Doula Brandi Sellerz-Jackson Says Motherhood Helped Her Birth Her "Why"
In xoNecole's series Mother/Hustler, we sit down with influential mom bosses who open up about the ups and downs of motherhood, as well as how they kill it in their respective industries, all while keeping their sanity and being intentional about self-care.
Not long before Mother/Hustler Brandi Sellerz-Jackson started her business in 2016, she miscarried a child and felt placed between a rock and a hard place emotionally. Months later, even after Brandi and her husband became pregnant with their rainbow baby, Jedi, the now 37-year-old mom was still grieving the baby she lost only a year earlier and felt more isolated than ever. It wasn't long before Brandi recognized that she was not alone in her loneliness, and since there were few safe spaces for women to talk about these traumas, she decided to create one.
Not So Private Parts is an online community that was created for women like Brandi, who feel like they have faced some of the hardest trials in life by themselves, to feel connected to a community who can sincerely relate. Since the birth of her sons Jax and Jedi, as well as the most recent addition to her family, Jupiter, Brandi says that she feels impregnated with more insight than ever before.
"Motherhood has not only given me my 'why', but I believe it's birthed even more creativity."
As a blogger, wife, and mother of three, Brandi says that bossing up isn't easy, but boy, is it a blessing for her kids to see her sign her own checks. "I am always thinking of ways that I can create pathways for not just my children, but my grandchildren, and my grandchildren's children. How can I make the road easier for the generations to follow?"
For Brandi, being a mogul mommy with a vision means keeping promises to yourself, even if that just means intentionally setting an earlier bedtime, or updating her calendar. Although this Mother/Hustler spends much of her time birthing babies, she also makes time to create space for her own dreams to grow in a healthy environment. She explained, "Do what you can to get [things] done. Keep a calendar and all the reminders set. Relinquish. Take care of yourself first, so that you can better take care of others."
Here's how Brandi balances being a mother-of-three and professional miracle worker, all while minding her self-care at the same damn time:
What’s your occupation?
"I am a Birth and Postpartum Doula and the creator of the women's online platform, Not So Private Parts. I am also the co-founder of Moms In Color, a collective created for and by Black moms to celebrate diversity within the motherhood community. I am a creative. I create pathways."
Are you single?
"No, my husband and I have been together for 18 years and married for 14 years in November."
How do you handle moments when you feel overwhelmed?
"I first take a breath and ask myself, what is it that I need? I do a mental checklist of sorts: am I hungry? Am I exhausted? Have I overextended myself? Am I staying hydrated? Do I need to step away and put on the oxygen?"
What’s the hardest part of your day?
"The hardest part of the day are mostly evenings. I think for most parents, evenings/bedtime can be quite the struggle. By this time, kids are tired and beyond exhausted from their own day. After all, they are little humans. They are processing their own stuff as well. Oftentimes, they have no clue that they are tired. It's a lot."
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
"I try my hardest to practice self-care before I become overextended or in need of it. Keyword… TRY. For me, sometimes self-care looks like going to the Korean Spa and taking a soak. Sometimes, it looks like me preparing an amazing dish, just for me. Other times, self-care looks like me intentionally going to bed early. Self-care is all about listening and responding to your body's needs."
What is your advice for dealing with mom guilt?
"Let go of it. We are all doing the best that we can. We are all hopefully attempting to raise thriving, kind, and aware humans. There is no place for judgment either for self or for others."
What is your favorite way to spend “me time”?
"Because I have THREE BOYS, one can imagine that our home is pretty loud. When I need "me time" it usually involves some level of quiet. I love to sit in complete silence and just gather my thoughts. Put pen to paper. Breathe."
What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned as an entrepreneur?
"Go for it. There is space for that idea that keeps you up at night. Most importantly, there is a need. People are waiting for your vision to manifest. They need your vision to manifest."
"Go for it. There is space for that idea that keeps you up at night. Most importantly, there is a need. People are waiting for your vision to manifest. They need your vision to manifest."
Why was it important to you to be an entrepreneur even though some people may think that a 9-5 offers more stability?
"This is for our kids! All of it! We truly believe that if our kids grow up seeing parents happy and thriving (in whatever space) it will benefit them in the long run. Now, don't get it twisted. I get it, I understand. Having a solid 9-5 is amazing. The stability is amazing. It's just a matter of what feels best and/or brings you the most peace."
