

Mercury retrograde is back again, but it is nothing that you can’t handle. Mercury retrogrades are infamous for being times of chaos, although Mercury has a much bigger message to convey during these times. Mercury retrogrades don’t occur to mess everything up, they come in to give clarity on the things that haven’t been working and overall areas of life that can be reviewed, reassessed, or reimagined. Yes, you should still double-check your transportation, technology, contracts, and anything fine detailed more thoroughly this time, but you also do not need to panic, as Mercury retrograde brings the energy of slowing down more than anything.
We are currently moving into the third out of the four Mercury retrogrades happening this year, and this Mercury retrograde transit will be moving through the signs of Libra and Virgo. Mercury entered its pre-shadow phase on August 22, a time when you start to get glimpses of what you are about to embark on with Mercury, and also times when you tend to make more mistakes, detours, or go through the experiences that you will be reviewing once Mercury officially goes Retrograde.
Once Mercury goes retrograde in Libra on September 9, anything that is keeping you away from your peace is being highlighted. Focusing on finding your balance within partnerships, and being in your truth is key right now. On September 23, Mercury retrograde enters Virgo, and Mercury overall enjoys being in Virgo and is exalted here. This energy is more about release, healing, taking what you’ve learned over the past few weeks, and grounding yourself in preparation for the new that is to come once Mercury goes direct on October 2.
The most important lesson that all Mercury retrogrades bring is about inspiring you to see something you may have missed before. The best way to move through a Mercury retrograde is to have a sense of humor, flow with change, and know that this too shall pass. The more you can focus on the growth that is occurring, the better. Ask for grace from the planets, and believe in your ability to renew.
Read below to see what Mercury retrogrades transit from September 9 to October 2 has in store for you.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Aries
Mercury moving retrograde into your opposite sign, Libra, brings attention to your relationships in life, Aries. You could be experiencing more miscommunications within your partnerships during this transit, and it’s about remaining open-minded to all perspectives that are being heard. Strong relationships will only grow closer during this time, and relationships that should be looked at more closely are now changing dynamics. Love wants to show you something during this Mercury retrograde, and it’s all about remaining open to the possibilities, rather than giving too much attention to doubts.
There could be some renegotiations happening within business matters as well during this time as the 7th house, where Mercury is transiting, also rules your business partnerships. Overall, it’s about balancing your needs with those of others and taking responsibility for anything you are putting out there. The end of this Mercury transit is all about your health and taking things day by day as your daily tasks and to-do lists change.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Taurus
Taurus, Mercury retrograde is bringing energy into your day-to-day world, and it’s important to have the patience right now as you see your plans through and attend to your daily tasks. Remember that a change of plans is often a blessing in disguise, and to work with the energy flowing through your world rather than being impatient with it. Misunderstandings at work or regarding health matters can become more pressing during this time, and going over the details is more important right now.
You are going through a review of your health, daily routines, and lifestyle during this transit and overcoming any perceived challenges here. This Mercury retrograde is here to get rid of any unhealthy daily patterns or activities and to create a new beneficial, daily routine for yourself. Once Mercury retrograde moves into a fellow earth sign, Virgo, on the 23rd, this transit will run more smoothly for you and you will be getting more opportunities to engage in the things that make you the happiest.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Gemini
Your ruling planet Mercury is making another one of its retrograde transits of the year, but luckily, Mercury already moved through your sign early this year in May, and you are less in the direct field of action right now. For you, this Mercury retrograde is beginning your house of romance, happiness, and creativity and is a time of reviewing where the joy is in your life/or lack thereof, and asking yourself if you’ve been prioritizing this enough for yourself.
