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"At My Last Job…" Why You Need To Stop Romanticizing Your Past
You may have been keeping up with the adventures of Issa, Molly, and friends on the third season of Insecure (and if you haven't this is your official spoiler alert).
What I've come to realize is that with each episode, I identify with a new character (the beauty of Insecure writers' room genius). Sometimes I'm Issa, frustrated and disgusted at my non-profit day job. Sometimes I'm Daniel, feeling defeated and creatively unappreciated. But in episode 3 entitled "Backwards-Like", Molly opened her mouth and surprisingly, she was me.
You're probably aware that Molly is off to a new firm with other lawyers who are a little more her complexion. Although just a few months ago, we witnessed a Molly who felt underpaid and unappreciated at her mostly white firm, we now see a Molly who realizes that with change comes being forced out of your comfort zone as she notices subtle differences in structure and organization and finds herself repeating, "At my last firm…" and asking, "Why do black-owned businesses always have to be on the struggle?"
First off Molly, I once worked at a place where we had to bring our own cutlery to work despite having a full kitchen and I must say her new law firm is looking pretty well-stocked on spoons among other things. Whether you're a lawyer or a lunch lady, any professional can relate to the stress and uneasiness that can come with navigating a new workspace, particularly as a woman of color.
There's the initial, "How many of us are there?" game you play for the first week as you determine the ratio of black people to white people. If the seven of you are clearly outnumbered by 36 or so of your melanin-challenged colleagues, you scout out what other marginalized groups you can include just in case ish goes down in the break room a day after the Botham Jean investigation hits the headlines. In those first few weeks, you try to gain a better understanding of the office culture: Do people usually eat at their desks, or can folks be seen regularly eating their Greek salads as a work family? Does the CEO treat the staff to happy hour every now and then, or do they sit in a glass tower choosing to communicate solely through email?
Still, despite the slow process of making sense of office politics, there's probably the slightest bit of excitement that every new person experiences, particularly if their last employment situation was toxic or pales in comparison to the new dream job they believe they've just landed. But here's the advice I give to myself and my peers when it comes to climbing the career ladder:
Every job has its share of BS, it's just what type of BS you want to deal with and how much of it.
In "Backwards-Like," we witness Molly excitedly dancing in her corner office, taking in the view from her panoramic proverbial corner office, surrounded by faces that reflect her own literal color and culture. But little by little, she learns that the comfort of not having to code-switch at her new firm comes with some minor inconveniences.
Her office doubles as storage for her files (with no offsite option like her last firm). The new firm also uses a courier service several times a day to get documents signed instead of going digital and she has to log her billable hours by hand. What in the hot dog stand hell does this black firm have going on exactly? Of course, she responds to all of the inconveniences with, "At my last firm…" But the girls quickly remind her that she has to choose a struggle: Being paid less than your Caucasian counterparts but having the convenience to sign documents online vs. Being surrounded by people with whom the respect is mutual even if it means you have to store some filing bins beneath your desk.
I'm not exactly cashing in the coins as an attorney, but as I progress through the world of public health nonprofits in Philadelphia, I've recently found myself sounding a lot like Molly in the position I've been in as a sexual health specialist for the past two years. It hasn't been the most glamorous job. I've been getting paid significantly less than I was in my previous position as a Communications and Outreach Coordinator. With the transition from working in a small staff of 15 to a larger staff of about 50, I was hopeful that there would be some considerable upgrades from my last employer. An actual HR department and not just a controller who worked one day a week seemingly phoning in with actual details about my benefits package. In the past year or so, I was reminded by my own sound advice: Same old s**t, just a different day in a bigger office with more personalities to juggle.
I had to catch myself before I began romanticizing a position that I fell out of love with at least a whole year before I was laid off. As much as I like to romanticize the past and compare all of the shortcomings of my current position to the past, the point is that my new employer is signing my paycheck. Does it mean I'll have to settle for a place that isn't for me for the rest of my life? No, but reminiscing about the glory days at a place that could no longer afford to pay me (and that as I understand has completely eliminated the position since then) wasn't exactly helping me grow into a better professional. I started to think about my career like I thought about my romantic relationships.
All the whining and comparing was doing me the disservice of gaining what I was able to from my current situation.
I wasn't able to take in anything positive from my current employer because I was too stuck in the past. And much like relationships, moving backwards in your career is rarely beneficial. You have to accept that things ended for a reason and keep moving forward. I also realized just because the past had its share of disappointments, didn't mean unfavorable situations would be eliminated from the future. What I did have to learn was to make the best of the positions I was placed in.
