6 Solid Reasons To Consider A Season Of Abstinence In The New Year
A couple of months ago, I was catching up with a male friend of mine who knew me back when I was throwin’ it back. OK, I guess I need to qualify that a little better because, he has never known me in the biblical sense; what I mean is, he knew me back when I was sexually active. “OK, so how many years is it about to be?” he asked. What’s funny is he sounded more stressed out about my abstinence than I did! It’s actually going to be 15 years this coming January 9 and chile, CHILE. I never would’ve thought. As far as my own journey, you can read about some of it via an article that I wrote on the topic a whopping three years ago (“I've Been Abstinent For 12 Years. Here's How.”).
And while I know that a lot of y’all probably think that it is beyond insane that I’ve been “without” for so long when I write about sex so much, to that I’ll just say — when I was having sex, I was having sex (check out “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners”). Plus, I did used to work with a ministry that people out of porn (check out “Working For A Porn Ministry Got Me Over Watching Porn”) and I do work with couples for a living as a marriage life coach. All of this can serve as a myriad of cautionary tales.
Don’t get me wrong — I like sex. I LIKE SEX A LOT (yes, I am yelling it!). It’s just that my season of abstinence has taught me how to approach it differently, including how to see it from more angles than merely relational maintenance and physical pleasure. The 15-year bit (or bid — LOL) is more about, the more I learn about myself, the purposes of sex and watch how the world is damn near losing its mind over the “surface level benefits” of it, I just want to make sure that I don’t return to the hamster wheel from which I came. Not only that but I value “her” (you know what I mean) more than I ever have.
Plus, it can help me to share all of what I’m about to say from so-much-clearer perspective. Because while I get that most of y’all will never (EVER) wanna say you’ve gone without some good-good for 15 years of your life, I do hope (if you’re single, of course) that you’ll consider at least a few months to a year of abstinence at some point in the game. Here’s why.
1. You Can Fully “Detox” Your Past
For the most part, I’m cool with all of my past sex partners. I’m not saying that we’re homies or anything yet there is enough peace between us to the point that we can run into each other and genuinely be happy to see each other too (check out “Why Every Woman Should Go On A 'Get Your Heart Pieces Back' Tour”; it helped). In fact, not too long ago, I ran into a past partner and we chopped it up in a grocery store parking lot for about an hour or so. It was actually really refreshing to be in his space, laugh and joke, and then walk away not…feeling some type of way, especially since he was one of my “climbing the ceiling” guys (it was good and I ain’t ashamed to say it). While we were both fully aware that we had been sexually involved for a few years back in the day, it now seemed like a lifetime ago and whatever happened/didn’t happen back then was pretty much irrelevant now.
The same thing goes for my first love. After us both emotionally going round and round and round for decades (literally), I finally came to a place where I didn’t want to try and relive anything. I’m pretty sure you’ve heard that until you learn your lesson, the universe will keep on bringing it back to you. Well, there has always been a part of me who wanted us to get back together because he was young the first round and I wanted to because I was “green” the first round. Sex was not exempt from this. However, because I have been able to purge him out of me — him, along with the other 13 guys — I can now see things, not from the angle of being on my back (pun intended) but a 30,000 feet view of sexual sobriety. I have been able to separate how the sex made me feel from how the relationship did and why I chose the people that I did. It has been revelatory like a mug too.
Detoxing is literally about going through a process of getting toxins out of your system so that you can overcome physical as well as psychological dependence on something — or someone. It’s real easy to say (or think) that you don’t need to do this when it comes to sex and people…until you’re actually abstinent and can look at things from the perspective that it provides.
2. You Can Figure Out What You Want Besides Good…Well, You Know
Another article that I once wrote for the platform is about casual sex and why I think that term is one of the greatest oxymorons of our time (you can check it out here). One of the reasons why it literally grates my soul is because casual means things like “without definite or serious intention; careless or offhand; passing” and “seeming or tending to be indifferent to what is happening; apathetic; unconcerned” and even if, for some reason, you see sex this way, why in the world would you want someone to approach you in this kind of headspace and heart space?
When you’re out here getting good D, you can kind of rationalize your way out of this point, even if it’s ultimately to your detriment, because sometimes how a person makes you feel during the act of sexual intimacy causes you to think that they value you in other ways when that isn’t always, automatically or necessarily the case at all. I believe I’ve shared with y’all before that I’ve got a male friend of mine who once told me (after I asked him how guys can just have sex with folks and not care about them whatever), “Do you think it’s intimate if I jack off in the shower? Jack off in the shower, jack off in a girl. One just feels better than the other when there is no connection.”