Any limitations you have been feeling creatively and within the heart come up at this time, and you are doing some releasing right now to make more room for the good to enter your life. By the end of this transit the key is to get some more downtime, rest, meditate, and do your grounding rituals, Gemini. Thinking about your emotional stability and security in life is important as you emotionally renew, gain new ground, and find your balance.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Cancer
This Mercury retrograde is hitting home for you, Cancer. With Mercury retrograde moving through your house of family, roots, history, inner foundation, and home life, you are needing to bring more attention to this area of your life right now. This Mercury retrograde is a good time to get back to the basics. You are taking a look at your foundations right now, where you are feeling that support in life, and where you want to continue to grow your roots. Your emotional well-being is the priority, and your safe spaces are where to be to get through this time.
Some misunderstandings with family or close loved ones are more likely with Mercury retrograde, and this is overall a good time to do some inner child healing or to reflect on where in your life you can do some healing, emotional rejuvenating, or where you want to rebuild. Towards the end of this transit you are going to be communicating your needs and ideas, and connecting with those who show up for you.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Leo
Leo, this Mercury retrograde is starting in your 3rd house, and some extra precaution is necessary when it comes to travel, transportation, and your communication channels. This Mercury retrograde is influencing you in the sense that it’s about overcoming previous communication challenges, and seeing what has been blocking you from feeling heard. You are seeing where in your life things run smoothly, and where the same hiccups keep coming into play, inspiring you to see where some changes need to be made.
You could feel like your natural flow in the day is a little more challenging than usual during this time, and you are reworking your daily systems and prioritizing what is really worth your energy right now. During the end of this transit, Mercury retro moves into your financial zone and this is a good time to declutter your purse or wallet, pay off any bills or debts, and do a review of your long-term goals.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Virgo
Mercury retrogrades in general are already a little more intense for you than most, Virgo, considering Mercury is your ruling planet and whatever it is doing in the sky, you are going to feel it the most. However, this particular retrograde is important for you as it will be in your sign during the last leg of its transit. The beginning of this Mercury retrograde transit is all about going over your goals and plans and making sure they still align with who you are today and that they are sustainable for the time to come.
Your financial world is being highlighted for most of this transit, and it’s key to back yourself up right now. Mercury retrograde moves into your sign from September 23 until October 2, and you are spending some time reflecting on the personal changes you have gone through over the last year both mentally and physically. It’s about honoring this growth and development you have been going through and seeing yourself in a new, more favorable, and accepting light.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Libra
Mercury retrograde is traveling through your sign for the first three weeks of its journey, and you are getting real with what’s been happening in your life recently. There is a sense of closure and preparation that you are moving into now, and it’s all about self-reflection during this time. A few different aspects of your life will be impacted during this Mercury retrograde since it’s occurring in your 1st house of self. Still, it’s overall about being consistent with this personal growth you are moving through, and about getting your ducks in a row.
Plans change but remember you are the one writing this story and you can reframe and redirect yourself as needed. This Mercury retrograde is about breaking down any self-imposed barriers, and communicating more of yourself and what you need and are looking for in life. You will be leaving this retrograde with a feeling of overall greater self-confidence, Libra.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Scorpio
Scorpio, you are moving into a time of closure, healing, and revelation. This Mercury retrograde for you is all about closing one chapter and understanding the lessons that have come from them. The key to this transit for you is about letting go and flowing with change instead of fighting it. Know that what is falling from your life at this time will come back to you if it’s meant to, or will be replaced with something better.
It’s about being inspired by the transformations occurring now, and not getting too caught up in the head about them. Feel things through right now, and do some daily grounding rituals as the past may be coming up for you more than usual right now. Know that what is being brought up for you now is happening so you can release, replenish, and renew. Get some time away during this time, and allow yourself the space to process, heal, and focus on your intentions.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Sagittarius
This Mercury retrograde transit is beginning in your house of friendship and community, before moving into your 10th house of career. You are finding the balance between your personal life and professional life during this Mercury retro transit, and understanding who you are in both of these worlds. This Mercury retrograde is allowing you to go over some of your goals and dreams in life, and to see if they still apply to where you want to be now.
