spaces that feel like home to you and that make you feel supported in who you are. Jupiter enters a fellow air sign on May 25, and Jupiter in Gemini brings in a year ahead of romance, creativity, confidence, and finding your joy. Things are shifting big time in your life right now, but you are figuring out what works for you and what doesn’t.
PISCES
It's time to protect your energy and create boundaries where needed, Pisces. May is a month of checking in with yourself and emotionally regulating before moving forward. Pluto goes retrograde at the start of the month and will be retrograde in your 12th house of closure, secrets, and healing until October. What this means for you is a chance at clarity of the heart, but this transit can also bring up old issues or power struggles of the past. Remember to learn from past experiences and decide for yourself today how you want things to go for you from here.
There is a Full Moon in Sagittarius on May 23, and being a mutable sign like Sagittarius, you can tap into the potential of this Full Moon effectively. This is the time to turn a page within your career or professional world and see some resolution here. Before the month ends Jupiter enters your house of home, family, and history, and you are going to be opening your mind on these matters over the next year. You could be expanding the home, moving, or experiencing a deep sense of healing here now.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole