There's almost nothing more frustrating, heartbreaking, and totally devastating for a travel lover than a totally horrible lodging experience. Let's paint a picture here: You've been saving up for that anniversary trip with your bae for the past six months. You've finally got your coins together and booked your flight. Now, all that's left is to find a place to lay your heads. You and your boo prefer to steer clear of traditional resorts or hotels—they're just not your vibe—so you go to one of the top online platforms for booking cool, short-term vacation rentals.
You see the perfect spot: close to the beach, great views, chic decor, and within budget. The property even boasts a high rating and self-check-in. You take out your card, choose your dates, and seal the deal with no problems, until you finally reach your destination.
Though the listing looks somewhat like the photos, the toilets and showers don't work properly, and there are seedy characters posted up around the property. When you contact the host, they top it all off with insensitivity and apathy, so you and bae thug it out for a night and leave in the morning.
Well, this happened to me.
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It Was All Good... Until It Wasn't
My man and I were catfished. Bamboozled. Hoodwinked. And we had to shell out more money or even risk finding no replacement lodging at all due to the efforts of a dubious host.
On top of that, said host was also rated very highly and decided to send a nasty message about how I was jeopardizing the rating when I told the truth about my experience in my final review. And this isn't my only horror story. In the second of my top five worst lodging experiences, I had a host cancel my booking just a few days before I was set to travel, claiming that the rate I'd gotten when I booked the home was "out of date" and snarkily wishing me "luck" in finding a budget-friendly replacement during "high season."
Hundreds of dollars for the booking had already been debited from my account, and it would have taken up to 15 days to get the funds back had I not contacted the platform's customer service reps multiple times via multiple channels and advocated for myself. I got my funds back within 48 hours, but only after a lot of stress, dozens of emails, numerous chat messages, and back-to-back phone calls.
Needless to say, I had to give privately owned spaces a break for a while, and for the past few years, I've mostly stayed at traditional hotels, booking them through the usual channels (either the brand's website or the tried-and-true third-party sites.) But what did I learn? Always contact the host before booking, even if they're rated highly. (It's a great opportunity to find out more about the property, get a sense of what type of host you're dealing with, and gauge whether something could be fishy or too good to be true.) Keep those emergency funds on deck. Have a plan B, C, and D. And last, but certainly, not least, trust my gut.
If you can relate to any of this, just know we're not alone. (And when you check out Consumer Affairs and the Better Business Bureau, there's some interesting information, to say the least.)
While there can be amazing experiences offered by hosts on popular vacation rental sites, there are also cautionary tales that we all can learn from. Check out a few more vacation rental horror stories from travelers and how you can avoid a totally horrible experience.
Chanice took her love for travel to the next level, starting an online travel platform, Fly with Queenie, and hosting experiences in the U.S. and abroad. She's traveled to Mexico, Jamaica, and Tanzania, to name a few, and has booked lodgings and experiences via popular online sites like many other travelers. She's definitely had her fair share of both amazing and not-so-amazing experiences while globetrotting.
"I had a client who wanted me to plan a birthday trip for her and her friends to Jamaica. I wanted to give her multiple options instead of just hotels, so I checked on Airbnb as well," she recalled. "I saw a property that was in a good area, had a 4.5 rating, the photos looked good, and it had a local owner which was great because I'm an advocate of supporting locally owned properties."
Adding Insult to Injury...
Things took a turn when she contacted the host about details that she said weren't listed via the online post. "I had specific questions regarding whether it was possible to pay to have someone make an authentic Jamaican meal, as well as specific questions pertaining to transportation options the host mentioned, were available."
"The host wrote back almost immediately and basically told me I could not book the property, accused me of not reading the ad clearly, and even threatened that if I were to book, my reservation would be canceled. The tone of the correspondence was so rude and it was a complete turn-off."
Chanice said the exchange made her feel "insulted," as if she'd done something wrong by simply asking questions about the property and its offerings. She added that the host even blocked her. "The customer service was horrible, especially from one Black person to another. As someone who has a business, even if a customer asks a question that is already answered in your ad, you should be nice and courteous to them. Your tone should always be kind and friendly to retain the customer."
Airbnb has "host reliability standards" listed on its site, and they include an expectation that hosts or co-hosts "are available to respond to guest inquiries or unexpected issues that may arise during stays," and that they "should be responsive and willing to answer questions."
While Charmin never got a chance to be an official "guest," (and dodged a bullet in terms of a potential problem for her clients) she said she reported the host's behavior via the appropriate channels. "I'm not sure what the resolution was but I hope that he was talked to about the feedback I gave."