You are getting a clearer view of where you are headed in life and it’s up to you to decide if you want to keep going on a certain path or if you want to change course. There could be some miscommunication within friendships and your social networks right now, as you are thinking about who your people are, and where you are feeling supported within your friendships and community, and things are switching up for you here. Past goals, future goals, and your progress of them all come up for review for you during this time, Sagittarius.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Capricorn
Your professional world, achievements, and career life are being highlighted during this Mercury retrograde transit, Capricorn. Remember to go over your work thoroughly, and to be flexible with others in your working/social sphere. This Mercury retrograde is overall here to tie up any loose ends and get things organized professionally before moving projects forward again. How you are feeling about your goals, achievements, and where you are in regards to career matters take focus during this time and it’s about being okay with cheering yourself on for a while.
The support will come, but there is something to understand at this time about showing up for yourself regardless of who is standing behind you. With the energy of this Mercury retrograde, you could be experiencing some misunderstandings with the authority figures, clients, or peers in your working environment, however, this energy will change in the last week of its transit starting on the 23rd when you get to explore your horizons a little bit more.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Aquarius
Aquarius, this Mercury retrograde will be occurring in your 9th house of adventure, and you are having to slow some things down when it comes to travel plans and the opportunities that are coming towards you. The 9th house rules adventure, travel, education, the higher mind, and spirituality; and with Mercury retrograding here, there is a sense of needing some more downtime to reflect and understand what your inner world has been showing you.
Plans change, paths detour, and you are searching for a new way forward during this time. Through the experiences you’ve encountered so far this year, a new perspective has been born and you are looking at your beliefs, truths, and personal values more right now. You are being guided to redefine what you align with today and how important it is to have faith in yourself and your life. The end of this Mercury retrograde journey for you is about a review of the commitments in your life and finding your balance between giving and receiving here.
What Mercury Retrograde Means for Pisces
This Mercury retrograde is influencing your love life and is shaking things up to make sure the foundations you are building for yourself here can last the tests of time, Pisces. The first few weeks of this Mercury retrograde are a time of looking at where you have been feeling the empowerment in your life, and also where you may be giving away your power. Mercury will be highlighting for you what you need within your close partnerships, commitments, and within your financial world as well; and if you’ve been receiving that or not.
There are some shake-ups occurring within your relationships right now, but know that Mercury retrogrades are more about providing clarity, rather than anything else. In the last week or so of this transit, Mercury will enter Virgo, your opposite sign, and will be in your house of love. Remember to allow yourself as much grace and unconditional love as you do so for others during this time, Pisces.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by We Are/Getty Images
- Mercury Retrograde September 2022: What to Know ›
- Mercury Retrograde September 2022 Astrology Meaning & Horoscope ›
- Mercury Retrograde 2022: 4 Zodiac Signs Most Affected | StyleCaster ›
- Mercury Retrograde September 2022 Will Affect These Zodiac Signs ... ›
- Mercury Retrograde September 2022 Will Affect These Zodiac Signs ... ›
Make things inbox official.
For the past few years, I've been working to create a life I don't want to escape from. A huge part of that journey has been dedicated to doing more of the things that make me happy and accepting that I'm worthy of a life I love. I had become accustomed to accepting what life threw at me and learning to be grateful for it. But, I wasn't happy, nor was I fulfilled.
I often found myself forcing gratitude out of fear of seeming ungrateful. Forcing myself to always focus on what was going great in my situation or telling myself it could be worse stopped me from addressing the lack of joy I was experiencing daily. It also prevented me from seeking opportunities that aligned with the vision I had for my life.
I was in community with a few people at the time who knew they weren't happy with their lives, and we were deciding to settle. When I would ask them about good things happening in their lives, some would only be able to reference events from high school or college, but 10 years had passed since then. Some people experienced tragic or unplanned things that derailed their goals and became stuck in a cycle of thinking about what could have been. They were in their late twenties and early thirties and already felt like their best days were behind them.
