8 Solid Reasons To Go Make-Up Free At Least Once A Week
Two things that I wasn't allowed to do much of during my adolescence was wearing black or wearing make-up. While my religious upbringing may have played a role to a certain extent (I grew up Seventh-Day Adventist although I consider myself to be a disciple now), something that my mother used to say about black is, "you've got forever to wear something so dark" and, as far as make-up went, "one day, you're gonna thank me when you age better than a lot of your friends who have all of that stuff on their face."
Now that I'm in my 40s, while I definitely own some black clothing, it's rare that you will ever see me in it, even at funerals because my brain is wired to wear a more "joyful" hue. And as far as make-up goes, while back in the 20s I rebelled, all it really did was cause my skin to break out more. So, once my 30s rolled around, I focused more on skincare. Since then, waterproof mascara and lip color are my mainstays yet it's rare that you'll see me with a full face on. And yes, my mother was right — I get complimented on looking younger than my age all of the time.
That's why, while I definitely think that a "beat face" is an art form and there is certainly nothing wrong with going "all in" when it comes to cosmetics, I also think that balance is important and that there are some really good reasons to consider going without make-up on your face, at least once a week. And while there is actually a myriad of them, I'm gonna share eight solid ones today.
1. It’ll Save You a Ton of Time
It's not until my hair is in a protective style that I realize how much time I save not having to style my hair on a daily basis. Again, while it's been a hot minute since I've had concealer, foundation, eyeshadow, blush, etc. on, when I sit and think about how long it would take me to "do it right" when it came to applying make-up back in the day, lawd, it had to be at least 30-45 minutes. Now that I think about it, oftentimes "putting my face on" is what caused me to be late to certain things. So yeah, when I think about a top reason why going without make-up can sometimes be a really good idea, the amount of time — time that you will never get back — that you will save is definitely a top one.
2. It Can Save You a Boatload of Money Too
I'm thinking that it's no surprise that the beauty industry is a billion-dollar one and we as Black women are a huge part of that. Yet when you break it down into how much each of us spends, guess how much reports say that is? A whopping $15,000 in our lifetime which basically boils down to being somewhere around $40 a month. Y'all, that is a freakin' car!
So, if money is currently tight and you're looking for a way to keep a few coins in your pocket, going make-up-free sometimes could end up being the money-saving hack that you didn't know you were missing.
3. Your Skin’s Texture Will Improve
Is your skin's texture a bit on the rougher side? If so, make-up could be the culprit (especially if you make a habit of sleeping with it on). Although we're literally shedding 30,000-40,000 dead skin cells every minute of the day (pretty crazy, right?) when we've got make-up all over our face, that makes it hard for those cells to leave which results in clogged pores and a rough texture. Once I personally started focusing on improving the health of my skin instead of covering up my "flaws", my own skin's texture started to become baby smooth. These days, I will put rosemary oil on my face in the day and sweet almond oil on it at night, and whew — the glow and softness are truly unmatched. Straight up.
4. Your Pores Can Breathe
Something that I have is larger pores (check out "10 All-Natural Ways To Make Your Pores Appear Smaller"). It's a huge part of the reason why, even in my 40s, I still get pimples from time to time (especially around my period…which yes, still comes, right on schedule, chile). And while I am well aware of the fact that things like foundation can help to protect my schedule from the outer elements, I also know that it can do a real number when it comes to clogging up pores which can lead to breakouts. That's why, when you do wear foundation, it's best to avoid one that is oil-based. And in general, you really should give your pores a break sometimes by going without putting anything on them, so that you can do things like exfoliating and steaming your face which will give your pores can get a break and deep cleanse them so that your complexion can become/remain nice and smooth.
5. It’s an Anti-Aging Hack
Tell me something — when's the last time you actually read the label on your favorite cosmetic brands. If you never have before, I recommend that you do because a lot of these companies use all kinds of chemicals that may produce pretty hues and temporary visual effects but long-term…uh-uh. If they're not irritating your skin, they can dry it out which can result in fine lines and wrinkles over time which can cause you to look older than you actually are — if not immediately, eventually.
