In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
Living your best life is all about quality, not quantity.
Wealth isn't really wealth if your mental health is out of whack and a billion likes won't keep you from being burnt TF out. That's why full-time entrepreneur and boutique owner Wilonda Previlon quit her 9-5 as an Orthodontist's Assistant to pursue a life that made her feel fulfilled.
To Wilonda, success means living how she wants to and refusing to do sh*t that doesn't serve her. In an exclusive interview with xoNecole, the 26-year-old digital content creator explained, "Success to me means I can live how I want without having to force myself to do anything I don't."
Courtesy of Wilonda Previlon
While the Haitian-born Orlando native spends most of her days working from home, living the American dream as an influencer and aspiring actress, there are days when she has to press pause on her professional life to focus on her personal well-being. Wilonda shared, "Owning your own business(es) is an around-the-clock job and if you don't separate personal life with professional life, you can easily get burned out and not produce high-quality content."
Wilonda recently sat down with xoNecole to talk about how she makes self-care a priority in her busy life. Between working out, social media detoxes, and intentionally carving out time with the fam, here's how this media maven finds balance:
What’s been the driving force behind all of the hats that you wear these days? What is your “why”?
The driving force behind all the hats I wear these days is knowing I have so many beautiful chocolate girls who are looking at me and are inspired by something as simple as me loving myself and embracing my own skin. I love getting the DMs from them saying I helped them love themselves more and more each day!
What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
Yes, definitely no days are the same, so a typical week in my life consists of planning, creating content, replying to loads of emails, listening to podcasts, [and] working on my boutique Damis Activewear. I am a one-woman show, so I edit, model, take pictures, market, everything.
What are your mornings like?
Mornings are my favorite. I am a morning person for sure! I would wake up, say my prayers/give thanks to God, workout, eat breakfast, catch up on my DMs messages/IG comments, reply to emails. During the time that I'm eating and replying to messages, nine times out of ten, I am listening to a business or financial podcast or audiobook.
After that, if I have a YouTube video to create or campaign to do, I get my hair/makeup done to begin to create. Around this time, it is about 10:30 am. Normally this takes up the rest of my morning until noon where [if I remember] I eat lunch. I am so much more productive in the morning and being that I use natural light for just about everything, my mornings are very important and I don't like wasting time.
Courtesy of Wilonda Previlon
"I am so much more productive in the morning and being that I use natural light for just about everything, my mornings are very important and I don't like wasting time."
How do you wind down at night?
At night, before I mentally check out of work mode, I plan for the next day. My wind down is with a nice shower and either Netflix or a good book.
When you have a busy week, what’s the most hectic part of it?
Deadlines! Being an influencer can be stressful, being that you are working with major companies that have specific requirements for each post/deliverable. If you don't pay close attention to the deck and make sure all requirements are fulfilled, you are at risk of doing the entire campaign again, or even worse, have the client not return for another campaign. Companies would literally come to you and expect you to do an entire campaign in a 7-day turnaround, which is very quick when you have other companies you are working with.
Do you practice self-care? What does that look like for you?
Yes, most definitely! I love stepping back and taking care of myself. It's crazy that some people would think going on a vacation would seem to be a "self-care practice", but as an influencer, it is most definitely still work and half the time, we don't get to really enjoy it because we are worried about creating content. My self-care practices are the simple: a girls' night out with my friends where there is no picture taking involved, no postings. Also, working out is very therapeutic for me. Spending quality time with my family about once a month (since I don't live near them anymore) is a self-care practice for me. Another big one is stepping away from social media whenever I think it's needed, to be thankful for what I have going on in my life and not be so wrapped up in someone else's life and accomplishments.
Courtesy of Wilonda Previlon
"My self-care practices are the simple: a girls' night out with my friends where there is no picture taking involved, no postings. Also, working out is very therapeutic for me. Spending quality time with my family about once a month (since I don't live near them anymore) is a self-care practice for me."
What advice do you have for busy women who feel like they don’t have time for self-care?
You have time! It is just a matter of prioritizing you. It baffles me when people say they don't have time for themselves. Well baby, who will put you first besides you? No one. It can be something as little as 30 minutes a week where you are not catering to anything business- or family-related. You need this for yourself. It is vital to always make time for your mental and physical health.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
I keep my circle small. The more "friends" you have, the more you will be pulled in all directions to accommodate meetups/events. Keep a small circle of friends that are very important to you.