Well, the average person lives to be 72 years old and I eventually found myself wondering what they would do for the rest of their days while allowing their past to define their reality. I knew I didn't want that for myself and became determined to do something different. If you can relate to these feelings, keep reading to learn what I did to keep the spark going when I didn't feel excited about life.
1. "Lean into the discomfort."
When I was a resident advisor, my team leader would end each meeting by reminding us to “lean into the discomfort” because it was the only way we would grow. I thought it was a cool reminder, but as I've gotten older, it's become integral to how I move through life. Becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable is one of the first steps in the growth process.
Sometimes we'll shy away from being uncomfortable because we assume we're in danger. We may perceive that we're at risk of failing or embarrassing ourselves. These concerns are valid because when we're operating outside of our comfort zone, we're vulnerable. We may be hyper-aware of how others see us and may even be uncomfortable adjusting to the changes we see within ourselves. But, two things can be true at the same time. This period of discomfort could be one of the scariest and most exciting times of our lives!
We also don't have to throw ourselves out into the unknown unprotected. During times of transition, we must practice self-care and self-soothing activities. Taking risks exposes us to rejection, judgment, anxiety, and hearing the word "no" more often. We won't succeed or get the outcome we were hoping for each time, and that's okay. Finding support systems and engaging in stress relief activities can help us navigate the challenges.
Over time, doing things that scare us can help build our capacity to tolerate uncertainty and increase our self-confidence when we realize we can do hard things.
Aja Koska/Getty Images
2. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Social media is a great tool to connect with people and be exposed to new things, but it can also leave you feeling defeated if you aren't careful. Social media has made it easy for us to participate in the 'Comparison Olympics.' We watch the highlight reel of someone's life and question why we don't have what they have or couldn't navigate a similar hardship the way we did.
We could receive news we're hoping or praying for and might not allow ourselves the space to be excited because we saw that someone share what we perceive to be more significant news on Instagram. We could be getting ready to take a much-needed vacation and become sad that we can't travel to the locations we see on travel pages.
We may even become upset that more people aren't more forthcoming about their negative life experiences. Sometimes we want to know that other people are struggling because we don't want to feel alone in our situation. But the truth is, we don't need to know every single detail of someone else's life to feel better about our own. It isn't healthy, and most times, it isn't our business.
No one on the earth is without worry or hardship. People are allowed to remember and display their lives the way they want. Focusing on what you can see about others takes the focus of what matters most and what you actually have power over: your life.
Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images
3. Find things to look forward to.
Sometimes we are afraid to look forward to things because we're afraid to be disappointed. The past two years have been rough. People had big plans for 2020, but the pandemic caused a lot of social shifts and grief. It seemed like we were always anticipating the next tragedy. But grief and joy can coexist.
Grief and happiness are both important parts of the human experience—you can't have one without the other. Give yourself the space to feel how you feel and process your feelings. But also give yourself permission to move on. Ruminating over what could have been or obsessing over what could be, makes us feel powerful because it gives us the illusion of being in control. But none of that is real, and we end up stuck.
If we're going to incorporate more joy into our lives, we must remember that we only have the present moment and we have to let the present be enough. We may not know what will happen next year or next week, but we can still schedule a time to do the things that make us happy.
Westend61/Getty Images
4. Learn something new.
I attempt to learn something new whenever I'm stressed to shift my focus. I thought I lacked discipline and the ability to concentrate (which can be true lol), but then I read that learning something new helps ease stress and increases your self-worth. I also learned that learning also makes you happier and increases your self-confidence.
Learning doesn't have to be structured or confined to the classroom. You can learn through meeting new people and hearing their life experiences. You can also take dance, writing, or drawing classes from YouTube University. It also makes you open to trying new experiences because you'll be confident in your ability to take on new challenges.
Learning can also help you realize that you're never stuck. You'll be confident in your ability to take on new challenges because you'll know you can develop the skills to succeed. As long as you're willing to learn something new and put yourself out there, you have the opportunity to reinvent yourself and change your life.
