I remember the day of my wedding…when I started feeling my contraception ring coming out of my vagina. I had only recently started using the ring even though I was more used to taking the pill. There I was in the bathroom stall with one of my bridesmaids, and she was literally helping to guide my ring back up into my vagina because I could feel it slipping out of me. Although quite embarrassing, let's just say that we're forever bonded by that experience. So, have you ever tried a new birth control method that wasn't the best for you but it seemed to work well for others?
During a recent interview with Board Certified Obstetrician & Gynecologist, Dr. Chimsom Oleka, she provided a list of all of the birth control methods currently available, which can potentially serve as a starting point for those of you who may be exploring new contraceptive methods.* As you continue reading, you'll notice that the list is organized based on what Dr. Oleka refers to as Short-acting (hormonal and non-hormonal), to Long-acting, to Barriers of Protection.
Before we dive into the list, let's first clarify specifically what birth control does. As. Dr. Oleka explained, for most methods, birth control releases certain hormones in your body which contributes to the ultimate end goal: block ovulation or keep an egg from being released, thicken the mucus in the cervix so that sperm can't pass through, and/or thin the lining of the uterus, which decreases chances of implantation. Each birth control method is designed to do each or all of these things, but depending on the method, they will either do them better, worse, or not at all.
Choosing The Best Birth Control Method For You
SHORT-ACTING BIRTH CONTROL METHODS
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Note: Throughout this section, you will notice references related to "continuous" or "extended" usage. As Dr. Oleka explained, many of us have a false idea of what the period is supposed to do. Contrary to popular belief in terms of what our menstrual cycle does and why it's "necessary" every month, ultimately its main purpose is for pregnancy. That's it.
As Dr. Oleka expertly pointed out, "It's the birth control's period, not your period. Your birth control will start stimulating the lining and doing all of the things that cause you to bleed." So, as long as you have a hormone that's assisting with protecting and keeping your uterus lining thin, and as long as you've consulted your physician beforehand, then you don't have to necessarily worry about shedding the lining every month (i.e. having a period).
Consider, for example, women who have bleeding disorders (i.e. their bodies bleed too much or won't stop bleeding), female athletes, as well as those who may suffer with things such as menstrual migraines…situations like these support the case for continuous or extended methods.
Method: Birth Control Pill (Hormonal - Estrogen and Progesterone)
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How It's Administered: Self-ingested orally, daily
Efficacy: 7 to 9% failure rate (i.e., approximately 1 in 10 will get pregnant)
Description & Overview:
Birth control pills usually come in 28-day pill packs (four rows of seven pills) including a week of placebo, non-active pills. There are different variations as well, but it's critical that you take it every day at the same time.
The most commonly used pill has both estrogen and progesterone. With estrogen, it tends to help provide more stability of the lining. However, some people may not want estrogen or they may have an underlying medical issue that conflicts with the estrogen. There is a risk of blood clots, although fairly low, but the risk of this goes up when you're pregnant. With the pill, it helps regulate the bleeding, which in turn, helps make it predictable. It's known to have protective benefits such as helping to decrease risk of certain cancers and it can help reduce symptoms related to fibroids.
Also, you can use this method, as well as other methods, continuously or in an extended way so that you can delay or skip the bleeding (i.e. going on vacation). For example, if you wanted to try an extended use, then you could delay the withdrawal bleeding (period) for a set number of weeks or months by skipping the last row for let's say two months. Then, you would take the last row of inactive pills the third month, so that you would only bleed approximately every 10 weeks.
On the other hand, if you're someone who decides "I don't want to bleed at all," then you could skip the last row of inactive pills and move forward with starting the new pack each month. Keep in mind, if you don't bleed or you bleed too heavily already, there may be other medical issues going on, so as always, you'll want to consult your physician about this.
Side effects can vary, but some of the most common side effects include: nausea, breast tenderness, and initial irregular bleeding.
Method: Birth Control Pill (Hormonal - Progesterone Only)
How It's Administered: Self-ingested orally, daily
Efficacy: 7 to 9% failure rate
Description & Overview:
This method basically works pretty much the same as the first pill mentioned above, but it doesn't include estrogen. It only includes progesterone.
Progesterone-only pills can be harder for some women to use because you have to be really consistent. If the daily pill ingestion time is missed by as little as three hours, then it loses its efficacy. Hence, it's critical that you take the pill every day at the same time.
