So, Nick Cannon Told T.I. He’s Never Getting Married Again—And I’ve Got A Few Thoughts
I like Nick Cannon. Sure, I don't agree with everything he has to say—P.S., we've got to stop acting like we're supposed to in order to appreciate what someone brings to the table and the culture—but ever since I saw his video "Can I Live?" many years ago, there's been a part of me that has respected his candor. Yesterday was no different. As he and T.I. (or is it Tip? I can't recall what Mr. Harris prefers these days) chopped it up on T.I.'s new podcast ExpediTIously, the segment where he discussed why he'll never get married again, it particularly caught my attention (of course, it did. I'm a woman, a relationships writer and a marriage life coach).
Nick Cannon On Why He's Never Getting Married Again | ExpediTIously Podcastwww.youtube.com
And because he said, right around the 6:13 mark, "I wish we had some women up in here because there's nothin' but testosterone goin' back and forth", when it comes to a few of his points, I simply wanted to share some of my own thoughts (after reading this, in the comment section, I invite y'all to do the same). Not because there is necessarily a right or wrong to all of this. But because, I believe, with everything in me, that one of the biggest problems in romantic relationships is, we don't listen to what the opposite sex is saying. We dismiss it. We judge it. We berate and denounce it. But we tend to not truly listen. And when it comes to what Nick said—along with some of my male friends who offered insight and clarity—I think a lot of emotional disappointment and relational drama could be spared if we actually did. Share our side? Sure. But give the floor to the flip of it? Also, yes.
Nick on What He Had to “Unlearn” in Life:
"My behavior when it comes to women. It's a whole new paradigm shift. Because I come from the culture of wantin' to be pimpin' and wantin' to be, you know, glorifying the aspect of disrespecting women. I'm still unlearning it, I'm gonna be honest, because my music is still using 'bitch', still using 'ho', but you know, at the same time, we're comin' into this world like, we're embracing our queens; we're gettin' back to that idea of uplifting a woman and understanding that the Black woman is god. But it's a hard thing to unlearn when it's been perpetuated from our music to our movies to sexism, in general, treatin' women like second-class citizens."
My Thoughts:
Kudos to Nick on this one. My senior year in high school/freshman year in college (1992) is when there was an episode of A Different World entitled "Someday Say Ho!" It was about Charmaine being called a "digit ho" by her math classmate, Terrell. He had to go before the school board because of it. You know, it's kind of amazin' that it really wasn't all that long ago when hearing a woman being called a "ho"—by a man or a woman, even if that woman is her friend—was considered to be highly-offensive. But I digress. Anyway, this part of what Nick said is important because it should be a reminder to us all that, whether it's "popular" or not, being seen as royalty is something that we as women should require regardless. When it comes to valuing Black women, giving the honor that is due is not a trend. Full stop.
Nick on If He’ll Ever Marry Again:
"I don't think I'll ever be able to be with just one woman again; that's gonna be tough for me. I did it in a marriage; I was very faithful in my marriage…the whole time I was married…but once I stepped away, I was like, 'That construct is not designed for me.'"
My Thoughts:
Something that I was telling a male friend of mine last night is I wonder if we as women are willing to even entertain that we might be a part of the reason why so many men seem to feel this way. Wasn't it in the intro of the movie Think Like a Man where Kevin Hart narrated that a part of the reason why men "prized" marriage was because they knew they weren't going to get sex any other way? And these days, a lot of us are giving way more than our treasure box. We cook for men, clean for men, help men with their bills—we act like we're their wife without even remotely requiring that they act like they're our husband. So honestly, I get why and how Nick could come to this conclusion. I used to be the kind of woman who would help a man get to this exact place (see "Why You're Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife").
Still, I think there's a bigger point here. Nick said that he does not want to get married. He stated that it's not the proper construct for him. Right after saying that, he went on to share that he doesn't believe in marriage. So, why did he marry Mariah Carey? I believe his exact quote was, "I don't believe in marriage, but s—t, it's Mariah Carey. Whatever she says, I'm with it." He also said that he knows he'll never be in a relationship again ("never" is a really strong word and a really long time, Nick). This is what came out of his own mouth. Nick actually said some form of this, several times, during this 13:32 minute portion of the podcast.
