

Having been up since 4 in the morning and fresh off a flight from the East Coast, there is a tinge of fatigue in Melvin Gregg's voice. And understandably so. He later reveals that despite the long flight back to LA, he'll be headed to audition not too long after our conversation ends. Such is the life of an up-and-coming, especially as an already in-high-demand actor.
With several critically acclaimed films and series under his belt like American Vandal, High Flying Bird, and most recently, Snowfall on FX, it's safe to say that "busy" is now Melvin's new normal. Which is arguably in stark contrast to how things were when they were just getting started. Originally moving to California to pursue acting, Gregg found himself trying to secure as many gigs as he could--which often came in the form of short commercials and indie films.
But it wasn't until he decided to take his talents to the streets of social media, that he would begin gaining more leverage to support his acting endeavors and eventually land his way back on the big screen. He tells xoNecole, "With doing all of that, I was really just trying to get back into traditional media. Acting was always the goal. I redirected my focus at the top of 2018 and I've been able to consistently work and level up with each project. I'm thankful, but I'm not content. But I do understand the process and I trust it completely."
We got the chance to catch up with Melvin where we talked about stepping away from Vine, what he appreciates most about his current relationship, and why he feels that true love is all about timing.
xoNecole: It's safe to say that most people were introduced to via your hilarious videos from Vine. Was it hard translating your talents from just a social media setting to a more traditional one?
Melvin Gregg: Not really, I was acting honestly before I did social media. Social media was sort of a stretch for me because I'm somewhat introverted. So being over the top and what I had to be online, my energy had to be a lot higher. And with the platform I was working on (Vine), it had a majority audience that I wasn't used to. So I had to adapt and study what was working, teach and train myself to do it. Coming back over to traditional media was where I wanted to be so it wasn't that hard. But the hardest thing I will say is that, when you create a monster with social media, you have to fight it when you move back over. Because people only want to see you in the light they first saw you in, you kind of have to go uphill to try to win people over on a different medium.
"When you create a monster with social media, you have to fight it when you move back over. Because people only want to see you in the light they first saw you in, you kind of have to go uphill to try to win people over on a different medium."
Which do you enjoy more: creating social content or acting in traditional films/TV shows?
The content I created online was never anything to where I had to come out of myself in a public space in the sense that I wasn't doing stunts or pranks. Everything I did, I produced, edited, [and] I was working with other actors as well. So it was similar to the traditional format, it was just a lot shorter. What I enjoyed was just having creative control to really do what I wanted to do, from top to bottom. Writing the product to shooting, directing and editing. But when it comes to acting, you pretty much only have one job. I enjoy it though because it is a longer format and you do have time to really play up your character and win the audience over. But as far as digital--I enjoy the creative control more. So I guess the ideal would be creating content on the traditional format in the same way I did in the shorter format.
I want to switch gears and talk relationships. Are you down?
Of course, let's do it.
You're a funny guy. Is it important that your girl can keep up with you in terms of humor? Is that necessary for you?
You know what? I think having a great sense of humor where you get my jokes is important--but I feel like I'm witty more than anything. So if a girl can get that, I appreciate that. If she's not, then it's really not going to work out because the conversation's going to be dull. She doesn't have to be a comedian or crack jokes all the time but there's nothing worse than when you tell a joke and the person doesn't get it. It's like "that awkward moment when." It's one of the biggest buzzkills.
Speaking of relationships, are you taken or are you single?
No, I'm not single, I have a girl.
What was it about her that made you realize you were ready to commit and make things official?
I'm really good with intuition, so when I first saw her, I felt like I knew who she was. And over time, she just proved that she really was who I thought she was. And it just worked out that way, it was nothing specific--I just knew. She had the qualities I was looking for.
"When I first saw her, I felt like I knew who she was. And over time, she just proved that she really was who I thought she was. And it just worked out that way, it was nothing specific--I just knew."
What do you do to make her feel special?
Of course she gets the majority of my time and attention. I do things that I know she likes. I'm really into the small thoughtful things. Painting her pictures, writing her letters, going out and buying her plants, you know the little things. I'm not into the extravagant gifts. I'm into being thoughtful.
What do you appreciate most about your girlfriend and your relationship?
That she's my best friend. It's about more than just the physical. If something were to happen to where we're not together anymore, she could still be my best friend. I'd still want her in my life, to the point where it would probably get in the way of every other relationship I would have. I don't understand how somebody could be all about this one person and they mean so much to you and then something happens and they never talk again. That's weird, especially if you connect with that person on so many different levels.
I get that. So, what's something you didn’t do in your last relationship that you definitely want to implement in this current relationship?
Be more affectionate. Where I'm from, people don't really show affection; I never saw it in the household. They show affection by talking sh-t to each other; so it was hard for me to put my guard down and be vulnerable. I'm still working on it, I'm a work in progress for sure.
I think we all are if we’re honest. So for you personally, what would you say are the biggest love lessons you’ve learned thus far?
Put your pride aside for one, you have to do that when you're with someone you care for. You don't want to lose somebody you love over your pride. And also just communication. Whatever's on your mind, you need to address it. Bring it to the frontline, because the other person could be thinking the same thing. Or maybe, you might think something is going on and you want to address it in a certain way, when in reality--there's nothing going on. But through conversation, you can figure that out rather than blindly playing games.
"Put your pride aside for one, you have to do that when you're with someone you care for. You don't want to lose somebody you love over your pride."
What's the biggest misconception women or people in general have about you?
I think that I'm always joking. Most people always say I'm different from what they expect when they meet me. For women, I think a lot of them think or thought that I'm some womanizer. It's a misconception because of the videos and things that I put online so it's partially my fault (laughs). For other people, everything on social media is transparency when it comes to their real-life but not for me. It was just a platform for me to distribute the content I created, none of that was real. But a lot of people mistook it for being real. But again, that's partially my fault.
What do you know now about love that you didn’t know before?
I always felt like I had a good understanding about what love was, but I cared more about what I wanted. So you can't be selfish and I was selfish in the sense that, there were other things I wanted to do first before I committed to love. But it's really all about timing, that's the most important. And not just yours, but the other person's as well.You can't rush love [and] you can't put it on the backburner then try to come back to it.
For more of Melvin, you can follow him on Instagram.
Featured image by Melvin Gregg/Instagram
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Sometimes I get asked the same question, often enough, that I’m like, “It’s time to address this on a larger platform,” — and for, whatever the reason, as of late, folks have been asking me what different sex acts mean.
No, not from the perspective of positions or techniques. What they’ve basically wanted to know is if making love, having sex, and f-cking are simply different words to describe the same thing or if there truly is something deeper with each one.
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
Back when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
A few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
And finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
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One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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Featured image by Giphy