You know, we’ve really gotta free ourselves from thinking that just because we want sex to affect or alter our dynamic with someone then that means that it will. We also need to take some personal accountability for when we ignore what I just said and things don’t go as planned.
Abstinence played a huge role in me getting — and I mean, really getting — these points into the depths of my spirit. It’s also a part of the reason why I can write about sex all day long, sometimes like I just had it last night, and not feel rushed to run out and get some, just to do so. I’ve had good sex — great sex, even — multiple times. What I have only had a handful of, though, is holistically healthy and fulfilling relationships. And like I say often until there is a condom for the heart, I have to make sure that I protect — and by “protect”, I mean fully value — all of me. More has to be good than just the d--k.
Abstinence has helped to raise this bar. Exponentially so.
3. You Can Get Your Health Fully on Track
I do interviews fairly often. Whenever the topic of my past sex life comes up, something that I am sometimes asked is what my "ultimate low” was. Now that I’ve made peace with not having children, I’d probably have to say that my four abortions top the list (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”). Another sucky time was when I found out that I had chlamydia, mono, and strep throat, all at the same time, and was told by my doctor that the STD appeared to have been dormant in my system for a couple of years (chile). Oh, and then there’s the Thanksgiving week when I had unprotected sex with three of my exes (by “exes”, I mean, one ex-boyfriend and two former sex partners). I’m not sure why I did that. What I can say is the sex with all three was physically great in different ways and I remember just not wanting to do a lot of thinking or feeling during that time.
Anyway, during those seasons (and honestly, so many other times too), between bladder infections (check out “BDE: Please Let The ‘It Needs To Be Huge’ Myth Go”), yeast infections (condoms and I weren’t always the best of friends), playing around with different kinds of birth control, pregnancies and pregnancy scares, abortion recovery — my body was pretty worn out. I needed some time to just…be to myself, get to know my body (check out “Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey” and “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”) and get my pH and hormones back on track. The last time I had sex, I was 32 and I must say that from about 36 on, my reproductive health is better than it’s ever been. Honestly, my health, period, is better than it’s ever been.
Sometimes you need a season of abstinence, just to learn about your grown woman self from a physical- and health-related standpoint. You need time to prioritize your well-being outside of sex with a man so that you can understand your womanhood on a whole ‘nother level.
4. You Can Reconcile Your Sexuality with Your Spirituality
Chalk it up to my age if you want to. Maybe my church upbringing has something to do with it too. But to me, it’s really sad how much people think that sex is ONLY a physical act. It’s like folks are out here really thinking that they are no more than talking dogs in heat (which is a part of the reason why I will never get down with calling men “dogs” or us “bitches;” there are many ways subconscious “programming” affects and infects us) when actually, for us humans, sex is supposed to be out so much more than that.
While, on some levels, unfortunately, a lot of us tend to only associate things being spiritual with them being about a particular religion, you can check out articles like “7 Signs You're Spiritually Compatible With Someone”, “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?” and “Here's Exactly How To Start Protecting Your Spirit” to know that I think it goes way past that. For instance, what I’ve oftentimes read is the spirit is defined as being our intellect, emotions, fears, passions, and creativity.
And while yes, I do believe, in part because the Bible says so (I Corinthians 6:16-20 — Message), that there is some sacredness to sex, even if you move past holy books (because the Torah and Quran pretty much advocate for the same points about sex as the Bible does), shoot the mere fact that copulation is an act that can create new human life — doesn’t that mean that it deserves to be approached from a very spiritual space? Doesn’t it make sense that it can affect — and, if we’re not careful, even infect — things like our intellect and emotions…that, if we’re not careful, it can cultivate fear, that it definitely taps into our passions and, it can even expand how we see things creatively?
Sometimes, when you’re too busy out here having sex, you can’t really process things on this kind of level. Committing to a season of abstinence to pray, meditate and consider how it is affecting your life on a spiritual level? That is never not a good thing to do.