This is another reason why going without make-up sometimes is a smart thing to do. If you want your Black to not crack, you need to be intentional about moisturizing and pampering it. Yes, we've got melanin on our side, but constant make-up use can do some real damage to us, just like everyone else if we're not careful.
6. It Can Do Wonders for Your Self-Confidence
Something else that my mother used to say often is, "Make-up shouldn't change; it should enhance." Do I like my eyes more with a couple of coats of mascara? Definitely. Are my lips super on-point when they've got a liner and some gloss on them? Chile, listen. Still, I've gotta admit that it has done my self-esteem a lot of good to know that if I go out with absolutely nothing on, I'm still a cutie pie because the face God gave me is just fine as is. There's no way I would've come to that conclusion if I didn't go without make-up. And a woman who is truly, genuinely and fully self-confident? She radiates beauty in a way that cosmetics could never ever do for her.
7. It Will Keep You from Totally Relying on Cosmetics
Back when I was in high school, I went to school with a lot of white girls who literally lived in a full face of make-up. Because of what I said in the intro and also because the girls of other ethnicities (including my own) didn't put on nearly as much, what white girls sent themselves through was pretty fascinating to observe. That was until I saw some of them without any make-up on and then I was like, "Please put it back on. How quickly can you do it too?" The moral to the story here is when you are so consumed with cosmetics that you literally look like an entirely different person when you take it off, that can put you on a cycle of being super reliant on it because you don't feel like you are pretty or appealing without it because you have literally created another face. And that can be a dangerous way to approach how you see yourself.
8. Natural Is Sexy
I'm not sure why so many women get triggered when they hear men say that they don't particularly care for a lot of make-up because what that basically boils down to is they are all about your wake-up face and what in the world is wrong with that? Even as a woman, when I see someone who is fresh-faced in pictures or even when I'm out, she causes me to do a double-take because 1) I dig the self-assuredness and 2) it reminds me of a compliment a man gave me years ago that still remains on the forefront of my mind — "Thanks for remembering what you look like."
Can you be sexy with make-up on? Sure, you can. There is something about how cosmetics can put an "explanation point" on our looks that is undebatable. Still, when my mother's husband once said that the thing that he liked most about her beauty is the woman he went to bed with is the woman he woke up with, I totally got where he was coming from. Going without make-up and letting your natural beauty shine through is always sexy AF because you're saying that "I know that I am sensual and alluring, just as I am" — and who can't be turned on by a woman who feels that way…about herself? Exactly.
Featured image by Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
These Tips Will Keep Foreplay From Becoming Boring AF (No Pun Intended)
As a writer, I happen to like quotes A LOT. When it comes to the topic of sex, specifically, there used to be a page on Twitter (it’s always gonna be Twitter to me, chile) calledKinky Quotes that I would enjoy checking out from time to time. The reason why is it was good forshowcasing content like “Foreplay. Don’t rush it. Enjoy it.”
INDEED.
Okay, but what if you’ve been in a relationship for a while now, and although the foreplay is still pretty good, the real issue is that it’s also become a bit, well, boring? What do you do? First, don’t overthink it; you’re not in a position that is strange, rare, or anything to be overly concerned about. Second, there are a few things that you and your partner can do to bring a bit more spice back into the foreplay aspect of your sex life.
1. Build Up Anticipation
GiphyI’ve been working with long-term couples for a really long time now — and if there’s one thing that can tank the sex life of people who’ve been having sex for years, it’s not doing what builds up anticipation. At the end of the day, anticipation is all about giving your partner something to look forward to. Sexting does this. Sending your partner an email with a hotel reservation or some out-of-the-blue sexcation plans does this. Calling them to share something that you want to check off of your sex-themed bucket list does this.
