A few months after the announcement of their split in November 2022, Love Is Blind alum Raven Ross is finally speaking her piece about the events that led to her final breakup with Sikiru "SK" Alagbada. In less than a week after Netflix premiered the Love Is Blind: After the Altar episodes that showcased Raven and SK's re-engagement, Raven was a special guest on the podcast The Viall Files. The episode gave her the space to be open and vulnerable about what happened since the Netflix hit show wrapped and also provided a timeline for SK's infidelity that ultimately led to the demise of their second chance at love.
The Viall Files, hosted by another reality dating show alum, Nick Viall of The Bachelor fame, was a lengthy interview where the two connected on finding love on reality TV, being cheated on, and moving forward. In the episode, aptly titled, "Raven Ross Tells All," Raven was able to demystify the image of SK that Love Is Blind portrayed and the man that she fell in love with and breakdown his web of lies, the manipulation she endured throughout the relationship, and what it felt like to live it all so publicly.
Here's what you missed.
If it wasn't heartbreaking enough to relive what must have been a high point of their relationship in the recently dropped After the Altar episodes where (spoiler alert) Raven and SK get engaged for a second time in the series (in an elaborate set-up orchestrated by SK, at that), the viewers/listeners of the episode are introduced to footage of Raven happily summarizing the beauty of her relationship with SK from a previous episode of The Viall Files.
In the clip played for the audience, she can be heard saying that the cornerstones of what makes them work as a couple are "trust" and "communication." "There is so much love there," she said in the clip. "He's literally my best friend."
Watching Raven's face as she listens to herself during happier times was just...rough, for lack of a better word. She kept it together though and said in reference to the clip, "It just really brings me back to like, I really felt like that. And I felt like, you know, we had filmed so long ago, it was nice to kind of like finally talk about our story because like you said it was so different, especially than everyone else's."
She continued, "We had some different circumstances that made our relationship different, culturally, the school thing, having to move. That was all against us and we still made something really, really cool work. And, like, I was just so proud of us and super in love. So to watch that, I'm like dang..."
The conversation between Nick and Raven then immediately segues into when Raven first caught wind of the cheating allegations on social media. Raven noted that it came at different times "with different women but it started with one girl who he actually met in San Francisco." Later, she would confirm that this was the woman SK met on Hinge while in San Francisco. Of note, by this time (unbeknownst to us viewers), Raven and SK were indeed engaged again (since August 2022 apparently).
She added about SK's cheating and seeing the video on TikTok posted by the woman, "When I found out about it, I found out with everyone else, on TikTok."
Raven set the scene, detailing that her first finding about it occurred right before Thanksgiving. SK was at school, and she was in Dallas. Her phone went "crazy" with people hitting her up asking if she had seen what the girl was alleging. Raven said during that time she watched the video she realized some of the messages and pictures the woman shared on her TikTok were the same ones SK also sent her while he was in Austin.
"Copy and paste," she said. "It was literally verbatim. The same selfie. The same words."
(L to R) SK Alagbada and Raven Ross in 'Love Is Blind.'
Sara Mally/Netflix
Raven explained to the hosts that she rationalized the betrayal at the time by viewing it as mostly words (aside from SK's eventual admittance to her that he saw the woman one time but it wasn't a date). She referred to that fact as his "saving grace" in her decision to move past it and stick beside him. “I’m sure this is the time when people are gonna say, ‘Girl you should have known,’ and yeah, I should have known. But everyone goes through this,” Raven told the hosts.
“It’s not like this was a thing in our relationship…I had never really had a feeling. There were little things along the way that I had kind of pushed down, but it’s not like I had girls DMing me all the time, ‘Oh I was with your man.’ And I truly trusted him so much. I mean, by this point when I’m finding this all out we already have an apartment together. Like, we already, like, do everything together. We already were, like, making plans to move to L.A. together."
"So it's, you know, I'm like, he wouldn't be doing all of this if he wasn't into it," she concluded.
The timeframe of when the messages and the Hinge-date-not-date with the woman happened in March 2022, which she reasoned with herself was so far from where they were in their relationship in November. "We were in a far different place by the time it was November," Raven said of their growth, adding that the conversation with SK at that time was, "'I'm gonna ride for you.'"
Raven explained she was good with that mindset until a few days later when the next bomb dropped that Raven described as "more damaging" because SK shared "quite a long past" with the woman. "The second one was far worse," she revealed.
"By the time the second girl came out on TikTok, he was already back home. So we were together at this point, physically at our apartment in Dallas. And again, we were just sitting in our kitchen and both of our phones start going crazy." They watched the video together and Raven recalled to Nick, the host, that that was followed by silence, noting that SK "does that thing where he’s got to ghost for a little bit and get the lies together.”
Raven detailed going into her closet to cry on the floor since it's her safe space where she allows herself to break if she has to. While the second woman dropped her video and then a second one not too soon after, Raven confessed that she felt like her "life was crumbling before her eyes."
Not only was a couple's trip between SK and the girl to Europe was exposed, but a couple's trip to Cabo was also exposed some time later. The latter of which dealt a heavier blow to Raven because it showed her a different reality than the one she was led to believe by SK.
Apparently, the weekend before the Cabo trip, Raven and SK took a trip to her hometown of New Orleans for her birthday trip where they spent time with her mom and family. Raven noted that as a big deal for her and told SK during that time that it was a grand gesture on her part to show him her readiness to do things "right outside of Love Is Blind." In her eyes, the relationship was deepening, but his true actions of going on a couple's trip with another woman a week later showed another story.
“My heart just sank and I made him tell me when….That point was the first time when I started using the words, ‘We’re about to be done. You’re pushing way past my limit because this is a bold-faced lie and you knew we were together at that point. You can't... you can’t argue it.'"
When asked why wasn't she already past her limit at that point, Raven addressed the question head-on and confessed that it was hard for her to separate the truth that was unfolding in real-time via TikToks and SK's admissions, from the man that she fell in love with in the pods, the trust that she had for him and the life that they were actively building together. In her mind, they had a lease to an apartment together, and he had re-proposed to her by this time after all.
She listed things like his intelligence and his kindness toward her and the fact that he was her best friend. "You keep telling yourself, 'Well, that's the person that I'm with,'" she explained before later adding, "I'm not giving myself excuses, but I think a lot of women go through this. People [go through this]."
Raven also went on to say that when everything was unfolding, she also felt "confused." In her eyes, her actions and her intentions aligned with the things she said she saw for them and the fact that she wanted the relationship. She said she was "all in" but sometimes his actions suggested that he wasn't on the same page. In retrospect, she told Nick that the reason she felt confused in those moments was that SK "wasn't really there with me." Raven would also reveal later in the episode that SK eventually told her that she was not his "type."
She continued, "We've talked about it after the fact but he really wasn't putting in 100% and I was."
Listen to "Raven Ross Tells All" in full for even more details below:
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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