If Google is right, Nick will be 39 on October 8 (Happy Birthday in advance, sir). Although he has accomplished a lot, he is still relatively young. There is still plenty of time for him to evolve into other views and perspectives; like all of us, he still has the right to change his mind. But for now, he said marriage is the furthest thing from what he wants. He doesn't desire a wife. It doesn't matter how wonderful the woman may be. It doesn't matter how much he digs her company. It doesn't matter how good the sex may be either. He's not interested. He clearly said it.
Y'all, when a man tells us where he's at, it's not our job to try and convince him otherwise or to attempt to detect or decipher what he "really" means.
The reason why I wrote "One Overlooked Yet Obvious Indicator That A Man Is Husband Material" on this platform last December is because I used to be notorious for not taking men at their word; for thinking that since we had some sort of connection, they wanted the same kind that I did—if not immediately, eventually. I had to accept that taking that type of approach was not only semi-delusional but disrespectful to those men as well. Disrespectful? Yep. How would you feel if you told a guy something and he didn't take you seriously? See what I mean? It's OK to want what you want. It's also OK for a man not to want what you want. The key is to know when to let him go so that you can get to what you want. So that you both can be happy.
Nick on Why He Doesn’t Want to Get Married Again:
"I don't wanna be responsible for nobody else's happiness. Like, I'm still tryin' to figure out my s—t. I'm still tryin' to get my shit together…and, the fact that I have a condition that, stress, [it] puts me in the hospital on some lupus-type shit. And, to me, all relationships equal stress. I ain't never been in a relationship that wasn't stressful. Whether I was puttin' the stress on myself, or she was puttin' the stress on me…ever since I've been out of relationships, I haven't been back in the hospital… I love women, I love various women, and they understand how I move."
My Thoughts:
A wise person once said, "We all need to learn the difference between who we are responsible for vs. who we are responsible to." Although the responsibilities that a man has with a wife vs. a girlfriend are different, a woman with a healthy sense of self-worth knows that no man is "responsible for" her happiness; that is something she is to figure out on her own. But if what Nick is saying is he doesn't want a lot of relational responsibilities, period…then yeah, he should remain single. And again, kudos for him saying that he needs the time and space to get his own life together. No one should be out here "saving" folks. Let your Creator do that.
That said, the reality check for me was when Nick said that since he has not been with a woman, he has not been in the hospital either. Yikes. This one really hit home because I'm in sessions all of the time where I'm either looking at the husband or wife like, "Geeze, if you're like this here, I can only imagine what you're like at home." It definitely reminds me of what my final boyfriend once said, "A woman should be a man's sanctuary." It also reminds me of one of my favorite check-yo'self-before-you-wreck-yo' self Scriptures: "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." (Proverbs 14:1—NLT) Oh, this one too—"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and fault-finding woman." (Proverbs 21:9—AMPC)
Love and stress are not synonyms. All of us could stand to remember that on a daily basis.
That's what I have to say to us. What I will say to Nick and men in general, is I hear you. Just make sure that when you say "stress", you're not really meaning "responsibility". You know, I thought it was interesting that Nick did say that he wanted more children, just not a committed relationship. I don't know any relationship more "stressful" than the one parents have with their children and Nick, you're all for signing up for more of that. So sir, while I definitely think that every woman reading this should strive to be a "sanctuary space", at the same time, with TIME articles like "A Good Marriage May Help You Live Longer. Here's Why" and Vice's "Marriage Makes People Happier, New Study Finds", I'd encourage you to reflect on if it's relationships that are stress-filled or if it's the women who you're choosing to be in those relationships with. Or…could it be you, as you also mentioned? Just sayin'.