Exercise? Does it happen?
I strive to workout 4 to 5 days a week. [When I do] I see my skin glows, my energy is up, and I am nicer.
Do you cook or find yourself eating out more often?
I cook. I don't mind cooking at all. Cooking is very therapeutic as well. I only eat out if I am out all day or socially. But, most of the time, I have people come over and we do seafood night or bake.
Courtesy of Wilonda Previlon
"It baffles me when people say they don't have time for themselves. Well baby, who will put you first besides you? No one."
When do you feel most beautiful?
Sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on. I know that probably sounds cliché, but it is the truth for me. And when you have people in your life that amp you up in that state, you definitely can't help but feel beautiful during your most basic state.
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
I try not to ponder on it too much. I realize when I think about it, it starts to stress me out. Stress makes me anxious, anxiety allows me to be mentally doubtful about myself and I never want to be in that position. I am a workaholic, so my coping mechanism is to work more, which may sound bad, but I love what I do, so this is a great outlet for me.
Courtesy of Wilonda Previlon
"Stress makes me anxious, anxiety allows me to be mentally doubtful about myself and I never want to be in that position. I am a workaholic, so my coping mechanism is to work more, which may sound bad, but I love what I do, so this is a great outlet for me."
What does happiness mean to you?
Happiness to me means those around me are good. I feel you thrive in a good environment. My environment has to be positive.
What is something you think others forget when it comes to finding balance?
Others forget that your actions affect everyone around you. We can easily get caught up in our "own little world" and neglect family, friends, and self. Take the time to plan and make an effort to balance all aspects of your life.
For more of Wilonda, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Wilonda Previlon.
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In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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One thing that can help you out in this department is the art of thought blocking (you can read a bit more about that here). Something else that you can do is decide to become what is known as a mindful sleeper. If you’re curious about what that is and what it entails, below, I will strive to explain it in a way that will make it easy for you to implement mindfulness into your sleep routine as soon as…tonight.
What Are the Nine Principles of Mindfulness?
You’ve probably already heard somewhere that mindfulness is all about being in the moment; however, since it’s such a buzzword these days, I thought that it would be a good idea to share what the nine principles of overall mindfulness are, as it specifically relates to sleep, just so that you can grasp a greater insight into how it can help you to rest better.
Mindfulness is about having:
1. A beginner’s mind, which is all about not focusing on any other night but tonight.
2. Non-striving, which is all about not trying to force yourself to fall asleep.
3. Letting go, which is all about releasing labels that make you feel like a failure when it comes to finding sleep as a challenge for you; it’s also about releasing unrealistic expectations as you try to figure out what sleep practices are truly best for you.
4. Non-judgment, which is all about not trying to “grade” your sleep performance.
5. Acknowledging and accepting, whichare all about acknowledging the fact that some nights are easier than others as far as sleep is concerned while accepting that there aren’t always immediate hacks that will work — and that is okay.
6. Trust, which is all about believing that, one way or another, your body will eventually self-regulate.
7. Patience, which is all about knowing that developing an effective sleep routine takes time.
8. Gratitude, which is all about choosing to focus on the good in your life when you can’t sleep instead of the bad (including not being able to sleep).
9. Generosity is all about thinking about the parts of your life that you share with others while also being intentional about sharing what is positive in your world as you allow those around you to do the same (during your waking hours).
If you read these and sense a pattern, I would agree. At the end of the day (pun intended), sleep mindfulness is about letting yourself off of the hook as far as rest and relaxation are concerned. The method to the madness in doing that isstress plays a huge role in sleeplessness.
And so, the more you remain in the moment and also the more that you let go of any tension you may be feeling by implementing these nine principles, the easier it will be to find the quality of sleep that you desire.
Why You Should Practice Sleep Meditation?
GiphyYou know, a wise person once said that you shouldn’t remove one thing without replacing it with something else — not if you don’t want to return to the former thing, anyway. So, as you’re in the process of applying those mindful principles to your sleep routine, something that you may want to add is sleep meditation. Since one of the main points of meditation, overall, is getting you to focus on being in the moment, it would make sense that it would be a part of becoming a mindful sleeper, right?
