As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer. If you have a story you'd like to share but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
This is Ebonie Baxter's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
My son is five years old and he's had over 100 bone fractures.
Yes, 100.
Byron Baxter Jr. entered this world in 2014, through emergency C-section, just in time for the new year. He came in fighting at six weeks premature, under four pounds, and had two broken legs, a broken arm, and a fractured rib.
My husband and I were so afraid. And not only because of his birth complications, but we just weren't sure if he would survive at all.
I was still pregnant when doctors told us Byron would be born with a disability. But to be honest, I took it all with a grain of salt. I had suffered five miscarriages in the past and doctors said that I wouldn't be able to have kids anymore—I was just happy for the chance to be a mother again. Despite my excitement, my husband and I knew that we would have to dedicate ourselves to Byron's needs.
He spent 6 tough weeks in ICU when he slowly began to show signs of improvement. He was such a trooper. And although his hospital stay was overwhelming for my husband and I, we continued to put forth our best efforts to remain positive.
Byron was formally diagnosed with Osteogenesis Imperfecta, a condition also known as Brittle Bone Disease. It's a rare disease that causes his bones to fracture and break easily.
Think of him as a thin layer of glass, or very fragile glass, that requires mindful handling.
Courtesy of Ebonie Baxter
Many, many days and nights were spent researching and preparing for him; expectations and best advice. We didn't have many outlets outside of our doctors, so online research became our go-to. We made it our sole business to care for, and protect, Byron however long God allowed us to (which according to doctors, wouldn't be long).
And before we knew it, due to his increasing progress, we were discharged and headed home.
Adjusting to home life was difficult. We could no longer rely on the comfort of the hospital as our bedroom, and we had to work out best practices on our own.
By the time my youngest son, Blake, joined our family, we had mastered our rhythm. Blake entered this world without any complications, so even though he's younger, he's often confused as the oldest of the two. As he's grown, we've explained to him the importance of being careful with Byron due to his fragility. And he has grown to be such a great little brother to him—sometimes even I'm surprised by his gentleness. Their relationship is so precious to me, a different kind of love.
As for Byron, Byron is a character! I mean, you guys see it, he's so full of energy and light. He's positive and loving; always happy. He has the heart of a lion and is literally the bravest person I know. And he loves WWE. We monitor everything he watches because he's such a sponge, but he has some of his funniest moments when watching. There's this saying that some of the wrestlers say, "You need an attitude adjustment." When Byron feels that someone is grumpy around him, out of nowhere he'll say "You need an attitude adjustment" in his cute little voice.
I love his little voice, I can always hear it.
My background isn't as colorful, but I wouldn't change it. I was born and raised in NYC, now residing in Georgia. I met my husband 8 years ago and we've been teammates ever since. I've turned lemons into lemonade more than I even care to count—probably more than the average, and I'm appreciative of all my life's experiences, good or bad. Other than that, I'm just a regular mama bear and wife who loves her family.
Courtesy of Ebonie Baxter
Our lives changed when one day, I decided on a whim to upload footage of Byron—just to showcase the joy we experience from him everyday. His videos started to go extremely viral; they gained more and more views, and before we knew it, our family had created an online community of over 1.3 million cyber aunts and uncles.
The world fell in love with my baby the way that I have. And now people are just happy to have the access to his journey everyday.
With this, comes its own unique sets of challenges. As much of the good we experience, we also have to take on the bad, and adjusting to the attention has been testing at times. It's funny because my husband says I am intense when it comes to my family—and he's absolutely right, I'm not a passive mom. I've had moments where I've had to request new doctors and nurses when the ones working with him weren't up to standard. I've had to frantically ask fans who were only excited to meet Byron, not to touch him if they see us out or at family events. And I've had to dismiss negativity on a daily basis. It's all in stride, of course, many have incorrect assumptions. But because we have so much going on behind the scenes that we don't show, my understanding of how this online world can be, keeps me focused on my family.
To take time for myself, I seek refuge in my bathtub. I'm a firm believer in soak therapy; it can be the cure for a hectic day. I love taking time for myself for all the various self-indulgence and vanity interests that us ladies enjoy. But mostly my happiness comes from simply being thankful that my children are such beautifully happy children, and that they are afforded the experience of having the proper childhood that I never had.
Nothing is greater.
I'm often asked what life will be like for Byron as he gets older and transitions into adulthood, and my response is always the same: Life will be great.
Being a special needs mom means being someone that's always aware, and someone that's the first to advocate for them. It doesn't matter if anyone has doubts or feel that they can speak on any of their obstacles. As long as your child is protected, safe, and full of love, let everyone know that for your baby, life will be great.
So, moms, aunts, grandmothers, and anyone who's blessed to care for a special needs child, count on God. Or count on whatever higher power you believe in to make the best decision for your child. Be their voice, even if it makes you look crazy. Doctors told us that Byron would be deaf. We told them he would hear pins drop. They told us he'd be blind. We told them he would have the sight of an eagle. They said my baby wouldn't make it.
We said...just watch.
To learn more about Osteogenesis Imperfecta, you can visit the OI Foundation. To keep up with the Baxters, follow them on Instagram or visit their website.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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