So, get out of your own way. Your best life is waiting for you.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images
- How To Get Out Of A Bad Mood Fast - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- Why Comparison Is Absolutely Ridiculous - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- How To Recover From Burnout - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
After two years of athleisure, oversized silhouettes, and video chats, destination dressing is having a welcomed comeback tour. As evident by the never-ending tap-worthy content of the girls this summer, there’s no expectation for this to slow down in the colder months. This year it’s all about making memorable IRL experiences, including dressing the part.
Falling in line with the rebirth of Bratz fashion, and ultimately everything related to Y2K style, platforms continue to be the IT shoe of the season for all parties involved. From Versace to Marc Jacobs to Valentino, you can’t throw a butterfly clip three feet without hitting a seeing a sky-high shoe of some sort.
According to global shopping platform, Lyst, platform boots were the top product for the first quarter of 2022, alongside the ankle-strap platform offered by Valentino. Last week alone, online searches for platforms were up 16% and chunky loafers were up at a higher rate of 23%. The versatility of the platform is what keeps the trend fresh, and effortless for a multitude of people with different styles. No matter the occasion, there’s a platform for you.
Keep reading to shop 7 trending pairs of platforms for fall, at every price point.
1.Flat Boots
The easiest and most comfortable option of the bunch, flat platform boots are an effortless way to incorporate platforms into your everyday wardrobe. Due to the trend being around for a year or so, there are plenty of options across many fabrics, colors, and heights. This boot saw a lot of action during the beginning of the year, but with a change in fabric and in darker hues, expect to see it twice as much.
2.Open Toe Heels
One of the more classic ways to rock the platform, but equally one of the sexiest. There’s no denying the (not-so) subtle sexiness that comes from a great platform heel. Anything that elongates the leg and creates a beautiful silhouette is an immediate yes. The Prada heel (pictured above) is having its moment in the sun, but there is a lot of variety out there. Glitter is optional of course, but, what’s the harm?
3.BRATZ-inspired Pumps
You’re living under a fashion rock if you haven’t seen the Bratz-inspired subset of this trend. Everyone from Gabrielle Union to Latto to Lil' Kim has been spotted slaying this style of the platform, often resulting in a new phenomenon of Barbiecore. As seen on our celebrity favorites, it’s often touted as a going-out shoe but Ramona (pictured above) effortlessly showcases how easy this trend can be paired with a casual outfit.
4.Heeled Boots
If you want to make a statement without overdoing it, a platform boot is for you. Tall boots have been trending for a couple of years so there’s a variety of options available. If a tall boot isn’t your speed, the ankle boot is also on its comeback tour.
5.Mules
While this presents as more of a summer trend, the mule is a great transitional piece for anyone’s wardrobe. It’s easily paired under wide-leg denim, can delicately compliment a simple slip dress, or elevate a simple monochromatic matching set.
6.Loafers
Another cool yet classic way to incorporate platforms into your wardrobe; the loafer is the silent winner of the trend. The Prada version is the strongest contender (pictured above), but plenty of designers are offering their own versions. This is a newer faction of this trend but it’s not expected to be a one-season hitter; expect to see her in 2023 too.
7.Goddess Strap Up
Lastly, another summer trend that’s transitioning into the fall months effortlessly. The gladiator sandal is on the verge of a resurgence, and this is just the first iteration of that. This fall must-have is the statement shoe for any after-hours party, house party, or even a cute, late-night date night. It’s giving an understated vibe; the girl is ready to have fun but as always, keeping it cute!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Edward Berthelot/Getty Images
Social media has redefined pregnancy announcements in a significant way. From over-the-top baby bump photos to emotional videos when couples find out they are expecting, pregnancy announcements have become an online phenomenon shared between people and their following.
