In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take an in-depth look at love and relationships between married couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like.
Whether it is with our friendships or our partners, God makes no mistake when placing the right people in our lives. For married couple Jamal and Lisa Ford, God was very instrumental in the way they found each other and later found love. Their love story began way, way back in the day when the two were only kids. At nine years old, a young Lisa was attending children's church like she did any other Sunday. To her surprise, there was an unfamiliar eight-year-old boy sitting in her usual seat. As kids, they would meet as strangers, unaware of the love story that would unfold between them years later as they grew into adulthood. It was the start of their forever, but neither of them knew it yet.
After meeting, Lisa and Jamal became friends and would eventually become a couple in 2014. They'd date for six years before officially tying the knot and saying "I do". For this married couple of nearly a year, it wasn't hard for them to see a future together. While Lisa and Jamal knew each other for most of their lives, they naturally had a bond with one another that grew into true love. According to Lisa, marriage is about making your own rules. So the couple makes it a priority to not only keep their marriage fun and exciting, but to also build a legacy together for their family and future generations.
In this installment of "Our First Year", xoNecole was able to sit down with Lisa and Jamal to talk more about patience with one another, facing marital fears, and trusting God as the foundation of love.
How They Met
Lisa: We actually met in children's church. We were both young, aged 8 and 9. One day I saw that he was sitting in my seat. I thought to myself, 'Who is this kid sitting in my seat?' He was visiting the church that day, so I was definitely curious to know who he was and why he chose my seat to sit in (laughs).
Jamal: She's right (laughs). It was my first day at the church and while I was sitting in her seat, I was meeting my cousin there too. My cousin just so happened to be Lisa's best friend at the time. So after church, I went to my cousin's house for dinner and they both still talked about "the boy that was in Lisa's seat" (laughs).
The One
Lisa: We started talking to each other in the summer of 2014 and dated in the fall. I remember telling my best friend, "I wonder if he's going to give me a promise ring soon." My friend thought I was crazy and joked that we only have been dating for a short while. But the reason why I mentioned the promise ring is because I knew he was the one. We started off as friends and gradually became each other's best friend. I just knew he was my person.
Jamal: I knew Lisa was the one because when we were dating I would say to myself, 'I don't see myself being with anyone else.' Thinking about that really made me want to see this through and take that next step with her.
Courtesy of Lisa Ford
"I mentioned the promise ring is because I knew he was the one. We started off as friends and gradually became each other's best friend. I just knew he was my person."
Deepest Fears
Lisa: My biggest fear walking into marriage was that we would get so caught up in a routine and we would forget about the romance. Growing up, I saw a lot of married couples who didn't look happy. I knew I didn't want that to be my story. I didn't want to just settle in a marriage where things became predictable. I always wanted to have that romance aspect in marriage. What honestly helped me get over my fear before getting married was to just get married. Once we were married, we talked about how we wanted our marriage to be and defined certain things for us to do in order to keep our marriage fun.
Jamal: My biggest fear was finances.When I was trying to find a ring for her, I was in college at the time. So I thought about just being able to afford things and provide for her whenever she needed. But Lisa is very driven, so I knew that she would help if we ever had any finance troubles. I trust her and just the nature of our relationship helped me get over that fear.
Early Challenges
Lisa: For me, one of the biggest challenges was trying to balance building a marriage and building a business. I am really driven and once I say I am going to do something, I stick it out. Even if that means me working till late at night. That was hard for Jamal because by the time I'm done working, I don't want to spend any quality time [together]. I just want to go to bed.
Jamal: I know for me, I have been navigating through my mental health. I have PTSD and it can be hard sometimes for Lisa. Before we even got married, she was helping me with it. I feel so blessed to have been supported by her all this time. She has been patient. She would talk me through my different emotions and just be there for me. It's very healing knowing you have someone in your corner when you have a mental health condition. I really appreciate her.
Lessons Learned
Jamal: There is no limit to how much you can love someone. Love is selfless and, in the name of love, you are capable of doing anything for someone without expecting anything in return.
Lisa: My biggest lesson has been loving someone the way they need to be loved. If I am loving you the way I receive love, then it doesn't benefit the other person. So it's important to know how to show up for my husband in a way that he will be able to receive my love for him.
Courtesy of Lisa Ford
"There is no limit to how much you can love someone. Love is selfless and, in the name of love, you are capable of doing anything for someone without expecting anything in return."
Building Together
Lisa: This may sound materialistic, but we want to be the first millionaires of our family (laughs). We are trying to break generational curses and create that wealth. We have seen our parents work so hard and they are still working till this day. We want to be able to help our family to the point where they can enjoy life.