Hopefully, Molly will find her groove at her new gig, but that doesn't mean there won't be days when she's feeling like, "F**k this job." What I've recognized in all of this is that as fulfilling and gratifying as our 9-5's can be, they don't define us. And luckily for Molly, there's Coachella getaways with the girls, bourgeois ass baby showers to attend, and the occasional shot of Dro between the thighs that say as much about her life (if not more than) her resume.
Whether it's love or career, you can look back and appreciate the past without romanticizing it, because at some point they only thing it should have to offer is a good photo for #ThrowbackThursday.
- A Helpful Guide to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others ›
- Why you should stop comparing yourself to others at work ›
- How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others ›
- 5 Signs You Haven't Let Go Of Your Old Job - Fistful of Talent ›
- How to Stop Comparing Your Current Self to Your Past Self | HuffPost ›
- Reasons to Stop Comparing Your Career to Others' - The Muse ›
- Are You In Love With Your Old Job, Still? | Monster.ca ›
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
'Love Island USA' Star JaNa Craig On The Reality Of Black Women On Dating Shows
Love Island USA just wrapped up its sixth season, and it has been the talk of the town. According to Nielsen, it's the No. 1 show on streaming, proving it's just as entertaining as the UK version. One of the reasons this season has been successful is due to the authentic relationships formed between the islanders in the villa.
You have the sisterhood between Serena Page, JaNa Craig, and Leah Kateb, aka PPG, and the real relationship moments between couples like Serena Page and Kordell Beckham, who were named the winners of this season. The other finalists include Leah Kateb and Miguel Harichi, Nicole Jacky and Kendall Washington, and JaNa Craig and Kenny Rodriguez.
While JaNa made it to the finale with her boo Kenny, her journey in the villa was far from perfect. Viewers saw the Las Vegas native get her heart stomped on a few times after many of her connections didn't work out.
At one point, it even looked like she was getting kicked off the island. While she had a lot of support from people watching the show, it was clear that she was in a position that many Black women on reality dating shows find themselves in: not being desired.
It has been an ongoing conversation among Black women watching reality dating shows as we see time and time again that non-Black women or racially ambiguous-looking women are often chosen over Black women, especially dark-skinned women. In a discussion with Shadow and Act, JaNa opened up about the support she received from viewers.
@cineaxries i love them 🤧 #janacraig #janaandkenny #loveislandusa #foryou #peacock #loveisland #janaloveisland #xybca #kennyloveisland #janaedit #loveislandedit #janaedits #loveislandusaedit #viral #loveislandusaseason6 #foryoupage #peacocktv
"You know what’s so crazy? I’m so grateful, because when I got my phone, the way they’re making us The Princess and The Frog…I felt honored. I will be that beautiful chocolate queen if I need to be. And the comments like 'beautiful chocolate girl,' I’m like, all Black women are beautiful. There’s the whole light skin versus dark skin, which breaks my heart. I just really don’t understand that, but I will take pride and represent us well," she said.
She also candidly discussed her experience as a dark-skinned Black woman on the show. JaNa and Serena had been in the villa since the first episode, and they were the only dark-skinned Black women there. As new men aka bombshells came into the villa, they found themselves not being wanted by many of them.
"Me and Serena literally had a heart-to-heart before Kenny came in and she’s like, I just don’t think it’s fair that the Black girls don’t get enough fair chance.' Every islander that came in, we were not their top pick. And we just [thought], maybe because we’re Black girls, and the dark-skinned Black girls. It sucked," she said.
"I’m like, 'Serena, we know what we bring to the table. We’re great personalities. A guy’s going to come in for us.' That’s when we manifested what we wanted, and that’s when I manifested Kenny."
@ashleyvera__ We love to see it 🥰 #loveislandusa #loveisland #loveisland2024 #janaandkenny #loveislandseason6 #peacock #realitytv #fypage
After many failed connections, Kenny came in and immediately turned JaNa's experience around. America watched the model get the care and attention that she deserved.
"I’m not going to hold you. When I was in the bottom for a quick second, I’m like, ‘There’s no way America doesn’t [ride for us]. I know Black America had to ride for me, but maybe because I’m a dark-skinned … hmm … maybe … you feel me? And you saw the Casa Amor lineup. Beautiful, beautiful light-skinned [women]," she said.
"We looked at each other like, 'Damn, Love Island did their big one with this. And every single Casa Amor girl was like, 'You girls are gorgeous, you guys are stunning.' They expressed love. You guys are beautiful and it felt good."
Although she and Kenny came in third place, JaNa is happy that she got her man in the end. "I think the thing I’m most grateful about is the fact that this is a beautiful love story like you guys complement each other and there’s no hate toward the skin color. It’s all love and support. I love that more than anything," she said.
"That’s why I was like, 'I won,' even though I didn’t win. And the fact that Serena won, we were like, 'Yeah, run that.' Either way, we won. And I love the support from all communities."