The Advice
For travelers using online booking sites to book private homes and experiences, Charmin recommends reading beyond the first few reviews of a place or experience. After using her own online platform to share what happened to her, she found out that other travelers who'd actually stayed at the host's listing had issues including water pressure outages, rude exchanges, and unanswered questions. Also, upon looking further into reviews about the property on multiple sites, there were several that went into detail about issues with the host and property.
"Had I read more reviews despite the host having a 4.5 rating out of 5, I would have seen the many comments about the host being rude in person," she added.
"My advice is to also check to see if the property is listed on social media websites or other property booking websites and read those reviews as well. Even if the host has a good rating, there may be a bad review in the middle of a decent review or constructive criticism that you may be overlooking."
It's also a good idea to ask other travelers and locals via forums like Trip Advisor or Facebook groups, and see if they've ever either stayed at the property, are familiar with the host, or live near the area. While you want to be fair and make the best decision for your travel needs, it's always good to be armed with the information in order to do so.
Latrice Darlene, Educator & Travel Entrepreneur
Latrice, a Paris-based educator and founder of lifestyle platform Paris Chic Code, took a trip to Curacao a few years ago and was expecting the best at a luxurious property where she and her friend would be staying in separate but nearby rooms. "We rented this gorgeous apartment in Curacao and it had a beautiful view," she said. They'd enjoyed lounging at the beach, visiting historic sites, taking a trip on a yacht, and vibing with salsa dancing.
When Luxe Goes Left...
"After a night staying there, my friend kept complaining about itching and, after about the fifth day of our eight-day trip, we decided to lift the sheets on her mattress," she recalled. "It was bed bugs. My friend was hysterical." She added that they got in touch with the Airbnb customer service line based overseas. "We were arguing back and forth. They wanted us to take pictures of the bed. We sent them the photos and the woman said, 'That's not bed bugs.' Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do. If you want to check into another hotel, Airbnb will not be responsible for it.'"
They were devastated but wouldn't take no for an answer, so Latrice continued calling and asked for Airbnb's U.S.-based customer service. She also contacted the management for the building. "They were Dutch, and they were saying, 'Look we've never had a problem like this before. If we order a mattress, it's going to take another day to arrive. We can put you in another apartment,'" Latrice recalled. "My friend was enraged, and she didn't want to stay at that property. Then, because there was a dispute going back and forth, the management said, 'We've never had this problem. How do we know that it wasn't you who brought the bed bugs?'"
Latrice was sure that neither she nor her friend could've brought the bugs because they'd only been there for a few days and the mattress was stained as though there was an infestation way before they'd arrived. She ended up sending photos to the U.S-based customer service representative and a rep ended up offering to cover the cost of the remainder of their stay. Since her friend didn't want to stay at the same property and it would take a while for them to find another Airbnb, they decided to just book a hotel room.
She eventually got a full refund for the stay but it took months to get her money back and she had to use her credit card to book another hotel in the meanwhile.
"I didn't get my money back immediately. I'd already paid for the hotel. They credited me for the two nights that I didn't stay, for a new Airbnb," she said. "When I got back home, I got credited for the stay and the inconvenience but it took about two months for them to reimburse me for the full stay."
Despite the horrible experience, she and her friend were able to complete their trip. "In the second hotel, we had a beautiful view but we had to share a room. That was a bit of a bummer. We were annoyed by the situation and totally inconvenienced because we had to run around trying to find a hotel comparable to the original lodging we had. For the most part, it was fine. We had two days left, we had a pool and we made the best of it. If I were in a situation where I didn't have extra money or credit cards, I would've been up a creek."
Lessons Learned
Latrice's advice to other travelers who come across issues during their stay at a vacation rental is to document and report the issues immediately. "What I learned was that we waited too long to say something. We were there five days before reporting it, so it was almost like, 'Why didn't you say anything from the beginning?'" she said. "It's a very valid argument. We should have said something. She should have pulled the sheets back the first day."
She also added that though she had that experience, it doesn't stop her from booking vacation rentals nor has it added extra anxiety to her trips since. "I can't go into a hotel or lodging thinking something will be wrong. I trust that my trip will be amazing and deal with anything that might be to the contrary in that moment."
The travel tribe is sure to come through in times of need, so just know that if you've been through a horrible or uneasy experience at a vacation rental, they've got your back. Get some comfort and take heed from these stories. Be sure to be careful, diligent, and mindful when booking lodging or experiences online for your next travel adventure.
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RELATED
In a way, it makes me think of a quote by one of my favorite poets, Rumi: “Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd.” Lamps shed light. Lifeboats save lives (and/or transition people from one spot to another). Ladders help to lift people up. And y’all, if it’s not our life’s mission to want to do one or more of these things for at least one individual on a daily basis — what the heck are we doing out here? Truly.
