On a warm Friday evening, a few months before we found ourselves at the departure end of the Murtala Muhammad airport in Lagos, Nigeria, my husband and I finally sat down to figure out where to spend our Christmas holiday. We had put it off for a bit, procrastinating like we always do, but with only a few months left until the holiday season, it was now or never.
We wanted none of the fast-paced life that being in our city, Lagos presented. The year had been incredibly long, so we were choosing to ease into the new year in a slow, languorous way. Cappadocia in Turkey was high on our list, but eventually, we narrowed our options to the African continent. We are both Nigerians and fiercely proud of our African heritage, so we wanted to immerse ourselves in and enjoy more of what the continent had to offer.
Soon enough, we settled for Senegal for the diversity of its offerings: Senegal is home to 7 UNESCO world heritage sites, the tallest statue in Africa, has some of the most beautiful beaches, and is rich in culture and history. Many people visit Senegal solely for Dakar, its capital city. But if you search a little deeper and open your mind a little wider, you will discover that Senegal has more to offer than Dakar.
In our case, we explored two other cities in addition to Dakar, and looking back, I honestly can't imagine experiencing Senegal in any other way.
Saly
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Our first stop was the beautiful beachside resort area of Saly, located in the Thiès region of western Senegal. We were welcomed into Saly by the most gorgeous sunset I had ever seen. It seemed to stretch for miles, following us on our ride to the hotel, dipping in and out as the roads winded as if to let us know that there was even more beauty awaiting us. Saly is a top tourist area in Senegal, and it is immediately clear why when you visit. It has the most gorgeous sunset and beaches, all ingredients for the perfect vacation.
Quick history tidbit: Saly was originally a Portuguese trading post known as Porto de Ale, which became Portudal, and later Sali Portudal.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
As we pulled up to our hotel taking in the last sights of the glorious sunset, the waves in the far-off distance crashed against the beach, and we felt completely at home. Starting our Senegal city hopping with Saly couldn’t have been a more perfect choice.
Although we spent a good chunk of our time in Saly indoors rejuvenating, we eventually ventured out to take a walk and feel the pulse of the city center. Neon lights and signs wishing people a happy holiday told us that this is a city that really values the people that it welcomes.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
We also visited the Reserve de Bandia nature reserve which is about 15 kilometers from Saly and houses a lot of wild animals and over 120 species of birds. We opted for a private park guide instead of the group tours, so we went through the place in good time. Right opposite the reserve is their lion ranch. We found out about this much later, so sadly we didn’t get to see the lions.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Our stay in Saly was truly invigorating, albeit short, so we couldn’t do a lot of things but we made sure to visit the arts and crafts market to find a bit of Saly to take home with us so that our trip here is forever memorialized.
Saint-Louis
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Our next stop after saying goodbye to our beautiful beach house in Saly was the island of Saint-Louis (or Ndar as it is called in the Wolof language), a city of brightly colored buildings, horse-drawn carts, and a charming rustic vibe. Saint-Louis is a good four-hour drive from Saly; not exactly the most scenic drive, but not the worst road trip we have been on either (and we have been on many).
In Saint-Louis, the influence of the colonizers is still visible. Albeit on the cusps of debilitation, the buildings are mainly colonial-style architecture, and as we later learned, have been intentionally preserved that way. (It is against the city rules to alter the building’s original external features.)
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Despite the long road trip to Saint-Louis, we were enamored by the city’s narrow roads, distinctive architecture, and laid-back vibes. Life seemed to move slowly in Saint-Louis, but we had zero complaints about this. It was exactly what we needed.
Quick history tidbit: Saint-Louis was the capital of Senegal from 1673 until 1902 and French West Africa from 1895 until 1902, when the capital was moved to Dakar. From 1920 to 1957, it also served as the capital of the neighboring colony of Mauritania which shares a border. The island of Saint-Louis is also a UNESCO world heritage site.
