

I'm pretty confident that if you ask any divorced person what a top five reason for the end of their marriage was, something that is going to come up is a breakdown in communication. Unfortunately, some people go into a marriage thinking that they are a far more effective communicator than they actually are (being able to speak well when you suck at listening is an example of being a poor communicator).
Others feel like their partner should be some sort of mind reader. Still others aren't the best at exhibiting patience, acceptance and a willingness to allow their partner the space to be different from them (you'd be amazed how many people feel like their job is to turn their spouse into their clone).
For these reasons and more, that's why I'm all about couples taking what I call "seasonal inventory". To set aside some time, each season of the year, to ask some vital questions—just to make sure that they are on the same page and shoot, even in the same book. While I could provide about 25 questions that are beneficial to ask, for the sake of time and space, I've listed seven.
If when spring, summer, fall and winter roll around, you make these inquiries and take them to heart, it can really do wonders when it comes to feeling close, connected and confident in your relationship with your beloved.
1. “What season do you think we’re in?”
Some of the older heads may remember the group Exposé from back in the day. They used to sing a song called, "Seasons Change" and, just like the weather, this applies to relationships too. Shoot, even the Bible tells us that there is a time and season for things (Ecclesiastes 3). The thing about seasons, though, is whether you feel like you're in the summer (typically considered to be the best season) of your life or the winter (oftentimes thought as being the worst), if you're patient enough, the season will shift. This is why it's important to 1) prepare for every season; 2) be intentional about being patient in every season, and 3) to focus on what you can learn from what each season has to offer.
Keeping all of this in mind, there is one more thing that married couples need to consider—they need to ponder if they both are actually in the same season, at the same time. Say that you're looking at your relationship from a financial perspective. If one partner feels like it's "summertime" and they're spending a ton of money while the other feels that a winter trial is coming and money needs to be saved like nobody's business, there is going to be conflict. Make sense?
There are four seasons in a year—spring, summer, fall and winter. Taking some time out, each of those seasons, to ask your partner what "season" your relationship is in, from their perspective (as you share yours, of course), that can help you both to see if you're on the same page when it comes to insight, planning and strategy. It's a hack that can spare a lot of stress and drama if you actually implement it.
2. “In what areas do you feel unfulfilled?”
The goal of happiness is gonna cost a lot of people in the long run. What I mean by that is, there's something that I've said before—if your motivation for everything that you do (or don't do) is if it makes you "happy" or not, you are going to find yourself missing out on a lot of lessons and probably blessings in this life. For one thing, happiness is fleeting and fickle; it comes and it goes. Secondly, sometimes life requires that we do things that absolutely DO NOT make us happy yet do make us better.
Are you always happy when you go to work? Are you always happy in your marriage? Are you always happy when it comes to making the sacrifices you need to make for the sake of your children? Are you always happy when you pay your bills? Are you always happy when you've got an engagement that you've committed to that you know you need to keep? C'mon. We all know that the answer to each and every one of these questions is "no". Yet sometimes things need to be done for the sake of maintaining your character, honoring your obligations and preparing for your future.
That's why, when it comes to this particular question, I'm pretty "meh" when it comes to asking your partner if they are happy or not. It really depends on the day—and sometimes the moment—when you choose to ask them. A question that I do think is pretty important, however, is if they feel unfulfilled in some area of the relationship. A definition of fulfill that I think is really important in the context of this article is "to satisfy (requirements, obligations, etc.)".
When it comes to what you and your partner need in order to feel satisfied (which is about having your desires, expectations and needs met) in your marriage, it's always a good idea to check in on those things. When you feel fulfilled, it can make the not-so-happy moments worth enduring. So yeah, it's definitely an important topic to broach.
3. “Are you good with our sex life?”
Folks who know me know that any time a married person tries to water down the relevance of sex in their relationship, they automatically get a side-eye sent their way. I say it often because it's the truth—if ANYONE should be having a healthy, satisfying and consistent sex life, it should be married folks! And so, if there is a sexless situation going on (within a relationship where both people are physically capable of copulating), that is a red flag. Sex is about pleasure. Sex is about communication. Sex is also about cultivating a form of oneness (even the Bible says that; Genesis 2:24-25 and I Corinthians 6:16-20—Message). And why shouldn't two people who pledged to share their lives, for the rest of their lives, want to partake in an act like this, just as much as they possibly can?
