What If You're 'All Alone In Love'...In Your Marriage?
A few days ago, I was having a conversation with some folks about songs that should've been official singles yet never were. One of the ones that I shared was Mariah Carey's "All Alone in Love" (a song that she wrote when she was only 15, by the way). To me, it's a perfect way to intro this piece because I have had enough personal experiences and counseled enough people to know that it is very possible to be in a relationship with someone — and still feel quite alone in it. Not because your partner doesn't love you. Not because they're up to some totally f'ed up shenanigans. It's just…even though you signed up for a true and lasting partnership, somehow you now feel some of the very words that define what being alone can feel like: unattended, detached, unassisted, semi-compassionless and perhaps even abandoned on some levels.
As you can already tell, this isn't the kind of article that is for the masses. However, if you are married and this has already resonated with you on some level, before you consider an affair, separation or straight up filing for divorce, please ponder the following seven questions until you get the answers that you need. Then run them by your husband. And a reputable therapist/counselor/life coach if necessary to get back to what you signed up for — which definitely wasn't being alone…while you're married.
1.What’s Changed from When You Were Dating to Now?
When a lot of people reflect on the best times in their relationship, it's not uncommon for them to talk about when they were dating their significant other. That was back when things were fresh, new and exciting. It's also when both people tend to be far more proactive and intentional about their words and actions. That's why I personally recommend that if you're currently feeling alone in your relationship, pull out a journal and really think about what things were like back before you and yours even got engaged. What was he doing differently? Shoot, while you're at it, what were you doing differently?
The reason why both questions are pretty relevant is because, while a lot of wives have told me that her husband no longer "woos her" like he used to, if I then look at the husband, he will oftentimes say that he no longer feels inspired to because he feels totally taken for granted (check out "This Is How To Avoid Taking Your Spouse For Granted"). Yeah, that's the thing about marriage. Oftentimes, both people are feeling the same way at the same time about certain things, they just have a different perspective about it. I'll tap more into that in just a bit.
2.How Much Does Quality Time Matter to You?
You know something that is interesting to me about love languages? The top two that I have (words of affirmation and physical touch), they totally make sense to me. The other three — acts of service, quality time and gifts — I oftentimes have to mentally and emotionally extend myself to meet those needs in others; especially when it comes to quality time. The last boyfriend that I had was a quality time person. So is one of my closest girlfriends. And I'll be honest, sometimes I have to refrain from feeling like that "language" is a little on the needy side because you've gotta make time to honor quality time. While you can pick up a Hallmark card from the store and/or hug me, when it comes to my quality time folks, I've literally got to set time aside to pay attention to them — and only them. And, depending on what my time is looking like, that can be a bit of a challenge.
I'm single and I feel this way. I can only imagine how married folks (especially ones with small children) must feel; especially if they are a quality time kind of individual or they happen to be married to one. I do think this is a relative point to bring up, though, because if you happen to be a quality time type of person and your partner isn't and they aren't very sensitive about you being this way, that could be where the lines are getting crossed. They're not ignoring you; they simply don't need quality time to feel loved in the way that you do.
So yes, this is another relevant point to think about. If you currently feel alone in your marriage, could it be that your love language isn't being spoken very fluently? And if that is indeed the case, do you have some suggestions on how your partner can be more "vocal" in this way? Something that my ex needed was total eye contact with no distractions (including electronic ones like my phone notifications going off). My girlfriend likes to talk on the phone for at least an hour. Other examples of quality time include going out on dates and vacations, playing board and card games together, cooking as a couple, going for a walk, enjoying a bubble bath together — things that the two of you can do together and alone.
The reason why I provided some suggestions is because, when you're a quality time type of individual, it's pretty easy to feel alone in your relationship, even if you've got a pretty healthy relationship, including a sexual one (check out "Married Folks: Ever Wonder If Your Sex Life Is 'Normal'?"). The reason why I bring up sex is because, while your husband may be all good with physical intimacy being seen as quality time, since quality time is your love language, you probably need a lot more attention than that. And so, if he's not a quality time person, you may need to provide examples of how he can spend time with you — time that is outside of the bedroom (check out "15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language" and "Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?").