With the progesterone-only pill, there's also a greater chance of irregular bleeding. Hence, this method is usually recommended by the physician if there are estrogen-related conflicting medical issues.
Method: Vaginal Ring (Hormonal – Estrogen and Progesterone)
Michael Kraus/Shutterstock
How It's Administered: Self-inserted through Vagina
Efficacy: 7 to 9% failure rate
Description & Overview:
The vaginal ring is a soft, flexible ring approximately two inches wide and four centimeters thick that is self-inserted and removed in/out of the vagina. Some women will tie a string to the ring and there's also an applicator that can be used to assist with insertion and removal.
The vaginal ring stays in for three weeks and releases hormones every day. Once removed for seven days, it allows withdrawal bleeding (period) to occur. Then, a new ring is inserted every four weeks. This method can be used continuously if you bypass the seven days and move forward with inserting the new ring every three or four weeks, or in an extended way if you bypass the seven days every few months or so.
The ring has been known to cause breakthrough or irregular bleeding. Not to mention, there are times when the ring can slip out during sex, which of course can directly impact the efficacy.
Method: Progesterone-Only Shot (Hormonal - commonly referred to as “Depo”, short for Depo Medroxyprogesterone Acetate)
How It's Administered: Injected in arm by physician
Efficacy: 6% failure rate
Description & Overview:
The progesterone-only shot is usually injected every three months (or every 11 to 13 weeks). Although the failure rate is approximately 6%, that's also related to the fact that patients are late with getting their scheduled shot.
Depo is known to decrease bone mineral density (contributes to the risk of fractures) within the first two years, but you start to recover it within 30 months after you stop taking it.
Also, because the shot can linger in your system up to nine months after your last shot (not the efficacy), it has the propensity to delay the return to your normal fertility state.
Some of the most common side effects include weight gain with research showing that it can act as an appetite stimulant.
Method: The Patch (Hormonal – Estrogen and Progesterone)
Michael Kraus/Shutterstock
How It's Administered: Self-adhesive
Efficacy: 7 to 9% failure rate
Description & Overview:
The patch is a small, square-shaped band-aid like adhesive or patch that can be applied to your upper arm, abdomen, or butt. You receive a new patch every three weeks and the fourth week is when you're patch free to allow for withdrawal bleeding.
This method is not recommended for extended or continuous cycles like with the pill and ring because it has higher levels of estrogen, which means increased risk for blood clots. Also, if you have sensitive skin or you're prone to breakouts and rashes, then you may want to avoid this method as well.
The patch can cause irregular or breakthrough bleeding or no bleeding at all depending on the individual. During the first few months of use, you may experience that as well as nausea, but it usually improves over time.
Method: Family Planning (Non-hormonal)
How It's Administered: N/A - Personal planning and scheduling
Efficacy: Up to 40% failure rate
Description & Overview:
There are a variety of options as it relates to family planning including: use of calendars, basal body temperature, cervical mucus, and more. There are a lot of useful tracking apps that can help with these methods as well.
Family planning can be taught and is a pretty well-accepted method. However, it can only be used if you have a regular cycle. Also, it has a very high failure rate because it requires extensive tracking and managing certain records such as time, ovulation, and temperature. So, you have to be extremely detailed-oriented, organized, and highly motivated to be successful with family planning. Otherwise, it can be extremely overwhelming for some people.
Due to the excessive planning and stringent scheduling, it can potentially decrease sexual spontaneity and/or convenience.
LONG-ACTING BIRTH CONTROL METHODS
Method: IUD (Hormonal - Progesterone Only)
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How It's Administered: Inserted vaginally by physician (through opening of cervix, into the uterus)
Efficacy: Less than 1% failure rate
Description & Overview:
The IUD has varying brands (Mirena has been around the longest), costs, and dosages. The IUD is a small, t-shaped plastic piece, approximately 3 cm in size, although the size can vary as well. In addition to women who have had children, the IUD can be used in teenagers as well as women who have not have had babies.
Remember, this is a longer-acting method, so this is ideal for someone who wants to hold off on having children for a longer period of time.
Some of the most common side effects include insertional discomfort (I'm a personal witness to this) and irregular bleeding although it tends to help those who suffer from painful periods and heavy flow. The longer you leave it in, the less likely you'll bleed.
