A couple of weeks ago, while I was in the process of doing some research on another topic that I will be addressing here sooner than later (stay tuned), I kept seeing two topics come up: monkey branching and cobwebbing. They were in the context of dating, and so, of course, I decided to go deeper.
While I already knew what monkey branching is (some of my clients do it), the concept of cobwebbing piqued my curiosity. Once I read what it was all about, I just knew that I had to write about it because, if there was less relational monkey branching and more cobwebbing going on out in these dating streets — the world would certainly be a safer place for us all (I’m…not…kidding).
If you’ve never heard of either term before and you’d like to know more about them, check out why monkey branching is so relationally counterproductive and how cobwebbing can totally change your dating life — for the better.
What Is Monkey Branching?
GiphyMonkey branching. Whew, chile. I think all of us have at least one friend who is an Olympian-level monkey brancher. Why do I say that? Okay, let me first explain what monkey branching is (in case you are someone who isn’t quite sure). You ever seen a cartoon where a monkey is swinging from limb to limb? If you look really carefully, they don’t release the branch that is behind them until they are able to fully grasp the branch that is before them; that way, they don’t fall. Now change the monkey out for a human and the branches out for other humans and, relationally, that is what monkey branching is in a nutshell.
Some relationship experts define it as someone who intentionally seeks out a new relationship while still being in one with another person so that they don’t have to ever end up being alone (which is a state of falling to some folks). My take? It is a bit different. For instance, I have someone in my world who I’ve been friends with for almost 20 years at this point. And you know what? Not once has she ever been single. When we first became close, she was in the middle of ending a relationship with someone and then, here came a guy from her past.
He courted her heavily to the point where, in a matter of months, she got engaged to him. Then, years later, when they separated, she reconnected with another ex. See what I mean? MONKEY BRANCHING. Believe it or not, it’s not so much because she’s afraid of being alone so much as she doesn’t take the time to step away to assess her patterns, so that she can actually learn from her experiences. As a direct result, she just keeps on repeating them.
Hmph. The interesting thing about this particular dating trend is, although it might seem like the monkey brancher is simply entitled and/or greedy and/or selfish behavior, that’s usually not the case. What’s really going on is those types of individuals typically have an anxious attachment style, they are dealing with some form of love addiction (check out “6 Signs You're A Love Addict”) or they are more than a little insecure and so they rely on the validation that being in some type of something with someone brings.
And so, when, for whatever the reason, a relationship hits some really hard times and/or looks like it’s about to run its course, they make sure that they are with another person (in some shape, form or fashion) before totally calling it “quits” with the first individual.
And that’s why I have a bit of a different take because while some people think that monkey branching is about intentional cheating, I think monkey branching is about not making the time to heal and evolve in between relationships. What other people believe vs. myself? I think both are semi-toxic behaviors.
As for my version of monkey branching — why is “toxic” the word that I would go with? Chile, lemme count the ways because, if you don’t know how to end things thoroughly, what you will essentially do is carry baggage on top of baggage on top of even more baggage into every relationship you get into (which makes things unnecessarily stress-filled and burdensome).
Also, because you never took the time to pause, ponder and reflect, you never really fully grow from your relationships — and that typically leads to cyclic behavior, wasted time and relationships that are only subpar and ho-hum in comparison to the quality ones that you could’ve had…if only you would’ve chosen to be a cobwebber instead of a monkey brancher.
And just what is cobbing all about?
What Is Cobwebbing?
GiphyHave you ever sat and wondered what cobwebs actually are? The best way to describe them is they are webs that spiders have left behind; ones that, if they aren’t removed, over time, dust and debris cling to them. The interesting thing about cobwebs is, if you were to read articles about them, many would probably say that they are what transpire when you neglect to thoroughly clean parts of your home.
Hmm…can you see where this is going?
For this one, let’s call your heart your house and spider webs the connections that you’ve had with certain men. Based on the dynamic of the relationship, even if they are gone in the physical sense, if you never took the time to “clear them away” from you — there will still be remnants of them lingering and lurking around. And so, what cobwebbing does is remove those “webs” that have collected in your space that don’t serve much of a purpose anymore, so that you can fully heal from those situations and/or you can become “free and clear” to move forward with someone else.
Okay, so what could a potential cobweb be?
- Comparing every guy in your present to someone in your past.
- Still having sex with an ex, even though you know it’s not going anywhere past the bedroom.
- Allowing an old boyfriend to have access to you…whenever he feels like it. Even casually.
- Talking to a toxic former partner on social media (even if it’s just on birthdays…he’s toxic regardless).
- Holding on to every single thing that an ex gave you.
- Bringing them up as much as possible…when doing so doesn’t even really make sense.
- “Editing” the past to make the relationship seem better/healthier than it actually was.
- Finding ways to keep them in your life, even though there’s no real reason to past nostalgia.
- Not moving on because you are hoping that your ex will return…eventually.
- Justifying what you know is nonsense; whether it’s about them or the relationship.