Pretty much doing anything that lets them know that you want them to get into the headspace of getting super excited about what you have in store for them, on the sexual tip — that is some of the best foreplay that there is, y’all. So, when’s the last time that you gave your man a preview of what is to come? Hmm…
2. Get Creative with Your Nudity
GiphyUnfortunately, our culture can be so…imbalanced (let’s go with that word) when it comes to sex that many people think it’s impossible to engage in intimacy with someone for years (even decades) on end and still find it to be an absolutely wonderful and fulfilling experience. Meanwhile, there areplenty of studies to support that sex actually gets better, the longer that you are with someone (one study says that it’s around the 15-year mark when things really start to soar!). The thing that you should avoid is falling into a rut — being lazy about intimacy, looking crazy while going to bed (y’all know what I am talking about), and not “dressing up” the gift sometimes.
I can’t tell you how many husbands I have worked with who have told me that they never get tired of their wife’s body (like…ever); what they do get sick of is no lingerie or creativity when it comes to her “sexual presentation.” Date night with no drawers on. Watching television in a sheer baby doll get-up. Celebrating a goal that he’s reached with nothing but a bow on when you come to bed. You get what I mean, right? He chose you. He wants you. Get creative with your body when it comes to intimacy sometimes, though. That way, he’ll never see you coming (well…until…you know. LOL!).
3. Leave Touch Out of It (Initially)
GiphyWhile once reading an article on Bustle’s site about where the term “blow job” came from (it’s a semi-long explanation; you can check it outhere), there’s a sentence that says, “The roots of the term ‘blow job’ began a bit earlier than this, however — in the 17th century, to be exact, when to ‘blow’ meant to bring someone to orgasm.” One definition of blow speaks to what we do with our breath whether it’s whistling, breathing hard, or creating a steady stream of air out of our mouth.
If you do this on your partner’s erogenous zones, it can provide a very flirty yet arousing level of stimulation to where they will want you to touch them as soon as possible. Oh, and if you add some dirty words into the mix, they will damn near be ready to climax the moment even your finger touches their body. Hey, try it. I’m absolutely not exaggerating.
4. Kiss Everywhere…BUT the Mouth (Again, Initially)
GiphyEven though some people don’t like to kiss (check out “Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?”), the rest of us? We want it as much as possible! There isa scientific reason for why that is the case too. When you kiss someone (especially in the mouth), it releases feel-good and bonding hormones and chemicals including dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin; not to mention the fact that it can also help to reduce stress. And while kissing does feel absolutely amazing, remember that the focus here is to “pregame” stimulation.
So, if you really want to get your man riled up, avoid his mouth (at first) and even his penis and opt for turn-on spots instead.The wetness of your mouth, the softness of your lips, and the texture of your tongue along his neck, around his ears or gently grazing his back? Girl, I’m getting a little hot ‘n bothered just talking — well, writing — about it.
5. Stay Out of the Bed
GiphyIf there are two things that couples can find themselves getting really lazy about (if they’re not careful), it’s when they have sex and where. As far as the “when” goes,although reportedly, guys tend to prefer it in the morning (I mean, morning wood…makes sense) and women do late at night, most couples will admit that there is usually a time when they have it the most (especially if they’ve got young children — check out “How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids”) as a way of “meeting in the middle.” For example, if for you and your man,that’s 10 p.m. and it’s pretty much that way, every time, that can get to become boring, simply because no anticipation is necessary; you know what’s coming.
Same thing goes for always having sex in the bed. Even though it’s comfortable and accommodating to most sex positions, trying other places (at least for foreplay) can cultivate a feeling of newness and excitement. Whether it’s on the kitchen floor, in your car (when it’s in the garage), in the shower (check out “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better”), in your closet (some people really like the closeness of it) or, what appears to be most folks’ favorite spot,the living room sofa (go figure, chile) — get out of the bed sometimes. The bed is comfy, no doubt. It’s also predictable as hell.
6. Have a Foreplay Staycation
GiphyIt honestly floors me, just how many married couples I know who either haven’t taken a romantic vacation in years or (what in the world?!) haven’t done it since their honeymoon. To that, I’ll just say this: there was once a study conducted of 2,000 couples. It was revealed that of those who felt like their relationship had lost its spark, 42 percent of them were able to get it back by spending some quality time together while taking a leisure trip (without the kids). To me, this makes all of the sense in the world because romantic vacations are designed to “get off of the grid” and focus, solely, on you and your partner’s needs.