Method: Copper IUD (Non-hormonal)
How It's Administered: Inserted vaginally by physician (through opening of cervix, into the uterus)
Efficacy: Less than 1% failure rate
Description & Overview:
Similar to the IUD previously mentioned, the copper IUD is a latex-free, t-shaped, plastic piece but it also includes areas of exposed copper. By releasing copper salts into your body, the copper tricks the uterus into thinking something foreign is inside, creating an appearance of a "chaotic" environment in your system, which ultimately blocks sperm and prevents reproduction. It can last for 10 years, but it has been known to be effective for up to 12 years.
The copper IUD is ideal for someone who doesn't want to deal with hormones, or someone who is certain they don't want children for a long time. There are instances where it can be used as emergency contraception but it won't work if something has already been implanted.
Because this method doesn't affect ovulation, this method is also ideal for women who want to continue bleeding or women within certain cultures where the idea of contraception isn't readily accepted. This can serve as contraception method without anyone else truly knowing that you're taking it because you will still have a period as normal.
The most common side effects usually include more painful cramping or heavier bleeding.
Method: Contraceptive Implant (Hormonal – Progesterone Only)
Michael Kraus/Shutterstock
How It's Administered: Implanted in arm by physician
Efficacy: Less than 1% failure rate (the most effective method)
Description & Overview:
The contraceptive implant is a flexible, plastic rod that's placed inside the upper arm. It's small and thick - approximately 4 cm long and 2 mm thick. It releases hormones daily, and lasts for three years, although recent data shows it may last longer than that. After three years, you get a new one if you choose to do so. Otherwise, you will return back to your baseline fertility.
Some of the most common side effects can include irregular bleeding, no bleeding (approximately 6%), or heavier bleeding. For those who experience irregular bleeding, there are ways to decrease it and make it more manageable. Also, there are rare occasions where, if placed improperly, it can shift or migrate.
BARRIERS OF PROTECTION** BIRTH CONTROL METHODS
The most common effects for any of the following methods can include vaginal discharge and irritation. After the use of these, the return to fertility is usually fairly quick.
As it relates to a lot of these barriers of protection, Dr. Oleka likes to think of it this way, "Condoms should be used more so for STD and HIV/AIDS protection, and less for pregnancy prevention." Nevertheless, they are still considered methods for both pregnancy and STD/HIV prevention.
Method: Male Condom (Non-hormonal)
Michael Kraus/Shutterstock
How It's Administered: Applied by male on his penis
Efficacy: 15% failure rate (research across the board states this although it seems quite questionable by both the expert and the writer)
When to Apply: Right before sex
Description & Overview:
Condoms are usually latex or you can opt for lambskin if you're allergic to latex. However, anything non-latex has been known to be less effective in preventing pregnancy as well as STDs. With condoms, common things like inconsistent use, slippage during sex, and the risk of it tearing are a few factors that can directly impact the overall efficacy.
Method: Female Condom (Non-hormonal)
How It's Administered: Self-inserted vaginally
Efficacy: 21% failure rate
When to Apply: Right before sex
Description & Overview:
Similar to the male condom, the female condom has a thick ring that's used for placement within the vagina along with the pouch that goes in when it's time to have sex. There's also a thin ring that goes outside of the vagina. With this method, proper placement is just as important because it helps prevent condom slippage during sex. Also, the male condom should not be used when the female condom is used because it can cause tearing.
Method: Diaphragm
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How It's Administered: Self-inserted vaginally
Efficacy: 16% failure rate
When to Apply: Up to six hours before sex.
Description & Overview:
The Diaphragm is reusable silicon disk that's self-inserted through the vagina. Similar to the cervical cap, it should be inserted up to six hours before you have sex and should remain in your vagina at least six hours after sex. A spermicide should also be used in conjunction with the diaphragm to help ensure efficacy. It's also possible for the diaphragm to become dislodged during sex.
Method: Cervical Cap (Non-hormonal)
How It's Administered: Self-inserted vaginally
Efficacy: 14 to 20% failure rate
When to Apply: Up to six hours before sex
Description & Overview:
The cervical cap is a reusable silicone rubber cup that sits on the cervix while you're having sex. Think of it as a "hat" that comes in different sizes and sits on your cervix. It's usually inserted into the vagina up to six hours prior to sex, it should remain in there for at least six hours after sex (and can remain there up to 48 hours). Of note, it only works if used with a spermicide. There's usually only one brand available in the United States.