So, when I say that it's important to ask your partner, at least four times a year, if they are "good" with how things are going in the bedroom, it's important to state that I mean more than just one kind of good. Is your partner "good" with how often the two of you are having sex?
Is your partner "good" with the kind of sex you're engaging in (too many or not enough quickies? Is there not enough morning sex? Is sex too routine?). Does your partner feel like you're both still on the same wavelength as far as mentally and emotionally making a connection? Have they "outgrown sex" in some way? Is there something that they wish they received more—or even less—of?
I joke with married couples all of the time that, since marriage requires so much, DAILY, they deserve to have off-the-chain sex, just as much of possible! However, awesome sex typically doesn't just happen; couples have to communicate about this too. When's the last time you and yours did just that?
4. “Do you feel completely supported by me?”
Any single person who desires to be married who's reading this, please do not underestimate how critically essential it is to be with someone who is truly supportive. A supportive individual helps to hold their partner up. A supportive individual can withstand good times and bad. Another definition of support is "to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate". Gee, when you take all of these things into consideration, no wonder the divorce rate is still so much higher than it needs to be. Unfortunately, far too many folks want to be supported without actually being supportive in return.
Listening is a form of support. Being your spouse's friend is a form of support. Letting them know that if no one else in this world has their complete and total back, it's you? That too is a form of support.
And don't get it twisted. I have sat in the presence of many couples where either one or both people have started to build up a wall against the other and it's exactly because they don't feel very supported. That's why they talk to their friends about their marriage more than their spouse. That's why they flirt with their co-workers more than their spouse. That's why they find other ways to feel loved, cheered for and encouraged instead of seeking those things from their spouse.
Two people who support each other on the regular are two people who are able to go the distance, on so many levels. Four times a year (at least), ask your partner if they feel like you really and truly support them. Support is a superpower that goes unnoticed far too often in marital dynamics. Don't you be someone who causes you to become a divorce statistic when taking heed could've ultimately saved your marriage.
5. “What kind of dates do you want to go on?”
It really is kinda crazy, how often we all have heard—and probably said—that the same efforts that you put into getting your partner is the same effort you need to put into keeping them. And yet, so many of us do not take heed to that pearl of wisdom. SMDH. When it comes to married folks, I know this for a fact because I have counseled many who can't remember the last time they had a romantic evening, went on a fabulous date, checked something off of their sex bucket list (if they even have one) or took a sexcation. A lot of them claim that it's because life is so hectic that there's no time for such things. Uh-huh. I'm pretty sure that you were busy when you were dating and engaged too. You made the time because it mattered to you.
And here's the thing. Once you've "got" the person, if you were truly serious about the vows that you took, don't you think that you actually need to put even more effort into spending quality time with them and making sure they feel like they are your top priority than you did when you were dating?
It can be really easy to fall into the slump of crashing on the couch and watching a movie every Friday or Saturday night. Break out of that rut and bring more romance and fun into your relationship by asking your partner what kind of dates they would like to go on. Matter of fact, why not make a dating bucket list that you update 1-2 times a year? It can give the two of you something to look forward to—and that's always a good thing.
6. “Am I speaking your love language fluently?"
Y'all, it's one thing to know what your partner's love language is. It's something very different to speak it in a way where they feel like you know what it is. Case in point. There's a couple I know where the husband's love language is gifts and the wife's is quality time. Every birthday, every anniversary and every Christmas, without fail, they continue to do for the other what they want instead of what their partner requires. Yep, she plans a date where they can be all up under each other when he'd prefer a nice cashmere coat or some gold cufflinks while she would prefer to go on a weekend getaway and instead, he purchases her some thousand-dollar bag that only ends up sitting in the closet. Because of this, they both feel unheard and irritated. And again, it's because they think it's more important to give what they want instead of doing what their partner needs.