And yet, spend just one hour on social media and you will see more folks yapping about how to get something out of someone than to “be a shepherd” to someone else — and when all a person wants to do is take…how absolutely draining is that?
So yeah, let’s take a moment to more thoroughly explore the concept of what a human “charger” vs. a “drainer” is — not just as a gut check to make sure that you are where you should be when it comes to how you prioritize your interactions with others but also to confirm whether or not you are surrounding yourself with — pardon the pun — positive charges or…negative ones.
Energy Is a Very Real Thing
GiphyIt really is purely fascinating, the things that you can discover, if you choose to intentionally look for information. Take something that I recently learned: Did you know there are certain types of transmitters that, when they are placed on top of human skin, they send a frequency of 40 MHz into a person’s system? As a result, their body becomes conductors of energy that can actually be transferred to other devices (so long as they have the kind of receiver that can process human energy in this way).
My greatest takeaway from this? Human energy is a very real thing. Not only does it provide us with the ability and power to do various things, it’s also what can be exchanged between two individuals. In fact, many mental health experts believe that it is more than possible for people to exchange energy via things like their attraction to one either, sharing thoughts and emotions and even through one another’s body language.
And since that is indeed the case, this is just one more reason why I will forever stand 10 toes down that sex shouldn’t be handled flippantly or dismissively — because if someone has a body part of theirs inside of yours…how much energy is being exchanged from that? Geeze. And so, since you need energy in order to literally function (and to be mentally and emotionally functional) — let’s look at how a human battery charger moves and then how a human battery drainer does as well.
Ready?
5 Signs That You “Fuel” People
GiphyFuel your fueler. It’s something that I am known for saying to some of my clients whenever someone in the relationship feels like the other isn’t meeting their needs. Basically, what it means is, if an individual is giving you some of what you need in order to function and even thrive, why wouldn’t you want that same type of energy to be reciprocated to them in return? Fueling your fueler helps to equip them to keep providing what you need from them. Simple math.
And here are five ways you can do it:
1. Bring positive insights and/or wisdom. One of my favorite quotes is always going to be by the writer Jorge Luis Borges. He once said, “Don’t speak unless you can improve upon the silence” — and that is a solid gold resolve to have. In a world that is filled with so much…noise, a fueler/battery charger is someone who radiates positivity and/or offers up insights that help you to see things from another perspective and/or gives you the kind of wisdom that challenges you to grow. How often do people say that you do at least one of these things for them?
2. Create more calm than chaos. Confusion is chaos — by definition. You know some of the things that cause confusion? Unclear communication. Passive aggressiveness. Inconsistency. Gossip. Being unnecessarily dramatic. And all of this is just for starters. Meanwhile, a calm individual? They bring peace and tranquility with their words and even simply their presence — and a big cause of this is that they are at peace within themselves. This is why I think it’s a red flag whenever someone is triggered by hearing “Be my peace.”
It is actually HIGH PRAISE when someone can say that when you come around, they feel relaxed instead of…stressed out. Not wanting peace to be associated with your name? Problematic, my dear.
3. You allow “Shalom” to define you. I say often that Hebrew culture is totally my thing — and this includes the Hebrew language. And although most people know that shalom means peace, the word is far more vast than that. Shalom also means to be whole and complete. It’s also a word that speaks to things like health and prosperity. Keeping this in mind, if you are someone who “charges instead of drains,” this means that when you come to mind to other individuals, they think of how much of a blessing that you are in their lives — and you know this because they tell you so. You have a spirit of “shalom” on you and it doesn’t get much better than that.
4. You choose to be a spiritual light. Oh, please believe that when it comes to this one, I am not speaking of church folks — some of them can be the most draining (and I wrote an entire book about it!). At the end of the day, being spiritual is about knowing that there is something out here that is bigger than you (which means you act like you know that life isn’t all about you).
Being spiritual is about fulfilling purpose. Being spiritual is about focusing on the immaterial rather than the material. And when you are a fueler and charger, you do this by motivating others to become more spiritual too.
For me, I have a friend who calls me her “idea doula” and I adore everything about that. She is saying that I help her to come up with ways to grow her business and brand and that ultimately helps her to manifest her own purpose. When it comes to what people can say about what you bring into their world…how do you spiritually benefit them?
5. You are also a muse or inspiration. Pretty much, a muse is a source of inspiration for a creative (check out “10 Habits Of Successful Creatives”) and when you inspire someone, it means that you produce or arouse something within them. It could be to try something new. It could be to finish something they started. It could be to look at a person, place, thing or idea from a different perspective. Or it could be that you inspire them to be a better version of themselves — and it might just be simply by them watching how you move. Remember that a battery charge provides power. When you are around others, what do your words and actions empower them to do — and are those things for the better?