Jamal: We definitely want to help support our families financially, but we also want to help the less fortunate. Really make an impact in the community and bring positive change.
Featured image courtesy of Lisa and Jamal
RELATED
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Know what’s wild, though? There are actually some science-based reasons why so many of us are such big fans of that time of the year — one that is steadily approaching. So, if you’ve been trying to talk yourself out of getting a new neutral-colored comforter for your bed or you’re wondering if you’ve already gone too far with the pumpkins that you’ve got on your porch — my answer would be that you haven’t done enough to officially ring fall in! I’m not the only one who thinks that, either. Quite a bit of research thoroughly agrees.
It Takes Us Back to Our Childhoods
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It’s very common for fall to create feelings of nostalgia.For instance, even though it’s the season that technically doesn’t happen until the third week of September, many of us associate it with the first day of school, high school games, new television schedule line-ups (gee, remember that?), some of our favorite foods and drinks (like ginger snaps and hot cocoa), corn mazes, carving pumpkins, going trick-or-treating, attending fall festivals and so much other stuff that made autumn such a special time while growing up. Yeah, I bet if you thought back to what fall was like back when you were a kid right now, at least a couple of memories would immediately bring a smile to your face. (See…I told you.)
The Aesthetic Is Cozy and Comforting
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Scented candles. Roaring fireplaces. Fresh chrysanthemums. Foliage art. Metallic branches in vases. Neutral throw rugs. Carved pumpkins. Warm hues. Big throw pills. Cable-knit blankets. All of these are things that say “fall is here” in the most cozy and comforting ways. I mean, can you think of another time of year that beckons you to stay indoors more than fall does? Yeah, me neither.
It Boosts Your Self-Image
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Listen, if there’s one thing that I’m gonna do during the fall and winter seasons, it’s layer my outfits. That’s actually one of the reasons why I like fall so much — it’s because the fashion and style takes tend to be super on-point. And yes, based on what I’ve read, that’s another reason why a lot of people like the fall so much…since layering is about adding additional articles of clothing on, you don’t have to worry (as much) about the condition that your body is in like you do in the summertime. And when your body image is elevated, so is your confidence overall.
The Landscape Calms Us Down
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You might’ve already been aware of the fact that when you spend time in nature, it can help to de-stress you. Well, were you also aware of the fact that the beautiful colors of fall foliage can keep you calm as well? If you know anything about color psychology, this makes a lot of sense, considering a lot of leaves are shades of red (love), orange (happiness), and yellow (hope). So, if you’ve had a really stressful day at work, take the long way home to check out some fall trees or even rake up a pile and jump into them like when you were a kid. It could end up giving you the feeling of much-needed relief that you’ve been looking for.
It Creates a “Temporal Landmark”
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If you’ve never heard of a temporal landmark before, the long short of it is it’s moments in time that stand out to you to the point that it creates the perceptions that you currently have, plus it influences how you use your time in real-time. Since the holiday season kicks off during the fall season, activities like football games and homecomings mean a lot to people, and for some of us, the fall season marks the beginning of a new year (Rosh Hashanah), that’s another thing that makes autumn such a wonderful time of the year — we enjoy the way that we spend that season…a lot.
It’s an Unexpected Motivator
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On the heels of what I just said, whether you observe Rosh Hashanah or the winding down of the year is simply when you choose to pause and reflect in preparation for the calendar new year that is to come, some people really like the fall season because it motivates them to set new plans and goals. In fact, when you get a chance, check out “Why Fall Is The Perfect Time To Prep For The New Year.”
Using the next couple of months to ease into the new year makes a helluva lot more sense than jotting something down on New Year’s Eve real quick and then pressuring yourself to follow through for the first month of January.
It Means More Time with Family and Friends
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There’s probably no other time in the year when you are able to spend so much quality time with your loved ones than during the fall season, especially if they live out of town. I mean, just Thanksgiving alone proves that. Plus, winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21, which means that if you take time off leading into Christmas to visit family as well — that’s two times in less than a month that you’ve been able to get in some family and friends bonding time. If you love being around your family, fall always gives you time with them to look forward to.
It Means More Fall-Themed Sex
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When you get a chance, check out “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex.” A part of the reason why I wrote it is because, did you know that late fall/early winter are the best times of the year to get some nookie? If you don’t believe me, also read “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”
Between it being darker for a longer period of time, science saying that rainy weather actually makes us hornier, and pumpkins being an aphrodisiac (among other things) — if fall wasn’t your favorite time of year before you read this, maybe it will convince you to change your mind. Enjoy your fall season, everybody! Oh, and read up on what the combination of pumpkin and lavender scents can do for your boudoir experience. Thank me later. #wink
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