Tyra Banks Opens Up About Her Feud With Naomi Campbell
You're too grown to be beefing with another grown-ass woman. I said what I said, don't @ me. Not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, but it's also true that not everyone will be willing to take a sip of yours either, and that's OK. But let's be clear, life isn't a reality show and we should all be too busy securing a bag too even think about competing with another woman. Staying in your own lane is a superpower, and Tyra Banks recently told The Wallstreet Journal that she had to learn this lesson the hard way.
In an intimate interview, Tyra opened up about a modeling feud between her and world-renowned supermodel Naomi Cambell that started in the early '90s. In 2005, Tyra and Naomi confronted their feud in a one-on-one conversation that aired on The Tyra Banks Show, and although they have since reconciled, the America's Next Top Model host said that her experience taught her a lifelong lesson about the power of sisterhood.
When asked about the rivalry between Tyra and her presumed adversary, the 45-year-old had this to say:
"It wasn't a rivalry. And I'm very sensitive to that word because a rivalry is with two equals to me, whereas, one was very dominant. She was a supermodel and I was just some new girl that got on a plane from Paris and was studying fashion in magazines at a fashion library."
Tyra Banks started her modeling career at only 15 years old and walked her first catwalk at 18. Due to the social climate at the time, it was only acceptable to have one Black supermodel in the spotlight at a time, and eventually, the media began to pit the two against each other. The now mother-of-one explained that sadly, for more than 10 years, it worked.
"When I came on the scene, 'Naomi look out, there's another Black girl that's going to take your spot. [Because] there's only one spot available.'"
Our adult relationships with the women in our lives can be some of the most heartbreaking, and according to Tyra, she felt that in her spirit. On the outside, it may have seemed like she had the world at her fingertips, but because of her ongoing (very public) confrontation with Naomi, she eventually spiraled into a depression and considered ending her modeling career to return home and go to college:
"I had very painful early days in Paris. As much as I was booking every single fashion show, people didn't know I was going home at night crying my eyes out because a woman I was looking up to seemed like she just didn't want me to be there. And was doing everything in her power to make me go away."
We're all guilty of being Petty Pattys every now and then, but there's a rule of thumb that I live by that says that if it doesn't make me a check, it can't make me mad. Tyra said that although this was a lesson that took her more than a decade to learn, now, she's at peace with the heartbreak she had to go through and can see Naomi's perspective in a new light:
"I didn't understand that as a young girl, like why is she doing this? This is so evil. This is so awful. The adult me understands that she was reacting to an industry that was all about a token."
Being a grown-ass woman isn't just about going to work and paying the bills. It's about being woman enough to squash beef when you see it. We keep our relationships plant-based and healthy around here.
Watch Tyra's full interview below!
Tyra Banks Discusses Naomi Campbell, 'Modelland', and TV | WSJwww.youtube.com
Featured image by Jamie McCarthy/WireImage for Full Picture
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images