5. You Can Define What Good Sex Is to/for You
A couple of articles that I’d like you to check out when you get a chance are “Don't Mistake A Great Sex Partner For A Great Life Partner”, “What If The Sex Is Great? But The Relationship Sucks.” and “What GROWN Women Consider Great Sex To Be”. Oh, and one more —“Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?”. Back when I first became sexually active with my first love and then with, as my first book calls it, another guy who was my first lust, sex was super fascinating to me because I was discovering so many things that I hadn’t experienced before. Because of that, I wasn’t really wondering if sex was good FOR me or not; since it was good TO me, that’s all I really cared about.
Oh, but let a little bit of time and a higher sense of self come into the mix and you really do start to ask yourself — both in and outside of the bedroom — if the things that you are doing are actually good for your mind, body and spirit long-term. When it comes to sex specifically, if it’s doing more for you other than making you feel good for a few minutes…you really begin to ask yourself if the days, weeks, and months following can confirm that an hour of your time was really worthwhile.
Only you can answer that. What I will say is when something is good FOR you, it makes you holistically a better person. It doesn’t just make you feel good, it helps to elevate you as a human being. When it comes to this point, not just the act of sex needs to be factored in, so does who you’re having sex with. Again, only you can answer this question; to this, what I will say is you tend to be biased when you’re actually having sex. Going without for a season can help you to be far more objective — about the act and your partner.
6. You Can Figure Out How Sex Should “Fit” into Your Future
One of the main questions that I get asked about my abstinence is when do I think it will end? Ideally marriage, mostly because I’ve done it in every other relational dynamic (including engagement; my fiancé died a long time ago). I just like the level of commitment that comes with that type of union. Plus, this culture is getting stranger and stranger in that lane and the STDs just keep getting more and more resistant to treatment since I was active. We’ll see, though, because something else that life has taught me is, you really do need to be careful about the use/misuse of “always” and “never”. I’d like to be married but I’m in no rush to jump a broom (another article for another time) and so…like I said, we’ll see.
I will say this, though — never again will I take a casual, flippant, or even popular-in-this-society approach to sex. I know, far too well, how an act in the present can totally alter my future. It’s happened a myriad of times before. These days, sex needs to come with as much inner peace as it does physical pleasure. Until I’m as sure as possible that it will play out that way…I’m good.
As for you, whether it’s a couple of months, a year, or more, I promise you that once you return to sex, you too will think about if how you’re doing it and who you’re doing it with is best for you as it relates to who you are, where you are in your life and what you want for yourself, moving forward. A part of the reason why is because a season of abstinence is actually about “reprogramming yourself” to think long and hard with the future in mind. It’s about processing how you want sex to fit into your lifestyle as you continue to evolve.
This was a lot. I already know. Yet you know what? Contrary to popular belief (or ignorance), SEX IS A LOT. Refraining, even just for a little bit, can never be a bad thing when you see all of the good that can come from it. So, as you prepare to go into another year, at least give being abstinent some thought. Anything that can cause you to become a better person is always worth it, even if it takes some getting used to…right? Most definitely.
I am certainly a testament to that.
Featured image by Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Okay, so when you hear the term “mental health,” what immediately comes to your mind? As a marriage life coach, for me, it’s oftentimes articles that have to do with some sort of mental health-related crisis or, even when it comes to many of my clients, trying to help a relationship when it’s on the brink of total and utter despair. That’s really unfortunate too because, in my opinion, if more focus was placed on signs that we are in a great mental space and more tips were provided on how to either get or remain there, I think a lot of us would find ourselves in far more positive space — a lot more of the time.
And just what are some indications that you’re doing well on the emotional wellness tip? You really like yourself. You treat others the way that you want to be treated. You live with a spirit of gratitude. You know how to adjust well to change and differences (within and outside of yourself). You are aware of your purpose and are doing all that you can to manifest it on a daily basis (check out “What Does It Mean To Have 'Purposeful Relationships'?,” “Please Stop Picking People Who Don't 'Fit' Your Purpose” and “How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'”).
And how do you know when it’s time to put everything aside and tend to your mental health? When you feel any type of extreme fatigue, whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional; when your attitude is sarcastic, cynical, or apathetic; when you’re not giving your best to what you are doing (or have no clue why you are doing some of the things that you are doing); when you’re sacrificing too much of who you are in order to make something (or things) work, and/or when your spiritual self is compromised.
Today, if any of those warning signs just resonated with you, I’m gonna do you a solid. In the spirit of getting — and keeping — you in a great mental health state, here are 12 hacks that can help you out if you’re needing a bit of a right-now-pick-me-up.
