In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
When growing up, we have so many examples of what a relationship looks like. We see how our parent(s) act when they are in love, we watch TV sitcom couples like Martin and Gina, and we even get front row seats to see our friends go through their romantic relationships. So, when it is our turn to pick our partner, we assume we have everything figured out. But when it comes to love, sometimes we need a bit of help. That is where Magnetic Matchmaker and Relationship Expert, Spicy Mari comes in to help guide you towards your purpose-mate.
Spicy Mari is the CEO and founder of The Spicy Life. The Spicy Life is a relationship consulting firm where she teaches the S.P.I.C.Y. (Self, Passion, Intimacy, Communication and learning to say "Yes,") Fundamentals to her clients in order for them to form and maintain healthy fulfilling relationships. Spicy has mastered the power behind deep connections through a B.A. in Communications from the University of California-Berkeley, an M.A. in Communication from USC, and a dating certification from the International Dating Coach Association. Spicy currently has an upcoming e-course where she is providing a six-week program of her proven S.P.I.C.Y. method.
Courtesy of Spicy Mari
What we all have to remember is that, when you are in a relationship, loving our partners does not mean we should forget about loving ourselves. When we commit to living our lives focused on our dreams and our "why", we attract the right person who will support us along the way. Spicy is a true believer in self-love. She understands how prioritizing self-love within your daily routine is the best way to find that balance.
In this installment of Finding Balance, we talk to Spicy Mari about the power of affirmations, healthy relationships, and the importance of recharging to ultimately find balance.
xoNecole: What is your WHY?
Spicy Mari: My mission in life is to restore the family unit. I believe I was put on this earth to educate and empower women and men in order to have healthy relationships. I want to break generational curses as well. I come from an upbringing where I witnessed my mother being married multiple times. I saw how it affected how she perceived her value. So at an early age, I began to study and research the fundamentals that you need in order to be successful in relationships. Now, I can teach that to the masses. Connecting with your purpose-mate has the ability to help you achieve self-actualization.
At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause and finding balance in both your personal and professional life?
I learned about pressing pause early on because I saw the ramifications of not filling up my cup. It's important to fill up your love cup first before feeling you have the abundance to pour love into other people. It was during college where I really started to prioritize self-care. If I don't do it for myself, nobody else will. But when I first started my business, I threw myself in there full throttle.
At a moment, I started to notice my hair was breaking off, skin was bad, and I gained extra weight. I couldn't even recognize myself. That was when I realized that I was pouring into others and stopped pouring into myself. So now when things get crazy with work, I have to remind myself to apply those self-care practices that I educate to my clients. Every now and then I say to myself, "Spicy go take a walk (laughs)."
What is a typical day/week in your life?
My weeks are crazy. The one thing I do like about my weeks is that they are consistent… but with craziness (laughs). So I always start my morning working out and saying my affirmations. I set my intentions for the day. After that, I have my client consultations and perform screening processes for potential clients to see if they are ready for the program. Then, I record for my podcast, editing, and a couple more client sessions.
Throughout the day, I am still connecting with my team and answering any emergency calls my current clients may have and need advice from me. I have made my husband and I dinner sometime in there too (laughs). But my day usually doesn't end until midnight.
"I started to notice my hair was breaking off, skin was bad, and I gained extra weight. I couldn't even recognize myself. That was when I realized that I was pouring into others and stopped pouring into myself. So now when things get crazy with work, I have to remind myself to apply those self-care practices that I educate to my clients."
Courtesy of Spicy Mari
Do you practice any types of self-care? What does that look like for you?
My favorite self-care practice is hiking. I LOVE to hike. Whenever I have energy to burn or I am feeling stressed, I am taking myself on a hike. I like to do it myself because that is my time to pray, talk to God, and regroup. After my hikes, I always feel recharged and ready to take on the next thing.
What advice do you have for busy women who feel like they don’t have time for self-care?
I like to affirm myself throughout the day. So in-between clients, I tell myself how amazing I am, how gifted I am, and remind myself that God gave me this task because he knew that I would be able to handle it. So having that conversation with yourself, whether it's an affirmation or an actual dialogue for two minutes, helps you be able to control your thoughts throughout the day. When you are able to control your thoughts, you have a better handle on your emotions. Once you have mastered that, you can show up for others better.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
I try to stress the notion with my clients that just because you get into a relationship or start dating, does not mean you leave your friends to the wayside. The same mindset we have for dating our romantic partners, we should still be dating our friends. So for me, with balancing my friendships, I have a shared calendar with my friends.
My friends and I put scheduled events/make reservations to certain restaurants. We also started a book club to hold each other accountable and to check in. My friend group and I make sure that when we are checking in, we are still pouring into each other and sharing any best practices that could help our group in everyday life.
Love/Marriage?
