The Mastering Of Self: The Ultimate Guide To Your Saturn Return
A Saturn Return is your entry into adulthood and one of the most important astrological transits on your journey of self-growth. It comes around every 27 to 29.5 years and signifies a time when major life changes and transformations happen, which set you up on the path and legacy you build for yourself in life. Although Saturn Returns have often had a negative connotation, your Saturn Return isn’t something to fear, but rather something to work with. It is your rite of passage into the next level of your life and although challenging at times, it’s also that time in your life when you look back and see how things changed for the better for you.
What Saturn Represents in Astrology
Saturn is like the parent that wants to see you do well but will give you the tough love when you need it. It seeks to break down any falsities and replace them with truth, and something stable enough for you to build upon. Saturn is known as the Lord of Karma in Astrology, it teaches, enforces, and brings justice. Saturn asks you to view the systems you have built for yourself and walked on in life and to see if these foundations support the growth you intend for yourself.
What Happens During Your Saturn Return
A Saturn Return is divine intervention and through what falls or transforms, new blessings become. Saturn is known as the great taskmaster in Astrology and a lot of growth and experiences that force you to mature tend to happen during this time.
Your Saturn Return is your checkpoint in life where the universe is like, “Okay, let’s take some time to get to the bottom of things right now and to figure out what is going to serve you in the long run.” This is a key time in your life to build new systems and structures for yourself, think long-term, and master your reality.
How To Know When Your Saturn Return Is
When it comes to when to expect your Saturn Return and how to prepare and move through this time, it is important to note your Saturn Return begins the day Saturn moves into the sign it was in at the time you were born. Saturn is currently in the middle of its transit through Aquarius, and if you have Saturn in Aquarius in your birth chart, you are going through your Saturn Return right now.
Another important date of your Saturn Return is the day(s) Saturn is at the exact degree it was at the time you were born and shows you the more critical times of your Saturn Return. You can look up the exact date(s) of your Saturn Return by running your birthday information through a free Saturn Return Calculator.
To dive even deeper, by looking up your birth chart through a free online Birth Chart Calculator, you can find out what house Saturn is placed in your chart, and see which area in life specifically your Saturn Return will be influencing.
See below for what Saturn Returns through each house signifies.
What Saturn Return Through Each House Signifies
SATURN RETURN IN THE 1ST HOUSE
A Saturn Return in the 1st house is asking you to look at the inner foundations that build you and your sense of self. Does your view of the world and how the world views you add up with how you want to move through life and be perceived? Movement is critical for you during this time, as getting your body moving and strengthening your connection to the self is what Saturn is here for. There could be physical changes you are seeing at this time as the 1st house rules the physical self, and overall your Saturn Return is very personal and all about your personal growth, goals, character, and evolution. Self-confidence is key for you right now.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 2ND HOUSE
A Saturn Return in the 2nd house is a time of challenges and breakthroughs when it comes to your financial world. The 2nd house rules income, assets, the material world, and your value systems; and Saturn is asking you during this time to balance the books, make sure you are spending with your future in mind, and will also be opening up new avenues for you for earning as well. You could feel more pressured to obtain assets and “have it all” right now. And there also tends to be more situations in life where big purchases are necessary in general with this energy. Saturn is here to help you build a sustainable path for yourself financially in life and to make sure you are valuing yourself in the process.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 3RD HOUSE
With your Saturn Return occurring in an area of your birth chart having to do with communication, transportation, neighbors, siblings, and your immediate community, there are a lot of different areas of life Saturn will be highlighting. During your Saturn Return, you are seeing the interconnectedness of it all, and this time is all about intentional movement and communication. Extra precautions should be handled with transportation and technology, and not rushing things here is key. Saturn is here to rebuild your sense of connection and community and help you find your voice.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 4TH HOUSE
A Saturn Return in the 4th house is all about your emotional and physical foundations in life. Saturn is highlighting your inner world and asking you to take a look at your support systems in life and create boundaries if necessary. The 4th house rules the home, family, your roots, tradition, and inner nourishment in life; and with Saturn moving through here, changes are happening in the home and within. This is a deep time of healing for you, especially when it comes to childhood wounds and experiences of the past. There could be some distance and unsteadiness you are feeling when it comes to laying down roots or feeling a sense of home and family, and Saturn is here to help you build that. Your Saturn Return is all about unpacking and rebuilding.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 5TH HOUSE
