Tiffany Haddish Reveals Her Coping Mechanisms After Being Sexual Assaulted At 17
In life, we are often forced to develop coping mechanisms just to get through our daily lives.
When it comes to trauma and difficult situations, it's human nature to find ways to cope with the unbearable. For Tiffany Haddish, laughter is one of the best forms of therapy. The actress and comedian has had to grapple with her own turbulent early life, including her father walking out when she was three, her mother's accident (which caused severe brain damage leading to mental illness and abusive behavior), and having to spend years in the Los Angeles foster care system. She details all of this and more in her memoir The Last Black Unicorn and credits attending the Laugh Factory Comedy Camp for her career in comedy.
The outspoken and unapologetic 38-year-old has never shied away from detailing the traumas she has faced and how she's been able to overcome them. In an interview for the September issue of Glamour Magazine, Haddish reveals that she was raped by a police cadet when she was just 17 years old. Thankfully, she was able to turn to therapy to deal with what she says was a "messed-up place." She says:
"That whole experience put me in such a messed up place for a long time, and I ended up going to counseling,"
According to the CDC, a 2010 study found that around 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men had experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. It's safe to say that these number are on the low end, since a large amount of these incidents go unreported. While Haddish reported the incident at the time, she knows that she now has a platform and can become a voice for other rape survivors. The Girls Trip star is thoughtful about her responsibility to have a plan when, and if, she is ready to be that voice and says:
"Me just yelling out people's names with no thought behind it is pointless. I need a plan. I could be a voice, but what's a voice going to do—just keep talking? Or is there action behind it?"
Regardless of how she chooses to take action, by simply revealing such a traumatic experience, she is doing more good than she has acknowledged. The courage it takes to simply state our experiences that have negatively impacted our psyches is incredibly powerful. It also lets other survivors know that they are not alone. Anyone that has undergone this type of violence now has one more person to relate to and will know that it is possible to overcome the trauma and lead thriving, prosperous lives. Thank you, Tiffany.
Another way Haddish deals with her everyday life is by being admittedly "semi-aggressive." She says that this defense mechanism keeps men at bay because she has noticed that this attitude gets men shook. Being that she works in a male-dominated field, it's no wonder she does this. The Uncle Drew star also might be hinting to the domestic violence she says she suffered through in her past marriage (her ex-husband William Stuart denies the claims) when she says:
"I notice that men are afraid of women that are aggressive. So to protect myself I become semi-aggressive. You hear about, 'Tiffany always hitting on somebody,' but that's to keep them from hitting on me."
Whether or not we agree with her ways of coping, we can all relate to having our own defense mechanisms. It is up to us to individually decide whether or not these actions—that can range from aggressiveness to complete withdrawal—are helping or hurting us in the long run.
You're inspiring a lot of us out here, Tiffany!
Read the full feature here.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Crystal Renay Is Prioritizing Healing, Her Kids, And Her Coins Amid Divorce
Crystal Renay is reclaiming her time and her identity after dealing with heartbreak. The model was married to Ne-Yo for seven years and they share three young children together. However, after a cheating scandal that resulted in a baby outside of their relationship, Crystal decided to end her marriage to the “So Sick” singer. Now, she is focusing on her bag and her kids. She is co-owner of Johnny’s Chicken and Waffles, launching a lip kit line, and is back on TV starring in the new WE TV reality series Bold & Bougie.
But it wasn’t an easy road, especially with reality TV. From the beginning, Crystal and her castmates bumped heads due to misconceptions and alliances with her ex-husband’s former partner, Monyetta Shaw. However, the mother of three exclusively tells xoNecole that she doesn’t regret her decision to join the show.
Crystal Renay
Photo courtesy
“Honestly, being in that space, we had a– you know, when you're first getting to know people, sometimes it can be smooth, and sometimes it can be rocky,” she says. “In our case, it was a little bit rocky and just getting to know each other, and I like to call it growing pains. And I felt like we had a couple of moments, but all in all, like the experience was really good for me, and I would do it over again.”
Crystal describes herself as “career-oriented” and says she is in her selfish season because she is now prioritizing herself first. But she admits that she is still healing from her divorce. The reality TV star shares some tips for others who may be going through the same thing.
“I would definitely say pray, pray as much as you can. Try to take your emotions out of your reactions to things because it’s always going to be something that you don't like in the situation,” she says. “But we can't move off of emotion because 10 times out of 10, a few months later, you're not going to feel like that. So, I'm a firm believer in not doing things that I will regret later. So I would just say be patient with yourself and stay positive.”
While there may be an opportunity to find love again, that’s not Crystal’s focus at the moment. She is in the rebuilding phase of her life, emphasizing the importance of self-care, personal growth, and finding her own happiness. She has had her share of challenges, including dealing with negative emotions and the public's perception of her, but her priorities involve spending quality time with her children and running lucrative businesses.
“I would definitely say pray, pray as much as you can. Try to take your emotions out of your reactions to things because it’s always going to be something that you don't like in the situation.”
“With my kids, I'm very hands-on. I’m team mother with soccer kids, and they don't really make no goals because they like five years old, but I'm there cheering them on every week,” she jokes. “I want to travel, especially this summer, with my kids and take them somewhere internationally because they're at the age where they can handle a long flight. So, me just spending more time and more new experiences with my kids is my main focus with them and showing them all the love that I could possibly give them.”
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Photo courtesy of Crystal Renay