And when it comes to celebrities, fans gobble up their pregnancy announcements and look forward to the social media posts that follow. The last few months saw many women in entertainment reveal that they were expecting. Here is a list of pregnancy announcements so far in 2022.
Teyonah Parris
Teyonah Parris revealed that she is pregnant with her first child. The Marvels actress made the announcement on Instagram in a photo with her husband James. “We're pregnant!! Whooooo chiiile!! I'm so excited to share that we have a baby on the way,” she wrote.
“There have been so many feelings since we've learned that our dream of becoming parents is finally a reality. My husband, James, and I have felt a mix of shock, lots of nerves, but most of all so much excitement! Seeing the word PREGNANT was such an amazing feeling! We are so blessed and so grateful.”
Keyshia Ka’oir
Ka’oir fitness owner Keyshia Ka’oir shared that she and husband Gucci Mane were expecting their second child together. The influencer shared a video of the “Lemonade” rapper’s reaction to finding out that they were having another baby, and it was priceless.
“Let’s Have Another Baby ICE Needs Somebody To Play With” 🤍 🤰 🤍, Keyshia wrote quoting Gucci’s song “Mrs. Davis.”
The couple already shares a one-year-old son and they both have kids from previous relationships.
Chrissy Teigen
After losing their baby a few years ago, Chrissy Teigen revealed that she and John Legend are pregnant again. The model shared the exciting news on social media.
“The last few years have been a blur of emotions to say the least, but joy has filled our home and hearts again. 1 billion shots later (in the leg lately, as u can see!) we have another on the way,” she wrote. “Every appointment I’ve said to myself, “ok if it’s healthy today I’ll announce” but then I breathe a sigh of relief to hear a heartbeat and decide I’m just too nervous still. I don’t think I’ll ever walk out of an appointment with more excitement than nerves but so far, everything is perfect and beautiful and I’m feeling hopeful and amazing. Ok phew it’s been very hard keeping this in for so long!”
Jhené Aiko
@jheneaiko ✨✨✨
In July, Jhené Aiko finally confirmed the rumors that she was expecting her first child with rapper Big Sean. Following the news, she began sharing images from a celestial-themed maternity photo shoot with the Detriot rapper as well as a song dedicated to their unborn child. Big Sean commented under the photo of them together, “Thankful For My family ♾🖤”
The “On the Way” singer already has a 13-year-old daughter whom she shares with O’Ryan.
Summer Walker
Summer Walker revealed in a June 25 Instagram Live video that she was pregnant with her second child. In the Live, she said, “People asking me if I'm pregnant: I am and you know I'm very, very, very, very, happy about it. I'm very, very excited because it's going to be different from how it was before. It's really peaceful, really happy, lots of help, lots of love.”
The “Body” artist is expecting her child with her boyfriend Larry. She also has a one-year-old daughter with producer London On Da Track.
Keke Wyatt
Powerhouse singer Keke Wyatt revealed in February that she and husband Zackariah were adding to their big, blended family. In June, she shared that she gave birth to their “miracle baby” after he was diagnosed with trisomy 13, a condition where a person is born with an extra chromosome and the likelihood of survival is very low.
“Most of you are familiar with the challenges I faced during this pregnancy. My husband & I made the decision not to accept the Medical Specialist’s suggestion to terminate our baby early despite the positive trisomy 13 test results,” Keke wrote. “We appreciate and thank God for all of the Dr’s in the medical field. However, I can’t stress enough to all mothers & couples, when the Dr gives you life changing information about your unborn child …. pray about it, use faith & follow your spirit before making ANY final decision. We believed the report of the Lord and after holding our beautiful healthy baby boy Ke’Zyah & looking into his eyes, I’m glad we did. 😍
Leona Lewis
In March, Leona Lewis shared that she was having a baby in the summer. And in August, the “Bleeding Love” singer revealed that she gave birth to a baby girl in July.
“And then there were three 💗Our little Carmel Allegra arrived 22.7.22,” the British artist wrote.