1. Wear a Bright Color
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Whether you choose to believe it or not, color psychology is a very real thing. Yep, there is quite a bit of data out here to support that the colors that you choose to surround yourself with can have an impact on your mood(s). For instance, I read an article that said over half of individuals associate black with sadness, red with love, and yellow with joy.
So, if you happen to wake up on the wrong side of the bed one morning, before you pull out something black because perhaps it’s slimming or even convenient, why not go with a bright hue instead? Orange can give you an energy boost, green conveys joy and lilac cultivates a feeling of calm. (Color) psychology says so.
2. Rub Some Clementine Oil on a Pressure Point
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Something that I’m always gonna be good for is hipping you to an essential oil that you may not have heard of before, and today, it’s clementine oil. Whether you’re looking for a way to strengthen your immunity, bring some health and beauty to your skin, or want to feel better on your way to work (or you need something that will help you to get you through the rest of your workday), clementine oil has a reputation for making all of these things happen.
The reason why it’s a good idea to apply it to places like your hands or feet is because there are many nerve endings in both spots that connect throughout your body. Plus, essential oils have a tendency to absorb well (and fast) in those places, too.
3. Snack on Some Sunflower or Pumpkin Seeds
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If you’ve always looked at snacking as a low-key cuss word, this would be the day to stop doing that. So long as you snack on the right kinds of foods and do it in moderation, it can actually be beneficial for you. For instance, as far as your mental health is concerned, snacking can help raise your blood sugar levels (in a good way) and provide you with an energy boost.
Two low-calorie snacks that are especially beneficial as far as maintaining your mental health is concerned are sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds.
Sunflower seeds contain magnesium and zinc which can help calm your nerves (yes, literally), along with vitamin E (which reduces oxidative stress) and protein (which boosts brain health). As far as pumpkin seeds go, they also are an excellent source of magnesium and protein, plus they have a lot of manganese in them which is a nutrient that helps improve brain health and even reduce PMS-related symptoms.
4. Listen to Some Pop. Or Hip-Hop.
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While checking out an article entitled, “Improving Mental Health Through Music,” I got to thinking about how listening to Michael McDonald’s “I Can Let Go Now” will damn near turn me into a basket case, and yet The Pharcyde’s “Drop” (which is one of the best visuals ever made; I’m not debating it either) will immediately get my head to bobbin’ and my mind to feeling great.
Yes, music is powerful, and we really need to be careful when it comes to what we listen to…and also when. Anyway, if you’re curious about which genres are reportedly best for your mental health (because they help to release the feel-good chemical dopamine into your system) — pop, hip-hop, alternative, rock, classical (if you need help focusing), and jazz can reduce stress and even increase longevity.
5. Take a Power Nap
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It’s pretty common for people to ask me how I am able to write about relationships and then listen to people talk about them without losing my mind. Well, for one thing, God made me this way. That said, one of my surefire hacks is to take a freakin’ nap — especially after a long session (some of mine last for two hours at a time!). Listen, even if you can only get 15 minutes in (anything over 30 minutes is more than just a simple power nap, by the way), it can help reduce fatigue, increase awareness and alertness, and help you feel good so that you will perform better.
Chile, naps shouldn’t be seen as something that only kindergarteners do. Adults would be so much more pleasant to be around if more got a power nap in as well.
6. Put a “Timer” on Your Social Media
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There’s no telling how many times on this platform I’ve said that the average American spends a whopping 2.5 hours on social media on a daily basis. That’s five 30-minute sitcom episodes — yes, that is a long time. What’s wild to me is while parents will talk about their kids needing their social media time monitored because too much is not good for their mental health (which is true) — parents need to lead by example because data says that when not consumed in extreme moderation, social media isn’t the best for grown folks either.
All of that information — especially the negative stuff, and there is PLENTY of that — increases anxiety, disrupts sleep, can lead to memory loss, may cause you to feel lonely, and can do a real number on your self-esteem. So, how much time should be allotted to your Instagram and TikTok accounts? Many mental experts say somewhere around 30 minutes a day should be the max.