5 Signs That You Actually Wear People Out
GiphyOkay, so it would appear that singer-songwriter Peter Hammill once said that a violinist friend by the name of Graham Smith came up with the term “energy vampire” back in the 70s. Apparently it was in reference to some of Hammill’s over the top fans (the more you know). These days, energy vampires are quite simply individuals who are draining to be around because they require so much of your mental and emotional energy whenever they are in your space.
And what are five ways that these types of people can wear you all the way out?
1. They take more than they give. I’ve been known to say it often: “Where there is no reciprocity, someone is out here being a liability.” Listen, when you’re in a relationship with a person, because you both are individuals, you may not (always) need the same things (especially at the same time) and/or your requirements and expectations may be different. That’s fine. However, don’t find yourself out here being the only one who is proactive and intentional — because if you are important to someone, they should want to give and not just take. Drainers don’t care about this. Chargers absolutely do.
2. They speak in monologues more than dialogues. Something else that I have told clients before is that a lot of people don’t want a PARTNER; they want an AUDIENCE. What I mean by that is, they just want someone to give them attention, to be engrossed in what they have to say, to put them on some sort of pedestal. That’s why they don’t know how to clap for others, they suck at listening, and they may even seem more envious than excited when others win. Back in the day, I used to have relationships where I barely couldn’t get a word in edgewise; it’s because all they really wanted to do, consistently so, is wax poetic in the forms of endless streams of consciousness. LOL.
Sometimes folks need an ear to get things off of their chest; understood — yet if that is ALL that someone is doing…they aren’t wanting to connect with you…they just want some attention from you.
3. Their problems/issues are redundant and cyclic. One of my favorite people on the planet is the poster child for this point. She dates the same kinds of men, she never listens to the 50-11 folks who tell her that they are the same kind of men and then — surprise, surprise — things end up the same way…over and over…and over with these same kinds of men. We’re talking decades’ worth of this nonsense too. And as much as I love her, over the past couple of years, we’ve had to have some hard conversations about how it can be challenging dealing with her sometimes because she stays in the hamster wheel of bullshishery.
Listen, that “we listen and don’t judge” nonsense that was all over the internet several months back (or was that last year? Time is moving weird right through here)? That is some of the dumbest ish that I’ve ever heard! Discernment literally means “acute judgment” and, as my mom used to say, “Discernment prevents experience from being your teacher.” Use discernment when deciding how deeply you should get involved with people’s stuff. Also, use discernment to decide when it’s time to shift your energy. Before they drain it all.
4. They compete instead of congratulate. I don’t know about y’all but, over the course of my life, I’ve had some real doozies of narcissists in my world — and one way that they tend to show up is low-key competing with me whenever I accomplish certain things instead of rather than just sitting back and congratulating my efforts. I’ve had people look at me crazy about becoming a doula and life coach — only to become one later. When my first book came out, someone literally said, OUT LOUD, “If you can do it, I know I can then.” DRAIN.ING.
A part of the reason why science says that GOOD FRIENDSHIPS keep us healthy is because support and encouragement help to keep our stress and anxiety levels down. Competing is (typically) stressful. Being celebrated isn’t. ‘Nuf said.
5. They are full of negativity. Constantly complaining. Always looking at things through a dark/negative lens. Never seeming to be in a good mood (or expecting you to get them out of their moods). Acting apathetic instead of/more than empathetic. Being hypercritical. Playing the victim. These are just some examples of what it means to be a negative type of person. The reason why research says that these kinds of folks can drain us is, since we already are prone to act on our natural negativity bias, whenever we’re surrounded with someone who is already caught up in theirs…that energy can be quite contagious.
And since negativity is bad for your cognitive function, immune system, emotional stability and so much more — the less negativity, the better. Yep, spend as little time with this kind of “drainer” as you possibly can.
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Like I said earlier, our batteries are basically our energy — and when it comes to wise words on energy:
“Energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.” (T. Harv Eker)
“Energy speaks what you don’t.” (Drishti Bablani)
“When the energy in the room doesn't feel right, probably, it's not right. But sometimes it's also because of you.” (Mitta Xinindlu)
And when it comes to that last quote, specifically — umm, well, …see how I presented the chargers part of the article with a “you” and the drainers with a “they”? LOL. Yeah, that was so you would take the medicine down easier — oh, but definitely take in ALL of this piece, just to make sure that you don’t only have “wear me outs” in your world but that others aren’t actually thinking or saying this about you too.
Being a battery charger or a battery drainer. At least once a week, this is something that we should self-evaluate because energy is precious — and so is what we choose to do with it.
You can fuel or wear people out, y’all.
Please, for the sake of your energy levels as well as theirs…choose wisely.
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