There are two main reasons why it's a good idea to ask your partner, four times a year, if they think you're tapping into their top two love languages. One, if you are, there is a good chance that you're not doing it as well as you think. Two, believe it or not, sometimes people's love languages shift because they do. So, to always be doing an act of service when they're more into words of affirmation is kinda futile. Checking in prevents this from being the case.
7. “What can I do to make you feel more secure in the relationship?”
This one? It's crucial. It also needs a bit of clarifying. One of the many reasons why people should consider going to therapy, on their own, before getting married is so they can make sure that they are as healed and whole as possible prior to jumping the broom. Otherwise, they could find themselves expecting their partner to fill voids that aren't their fault or problem. And so, when I speak of security in a marital dynamic, I am not saying that it's your spouse's job to make you feel good about yourself (when you don't even know how to do it) or to compensate for areas where you were lacking before they ever came along. Spouses are human and no one should be your savior but the Lord.
That said, where I am coming from is it's vital that your spouse makes you feel like they respect your union, that they are trustworthy and that, if anyone has your best interest at heart, it should be them. Taking it a step further, security in a relationship should also make you feel free to be your complete and total self—that you can tell your partner any and everything and you will still be loved and accepted.
Why does the question of security need to be asked more than just a couple of times a year? Because life tends to bring about things that can potentially shift one's level of personal security. Job loss. More kids. Weight gain or loss. Family or friend-related drama. Illness. Aging. Financial strain. Mistakes made. Dreams deferred. Death. The list goes on and on. And when these kinds of things happen, it can tempt someone to feel insecure and draw into themselves rather than reach out to the one who should be the most reliable in their life.
This is why it's so important that you ask your partner what you can do to make them feel more secure in their relationship with you as they do the same to you. Because the more that the two of you are able to feel confident that your partner can be depended on and that the relationship is not "liable to fail", even the really trying times, the better you both will be at leaning on each other and getting stronger as a unit. No matter what season you and/or your marriage is in.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
As a marriage life coach, something that my clients know will cause me to roll my eyes all the way back into my head is when they tell me that it’s been a while since they’ve had sex — and it’s all because they don’t have time. Umm, studies say that most people prefer for the literal act of sex (you know, intercourse) to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes, and if you can’t find the time to make that happen a couple of times a week? Yeah, I’ve got questions. Lots and lots of ‘em too.
A favorite quote of mine is by an author by the name of Nick Chellsen. He once said, “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to,” and because sexual intimacy is such an essential part of a long-term committed relationship, I definitely think that couples should be super intentional about prioritizing it. And if it is indeed true that it’s challenging to find — no make — time, then plans should definitely be put in place to have a sexcation…a vacation that is solely devoted to enjoying sex with your partner. And since this year’s Valentine’s Day falls on a Friday, why not make it a sexcation weekend? Just you and your bae enjoying all that copulation has to offer.
Does that sound like a great idea? If so, here are 12 things that can take things up a few more notches on the pleasure and pure ecstasy experience tip.
1. Lighting and Mirrors Are an Absolute Must
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Sex under (or around) candlelight? Does it get any sexier (and sensual and romantic) than that? Hmph, probably not — especially if the candles have an aphrodisiac scent like jasmine, vanilla, or sandalwood. Yeah, very few things are able to immediately set the mood quite like soft lighting. And while I will personally always be a big fan of (soy) candles, I also want to shout-out something that I purchased for my own bedroom: an RGB Smart Lamp. Mine is small, comes with a remote control, and has a variety of shades of different colors to choose from including blue, purple, and red. Definitely, another way to set the tone for a very sexy sexcation.
And while we’re here, don’t underestimate what mirrors can do for you too. By positioning yourself in front of one, not only can it bring out the exhibitionist in you, it can also help you to see, in real-time, the level of desire that your partner has for you because you’re able to visually experience them from other angles. Plus, if there are certain positions that you (both) prefer that make it impossible to have eye contact — that is no longer the issue if you’re having sex in front of a mirror, now is it?
Even if you purchase a full-length one from a local store, you can use it during your sexcation and then keep it in your closet…until the next time that the urge strikes.