Although there are different types of meditation that you can do that may help you to rest easier and better (you can read about some of them here), mindful meditation is relatively simple. It’s all about deep breathing and muscle relaxation.
Pretty much all that you need to do is make sure that your room is as dark as possible (minus maybe a scented candle to soothe your senses), get into a comfortable position, think of a place that makes you feel tranquility and harmony, and then take slow and deeper breaths from your nose as you exhale through your mouth — all while focusing on nothing but the present moment. That’s it? Pretty much.
If you’re new to sleep meditation, it’ll be counterproductive to stress yourself out about doing it perfectly, so start off with meditating for five minutes or so.As you become more comfortable, try and get to the point where you’re able to do it for about 15-20 minutes a night. That’s a good window to calm your mind, body, and spirit all the way down before getting into bed. Then, once you are all cozy and comfortable, consider applying the following sleep hacks, so that you can stay asleep once you actually fall asleep.
6 Ways to Be a (More) Mindful Sleeper
GiphyIt can’t be said enough that mindfulness is about staying in the moment. That said, here are six (other) things that can help you to become a more mindful sleeper (which, honestly, is something that we all should strive for).
1. Get off of your devices.
I’ve got a girlfriend who is pretty much a phone addict. Know what else she is? An insomniac. The fact that she refuses to put those two things together never ceases to amaze me because there is plenty of data to support that the light from your phone’s screen can do a real number on the melatonin levels that your body needs in order to rest.
Not only that, but how can you focus on yourself and being still in the moment if you’re reading all of the celeb gossip on various apps? Sis, if you’re really serious about sleep, the devices need to go off (including if you get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night). The nonsense will be there when you wake up. Trust me.
2. Participate in body scan meditation.
Another type of meditation that is gaining more traction is something known as body scan meditation. Basically, it’s all about getting calm, still, and quiet enough to see if you feel any specific sensations throughout your body. If you do happen to notice some tension, tightness, or uncomfortableness somewhere, validate that by pondering what could be the cause. It’s a way to help you feel more connected to your body, which actually can help you to relax more. You can read about how to do a body scan meditation properly here.
3. Name five good things about your day. Then give thanks.
Stress and worry are not your friends, especially when it comes to sleep. One way to do them less is to bring gratitude into your sleep space; one way to do that is to verbalize five good things that happened during your day (no matter how big or small) and then express gratitude for them. It’s another way to reduce stress levels in your system. Science backs it.
4. “Bore yourself.”
I have a friend who once said to me that only sociopaths watch movies on their phones. Yeah, whatever, dude. LOL. Although I don’t have a television in my bedroom (by design), sometimes I’m like, “Hell, I might as well” to that, and I will watch a movie on my phone and think absolutely nothing of it. When it comes to being a mindful sleeper, it’s definitely a counterproductive act because you don’t need to do things that will stimulate you; actually, it’s best to do things that will bore you to tears — which is actually where acts like counting sheep can come in handy.
Even if it’s something like lying on your back and listening to a guided meditation YouTube video, be intentional about being bored. In a way, it’s its own form of melatonin, whether you realize it or not.
5. If you happen to wake up, go to another room (for a moment).
I once read an article that said that if you’re unable to sleep after 20 minutes of being in bed, you should go to another room to meditate, sip on some tea, or read a book chapter. The method behind the madness is if you toss and turn in your bed for long periods of time, it can “program” your mind to associate your bedroom with sleeplessness, which could ultimately end up doing more harm than good. Actually, when you stop to think about it, that makes a lot of sense.
6. If you share a bed — cuddle.
It was about this time last year that I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” Simply put, if you want to fall asleep, have an orgasm. I’m. Not. Playing. Or shoot, at least do some cuddling with your partner. Between the bonding and feelings of safety that being close to someone else provides due to the oxytocin that is present and how much cuddling can actually relax your senses while creating feelings of positivity, it’s one of the most comfortable — and proven — ways to lull you to sleep.
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A psychologist by the name of Susan Albers once said, “Training your mind to be in the present moment is the number one key to making healthier choices.” As you can see, this doesn’t just apply to when you’re awake — training your mind to be mindful can benefit you, greatly, while you’re asleep too.
Sweet dreams, sis.
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