Now be honest with yourself — no matter how much you may want to romanticize or even deflect from these points, how can any of these “webs” be good and beneficial for you? How does a current guy get a fair shot if he’s competing with some dude he doesn’t even know yet you keep comparing him to? When will you ever be ready to be intimate with someone new if you keep creating oxytocin bonds with ole’ boy?
See, the thing that I like about cobwebbing is it encourages you to hold yourself accountable when it comes to stuff like this. It reminds you that in order to have the kind of relationship that you claim to want and deserve (check out “Before You Talk About What You 'Deserve'...Do You Know What That Even Means?”), you need to put your mind, body and spirit in the position to do just that.
And that means cleaning out the old in order to be fully ready for the…new.
3 Tips to Stop Monkey Branching
GiphyAight, so it doesn’t make much sense to talk about what monkey branching and cobwebbing are if I’m not going to at least point you in the direction of how to become less of a monkey brancher and more of a cobwebber as well.
Let’s go with the monkey branching self-work first:
1. Get. Closure.
Some people aren’t a fan of closure; hell, I am. Closure is literally the act of shutting things down and bringing a conclusion to them. How can that be problematic? Besides, when you don’t officially get closure, that tends to leave a door cracked and the brief moment when I was in sales, what I always remembered is, if someone cracks a door or stays on a call with you for longer than five seconds, you definitely have a shot with them. Hmph. A lot of humans are in relationship sales. Always remember that.
2. Figure out why you struggle with being completely single.
If you keep monkey branching because you don’t like the thought of being alone, do me a favor and check out “If You're Not In Love With Being Single, Ask Yourself These 6 Questions” when you get a chance. While there is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship, something is a bit internally awry if you need it so badly that you can’t ever be by yourself (which is why you should also check out “10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'” and “10 Bona Fide Benefits Of Being Single”).
3. Be intentional about going through a season of sex/dating abstinence.
Although it’s so transactional out here these days that I don’t know if people remember it anymore, dating is about getting to know someone (them not their wallet or their body in record time) better. And honestly, that’s how a season of abstinence from sex and dating altogether should be seen as: a time to get to know yourself, so that you’re not “grasping at straws” when it comes to men — you are vetting who truly complements you and your life because you know yourself well enough to accurately do so.
3 Tips to Make You a Master at Cobwebbing
GiphyTo tell you the truth, if you take the three steps that I just suggested literally and seriously when it comes to what it takes to release yourself from being a monkey brancher, the following three tips for how to become a solid cobwebber will probably come naturally to/for you.
1. See a therapist or relationship life coach.
My friend who I mentioned earlier. She’s in therapy, in part, for her monkey branching issues. Praise the Lord because something else that monkey branchers tend to do is over-romanticize their limbs/branches because they lack personal accountability. A reputable therapist/counselor/relationship life coach can help you in that department by asking you some questions that you probably wouldn’t ask yourself, confronting you with “aha moments” that you would probably dodge otherwise and provide you with tips to get you out of the hamster wheel of monkey branching that you keep putting yourself into.
2. Do some relational journaling.
It’s kind of weird how some people can’t see their patterns, even though they are the ones living them. Sometimes, what “shows them themselves” is journaling — and yes, when you’re in the process of removing your relational webs, writing down your thoughts, feelings, fears, habits when it comes to your “branches” can help you to see what you and doing and why. So yes, definitely commit to journaling as you’re in the process of detoxing/setting yourself free.
3. Remove the past. COMPLETELY.
Some people have a stronger hold on us than others — TRUST ME, I KNOW. And what I’ve had to learn is because they’re not going to stop being fine and we’re not going to stop having some sort of chemistry — if the potential cons far exceed the potential pros, I need to just…end it. COMPLETELY (Anthony David’s “Cold Turkey” actually just came to mind). No phone calls. No random texts. No asking about them via people we have in common. It’s in the past…so just…leave it there. Because just like cobwebs can come in the form of people, they can come in the form of thoughts as well — the less you engage, the sooner things…fade away.
___
Remember how I said earlier than monkeys don’t release a “back branch” without holding firmly to a “front branch” because they don’t want to fall? For them, it’s for safety purposes. Thinking that being alone is going to harm you? Yeah, that’s not a healthy, wise or beneficial mindset — and that is a huge part of the reason why monkey branching is a huge “uh-uh” and cobwebbing gets a standing ovation.
Standing on your own, so that you don’t have to keep leaning on remnants of the past and potentials of the future simultaneously? That’s how you ultimately end up with a whole man — not fragments of a few.
Stop neglecting yourself and what you actually need. Clean those cobwebs out, sis.
Not eventually…NOW.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Luckily, there are some things that you can do to either speed up the healing process of a cold or make having one more bearable than usual. Things that are affordable, all-natural, and easy to incorporate into your daily routine.
Are you ready to know how to nip a damn cold in the bud…before you even get one?
Here ya go.
1. Fire Cider
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Two drinks that I am gonna drink all the way down, each and every fall season, are hot chocolate and apple cider (that’s warmed up). So, when I read about something called “fire cider,” it absolutely caught my attention. If you’re not familiar with it, fire cider is a homemade drink that consists of things like apple cider vinegar, herbs and other ingredients that are specifically designed to boost your immune system.