2. Hang a Sex-Themed Piñata
I’m a big fan of incorporating a piñata into a sexual experience; so much, in fact, that I mentioned one a few years ago in the article, “I've Got REALLY HOT 15 Spring/Summer-Themed Sex Hacks To Try.” To me, it’s a cute way to bring fun into sex by filling one up with things like flavored condoms and lube, edible panties, and whatever else, sex-themed, you can think of (that will comfortably fit). In the spirit of a sexcation, hang a piñata that is in the shape of — eh hem — “him” (here) and/or “you” (here). With it, the blindfold on y’all’s faces, a bat, and all of the goodies inside, how could a sex-themed piñata not put a few smiles and even laughs on both of your faces? C’mon…
3. Create a Signature Libido-Boosting Mocktail
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Have you ever been to a wedding where the couple featured signature cocktails — or mocktails (non-alcoholic cocktails) — at their reception? Usually, not only are the drinks customized but they are named after something sweet or endearing about the twosome as well. Well, you don’t need a wedding to enjoy your own signature beverage, and the reason why I’m shouting out mocktails is you can get the hydration and health benefits of the ingredients that are in them without the downside of alcohol like hangovers. In fact, some mocktails can even give your libido a boost.
You can check out several delicious recipes via “Sexy Sips: 8 Fall-Themed Mocktails That Are Aphrodisiacs Too” or, if you want to stick to the Valentine’s Day theme, get inspired by recipes like — Love Potion #9: Sparkling Cherry Spritzer - Valentine's Day Mocktail or Cocktail (here); Creamy Strawberry Cinnamon Mocktail (here); Valentine’s Day Aphrodisiac Mocktail (here); Sparkling Cranberry Kiss (here), or a Fig & Thyme Spritz (here). Add your own ingredients to specialize the drink and don’t forget to give masterpiece a sexy pet name to toast each other with.
4. DIY an Aphrodisiac Gift Basket
Customizing gift baskets can be a lot of fun — especially when the theme and focus is S-E-X. A local arts and crafts store is where you can find a basket and some cellophane wrap. As far as what to put in it: massage candles, edible massage gels, body paint, some (new) handcuffs, scented bath bombs, rose petals, body dust, edibles (check out “7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better” and “Want More Frequent And Intensified Orgasms? Puff, Puff, Pass.” ), sex toys, Reddi-Wip…I think you get the picture. If you fill it up to the brim, you’ll have plenty of items that will keep you (sexually) motivated all weekend long.
5. Buy Each Other…Things to Wear
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Recently, I found myself in a state between finding something comical and damn near being triggered by it when a friend of mine told me that her husband told her that 1) he felt that he basically had no flaws and 2) he certainly doesn’t have them when it comes to how he expresses his love for her. Have mercy. It’s sheer nonsense like this that makes me say, more than I should ever have to, that WE alone cannot tell someone if we are a good lover or friend to them; THEY have to tell us (and vice versa). And what does that have to do with this point?
Although some of us are, certainly more than others, pretty much everyone is visually stimulated on some level and, although we may have some idea of what our partner likes — there’s no telling what we’d have on if it was left up to them to dress us. That said, why not use a Valentine’s Day sexcation as an opportunity to be each other’s…sensual stylist? Agree, beforehand, to only share each other’s sizes and then leave it up to one another to take it from there. You both might learn a thing or two about what (else) turns the two of you on if you do.
6. Increase Your Pheromones
Two things that many folks find themselves wondering about (as far as their legitimacy goes) are aphrodisiacs and pheromones. While aphrodisiacs are somewhat of a complex topic, when it comes to pheromones, specifically, it has been scientifically proven that they are substances/chemicals that one human secretes that grasp the attention of another. And how do sex pheromones increase?
Through exercise, sleep, and foods that contain the natural pheromones androstenone and androstenol including (believe it or not) celery, truffles, parsnips, and a blend of lavender and pumpkin pie. Out of all of this, did you peep that sleep raises (sex) pheromones? All I’m gonna say about that is check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” Sex and sleep? Rinse and repeat? Does a sexcation become any more blissful than that? I highly doubt it.
7. Take an Online Sex Course
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Right around this time, about three years ago, BuzzFeed published an article entitled, “These 22 Black Sex Educators Are Changing The Way We Think And Talk About Sex.” When it comes to this article, what it got me to thinking about is how beneficial it could be to take an online sex course while you and your man are relaxing (and sexing) at home. A married couple whose site is simply called Vanessa and Xander Marin has several courses here. There are also other options that you can find by going to your favorite search engine and putting “online sex courses” in the search field.