3.Are Your Expectations Realistic?
Not too long ago, I read a quote that has remained yelling in my head ever since I saw it. I don't know who to credit it to yet the quote simply says, "Relationships fail because people take their own insecurities and try and twist them into their partner's flaws." Pass the plate. Pass the freakin' plate. Yeah, a part of the reason why a lot of marriages struggle, if not flat-out fail, is because people go into them with super unrealistic expectations and sometimes they are based on their own insecurities.
For instance, I know a husband who's been miserable, pretty much for most of his marriage (and it's been well over 20 years at this point). One reason is because his wife is insecure. Another reason is because she doesn't really respect what he does for a living. While she enjoys the financial benefits that come from it, she didn't process what being married to someone in the music business requires — long hours, travel, engaging people of the opposite sex, weird working schedules, etc. So, when she decided to quit her own job (which suddenly freed up all kinds of time), she started "pulling on her husband" to make more time for her. Meanwhile, although he supported her decision to not work anymore, he was like, "You quit your job, I didn't. I've still got to focus on my other priorities."
Now she's constantly calling him, has a billion questions about where he's at and is talking about how lonely she feels when…is that really the case? Is she lonely or is she now bored and putting the pressure on her husband to compensate for the choices that she made and the insecurities that she has? And if it's the latter, how realistic is it for him to do so? Not just realistic but fair. Lawd, I can't tell y'all how many couples I've worked with where the quote that I shared at the top of this point rings loud and clear. While no one should feel abandoned or neglected in their marriage (more on what that truly means in a bit), it's also not a spouse's job to do for you what you should be doing for yourself. That wife needs to find a hobby, do some community work, get into some personal counseling — something. Because her husband isn't causing her to feel lonely; her own insecurities, combined with the fallout from her own decisions and then not choosing to replace what she lost with something else are her triggers. BIG DIFFERENCE.
4.Have Your Needs Been Articulated?
It was about a year ago when I wrote an article for this platform entitled, "So, Experts Have Something To Say About Your Intuition's Accuracy". Yeah, while I know that a lot of us — and by "us", I mean, women — think that our intuition is 100 percent accurate, research (and I) disagree. Yes, oftentimes, that "gut feeling" can be spot-on. At the same time, it can also be connected to what we wish was the case or worse, our own projections.
Where am I going with this? Since a lot of women think that their gut instinct never fails, this means that they oftentimes also think they know everything that their partner is thinking. Yet again, it's wise to remain in a state of humility and to ask questions in order to gain clarity because sometimes what you may think you know could be what you wish was going on in his head or what you are projecting from yourself and your own imagination onto him. And because it's really easy to get into this kind of headspace, it can also be easy to expect him to know what you are thinking too.
Listen, women claim to be mind-readers far more than men do (I hear it all of the time). It's important to keep all of this in mind as well because, if you already feeling lonely and then you assume that your man should know this, you're only going to make matters worse — especially for yourself. That said, a good man shouldn't be defined as someone who can constantly stay two steps ahead of you and your thoughts, wants and needs at all times (that too is pretty unrealistic).
No, a good man is someone who listens to his partner (check out "How You And Your Partner Can Listen To Each Other Better") and, once her needs are clearly articulated and expressed, he does what he can to accommodate them. If you're feeling alone in your marriage right now, have you told your husband? Or are you simply waiting for him to…catch on?
5.Does Your Husband Feel the Same Way?
Unless you're married to someone who is super selfish and/or disconnected within the dynamic (which does happen to some people and is another article for another time), chances are, if you're feeling somewhat alone, your man is too — even if he's simply noticing how your emotional state has shifted the dynamic of the relationship on some level.