One thing to consider is proper placement of the cap, and making sure you're comfortable with putting it in your vagina. Also, if you've already had a baby, then you'll have a higher risk of contraception failure.
Additionally, here are a few things Dr. Oleka suggests women should consider before choosing a contraceptive:
- What are your chances of getting pregnant with this method (efficacy)?
- What do you want your bleeding profile to look like (i.e. how often do you want your "withdrawal bleeding" or menstrual cycle to occur)? How will this affect my bleeding profile?
- What does your lifestyle look like (i.e. will it be difficult to remember to take the pill every day versus another option that may not require as much involvement)?
- What are your priorities? What does the timeline for trying, starting, or growing your family look like?
- How long do you want it to be in effect or control?
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As always, Dr. Oleka reminds everyone to be sure and consult your physician* when deciding on a method because hormones affect individuals differently. Not to mention, there's certain criteria and health/risk factors that doctors review and consider when determining contraception needs for their patients.
With most methods, efficacy is usually effective within a week or so, but to be safe, Dr. Oleka suggests giving the new contraception at least a month or two to allow enough time to confirm efficacy on your side and to see how well your body reacts to it.
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- The Difference Between Your Period And Ovulation - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Ari Lennox Shares Traumatic Story About Getting IUD - xoNecole ›
- Things You Might Not Know Affecting Your Fertility Issues - xoNecole ›
- Birth Control - Mayo Clinic Health System ›
- Which Birth Control Method Is for You? 19 Types, Pros, Cons, More ›
- Find Your Birth Control Method 2020 | Power to Decide ›
- Choose the Right Birth Control - MyHealthfinder | health.gov ›
- 5 types of birth control options: which is best for you ... ›
- Birth control options: Things to consider - Mayo Clinic ›
- Best Birth Control For Me Quiz | Choosing the Right Contraceptive ›
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
We have less than 40 days left in 2024, and while I'm not one to rush goals just because it's the end of the year, it can be fun to challenge yourself to think about ways you'll close out this year big.
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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10 Unforgettable Black Film & TV Sex Scenes That Brought The Heat
What makes a sex scene great? Personally, I think it comes down to a combination of things. It’s in the details - the close-ups of skin, eye contact, touch. It’s in the sounds, the dialogue, the chemistry, the location, the context, the taboo, and everything in between.
While the movies and shows on this list vary in genre and style, they all have toe-curling elements that make them truly mind-blowing.
1. Love & Basketball
Now, Love & Basketballis a universally memorable movie in the Black community in its own right, but that sex scene was almost revolutionary. The raw, realistic portrayal of Monica’s first time as she loses her virginity to her childhood soulmate Quincy was an important moment for young Black women everywhere. For a scene that had no on-screen nudity, the chemistry between the characters was enough to have us all feeling a little hot under the collar!
2. Set It Off
This 1996 sex scene between Blair Underwood and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s characters Keith and Stony had all the elements that take a sex scene from good to great. And let’s not let the fact that Jada used a body double take away from how iconic this scene is. Attractive actors, focused foreplay, close-ups, tension-building music (shout out En Vogue!), and chemistry for days. When I rewatched this movie recently and noticed the way Keith moved his chain out of the way (IYKYK), I yelled! Those little details set this sex scene apart.
3. Out of Time
Denzel Washington has been fine his whole life. He’s intergenerational fine. And when this movie came out he was in his PRIME, okay?! The chemistry between Denzel and Sanaa Lathan in Out of Time is undeniable. So much so that when the movie came out, rumors began to circulate that the actors were romantically involved. And if you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you’re not surprised.
The icing on the cake for me was that roleplay scene (peep the video above). You know, the one where Matthias pretends to be investigating a crime and Ann talks him through what the “intruder” did to her and he reenacts it? Turns out WE were the ones intruding on a crime - assault with a deadly weapon, if you will.
