My Husband Waited More Than A Year To Say "I Love You" - Here’s Why I Stayed
We all know that feeling when you're in a relationship, but it feels like it's not turning serious until you hear him say he loves you.
No matter how great it's going, there's just something about the reassurance of those words that helps you stay optimistic throughout the ups and downs of your relationship. But what happens when you don't hear it for the first couple months, or even the first year? Does that mean he doesn't really love you?
That question alone can open up a can of worms because the next question is the whole, "Where is this relationship going," which can be draining to even think about. Still, despite my now husband waiting over a year to say those seemingly magic words, in hindsight I realize how perfect the timing was.
Is The Future A Real Topic Of Conversation?
Knowing that my husband was dating me with the intention of marrying me meant more than hearing him say he loved me. Not saying that marriage is everything, but it was clear he was making plans for our future. It was a constant topic of conversation, even in the earlier days of our relationship. Even though this wasn't the first time a guy said they planned on marrying me and talked about the future, he made his intentions clear when he actually made plans for our future, and not just saying I was "wifey material."
And listen, this wasn't just him saying stuff for the sake of it because he thought it was what I wanted to hear. Sometimes it's so easy to look for something specific, whether it's him saying he loves you or putting your relationship on social media, for your guy to prove how he really feels. Plus, he could have thought he was expressing it in his own way and doing a bang-up job. Either way, since he was obviously committed to our relationship for a lifetime, I decided I could be too, even though he hadn't said he loved me yet.
How Does He Treat You?
The whole statement that actions speak louder than words might be overstated and overplayed, but it's still just as true as it was when it first hit the scene. While at times my husband's decision not to say it made me question what was really happening, he showed me he how he felt by how he treated me. On the flip side, I remember a guy I was "dating" told me he loved me as he apologized for flirting with other girls, and made it clear he wasn't going to stop doing it because we weren't "official." Clearly, those little three words did nothing for me. So, to not have those words said to me in a completely opposite situation was fine with me.
If there were times I had to question my husband's character and his intentions, then yeah I would definitely be serving up the side eye, but since that wasn't the case, I decided I could stick around.
Does He Say It Without Saying It?
So, funny story. There were so many times when I thought he was saying he loved me without him actually saying, "I love you." Me and one of my friends channeled our inner Nancy Drew and tried to figure out if he was telling me in his own way. For example, there was one time when he let me drink after him, which apparently was a big deal for him. He said something like, "You know I love you because I never let anyone drink after me." And for some reason, I thought this was the big moment. It wasn't. But it at least gave me hope that he was starting to inch toward that, or at least expressing it if he already felt that way but didn't know how to say it.
Sometimes, especially when it comes to relationships, your significant other really might be doing the best they can in telling you how they feel. There's this clear and obvious pressure for a guy to man up and tell a woman that he loves her if that's how he feels. While that sounds like an open-and-shut case, I also had to take into account his relationship history and his past in general as to why he might be hesitant to express it in the traditional way.
When Does It Actually Happen?
My husband told me he loved me after about 14 months of being together. This was also the same day we went public on social media, which is another story. It was in a birthday card written in capital letters, and he was so excited to tell me in his own way and in his own time. It's kind of like when you're waiting on a guy to propose. Of course, you want it to happen but pressuring can only add this awkward energy. And seeing him come to this conclusion on his own, even though it took longer than I wanted, was worth waiting for. This definitely depends on the type of guy you're dealing with because some need that extra push.
But after I read the card, he explained that he pressed pause with telling me before because he really wanted to mean it when he said it. He had been in previous relationships where he said it because he thought he was supposed to and didn't want that to be the case this time around. And clearly neither did I. If only he could've told me that sooner, but of course it's never that simple. While the wait sometimes caused me to question his affection, when he did say it, it only opened the door for him to say it all the time. And to be honest, it really didn't change much about our relationship, except maybe make it a little more romantic.
Because even though he didn't say it in the way I was looking for him to, he said it in his own time and always in his own ways.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage