As a financially strapped college student, I used to think that traveling was a luxury only afforded to the rich.
Still, that didn't deter me from finding awesome flight deals and packing my bags to destinations all around the globe. In total, I have been to 11 countries. Growing up I always visited Kenya at least once a year or every couple of years, and so it surprises me to see so many people hesitant on visiting the beautiful nation due to the terrorist attacks that have recently been reported in the news.
The media has a wonderful way of painting less fortunate countries as dangerous every time there is a terrorist attack, and it's something that cripples the economy of those countries. Many people fail to realize that the odds of being killed by a terrorist organization is slim, and that they have more chance of getting hit by a car in their own city.
I visited Kenya in 2014 just a couple of months after the Westgate Mall shooting, and when I got on the plane it didn’t even occur to me that it happened months ago. We landed the next day and I enjoyed my vacation. I stayed in a Kenyan village with some of my family and took time to see some of the sites and native animals. It didn’t once occur to me that I could die at any moment; I was too busy immersing myself in such a beautiful country. I thought to myself, If I had decided not to come out of fear, I would have missed out on the giraffes and gazelles and the experience of being with my family. Sometimes our fears are driven by what we hear and see on the news. I'll admit that at times it’s valid, but many times they're illusions.
[Tweet "Sometimes our fears are driven by what we hear and see in the news."]
This past November, I booked a trip to Europe just weeks before the terrorist attack in Paris. At that moment, my friend and I both declared that it wasn’t a good idea to go despite the pressure from our family members to stay in our "safe" country. Was our fear warranted? Of course it was, but what we didn’t realize was Paris was going to be even more safe now due to the increased security. We were very close to cancelling our entire trip based on this one event. We went back and forth for days wondering if we should cancel and questioning whether or not we'd make it back alive. Eventually we decided that if it was our time to go, at least we'd die in an unforgettable city.
When December 9th came around and we boarded our flight, we couldn't help but to be giddy with excitement. We ended up having an amazing winter break as we explored the streets of Oslo, canals of Amsterdam, museums of Paris, churches of Barcelona, ruins of Athens, towns of Italy and Christmas markets in Berlin.
If we had decided to not go to Europe out of fear, we would have missed out on a world of memories.
As I write this, I’m still reeling from my recent trip to Egypt. When I first proposed the idea to my friends, they said no way in hell. When I told my mother, she couldn’t believe it. Many of her friends asked why would I even go there. Egypt’s tourism has been declining yearly due to the revolution and terrorist attacks. At one time, many people flocked to their beaches, now it’s a ghost town. Since I’ve learned to live fearlessly, I booked my ticket to Egypt with my friend and hoped for the best. Of course I was scared that I might lose my life as terrorism gets increasingly worse in Egypt. I even confessed my fear of going to my friend, and he reminded me that we are from one of the most dangerous cities (Baltimore) and that we can easily be killed at anytime, so Egypt shouldn’t scare us. He had a very valid point. The flight date rolled around and I was excited; I couldn’t wait to land in Cairo and gaze at the pyramids that I'd previously only seen in photos. We landed at 2AM, and it looked like a war zone. Many builds were torn down, and some were only halfway standing. You could visually see just how much Cairo has been suffering. It didn’t help that the taxi driver swindled my friend and I out of money. My friend was scared, and as soon as we got into the hotel room he remarked how he wanted to go home.
Despite all of this, I kept a positive attitude. The next day we went to see the pyramids, and I realized that seeing a piece of history was worth it. When I came face to face with King Tut’s mask, I knew coming to Egypt was a good idea despite what the media said. We even rode ATV’s in the desert, something I wouldn’t have been able to do if I stayed home.
[Tweet "While we are alive we should do all the things we want even if it scares us."]
The truth of the matter is we all will pass away at some point--maybe today, tomorrow, or many years from now. While we are alive we should do all the things we want even if it scares us. If I would have cancelled all of my trips due to fears, I wouldn’t have experienced so many cultures and met so many people. I wouldn’t have such a great Instagram feed either. It is the media’s job to scare you and shove terror in your face; they want your views. The memories I have made are priceless, and are a general lesson in life do everything that scares you.
What have you done that scares you today?
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Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