What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced as a mom who runs a business?
"Balancing and finding time for it all can be challenging. There are days where I am super productive, and then there are days when I have to relinquish. All of this is ok."
What is the most important lesson you want your kid(s) to learn from you?
"I want my kids to know that they are capable of anything. That they are important, needed, and purposed for this great big world. I want them to continue to see my husband and I living out our dreams so that they know that they can do it too."
Do you think it’s important to keep your personal and professional life separate? Why or why not?
"It depends. When I am supporting mothers during birth or postpartum, I try to leave my own experiences out of it because each journey is different. However, there are times where a client will want to know my journey in hopes to better navigate their own. In this case, I may share. It really depends on what feels most beneficial in the moment and on a case by case basis. Also, I am in the 'sharing' business. When creating, there are levels of being private. It just depends."
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
"Budget, budget, budget. Vision board or simply write down your financial goals. Whatever it looks like, keep the goal front and center."
If you're ever in Cali and need help birthing a baby or just want to connect with a community of dope moms, make sure to check out NotSoPrivateParts.life, and you can keep up with Brandi on Instagram by following @bstereo!
Featured image by @bstereo.
Originally published July 28, 2019
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Reginae Carter Opens Up About Dating And Why She Puts Herself First
Actress, reality star and entrepreneur Reginae Carter has demonstrated that she isn't afraid to speak her mind on a wide range of subjects, including dating and relationships.
In the past, the reason why Carter, the daughter of Dwayne "Lil Wayne" Carter and Toya Johnson-Rushing, has been vocal stems from her numerous high-profile unions—the 24-year-old previously dated rapper YFN Lucci on and off from 2018 to 2021. In recent years, Carter has been romantically linked to YouTuber Armon Warren.
To date, the current status of her relationship with Warren is unclear because Carter has since removed what appears to be all the posts, including the singer, on social media. Despite that, Carter was open to discussing dating and the topic of placeholding when she recently sat down with Revolt's Black Girls Stuff hosts.
According to Goalcast, a placeholder occurs when an individual non-exclusively dates someone for an extended period as they "wait for the one." In the May interview, Carter shared her insights on celebrity relationships and why she refuses to settle.
Reginae On Relationships
During the conversation, Carter shared that many people view placeholding as a way that benefits one person.
The Boxed In star claimed that despite the difference of opinion, she considers it beneficial for both parties in terms of celebrity dating because the couple could be placed holding each other for a come-up.
"Some people are looking at placeholding as if like you know you're benefiting off of them or they benefit off of you. Like, say, many celebrity relationships, I feel like they placehold each other to get up or get on top or clout chase," she said.
However, Carter added how "industry relationships" could be detrimental to the person being used as a placeholder. Carter revealed that the individual being used may feel like their time was wasted.
"It's a lot of industry relationships where they go to the 'it' girls when it's probably like a girl they've been messing with for a long time," she stated. "That girl may feel like, 'Damn, I was placeholding, just for you to go get a more lit b--h.'"
Reginae On Being A Placeholder And Not Settling In Relationships
As the discussion transitioned to if she ever had someone in a placeholder position, Carter said that because she is "a fairy tale lover," the only people she has been romantically linked to are those she considered special.
"I don't think I placehold. I'm like a fairy tale lover, and I just love. So I feel if you ever came close to even getting a place to hold, I guess, you are really something," she explained.
When the topic of men having placeholders out of fear of being alone came up, the Terror Lake Drive star expressed that although she doesn't believe that all "men cheat," she shared that some have placeholders for specific things like sex and companionship because women allow it.
"My opinion is, I feel like not every man cheat. But I feel like every man got a little placeholder that they can call up, and they holding some place," she said. "They might be holding the ‘Oh, I just sleep with you place.' Or they might be holding the wife one, because we allow that. We allow men to do that."
Carter wrapped up the interview by saying that she refuses to be in that predicament because of the amount of love she has for herself, and if it ever happened to her, she would leave.
"If somebody makes us mad or we find out, like 'no baby, you gone, bye.' I know me. I'm not about to keep letting you come... It's too much. I don't play about me.
“So it's like, I know you sleeping around, I'm not about to let you sleep in this bed," she stated.
Reginae Carter on Relationships, Placeholders, and Growth | Black Girl Stuff
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