Underpaid And Unappreciated: Why More Millennials Have Less Loyalty To Their Employers
“I'm too fly for this s**t," a voice declared in the back of my head about two years ago as I sat across from a team of middle-aged managers who were debating about a tea party invitation I created. “I just feel like 'Keep Calm and Tea Party On' might be a trigger for these women in recovery. Why don't we just call it a 'Mother's Day Tea'?" one manager suggested as I felt the creativity being sucked from me one dry suggestion at a time.
The non-profit I worked for was hosting a tea party for the women in drug and alcohol recovery we served, and while management debated over Times New Roman font and the temptation of too good of a time (You didn't know? Tea parties do one thing: Pop…like Chris Brown's pelvis during a Michael Jackson tribute), other staff who worked directly with these women on a daily basis made failed attempts to remind everyone that we should focus on ways to highlight the progress these women had made rather than argue over whether a party invitation would send someone nosediving into a coke binge.
Seriously, the way these women were debating the invitation, you would've thought a million-dollar deal with Lipton was on the table, not a simple celebration honoring local women who were making steps to be better mothers.
For the next two years, I was employed as a Communications and Outreach Coordinator at a small parenting non-profit that consisted of more of the same. I spent my days defending any creative idea I dared to present and was always told that my ideas were “too edgy". Infographic? Too modern, let's stick with that pie chart from Microsoft Word 2003. A funny parenting meme on to lighten the mood every Friday on social media? Nope, parents don't need to laugh. Let's talk about the suicide epidemic instead. When crippling budget cuts hit this past year, staff went into a spiral of panic and management checked out of boosting morale and actually managing the organization because they were too busy battling anxiety about their own job security. Before long, it was common knowledge that management would die in their offices clinging to their Times New Roman while any remaining staff would be lucky to be employed there for longer than three years.
I never planned to stay at the organization for the rest of my career when I initially applied, but for the first few years there were opportunities to grow and I felt like I was in a position to be mentored by my superiors. But sometime before my last year I “peaked" and it seemed that although management wasn't receptive to change, they also didn't have fresh ideas of their own to offer. Once I learned that not only was I not growing, but that the organization as a whole was stagnant, what was once a three-year plan turned into a three-month plan. A recent study revealed that I am not alone in my lack of loyalty. In their fifth annual global millennial survey, Deloitte, a multi-national professional services firm found that two in three young professionals expect to quit their current jobs by 2020. The survey also found that women were slightly more likely than men to leave their job in the next five years.
When it comes to the millennial workforce, these pros ain't loyal (See what I did there?) but why exactly are they so quick to leave their entry-level opportunities behind? Turns out, many of them were once optimistic grads like me hoping that their education and passion would land them in a position to make a difference in the world. Unfortunately what many of us are learning is the cold, hard truth of the corporate ladder: As much as we want to make a difference, most people still just want to make money.
“This year's survey results also show Millennials are steered by strong values at all stages of their careers; it's apparent in the employers they choose, the assignments they're willing to accept, and the decisions they make as they take on more senior-level roles," writes David Croickshank, Deloitte Golbal Chairman, “They want to work for organizations that have a purpose beyond profit, and they want those organizations to provide opportunities to develop leadership skills."
When I realized that my organization had reached a level of complacency where creating new leaders wasn't as much of a priority as cutting management a paycheck, I knew it was time to make my exit. It was a sobering thought as I watched my mother retire after 30+ years working for the same company she had been at since I was born. As she picked out a 32" TV as a parting gift for her years of service, I thought about how my professional career would more than likely be littered with decades spent in different positions at different companies. And as terrifying as the lack of job stability can sometimes be, I must admit it's a bit liberating to feel like if you hate your job you can leave it and not necessarily end up begging for change on the train. Admittedly after repeatedly being shut down by management and figuratively “sent into a corner" to keep busy and not be threatening, I checked out and started looking for other opportunities.
At happy hour, there was always a common theme among friends and colleagues of the same age: We all were working more than one job at a time and no one had stayed at one job longer than five years. Many might say millennials are flighty or entitled and disregard “paying our dues" before landing our dream jobs, but I would argue that many of us are just frustrated from trying to bring new ideas to organizations and individuals who fear change. We all won't be Mark Zuckerberg, but you can't discount all of the thirty-somethings who are building blogs, designing apps and using their imagination to challenge tradition and find new ways of doing things that make the world better one “edgy" idea at a time. And the one thing I love about being a millennial is the mindset that you don't have to choose between being employed and happy.
[easy-tweet tweet="You don't have to choose between being employed and being happy." via="no" usehashtags="no"]
The survey also revealed key differences between men and women when it comes to job satisfaction. 48% of the women surveyed said they felt overlooked for potential leadership positions contributing to the idea that gender bias in the workplace is still a very real thing, even if it's only perceived. Women also were more likely to consider work/life balance and having a sense of meaning in their work while men solely focused on product and performance. While some might say women should get up out their feelings and focus on the work, I think there's something to be said about wanting what you do to make a difference in some way.
I wasn't the type of employee to stop being a team player every time management didn't give me the green light on an idea I thought was great. I felt that I had played my part in the first few years grabbing coffee, working after hours (sometimes for free), and being accessible at any time via cell phone. I took it all as the grunt labor that comes with an entry-level position. Despite budget cuts that created what was often a very bitter working environment, I tried to find fulfillment in the parts of my job I still could and go above and beyond to make sure I was doing my part.
Nonetheless, I saw my layoff coming a week before it happened. I had packed up my desk secretly days before and made my peace with the whole idea of being unemployed before approaching my boss with a talk she was hesitating to have, “I can't log into the company accounts, so is there something you want to discuss with me?" I asked, refusing to have my time wasted as she attempted to wait until the end of the work day to give me the news. Immediately she grabbed for tissues before grabbing my release papers before she uttered, “It's just this money situation."
There's no love lost and I refused to take the layoff personally, but one crucial lesson I learned about job loyalty is that it's not worth your time to invest in any company that isn't investing in you.
[easy-tweet tweet="It's not worth your time to invest into any company that isn't investing in you"]
True leaders don't shut down or dismiss ideas, but find ways to make them better. And most importantly, the best leaders put the value and morale of their team before their own fragile egos. Maybe I do sound like an entitled millennial, but one thing I remain confident in is that no one should have to spend eight hours of their day somewhere they hate for the rest of their life. Building a stable career is as much about how a company can benefit you as much as it about what you bring to the table, and sometimes a paycheck isn't always enough.
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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