I won’t lie to you — since some of the traditional recipes contain things like onion and garlic (sulfur has potent medicinal properties) and sometimes even hot peppers (which help to clear up congestion) — although fire cider might not be your favorite as far as your palate is concerned, the viruses (because there are reportedly somewhere around 200 of ‘em) that cause colds will lose a lot of their impact if you drink this; and that makes it worth a shot — well, swallow. Some fire cider recipes can be found here, here and here.
2. Probiotics
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.” — and that alone should explain why and how a probiotic can help to prevent colds and make it easier to get over them. The reality is that a healthy gut is what helps to monitor how your immune system reacts and responds to harmful pathogens that may try and get into your system, including ones that cause the common cold.
And since probiotics feed your gut with “good bacteria,” this gives your gut the ability to be better (and quicker) at fighting off the bad. So yeah, take a probiotic — all of the time and definitely while you have a cold. It helps.
3. Peppermint (or Eucalyptus) Oil
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Although I rarely get sick (praise the Lord!), when I do catch a cold, I think what I hate the most is not being able to comfortably breathe. Well, something that is proven to help with that is peppermint essential oil. That’s because it contains properties that act as a natural decongestant as well as a fever reducer. Another essential oil that can hook you up in this department is eucalyptus oil. It’s bomb because it helps to soothe a nagging cough, it can clear up chest congestion and ultimately makes it easier to breathe.
So, before turning in at night, either mix a few drops of one (or both) of these oils with a carrier oil like grapeseed, avocado or jojoba, warm it up for 10 seconds in the microwave and apply it to the sides of your nose or on your best or back. Or put the oil in a diffuser. It can quickly ease cold-related symptoms while also making it so much easier for you to rest (which is something else your body needs to get over a cold; more on that in a sec).
4. Zinc Lozenges
Zinc is a mineral that helps to keep your immune system healthy and strong — and since a weakened immunity is directly connected to having more colds (2-4 a year is considered to be “normal,” by the way), it’s always a good idea to have some zinc in your body. As it relates to colds, specifically, aside from the fact that zinc can help you from catching one to begin with, there are also studies which say that sucking on zinc lozenges can help to shorten the timespan of a cold as well.
To be fair, some people have said that zinc lozenges make them feel nauseated; however, everything has its pros and cons and so, how would you know if you’re one of these folks unless you try it? Oh, and while we are on this topic, there are also zinc supplements and foods that are high in zinc (like red meat, lentils, hemp seeds, cashews and quinoa) if you want to try and get more zinc into your system that way (although lozenges are gonna be your best bet on the shortening tip; just sayin’).
5. Foods Rich in Vitamin C
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Speaking of foods that can fight a cold, out of all of what you’ve read here, probably what you are quite familiar with is the fact that vitamin C and colds are mortal enemies. In fact, one pretty significant study says that by taking one gram of vitamin C a day during a cold, you can reduce the severity of your symptoms by as much as 15 percent.
That’s because vitamin C is packed with antioxidants, it helps to reduce bodily inflammation and it helps to strengthen your immunity too. Foods that are full of vitamin C include chili and yellow peppers, kale, kiwi, papaya, broccoli, kale and citrus fruits.
6. Elderberry Tea
If you’re someone who likes to put preserves on your biscuits or toast, have you ever tried one that is made from elderberries (recipe here)? It’s actually pretty good — and good for you because elderberries are high in vitamin C, fiber and antioxidants. And that is why they are great whenever you are trying to hurry up and get over a cold because they also contain properties that are literally antiviral — and since a cold is a virus…well, there you have it.
One of the best ways to get elderberries into your system? Elderberry tea. If you add honey to it, honey can help to shorten symptoms like a stuffy nose, sore throat and cough by 1-2 days. Very cool.
7. REST
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Did you know that even one day of not getting the sleep that you need to weaken your immune system and increase bodily inflammation at the same time too? That’s because one of the benefits of a good night’s rest is it rejuvenates and recharges your system, so that your immunity can work at its optimal level.
Not only that but, according to science, if you already have a cold, getting plenty of rest can benefit you on a few different levels as well. First, your cytokines (proteins that boost your immunity) are released when you sleep.
Second, your body temperature elevates enough to kill some of the bacteria and viruses that are making you sick. Finally, sleep provides you with the energy that you need in order to get through the day while you are healing from your sickness. So, if you want to get through your cold ASAP, be intentional about getting as much rest as you possibly can.
BONUS: A Humidifier
When you get a chance, please check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”. There really are all kinds of solid reasons to invest in a humidifier around this time of the year — and one of them is to make getting through the cold (and flu) season so much easier for you. Since humidifiers bring moisture into the air, that can help to loosen up congestion, soothe an irritated throat, decrease coughing, help with the healing process of respiratory infections and it can help you to sleep better — so that you can get past your cold sooner.
So, if you don’t already have a humidifier, cop one ASAP. Your future colds will absolutely hate that you did. LOL. For a list of some highly recommended humidifiers that are currently on the market, click here.
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