I started my period when I was nine years old. For as long as I can remember, I suffered from severe cramps and body pain. And I'd continue to suffer from my menstrual cycle until I was 33.
Growing up, my mom reassured me my aunt also had bad cramps. So, she would keep me home from school the first two days of my cycle and I would take over-the-counter medication to help with my pain. When I was 15 years old, my mom passed away and I learned a lot about my body and my strength. When I went off to college, my pain and symptoms got worse, so I went to the gynecologist. After multiple medical examinations and tests, a mass was found on my right ovary.
I was terrified.
The doctor informed me that I had to have surgery. At the age of 21, my surgery determined that I had a chocolate cyst (ovarian endometrioma) the size of a golf ball on my right ovary. The doctor also told me that I had a condition known as endometriosis, not because of the cyst, but due to all of the tissue growth and adhesions that came along with it.
Endometriosis is an autoimmune disease that affects 1 in 10 women, typically during childbearing years. It typically affects the reproductive system, but in rare occasions, it can also travel to the lungs and the brain. Over time, my endo traveled to my kidneys, uterus, ovaries, bladder, and bowel. After my initial surgery and "treatment", I completed college and moved back home which meant looking for another doctor because I continued to have severe pain. I went to a total of three doctors who I stopped seeing after one visit each. The reason being, when I met with each doctor and discussed my medical history, they'd read my chart and respond with, "Just because you had a chocolate cyst doesn't mean you have endometriosis," or "I think you're not used to pain, birth control pills will help," or "Typically when you start having children, endometriosis will go away." Blah, blah, blah. That's not all I was told, but you get the gist.
After seeing those individuals, I just stopped trying to find a gyno for seven years. Yes, I know that's a long time, but when you spend your whole life sick and in pain, you finally have a name for it and still no one can help you understand what it is happening -- you feel cheated. The process became discouraging to go in and out of doctors' offices with the same results that didn't work. But in 2012, that cycle came to an end. I saw a commercial on television about a doctor who specialized in endometriosis. The next morning, I scheduled my appointment.
On the day of my appointment, I was very nervous. All I could think was, Is he going to say the same thing as everyone else? I sat in the waiting room, then on to the exam room. When the doctor came in, he greeted me and said, "Tell me about your menstrual cycle." I began explaining my medical history and what my periods have been like, he looked at me and said, "Okay, it sounds like endometriosis to me, I'm going to do the pap smear then a pelvic exam and we'll go from there."
I wanted to cry. I couldn't believe it. I finally found a doctor.
From 2012 to 2014, my doctor performed three surgeries in the efforts to preserve my ability to give birth, but endometriosis ate my uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes. The day my doctor told me I had to have a hysterectomy, I felt like I was in a Charlie Brown cartoon. I prayed and cried like a baby just about every day up until the surgery and well after my surgery. After my hysterectomy, I went into surgical menopause and my emotions were on a roller coaster ride that seemed like I would never get off. The reality of not being able to give birth to children along with other menopausal symptoms like hot flashes, insomnia, anxiety, and weight gain was overwhelming.
During all of my menopausal madness, I decided to go to therapy. This Black woman fluffed pillows and laid back on the couch to talk about all of my challenges. Though therapy helped, I started feeling like I needed to do something, I knew there were others like me. On March 1, 2018, the first day of Endometriosis Awareness Month, I launched my business, Millennial In Menopause®. As I started sharing my journey and providing insight, I began receiving lots of good feedback in the comments of my Instagram and in my DMs. I didn't realize just how much this platform was needed.
With all that I was going through in my body, I decided to learn more about nutrition. In January 2019, I received a certification as a Nutrition and Wellness Consultant. I decided to take what I've learned to inspire women on how to live their best lives while managing reproductive health challenges. Although I still have my days where I feel emotionally withdrawn, I think back to where I was at the age of 33 and the woman I am today at 38, giving birth to what God has turned in my favor.
This feeling is priceless.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