Nick’s Feelings on Love:
"I'm still a hopeless romantic. Just because I don't believe in relationships, doesn't mean I don't believe in love…I have certain situations where I'm like, 'Yo. I want this person to be in my life forever, but I don't wanna sign no paperwork with 'em''…why we gotta bring in government into this? I don't f—k with them already."
My Thoughts:
Ah, the government. If you don't know the history behind where marriage licenses in the United States came from, it's not a pretty story. It was basically a way to "police" interracial relationships. Still, whenever someone (usually a guy) tells me that they don't see the point in getting married because "it's just a piece of paper", I'm always like, "Then hand me the deed to your house or title to your car." Yeah, don't come at me with that. A marriage is a contract, no doubt. Benefits come with it too.
A woman who desires marriage is worthy of one. Again, full stop.
Aside from that, I will say that, although Nick seems to live, eat and breathe commitment-phobia, that doesn't mean that what he said here was contradictory or ridiculous. I know some men who feel the same way—that just because they don't desire a long-term commitment, that doesn't mean that they don't know how to love, or that they don't love. I think the reason why this is hard for a lot of women to accept is because, when they see all of the blaring red flags that a serious relationship isn't in the cards, it's usually after they've given their all. As a result, they feel gypped and resentful. I've got a couple of non-committers who love me. We get along just fine…now. Why? It's simple really. Since they don't want what I do, we're just friends. When you accept that out the gate, it's easy to care for—and be cared for by—someone who isn't on the same page as you but still has something of value to bring into your life (if indeed you feel that is the case).
Here’s a Doozy—Nick’s Feelings on the Purpose of Marriage:
"I believe that relationships, in mainly marriage, is designed to please women. Just because, they get the dress, they get the ring, and all of that stuff. All of their life, they're talking about oh, getting the husband…Like even at my wedding, I was a part of the wedding. Tell me where to stand, where to go, I'll be there. I'll repeat what this nigga say and…"
T.I. (in agreement on wedding planning, in general): "I've never seen anything that was so much of a racket."
My Thoughts:
A wise man once said, "God and a good wife are two of the best things that a man can have." That said, something that I tell brides-to-be all of the time is, "So, you're a bride for a day. You're a wife after that." Meaning, if you're a wife who's reading this, don't you find it interesting that Nick said that marriage is designed to please women, but then he immediately went into weddings to illustrate his point?" Personally, I will say that there aren't too many things that irritate me more than a woman who exclaims the Bridezilla statement, "It's MY day!" while she's in the wedding planning process. If you're taking your marriage seriously, your wedding day is an official declaration and celebration of your union; not of you to yourself but you to your husband. So, no…it's not just your day. It's y'all's day. Maybe if more of us saw it like that, less men would think about wedding like Nick does.
But Nick—and I think this is a great place to end this piece—I've heard you speak of God and the Bible often throughout your career. Again, even when it comes to religion and spirituality, humans tend to evolve. But I will say that when a woman was first introduced in Scripture, the word that was used is "helper" (Genesis 2:18).
God knew that men needed our help. And while being married to the right husband (which is another message for another time) means that we are loved, cherished and valued in a way that is truly incomparable, don't ever get it twisted—when a man is married to a good—and his right—wife, it pleases him. The help—"to give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need; contribute strength or means to; render assistance to; cooperate effectively with; aid; assist—that he receives, daily, most certainly pleases—brings pleasure and satisfaction—to him. I can send you at least 10 email addresses, off the top of my head, of husbands who will certainly vouch for that.
Again, although I didn't agree with all that Nick had to say, it did offer up some food for thought. It reminded me that in order to have my views respected, I need to respect the views of others; that men and women are not the same and it's OK because God made it that way, and again, when a man says something, whether I like, agree with it or not, I need to take it at face value. It spares a lot of unnecessary-ness. It helps to keep things clear and peaceful too.
Thanks for showing up in my YouTube feed yesterday, T.I. and Nick. This was the kind of talk—that needs to happen more often on both sides of the gender fence—for sure.
You can check out the entire part of the podcast here.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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