Your Saturn Return is all about finding your happiness and committing yourself to pursue it. The 5th house rules romance, children, creativity, hobbies, and entertainment, and with Saturn the planet of tough love moving through the house of joy, this can put a damper on things at times. This transit is all about speaking up for yourself and from the heart and expressing your creativity. Saturn energy is more serious and your Saturn Return is about recognizing those moments of discontent and finding new ways to heal the inner child and seek out your happiness. Self-expression is key for you right now.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 6TH HOUSE
With a Saturn Return in the 6th house of health, work, daily lifestyle, and routines, your health is the priority right now. Saturn is making matters of well-being more pressing during this time and will be showing you the importance of a daily routine that you can stick to. Changes in your working life are also happening now, and what your everyday environment looks like is transforming into something you can see yourself doing for the long run. You may feel like you have to work harder than usual during this time and Saturn is helping you find the balance between service to others and service to yourself.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 7TH HOUSE
A Saturn Return in the 7th house brings things to the forefront when it comes to love, relationships, marriage, business partnerships, and your relationship to your finances as well. This Saturn Return seeks to bring change within your personal relationships and to provide you with the stable ground for love to grow on. This transit will be helping you define what you want/need in love, your view on commitment, and whom you want to build this sense of partnership with. Relationship challenges are likely during this time, but meeting people that provide you a greater sense of emotional satisfaction and stability is the purpose of this transit for you.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 8TH HOUSE
With the 8th house ruling shared finances, taxes, debt, intimacy, death, rebirth, sexuality, intuition, and all things taboo, you are experiencing a deep inner awakening during your Saturn Return. Saturn is making you aware of anything that’s been blocking you off from feeling the vulnerability, commitment, and intimacy you are looking for in life, and helping you overcome some emotional fears. Saturn is pushing you to be a little more fearless during this time and to have the courage to confront some emotions that have been buried down until now. Your Saturn Return is all about shadow work, healing, and spiritual growth.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 9TH HOUSE
Your Saturn Return is a time of exploring the mind and what growth can occur through keeping an open perspective. The 9th house rules travel, adventure, higher education, and philosophy, and this is where Saturn is shaking things up for the time being. There can be a delay in educational pursuits during this time or more pressure to learn in general. Travel should be taken carefully during your Saturn Return as these are instances where Saturn will be more active in your life and can be challenging. Overall, you are learning the importance of connecting to your higher self right now, and are learning about self-mastery and trusting your own path in life.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 10TH HOUSE
The effects of your Saturn Return tend to be more public than most. A Saturn Return in the 10th house is here to help you build new systems of success for your career. The 10th house rules your professional and public life, social status, skills, talents, where you shine in life, and also your reputation. With Saturn moving through here there can be some delays when it comes to reaching goals and you may feel like you have to overcome a lot on your professional journey to get to where you want to be. Saturn isn’t here to put a halt to your success in life, it’s here to make sure you are personally aligned with what you are doing in your career, and if not, to make the necessary changes so you are following your soul purpose.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 11TH HOUSE
With a Saturn Return in the 11th house of friendships and community, you are finding your people during this time. This time in your life can feel a little more isolated than usual and Saturn is urging you to reach out, connect, and build your community during this time. Saturn is helping you shine in your authenticity during your Saturn Return, and guiding you towards ways you can show up for not only your community but your personal aspirations and goals as well. With the 11th house also being the house of manifestation and making your visions come to life, this is a good time to learn more about manifestation and your gifts as a creator.
SATURN RETURN IN THE 12TH HOUSE
A Saturn Return in the 12th house is a time of healing, understanding what’s below the surface of your life, and releasing yourself from the past. The 12th house is the last house of the zodiac wheel, and rules endings and all things hidden. With Saturn in the 12th house, you’ve been on a life journey of being your biggest supporter in life, rather than catering to self-sabotaging behavior. This is a good time to see a healer, therapist, astrologer, etc., and to get serious about your healing journey and mental health. If you’ve had any challenges with addiction, Saturn will be addressing them during this time and helping you overcome them. Your Saturn Return is all about doing the inner work.
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Tayler Barakat is a Mystic who has studied Astrology for over a decade. She does intuitive astrology and tarot readings for people all over the world, and her work focuses on healing and empowering individuals. Follow her on Instagram @taylerbarakat_ and check out her website www.listentothevirgo.com.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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