So, if you are one of those couples who doesn’t have a trip, just for you and your man, on the docket for some time this year, here’s your sign that you need to figure something out — ASAP. And what if your money is tight? What should you do in the meantime? How about a foreplay staycation? Plan 24-48 hours where you and your man do nothing but kiss, lick, and touch without any penetration involved. Play sex games. Dance naked. Come up with (new) safe words. After a day or two of nothing but this, you will be ready to explode once it’s time to actually have sex with each other!
7. Play Your Own Version of “Hot, Warm, Cold”
GiphyTemperature play plays a solid role in sexual pleasure; that’s why I’ve written articles like “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom” for the platform. Anyway, aside from the fact thatit’s pretty damn hilarious that 69 degrees is the ideal room temperature for intimacy (umm, if you catch my drift), a big part of the reason why playing around with hot, warm, and cold temps is so effective is because your nerves respond,sometimes drastically so, to variations in them.
I mean, when you stop to consider that there are8,000 nerves in a clitoris and 4,000 in a penis, imagine what some ice would do during oral sex. Or, how about heating up a sex toy that’s made out of glass or metal in some boiling water, letting it cool just a bit, and running that up and down each other’s erogenous zones? If you do this while being blindfolded, there really is no telling where the peak levels of stimulation could take you!
8. Focus on Upping the Ante on Your Partner’s Stimulation (As They Do the Same for You)
GiphyI’ve already referenced the word “stimulation” a few times. To stimulate is “to rouse to action or effort, as by encouragement or pressure; incite.” Some synonyms include arouse, inspire, spark, activate, energize, enflame, support, urge — and motivate (cue Kelly Rowland’s song, "Motivation"). And so, keeping all of this in mind, when it comes to foreplay with your partner, how much effort do you put into stimulating him — into inspiring him, energizing him, motivating him…yes, sexually?
Something that I am a big-time believer of is, it’s hard to fall into a sexual rut, if the goal that BOTH PEOPLE have is to always outdo themselves, damn near every time that they come together. That said, how can you “out-inspire” him with your compliments? How can you “out-energize” him with a creative meal that’sfilled with aphrodisiacs? How can you “out-motivate” him with some new ideas that you’ve researched while you were at work?
When it comes to both foreplay and sex, “applying pressure” can be a ton of fun — when you see yourself as your own competition as far as taking your partner to new heights in the stimulation department.
9. Be Unpredictable
GiphyUnpredictable can go a lot of ways. In the context of what I’m referring to, I’m not talking about being fickle, erratic, and unreliable. Nah, what I mean is, be intentional about having a few tricks up your sleeve that your partner would never see coming.
An example of this comes from a song from a local legend here, Shannon Sanders (if you know, you know). He once wrote a song entitled “Interstate” and the intro starts off with him saying, “What you doin’? Not you. Didn’t think you were the type.” Yeah, you can read between the lines (or click on the hyperlink to the title) to get what he’s talking about yet I’m pretty sure that what made the experience, 50 times greater, is she did something that was outside of the norm. When it comes to foreplay and sex — that is typically the case. #wink
10. Switch the Energy Up
GiphyForeplay can — and should — have different themes from time to time. One time, focus on being romantic (rose petals and toasting each other). Another time, lean into being kinky (where are your handcuffs and bondage rope?). Still, another time, discuss a fantasy that you each want to fulfill. Then play dress-up as you role play. Record (the audio) of yourselves having sex one day; then play it another day — during foreplay.
Spoon naked and talk about all of the things that you adore about each other’s bodies. Get some oral sex dice (like thesehere) and see where throwing the dice will take you. Y’all, energy is such a big part of foreplay and sex, and the more you master switching it up, the more you and your partner will look forward to coming — and cumming — together for years to come. No doubt about it, sis.
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Featured image by Giphy