

The Answer To A Proposal Should Be Known Before The Gesture. Here's Why.
All too often we see people being rejected on their viral proposal videos, in front of family first and then again in front of the entire world. But what I’m coming to realize is that people seem to put more thought into a beautiful, intricate proposal than they do the marriage and what marriage means. You see, good marriages are rooted in communication, and the fact that people are proposing without knowing the response they’re going to get, speaks volumes about the lack of communication. Or, at the very least it points to the fact that they don’t know their partner well enough to commit to marriage.
A marriage proposal itself should not be a surprise. A couple should be very clear on where they are in a relationship, their goals for the future, and ideally when they would like to take that next step and if they want to take that next step. Going into a proposal, you should know your partner’s answer based on the relationship you have together. The grand gesture? Well, that’s the surprise and the only surprise. Throughout the dating phase, you should get to know one another in a way that allows having discussions around desires, boundaries, values, and core beliefs.
These topics are also a point of discussion in the article, "5 Relationship Standards You Shouldn’t Compromise On," a piece that I think is very much applicable here because many people are afraid to have these necessary conversations early on. In my opinion, these conversations grow more challenging to have the longer they are postponed. You become enamored or smitten with a person and instead of focusing on learning how compatible you are with someone long-term, the fear shifts to, “What if they don’t respond in the manner that I would like?”
Talk about the important things before trying to get engaged.
First, you want to find out if each of you is even interested in marriage – and to what degree. If each of you falls on the extreme point of the spectrum, that may not work and there may not be room for compromise on this topic. This is indeed a question that should come up in the year of being in a committed relationship with a person. You also may want to ask questions surrounding timelines of what feels too soon and what feels like a realistic time to start talking about marriage or getting engaged. Lengthy engagement period or short? Living together prior to marriage? Are there boundaries on your willingness to do certain things for your partner prior to marriage?
If marriage is important to you, and it's been a couple of years, you might want to ask directly if your person sees themselves marrying you and perhaps rehash the specifics covered earlier in the relationship at that moment. Circle back to questions regarding the timeline and such because now those answers can be more concise and less hypothetical as they now know you more and furthermore know if they would like to say "I do" to you. If your visions for the future aren't aligned, consider if the relationship is worth further investing in, if there is a trajectory that works better for you as a couple mutually, or if you'd just like to move on from the relationship altogether.
Either way, this conversation in particular should be a huge indicator of if and maybe even when a marriage proposal should follow. If you're not on the same page, why even pop the question?
Dean Mitchell/Getty Images
The takeaway.
Full disclosure, I am not a dating coach so this is a gentle suggestion for when these discussions should be had. However, I did specialize in a sex therapy track that allows me to stand on a soapbox and tell you relationships that don’t have these types of conversations are often relationships that will fail. Just the same as a house without a strong base ain’t lasting!
So it’s with love that I say please don’t make a fool of yourself with a romantic gesture of a proposal when you haven’t gotten a direct answer from your person about marriage and a future together. Take a beat and ask yourself if you’re standing on solid ground to even ask for their hand in marriage. Be sure you’ve asked all the tough questions, both through internal dialogue and aloud with your partner.
A communicative marriage is a lasting marriage.
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Featured image by Dean Mitchell/Getty Images
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.