Rihanna
Who can forget the pregnancy announcement heard around the world? The Fenty mogul and A$AP Rocky confirmed the rumors that they were expecting with showstopping photos in January that debuted Rihanna’s baby bump.
The “Kiss It Better” singer reportedly delivered her baby in May but has since kept any traces of the baby under wraps.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Disney
I’m not unlike most people who spend too many hours of my time scrolling through Tik Tok when I should be doing literally anything else. In my mind, however, it's justified -- as long as in between videos of dance challenges and gross food recipes, I watch videos about how to heal my gut, or listen to one of the many Black therapists on the app try and cure me of my people-pleasing ways.
There’s been an abundance of online content geared towards healing, within the last few years especially. Everywhere I turn, someone is tweeting about how to align your chakras or what combination of fruits in a smoothie will clear your skin or what hip stretches will release the trauma from my body.
It barely registers as odd to me now, since I began intentionally immersing myself in these online communities over the last year in an attempt to treat emotional and physical ailments. But sometimes, I am caught off guard by the ways in which healing has become a currency of sorts on social media.
As with anything that touches the timeline, there’s an opportunity to be rewarded with likes and retweets, and hoards of followers. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but it does leave the opportunity for attention to be allocated towards the glossiest, most idyllic version of life, which creates an environment of people trying to outdo one another.
There are hundreds of morning routines on Tik Tok where the creator takes over an hour to get ready as soon as they get up, from eating breakfast to exercising to journaling. There are healthy grocery hauls with over a hundred dollars worth of items. There are people who give their testimonies about manifesting themselves into a life of wealth and prosperity.
I watch all those videos the same way one might watch an animal documentary on National Geographic: with a morbid sense of fascination. I glean a few things from these videos that I’m able to transfer into my own daily life, but I can’t help but wonder what healing is supposed to look like for those that don’t have the lives that the people in these videos have.
When people talk about healing, it’s very individualistic and lacking in a racial and class analysis. It doesn’t take into account all the different systemic traumas that impact people on top of personal trauma.
How can one eat the food they need in order to repair their stomach if they live in a food desert? What does the morning routine look like for a person who is coming home from a night shift and has only a few hours in the morning to rest before going to another job? How does a person begin to heal in a world that constantly retraumatizes them because of their Blackness?
When western NGOs tried to help survivors of Rwandan genocide with individualized therapy in an indoor room, they were notably unsuccessful and in many ways were thought to have retraumatized the survivors. A Rwandan man described it like this:
“Their practice did not involve being outside in the sun where you begin to feel better. There was no music or drumming to get your blood flowing again. There was no sense that everyone had taken the day off so that the entire community could come together to try to lift you up and bring you back to joy. Instead they would take people one at a time into these dingy little rooms and have them sit around for an hour or so and talk about bad things that had happened to them. We had to ask them to leave.”
When I think about healing, I think of it as a collective effort. I think about the communities that grow gardens together and share the harvest. I think about the communities that have set up a public fridge for everyone to use. The grassroots organization that organizes mental health resources directly to under-resourced communities.
When we treat healing as solely an individual pursuit -- something that can be achieved through smoothie drinking and stretching -- we lose a necessary dimension that teaches us how to be a part of a whole; that allows us to lean on one another when life burdens us and lets us know we are not alone in our struggles.
There’s nothing wrong with applying facets of healing learned from people online or living vicariously through their daily routines that might be slightly unattainable. But the real healing begins when we learn how to do it together.
Read all of the stories in the Issa Rae: She Comes First editorial series here.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
- The Importance Of Healing After A Breakup - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- The Healing Power Of Letting Go - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- I Tried Energy Healing, Guide - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- 10 Black Podcasts About Healing You Should Be Listening To Now ... ›
- Meagan Good Divorce Healing Process - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
Cover Story: Issa Rae Comes Full Circle
xoNecole's inaugural digital cover star and natural hair icon talks community, Black trauma and what makes her feel loved.