For instance, one couple that I work with, they have been dealing with both of them feeling alone in their marriage. The wife feels like the husband doesn't set aside time to really listen to her on a daily basis which has caused her to build a bit of an emotional wall while they husband feels like the wife is shunning physical affection like kisses at the end of the day or cuddling at night. Until they shared all of this in a session with me, the wife thought her husband just didn't care about how she was feeling while he didn't feel like she would take his feelings about everything to heart either.
Y'all, in order to be together, both people have to be involved. Along these same lines, if one person feels alone in their marriage, it's not far-fetched to believe that the other partner is feeling like something is off, not right and/or missing too. My point here is, instead of pulling back even more from your husband, talking to everyone else but him about what's going on (or not going on) and/or finding yourself becoming more aloof by the day, how about simply telling your man that you miss him? Then explain why and hear him out after you finish. I've been doing this counseling thing for a hot minute now. And again, it's been rare when one spouse has felt distant or out of sync — pardon the pun — alone.
6.What’s Your Idea of “Togetherness”?
Togetherness isn't a word that comes up in everyday conversation. I still dig it, though, because it means "warm fellowship". In the context of this message, when something is warm, it's enthusiastic about something or one. Also, some synonyms for the word include benevolent, gentle, kind, doting and tender. Fellowship is all about companionship.
When two people decide to enter into a "until death parts us" type of union, a part of what they are signing up for is committing to a lifelong journey of togetherness. And yes, that requires effort — on both people's part. I mean, deciding to take an enthusiastic approach to your partner and your relationship requires you not getting so comfortable in the relationship that you become lazy. Then when you add onto that just how important it is to be gentle, doting and tender…yeah, marriage ain't for the nonchalant. Not. At. All.
This is why, something that I will sometimes do, is recommend that a couple put together an annual mission statement for their marriage — you know, something that can help both of them get clear and then remain focused on the vision for the union and the direction that they both would like for it to take. The reason why I think doing this annually is so important is because, well, think of where your mind was at this time last year and where you are now. A wise person once said, "People change and forget to tell each other." This is definitely the case in a lot of marriages.
Anyway, as you and yours are putting a mission statement together (no more than a paragraph or two is fine, by the way), make some space for togetherness. There is a bigger chance that you won't find yourself feeling alone in your relationship if you both make it a mission for that not to happen — to either one of you.
7.True Love Doesn’t Ignore Loneliness
The reason why I thought it was important to unpack this topic as much as possible (at least, as much as I could in just one article) is because, feeling alone in a marriage is oftentimes not a clear-cut problem with an immediate or oversimplified solution. You've got to factor in so many things in order to get down to the root. That said, as I bring this to a close, it's important that you hear me when I say that when you signed up to be married, lonely should not be a word to describe how you feel in your relationship.
And so, if you know that a lot of what you're going through is more about what you've got going on internally (because, as a man by the name of Jean-Paul Sartre once said, "If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company."), still run it by your partner and then be open to seeing a therapist, counselor or life coach. Some of us have been battling with loneliness for a long time, thinking that marriage would "fix" it and yet, a wise person once said that marriage only magnifies what already exists, and they are right. On the other hand, if you know that it isn't about an internal void so much as a relational need, bring it to your partner, give him time (more than a week, please) to make some adjustments. If after a couple of months nothing has changed, encourage the both of you to see a professional. If he truly loves you, he's going to want to do all that he can to make you feel like he's really "in this" with you. If he's too self-consumed to meet your needs, well, counseling will reveal that too.
In the meantime, please hear me when I say that if you currently feel alone in your marriage 1) you aren't alone; many people have been or are where you are; 2) internalizing it only makes matters worse, and 3) more times than not, it's a season that will pass. Talk to your partner. Work together to come up with a way for you to feel more comforted and supported. Rinse and repeat. Commit to getting, even through this, together.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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