And listen, if you just read that and can’t even fathom that timeframe because you feel like you’d go crazy without more time online, you’re the main one who should try it out (check out “10 Ways To Keep Social Media From Triggering You (So Much)” and “8 Solid Reasons To Put. Your Phone. Down.”). #justsaying
7. Put a “Timer” on Your Worries Too
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Roy T. Bennett once said, “Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.” Marcus Aurelius once said, “Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.” The Dalai Lama XIV once said, “If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
And do you know what all of these quotes have in common? A reminder to not be a control freak and to be more flexible in life. Now, is worrying normal? It is. However, what I will tell you from very up close and personal experience is a lot of ego is caught up in worry because, essentially, we’re trying to control what oftentimes can’t be controlled. Once humility comes into play, once you accept that all you can do is your best, once you don’t try to create every “puzzle piece” of a particular overall picture, you’ll be amazed at how calm you become.
I didn’t say that you’ll like or understand what’s going on; I’m just saying that you won’t be trying to do more than what you can — or should. Even biblical Scripture says, "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" (Matthew 6:25 — NKJV) So, if something has you worried right now, say to yourself, “I’m going to semi-obsess over this for 30 minutes, and then I’m going to just do my best and let it go.” It’s the hack of all hacks. Try it and see.
8. Turn Off Your Notifications for Half of the Day
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I seriously doubt that any of you are surprised to know that almost 60 percent of Americans think that folks are far too addicted to their phones. To prove that point, I once read that most of us tend to look at our phones as much as 144 times a day. SMDH. And in between constantly staring at your screen and then hearing (or feeling if they’re set on vibrate) your notifications going off — it’s no wonder you and others are feeling more stressed out and distracted than ever.
That’s why, at the very least, consider turning your notifications off for half of the day — at least when it comes to your social media accounts. Very few of my notifications make a sound, and life is good that way. And honestly, whatever someone wants me to know (or I’m being nosy about), it’ll be there when I get around to it. The earth isn’t going to crumble if it’s not immediately. TRUST ME.
9. Get into a Yoga Position (or Two)
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If stress, anxiety, or even depression-related symptoms are something that you struggle with, you might want to sign up for a yoga class. Science has proven that yoga can help to create calm and clarity, and it can even help to center you. And what if you are feeling low or somewhat off-kilter and you need an immediate boost? Yoga poses like the Upward Salute, the Modified Child Pose, and the Easy Pose (all of which are demonstrated here) are ones that you can easily do wherever you are — whether you have a yoga instructor around or not.
10. Buy Yourself Some Flowers
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Something that I used to do, that I really need to get back into the habit of doing, is buying myself a bouquet of fresh flowers. It used to be a practice of mine to pick some up every Friday, and it has just…slipped away from me lately. Aside from the fact that doing it makes me feel pretty and feminine, science backs the mental health benefits of flowers.
Research says that flowers can immediately make you feel happier, and if you’re feeling a lil’ stressed out, they can help you to feel calmer as well. And even though pretty much any floral arrangement can help you out in this department, if you’re curious about what different blooms represent, there is a very comprehensive list that you can check out here.
11. Do Something for Someone Else. Anonymously.
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King Solomon once said, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners.” (Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV) When it comes to money and resources, greed, hoarding, or selfishness has never been my thing. I like to give (I very rarely loan; that too can lead to unnecessary stress) in part because it’s fun to see how the universe will give back — and it never ceases to amaze.
Anyway, as far as mental health goes, studies reveal that doing for others increases your self-esteem levels, reduces your stress, puts you in a better mood, and can make you feel happier overall. So, why not do something thoughtful for someone else today? Oh, and try to do it anonymously. It’s a good gut check to make sure that you really are giving out of the goodness of your heart and not some sort of mercenary (or ego) based agenda — or shoot, stratagem.
12. Honor Yourself
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It’s pretty difficult to have good mental health if you don’t prioritize yourself and your own needs. That’s why I decided to close this out by simply saying that it’s REALLY IMPORTANT, CRITICAL EVEN, to honor yourself. What I mean by that is you need to do the things that honor defines: you need to move with honesty and integrity (especially when it comes to yourself), you need to treat yourself with the utmost level of self-respect, and you need to act like you are a privilege to know and be around.
Some articles that can help you to do all of these things include “8 Ways To Be So Much Kinder To Yourself. Starting Today.,” “12 Ways To Be Far More Self-Compassionate Every Day,” and “10 Hacks To Give You More Quality Time. With Yourself.”
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Your mental health is paramount. Hopefully, these tips will help you to get where you want to be, mentally and emotionally, because, being in a good headspace? That is something that you absolutely deserve, sis. 1000 percent.
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