8. Play “Sex Truth or Dare”
Listen, if you want to have a potentially stress-filled Valentine’s Day, play “Never Have I Ever” with your partner (chile…that reminds me of the skit “Tiny P? Loose V” by Jade the Fade is startlingly hilarious). On the other hand, if you want to learn more about each other while also having a lot of fun, play a sexual version of the old favorite “Truth or Dare.” If your man chooses “truth,” you can ask things like “What’s your favorite sexual position?,” “Do you prefer oral or intercourse more?” or “What would you like to do that we’ve never attempted before?” — you know, things that will get him to open up to you in some different ways.
As far as dares go? Well, I’ll let you come up with some of those, although my next point can help to inspire you a bit (or you can purchase a Kinky Truth or Dare canister that already has some ideas prepared for you here ).
9. Alternate Sex Fantasies
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Probably the easiest way to explain a fantasy: it’s an idea or concept that is birthed out of your imagination. And here’s the thing — when it comes to executing some of your sexual fantasies, so long as you and your bae are mutually willing to try them out, it can make your sex life more spontaneous, more creative and so much more exciting. That said, in honor of the Valentine’s Day theme of your sexcation, why not start the time together off by agreeing that you each will share a fantasy and that you both will give what’s been said a shot?
Again, it’s got to be something that both feel safe and comfortable with; however, because a lot of couples fall into the rut of just “doing what works,” oftentimes they fail to bring deep desires to the forefront. A sexcation is the perfect time to change that. (By the way, some of the current most popular fantasies include BDSM, having sex in an unusual location, and taking oral sex to another level, so check out “9 Oral Sex Hacks To Make 2025 Your Most Satisfying Year Yet” when it comes to that last one).
10. Be Offline. THE ENTIRE TIME.
Unless you have young children (or sick parents), I don’t know why you need to be reachable during your sexcation. I also don’t know why it’s important to read news, scroll Instagram, or text folks for hours at a time. Hell, you can do all of that stuff when you get back to the real world. For now, enjoy the idea of focusing on no one and nothing else but you and your man. Besides, there is research to support the fact that intentional unplugging helps to reduce stress and stay in the moment which, interestingly enough, can increase your chances of having orgasms too. And speaking of orgasms…
11. Fill Up an “Orgasm Jar”
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Oh, the sex jar. If there is one thing that I wish that I had actually invented for my clients, it’s that. If you’ve never heard of one before, I once wrote about it: “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar”. Long story short, whenever a couple has sex, they should put money in a jar and agree to not take any out until 6-12 months later — then they spend it on something to do together. Whether it’s a movie or an international vacation, it’s totally up to them.
Well, something that I did just make up is an orgasm jar. While you’re on your sexcation, whether it’s from oral sex, intercourse, mutual masturbation, or whatever else, put money into a jar, each and every time one of you climaxes. At the end of the sexcation, go on a date. Again, the kind of date depends on how intentional both of you were (if you know what I mean). #wink
12. Stay Naked (As Much As Possible)
Clothes on…FOR WHAT? With the exception of the sexy fashion show that I referenced earlier, make the mutual decision to rock your birthday suits for the entire Valentine’s Day weekend. Being naked helps to boost your (sexual) self-confidence, keeps your vagina happy, increases male fertility (if baby-making is on the menu), decreases stress and it definitely promotes intimacy. And all of those are ingredients for having an exceptional sexcation.
BONUS: Rent a Vacation House
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The reason why I addressed having a sexcation from the comfort and convenience of your own home is because, if money is tight, that doesn’t mean that you have to skimp out on some mind-blowing sex — not at all. However, I did recently pen a piece about the fact that something as simple as changing the scenery of where you “engage” can also take your sexual experiences up a few notches (check out “How To Level Up Intimacy And Make 2025 Your Hottest Sex Year Yet”). So, if you’ve got a few extra bucks, splurge on a vacation house rental — then “Cupid” each and every room!
Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all!
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