I'm not going to lie, this is actually something that is very challenging for me. I am an alpha woman and we tend to have this strong masculine mindset. Being married to an alpha man, I have had to learn to sit in my feminine. So when my laptop is closed, I have to give my partner that level of attention that makes him feel happy or loved.
I also try to make sure I check in on him daily and I am not talking about the "how was your day" check-in. I am talking about those intimate conversations where we can talk about family, relationship goals, and affirming him on how much he means to me. I like our balance where my husband brings security and I bring the passion/romance.
"I am an alpha woman and we tend to have this strong masculine mindset. Being married to an alpha man, I have had to learn to sit in my feminine. I like our balance where my husband brings security and I bring the passion/romance."
Courtesy of Spicy Mari
Health?
Health has always been a top priority for me. I try to work out 4-5 times a week. But now that I am expecting a baby boy, it has been a lot harder to work out, OK? (Laughs) I have been challenging myself to put workout time on my calendar. I also work with my personal trainer and abundance mindset coach to push me and encourage me to keep going, even when I am not feeling my best.
Wow you’re expecting? Congratulations! When it comes to preparing for motherhood, what types of self-care practices have become more important for you than before?
Now this may sound unorthodox, but I believe sex is a part of self-care (laughs). There are so many health benefits to the female orgasm. I don't think us women incorporate that enough into our self-care regimen. I mean sex is how we got pregnant in the first place (laughs). But to continue having sex and keeping that part of my marriage alive during my pregnancy is a must.
I hear that! Now when it comes to self-care for your child, how do you plan on teaching your son the importance of self-care?
One thing that I think is important to know is who we are, what we want, and what we have to offer. Being clear on that will help my son in relationships, career, and friendships. But another thing I am super excited to teach my son is his cultural background. I am Black and Mexican and his father is Jamaican. So with the self-love component, I want my son to be proud of his heritage. That confidence in your culture really helped me growing up, so I know it will help him too.
Honestly, what does success and happiness mean to you?
Happiness for me is a state of peace. Happiness is knowing that I set myself on a path where I have set my intentions and I am still proud of myself, even if I don't hit the mark. Success is hitting the mark (laughs). Success is blowing ish out of the park. When you set goals for yourself and you make that checklist, I find success in being able to check those things off that list. So it is not necessarily those long-term goals. But even those short-term goals that help you see things come into fruition, which guide you towards your long-term goals.
To learn more about Spicy Mari, follow her on instagram @spicymari. You can also listen to The Spicy Life Podcast, here.
Featured image courtesy of Spicy Mari
'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Since turning 30, three years ago, I have been on a journey of self-improvement and healing. During this time, I've adopted daily practices like meditation, journaling, and speaking affirmations over my life. I also began reading spiritual and self-help books like The Alchemist and The Mountain Is You.
These tools have changed my life drastically as I have become more self-confident and developed more self-love. Lately, one of my go-to's for a spiritual boost is listening to podcasts. There are so many podcasts to choose from nowadays, and they aren't created equally.
However, if you're looking for a podcast that speaks to your soul and helps you in your personal development, then check out the 10 podcasts below.
Balanced Black Girl
Balanced Black Girl is a podcast focusing on personal development, self-care, and more. Hosted by Les, adding this podcast to your list is a great start to developing better habits.
Take Back Your Mind
Take Back Your Mind is a podcast by Agape Church founder and pastor Michael B. Beckwith. This podcast touches on various topics like spirituality, purpose, mindfulness, and more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
On Purpose with Jay Shetty features many guests, from Big Sean to former First Lady Michelle Obama, as they open up about their tips for success and biggest life lessons.
Keep It Positive, Sweetie
Sistas actress Crystal Renee Hayslett created the Keep It Positive, Sweetie podcast, which hones in on discussions like family, second chances, and the art of submission.
Diary of A CEO
Diary of A CEO is more than a business podcast. It highlights many conversations like how to sleep better, the benefits of fasting, and how to reduce toxins in your body.
Being Her
Margarita Nazarenko has built a loyal fanbase on social media from her straight, no-chaser advice on dating, and recently, she launched a podcast called Being Her. The podcast digs a little deeper into feminine energy, manifestation, and, of course, dating.
Healed Girl Era
Gia Peppers hosts the Healed Girl Era podcast, and the name says it all. If you're in your healed girl era or want to get in your healed girl era, then this podcast is for you as Gia and guests tackle topics like self-love and finding your joy.
Super Soul
Oprah's Super Soul podcast features interviews from a wide range of thought leaders in health and wellness, spirituality, and entertainment.
Everybody's Crazy
Everybody's Crazy is hosted by best friends April McDaniel and Savannah James as they open up about their friendship and navigating life. However, their girl talk doesn't shy away from tough conversations like grief and mom guilt and how to overcome it all.
Therapy For Black Girls
Therapy For Black Girls is a mental health podcast hosted by psychologist Dr. Joy Harden Bradford. The podcast covers everything, from dealing with depression to superwoman syndrome.
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