Morning fell, and I rolled over to the exaggerated movements of my baby. Twisting and turning, he stretched and yawned. I stared at him in amazement that he was flesh of my flesh.
Five months had passed, and I was still in awe of my body's ability to create a living thing.
Eventually, he opened his eyes – locking them with mine before smiling the type of smile that made my heart sing. Today we took our time. There was no rush to hurry him off to his grandmother's before I scurried into the office. I would skip the parts of my day where mom guilt taunted me for leaving him and bypass daydreams of real time kisses that came before 5 o'clock.
He sat between my legs as I grabbed my laptop and logged on to work for the day. I smirked at his captivation as my finger strokes quickly pecked away at emails and instant messages.
A calendar reminder sounded off and my husband walked in. His usually stern face showed forth a wide smile as he rhythmically danced toward the bed, winning himself a laugh from our son. "Hey big boy!" he proclaimed to the baby. "How's daddy's man?"
My husband swooped up my son ready to take over his shift as I logged on to my conference call. I loved him more for it. He was a present help, a partner – the type of man I was proud to have a baby with.
Kandice Guice
The sun was flowing into our room. I looked at its rays illuminating everything it touched as I whispered thank yous to God for more time with the people I love.
Today my husband was home, free to help with the dishes and the baby. He was knocking out tasks around the house and periodically checking in to see if I needed anything while I worked. This was a pleasant change from the weeks before.
We'd both been busy with life. It may have been hormonal, but I'd missed him in passing. The heavens seemed to notice, reimbursing us with time.
I took call after call. Although I was handling business as usual, it felt different. There was a sense of compassion oozing through each conversation. We worked but something about the circumstances made us all a little more human and a little more bound together – even if we lived hundreds of miles away. "Excuse the background noise," our VP said in response to the sound of his son rumbling around in the background.
Oh, he has a son, I thought, realizing that there was more to him than the persona we carry of those in high positions. He was a person like me with a son who made occasional background noise while he was on important calls. How cool? How…human?
A manager sent out a funny picture that started a dialogue. Next, a colleague sent a picture of his workspace, the splendor of majestic mountains visible in the background.
We were learning little pieces of each other. Bonding together in ways we'd never tried before. I liked it. I liked them. I loved work more.
The day had been good. Homemade lunch with family and a strong finish to some projects. The sun was still smiling, inviting us outside.
Kandice Guice
"Let's go for an evening walk!" I proclaimed to the baby. His juicy bubbles spurting everywhere as I imagined him responding that the walk was a great idea.
Even outside was different. "Look at the families," I whispered.
Husbands and wives were planting gardens together. Sisters were drawing intricate chalk art in their driveways. Grandparents were listening to music as they sat on their porches. Young couples did workouts from their garages. It was as if we'd all slowed down enough to do the things that mattered most. They too were reclaiming their time. Neighbors I'd been too busy to meet waved with friendly smiles and through a simple walk, I felt the love of community.
As was a part of my usual custom, I logged into Instagram. My brother had created a group named "siblings". I chuckled at the cute and corny title, happy that all of us had a new space to check in with foolery.
Again, I was thankful. However slight, this was the beginning of a closer connection to my loved ones.
Next was a video chat with my dad. We hadn't always seen eye to eye, but we'd always found our way back to each other with renewed love. He made funny faces at the baby as he switched between calling himself pop-pop and granddaddy. Multitasking, I cooked dinner as we discussed baby milestones and cracked jokes. His laugh was contagious, and I was just as giddy about our time together as I'd been as a little girl during summers in Alabama.
There are more stories like these. They are moments that will be forever etched in my mind – a silver lining to the fear and devastation caused by COVID-19. Though I cannot minimize the effects of this virus, I cannot ignore the restoration, healing and renewed hope for humanity it has brought along with it.
Kandice Guice
It is visible all around us, sweeping over our lives in the quietest ways – begging us to be still enough to see it.
Fashion designers are shifting production to protective medical gear. Grocery cashiers and postal carriers are now everyday heroes. Old friends are mending odds. Young people are serving the elderly. Medical professionals are risking it all to save us all.
Even through death we are learning a new appreciation for life and the importance of legacy.
Like everyone else, I am praying that God will heal our land. But in the meantime, I am thankful for the healing power of COVID-19 and the beauty we are receiving in exchange for ashes.
Wherever you are in the world. I see you, I acknowledge you, and I send love to you. Your story may be light-years away from mine but no matter the difference we are all in this together, navigating a new world. I hope that during this time you find the time to love yourself and those around you a little bit more. I hope for you healing of your mind, body, and soul - a rebirth that elevates you like never before.
Featured image by Kandice Guice
Now masterdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masterdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masterdating All About?
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Masterdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masterdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masterdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masterdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masterdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masterdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masterdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masterdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masterdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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Featured image by FOTOGRAFIA, INC./Getty Images
