The Answer To A Proposal Should Be Known Before The Gesture. Here's Why.
All too often we see people being rejected on their viral proposal videos, in front of family first and then again in front of the entire world. But what I’m coming to realize is that people seem to put more thought into a beautiful, intricate proposal than they do the marriage and what marriage means. You see, good marriages are rooted in communication, and the fact that people are proposing without knowing the response they’re going to get, speaks volumes about the lack of communication. Or, at the very least it points to the fact that they don’t know their partner well enough to commit to marriage.
A marriage proposal itself should not be a surprise. A couple should be very clear on where they are in a relationship, their goals for the future, and ideally when they would like to take that next step and if they want to take that next step. Going into a proposal, you should know your partner’s answer based on the relationship you have together. The grand gesture? Well, that’s the surprise and the only surprise. Throughout the dating phase, you should get to know one another in a way that allows having discussions around desires, boundaries, values, and core beliefs.
These topics are also a point of discussion in the article, "5 Relationship Standards You Shouldn’t Compromise On," a piece that I think is very much applicable here because many people are afraid to have these necessary conversations early on. In my opinion, these conversations grow more challenging to have the longer they are postponed. You become enamored or smitten with a person and instead of focusing on learning how compatible you are with someone long-term, the fear shifts to, “What if they don’t respond in the manner that I would like?”
Talk about the important things before trying to get engaged.
First, you want to find out if each of you is even interested in marriage – and to what degree. If each of you falls on the extreme point of the spectrum, that may not work and there may not be room for compromise on this topic. This is indeed a question that should come up in the year of being in a committed relationship with a person. You also may want to ask questions surrounding timelines of what feels too soon and what feels like a realistic time to start talking about marriage or getting engaged. Lengthy engagement period or short? Living together prior to marriage? Are there boundaries on your willingness to do certain things for your partner prior to marriage?
If marriage is important to you, and it's been a couple of years, you might want to ask directly if your person sees themselves marrying you and perhaps rehash the specifics covered earlier in the relationship at that moment. Circle back to questions regarding the timeline and such because now those answers can be more concise and less hypothetical as they now know you more and furthermore know if they would like to say "I do" to you. If your visions for the future aren't aligned, consider if the relationship is worth further investing in, if there is a trajectory that works better for you as a couple mutually, or if you'd just like to move on from the relationship altogether.
Either way, this conversation in particular should be a huge indicator of if and maybe even when a marriage proposal should follow. If you're not on the same page, why even pop the question?
Dean Mitchell/Getty Images
The takeaway.
Full disclosure, I am not a dating coach so this is a gentle suggestion for when these discussions should be had. However, I did specialize in a sex therapy track that allows me to stand on a soapbox and tell you relationships that don’t have these types of conversations are often relationships that will fail. Just the same as a house without a strong base ain’t lasting!
So it’s with love that I say please don’t make a fool of yourself with a romantic gesture of a proposal when you haven’t gotten a direct answer from your person about marriage and a future together. Take a beat and ask yourself if you’re standing on solid ground to even ask for their hand in marriage. Be sure you’ve asked all the tough questions, both through internal dialogue and aloud with your partner.
A communicative marriage is a lasting marriage.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Dean Mitchell/Getty Images
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Issa Rae Launches New Viarae Prosecco Rosé: ‘It’s The Perfect Next Step’
Issa Rae’s wins are rooted in showing up as her authentic self.
Outside of Hollywood, the actress, writer, producer, and entrepreneur’s organic approach to pursuing business ideas is exemplified in her wine and spirits venture. In October 2023, Rae’s signature go-to drink Prosecco transformed into her founding her own brand. Launched with GALLO, Viarae Prosecco put a new spin on the classic sparkling white wine and debuted as a bubbly that can be sipped on everyday occasions.
Prior to Viarae Prosecco flying off store shelves and earning a 2024 Wine Star Award nomination for Innovator of the Year, Rae told Wine Enthusiast she would be interested in expansion “if people f*ck with” her brand. Two days short of a year since Viarae Prosecco launched, the day has officially come.
Courtesy
On Oct. 14, Rae and GALLO announced the launch of Viarae Prosecco Rosé. Compared to the original Viarae Prosecco, which is made from 100% Glera — also known as the Italian grape used to craft Prosecco — the new addition to the line is 88% Glera and 12% Pinot Noir.
"I am so excited to share the new Viarae Prosecco Rosé with everyone," Rae expressed in a statement shared with xoNecole. "This wine brings together the crisp, refreshing taste of Prosecco with vibrant notes of raspberry, strawberry, and peach, making it the perfect addition to any celebration. Viarae Prosecco Rosé adds that perfect sparkle to every moment."
Courtesy
When Rae was introduced to prosecco by Melina Matsoukas, filmmaker and director-producer for Insecure, it was on a sushi date. Similar to Viarae Prosecco, Viarae Prosecco Rosé can be paired with Asian dishes as well as serve as an overall aperitif for brunch, lunch, dinner, and dessert.
Within the span of five months, Viarae Prosecco transitioned from only being sold in select markets to selling in retail stores across the U.S. Along with retail expansion, the spotlight has been on Rae’s brand from having a featured activation at Broccoli City Festival 2024 in Washington, D.C. to selling out Brooklyn Paramount with special guests Law Roach, Lil Rel Howery, and Erika Alexander.
Courtesy
With the endless support that’s been poured into Viarae Prosecco, Rae says the timing of expanding the company was opportune.
"The success of Viarae Prosecco has been incredible, and I’m so proud of how it’s resonated with everyone,” she shared, per a press release. “Now, I’m beyond excited to expand the Viarae line with the introduction of Viarae Prosecco Rosé. It’s the perfect next step, bringing even more vibrant, celebratory energy to the table. I can’t wait for everyone to experience this new addition."
Viarae Prosecco Rosé is available at select markets and on-premise establishments nationwide.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy