Oprah & Gayle Are Bringing Their 40+ Year Friendship To A New Series 'The OG Chronicles'
Our favorite moguls, aunties in our heads, and BFFs just teamed up for a short segment offering their personal experience and advice in the new web series The OG Chronicles. I admit I wasn't readyyyyy to hear my aunties talk about how they get down, but the result was more refreshing and hilarious than I could have ever imagined.
Each month, the dynamic duo will respond to questions from readers of Oprah Magazine and this month their topic of choice was dating. The two acknowledge the challenges that many of us face in the complicated game of dating, offering wisdom that comes with getting better with time.
However, many women who find themselves in long-term relationships quarrel with the idea of needing to 'spice things up' in the bedroom, and Oprah and Gayle are no different. When asked by a reader how she recommends turning her man out, Oprah shares her blooper with her longtime partner:
"This was so many years ago, I got the whole negligee thing and I'm standing at the stairs when [Stedman] comes in and he literally comes in and walks right past me and says, 'What are you doing?'"
Gail chimed in, recalling her failed attempts at sending out sexy smoke signals:
"I wrapped myself up with saran wrap when I was married, put on a trench coat and when he came out I said 'Ta-da!', and he said, 'What is that?'"
Oprah eventually offered her opinion that it would be best to sit down and have a conversation with your man about what he thinks would be spicy to spare yourself the dramatics and embarrassment. A simple question of "What really turns you on?" could lead to an explosive and adventurous session for you and your partner, as well as serve as an opportunity to have a deeper understanding of one another's desires. Oprah shared:
"For me, I've gotta say making cornbread kind of serves the purpose. I made some cornbread yesterday and you would have thought I stripped myself butt naked! A little cornbread and black-eyed peas go a long way in my house."
When the topic of sharing your personal passcode with your partner, the duo had opposing views. While Oprah believes that it is best to have your own privacy, Gayle says that sharing with your significant other is no big deal. Oprah admitted though, that if Stedman asked for her passcode, she would have no problem with providing it.
When it comes to women in relationships where the alter seems to be the last thing on her partner's mind, Oprah thinks that the best course of action would be to move on to a man who is ready for that level of commitment and to harvest your eggs.
"If I was a 34-year-old woman, who was out here in the world where it is hard out here for a pimp, I would be harvesting my eggs."
Though, we now know that the secret of finding a man who is marriage material is doing your homework before getting involved, it seems as though the two agree that spending your time in situations that do not serve you, is truly a waste of opportunity when you are given a chance to look back.
When it comes to more difficult questions that come about while dating, Oprah and Gayle agree that if you are searching for resolve outside of yourself, it's because you often already know the answer to your questions. #OprahTaughtMe that sometimes you just have to tell that brotha, "Boy Bye!"
All in all, I am both excited and curious to hear Oprah and Gayle weigh in on topics that are relevant to our lives, given the amount of experience the two have while living their best ones. Oprah made sure to highlight that she is not a licensed professional, but given the hundreds of people she has gotten to interview during her lifetime, I am sure she has plenty of gems to drop. Gayle attests to Oprah's wisdom, sharing that through all the therapists she visited during her marriage, Oprah's advice was the most helpful.
Make sure to tune in to next month's episode to get your entire life while our favorite ladies let it all hang out!
Featured images by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images
New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images