4. Scandal
Thursdays haven’t been the same since ABC’s TGIT. Shonda Rhimes was in her bag when she gave us back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, AND How To Get Away With Murder. Lives were changed. Aside from nail-biting drama and salacious storylines, Shonda also consistently gave us an array of dangerously attractive characters and sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
I’ll forever be team #Olitz. Their steamy sex sessions were made even hotter because their relationship was taboo, scandalous, even.
Adultery aside, Olivia and Fitz’s sexy time scenes never left anything to be desired. Interestingly, my favorite Olitz sex scene is their very first time. After six episodes of build-up, they finally did the deed and alleviated all the sexual tension we’d all been feeling. I think we all developed a new level of respect for Fitz when he ordered Olivia to take her clothes off, and she did not disappoint because she served bawdy in that white lingerie (I see what you did there, Shonda). Olivia served at the pleasure of the President, and so did we. For all 6 seasons.
5. Bridgerton
Dearest Gentle Reader, this couple certainly set the Ton abuzz in Bridgerton season one. For a Duke who was once lost for words, the cat’s certainly no longer in possession of his tongue. And luckily, it seems the Duchess is more physical touch than words of affirmation.
The Hastings basked in newlywed bliss all over their new abode and that library ladder scene - you know the one - took the couple’s sex life to new heights. What made this scene with Simon going down on Daphne while she’s suspended on a ladder so incredibly hot is how it centered *female* pleasure. He a good man, Savannah!
6. Insecure
One thing we could always expect from Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore’s hit series - a jaw-dropping sex scene. What I loved about Insecure’s sex scenes is that they’re not only seriously hot, but alsoVERY relatable. From that incident with Daniel, to Issa and Lawrence’s freshly-broken-up-unfinished-business ex-sex.
The one that tops my list has got to be when Issa and Nathan joined their own version of the Mile High Club on the Ferris wheel at Coachella. Cinematically, the scene was gorgeous but it also felt truly organic, like it was the perfect first time for them. I feel like we all collectively exhaled because she finally chose a man we could actually root for. You know what that is? Growth.
Honorable mention: the we’ve-finally-reunited couch sex Lawrence and Issa have when they finally get back together.
7. Power
From gunplay to foreplay, Power held nothing back. Every sex scene was spicy in its own way from Tate and his staffer, to the pilot episode Ghost and Tasha, to Tommy and Keisha. So many to choose from! The one that stands out in my mind is when Ghost and Angela get it on against the window of his hotel room overlooking the New York cityscape. Their chemistry was undeniable and the yearning was palpable in every single one of their sex scenes. Now, that’s acting!
8. Love Jones
WhenLove Jones premiered in 1997, a Black romance about a couple of creatives living and loving in the city was unprecedented. Between the novelty of the story and the charming dynamic between Darius and Nina, Love Jones quickly became a cultural classic. And even with the plethora of Black stories that have since graced our screens, Love Jones is a movie the conversation always comes back to. I mean, with bars like “I’m the blues in your left thigh trying to become the funk in your right”? Yeah, I would’ve folded.
Nina and Darius having sex on the first date felt bold and spontaneous, but that’s only part of why that scene was so steamy. Music can make or break a moment on-screen - sex or otherwise - and Maxwell’s "Sumthin’ Sumthin’" playing in the background made it feel like they were truly making love. Romance is sexy too, right?
9. Queen & Slim
Finally, on-screen car sex that actually looks enjoyable! It’s a beautifully shot scene with long, slow closeups of the characters making intense eye contact (IYKYK!). And the passion between the two actors is so realistic that some people even questioned if the scene was real! The buildup that led to this spontaneous daylight, on-the-run hookup made it even sexier. 10/10, no notes.
For so long, we’ve been starved of seeing positive Black female sexuality on screen and the She’s Gotta Have It remake helped to change that. DeWanda Wise absolutely killed it in the Spike Lee remake as Nola Darling, a polyamorous pansexual woman living her best sexually liberated life, boldly approaching relationships in a way we usually see as taboo. Men, women…one, two, three on rotation, Nola’s pleasure was Nola’s priority (IKDR!).
While her sexual appetite meant her loving bed saw many visitors, I think her best sex scene came when she finally decided to give monogamy a try with her girlfriend Opal. While the scene was pretty graphic, just like the others, this one was different because it was special. It felt like Nola and Opal were two women passionately in love. And what’s sexier than sex with someone you love?
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Featured image via Netflix