One thing we immediately noticed in Saint-Louis is the sheer number of people milling around in the streets, ready to approach you to make a case for whatever service or products they offer. And so it happened that on our arrival to Saint-Louis, whilst still trying to move our luggage from the trunk to the foyer of our hotel, we managed to make acquaintance with a convenience store owner and secure a date with an English-speaking tour guide for the next day.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
On our first day, we did a short walking tour of the city to find somewhere to grab lunch, but ended up learning about a concept called “slow food.” In Saint Louis, a good chunk of the restaurants there practice “slow food,” a concept hinged on a quality over quantity disposition, where meals are prepared lovingly with fresh produce and with a slower approach to cooking. Consequently, these restaurants open much later in the day. It was interesting to see a shift from fast food consumerism, but my stomach didn’t appreciate the late opening times.
Because Senegal borders the Atlantic Ocean, fish is a key part of their cuisine. Three beloved dishes in Senegal are Thiéboudienne (Senegalese jollof rice), Yassa, and Mafe. Whatever you do, make sure you don't leave Senegal without trying Thieboudienne, Bissap (Hibiscus juice), and Bouye juice (juice from the Baobab tree).
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
The next day, we had a simple breakfast and headed out with the tour guide for a horse-driven half-day tour of the island. He took us through the city and showed us the different facets of the island, pointing out the landmarks and noteworthy sights such as the Governor’s Palace, the cathedral and grand mosque, and the fishing village. It was particularly sad to see the effect of climate change and the subsequent decay in some parts of the city, especially in the fishing village.
We also visited the art studio of Meissa and Bassirou Fall. Our tour guide pointed it out during the tour as a must-see, so we visited the next day and it was truly magical. Meissa and Bassirou Fall are a father-son duo who make unique art sculptures from discarded bicycle and motorcycle parts.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Some say that a visit to Saint-Louis is not complete without visiting the Djoudj National Bird Sanctuary (a day trip) and the Langue de Barbarie (a half-day trip) but we opted out as we didn’t want to pack too many activities into our vacation.
At night, we’d walk to the Faidherbe Bridge and marvel at how beautiful it looks when lit up. The Faidherbe Bridge is a road bridge over the Senegal River that links the island of the city of Saint-Louis in Senegal to the African mainland. You’ll cross it when driving into Saint-Louis but it is definitely worth a visit at night when it gets lit up.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Dakar
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Ah, Dakar! Dakar was a love-hate experience for us. It reminded me a lot of my city in Nigeria: Lagos. They both have the same chaotic energy and buzz in the air, with little glimpses of magical moments that make you think it’s really not so bad after all. Leaving Dakar for last was an intentional decision because it was going to be the place with the most activity for us. We had a list of places we wanted to see but eventually only managed to do two out of the four places. There are only so many activities you can fit into a trip when you have just three days to spend.
Quick history tidbit: In 1902, Dakar replaced Saint-Louis as the capital of French West Africa. From 1959 to 1960, Dakar was the capital of the short-lived Mali Federation. In 1960, it became the capital of the independent Republic of Senegal.
On the top of our list was the Monument de la Renaissance (The African Renaissance Monument), the tallest statue in Africa which was erected to mark Senegal’s 50 years of independence. After surviving the many steps that led to the front door of the statue (think of it as a mini hike), we paid an entrance fee and were ushered in.
Inside told a story of Senegal, the African slave trade, and its journey to freedom/independence. We also got to see some unique artworks and crafts owned by the then-president of Senegal, Abdoulaye Wade. Afterward, we took an elevator to the top of the statue for a bird's-eye view of the city.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
The next day, we set off to visit the highly acclaimed Goree Island (Île de Gorée in French). Goree is a beautiful and picturesque island with a not-so-beautiful past. It was the site of one of the most important slave trade ports in West Africa where millions of enslaved Africans were taken through to never return again. Now, it is a UNESCO World Heritage site and houses a community of about 1800 permanent residents.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Goree attracts over 500,000 tourists yearly who visit for its history or solely to enjoy its visual aesthetics. But one thing is for sure, Goree Island is definitely a key part of anyone’s travels through Senegal so it felt fitting to end our time there with it. The next day, we packed our bags and said our goodbyes.
It was time to return back home.
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Featured image by Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
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Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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