

6 Mogul Mavens Give Us The Secret To Overcoming Struggles & Securing A Check
While you're out here laying your edges, securing a bag, and becoming the woman of your dreams, it's easy to feel overworked and undervalued. On your quest to realizing your God-given vision, there will be times where you feel invisible, but digital content creator, PR Vet, and filmmaker Renae Bluitt wants you to know that she sees you, sis; so much so, that she created a whole documentary to put us on display for the world to see.
When Black women link, issa celebration, and Renae's latest project, She Did That., (now available on iTunes, Amazon Prime Video, Google Play, Comcast, Spectrum, and more) gets the party started in the best way. Featuring mogul mavens like bestselling author Luvvie Ajayi, Melissa Butler, creator of The Lip Bar, and founder of Carol's Daughter, Lisa Price, the documentary is the first of its kind and chronicles the struggles, sacrifices, and strength that it took for these women to manifest their best lives and become major breadwinners in their respective industries.
We sat down with some of the women from the film, who gave us the blueprint on how they evolved their business from a startup into a whirlwind success. Here's what they had to say:
Renae Bluitt
Creator & Executive Producer, She Did That.
Can you give us a little bit of background on your career journey and the pathway that led you along the one you are currently on?
I've always been a storyteller. My career as a PR strategist allows me to tell my client's stories. In 2009, I launched my blog, In Her Shoes, which is where I share the stories of Black women entrepreneurs. Now, as a new filmmaker, I'm diving deeper into the Black woman entrepreneur's story with my first documentary.
If you encountered struggles and uncertainty along that journey, what was the moment where you felt like, 'She Did That.' on your entrepreneurial journey?
I'm in it right now with the production of She Did That. When I came up with the idea, I never imagined the doors that God would open for this project. For a first time filmmaker, this is a huge feat and I will never take this blessing lightly.
Struggles and uncertainties are part of life's experiences. There's really no way around it. How you respond to those challenging times is what determines your success. It's only natural to let our feelings slow things down a bit when the road gets rocky. I allow myself time to react but then I remind myself that I've been here before and things always work out the way they are supposed to. Even if the outcome isn't what I hoped for, it's always for the best.
"Struggles and uncertainties are part of life's experiences. There's really no way around it. How you respond to those challenging times is what determines your success. It's only natural to let our feelings slow things down a bit when the road gets rocky. I allow myself time to react but then I remind myself that I've been here before and things always work out the way they are supposed to."
How did that moment define how you feel about your purpose and your path as a whole? Did it change your trajectory?
Seeing how women and girls of all ages are impacted by this film lets me know no matter how challenging it gets, I'm on the right path. When I really look at what I've been able to accomplish so far with She Did That., I am reminded of God's favor and grace.
What would you tell budding entrepreneurs who might be waiting for their 'She Did That.' moment(s) to help them see the light at the end of the tunnel?
I would say stop waiting for your moment. It will come to you when the time is right. Instead of waiting for this magical moment to happen, just do the work. And when the work becomes exhausting and you feel like you're losing fuel, don't be afraid to stop and recharge. We aren't machines, our minds and our bodies need rest. Once you've rested, get back in the game and keep going. Your She Did That. moment is closer than you think.
Yaz Quiles
Founder, Pop! by Yaz
Courtesy of Yaz Quiles
Can you give us a little bit of background on your career journey and the pathway that led you along the one you are currently on?
I graduated college with a Bachelor's in mass communications. The idea then was to work in television or entertainment. Now, I can proudly say I have 20+ years of experience in event marketing, design, and production. I am an award-winning and published experienced brand and event marketer, who has developed and executed industry-leading integrated events for small- and large-scale brands on both agency and client sides. I have consistently delivered strong results for leading Fortune 500 Brands including Dropbox, Verizon, HBO, Instagram, Pepsi, MillerCoors, Moët Hennessy, and Barnes & Noble.
If you encountered struggles and uncertainty along that journey, what was the moment where you felt like, 'She Did That.' on your entrepreneurial journey?
Oftentimes, it felt as if I were running in quicksand. Exerting an exponential amount of energy, but not feeling like I was yielding a great return. That return was not only financial, but emotional. Finally, after a couple of years, I had clients on my roster who I worked just as hard for, if not more, but the efforts made me feel challenged to be better, more innovative and alive! My clients made me feel appreciated, which boosted my spirit and ultimately made me feel fulfilled.
How did that moment define how you feel about your purpose and your path as a whole? Did it change your trajectory?
It changed my trajectory as I started to focus on projects, which were aligned with who I am, who I wanted to be and made me happy. With each project I sign up for, I always ask, "Am I excited about this opportunity? Will I wake up with excitement to work this client? How will this project help me reach my overall goals?"
What would you tell budding entrepreneurs who might be waiting for their 'She Did That.' moment(s) to help them see the light at the end of the tunnel?
Every step you take, even when it doesn't feel right, is part of the journey. Those moments help you tweak the plan. Knowing what you don't like or want to do is just as important as what you like to do. Take stock of these moments and commit to getting to the other side. It's not easy, but it's definitely worth it.
Anika Jackson
Co-Founder, The TEN Nail Bar
Courtesy of Anika Jackson
Can you give us a little bit of background on your career journey and the pathway that led you along the one you are currently on?
I'm a native Detroiter born into an entrepreneurial family. I first assumed my role at Jackson Asset Management where I am responsible for managing over 500K sq feet of commercial and residential real estate and overseeing the operations of the portfolio of companies including dealerships, golf courses and apartments.
Additionally, I have a passion to create businesses that should exist but did not, namely personal services. I partnered with my long-time friend and savvy businesswoman Kelli Coleman and, in 2016, we opened The TEN Nail Bar. The TEN is a modern self-care destination.
If you encountered struggles and uncertainty along that journey, what was the moment where you felt like, 'She Did That.' on your entrepreneurial journey?
As an entrepreneur and someone who wants to live their purpose and positively impact the lives of those I employ as well as my family, there are tons of moments of uncertainty on this journey. I keep great counsel around me so that I can bounce ideas off those I trust. I also remind myself that pivoting is OK on the journey as long as it's purposeful.
How did that moment define how you feel about your purpose and your path as a whole? Did it change your trajectory?
These moments further confirmed my belief that this business was needed and desired by consumers. It provided validation that we were on the right path. Doubt creeps in regularly and when the universe provided that validation, it helped reaffirm that my idea was viable. These moments helped me know that if I have an idea and I am willing to put hard work behind it, then I can produce a real-life manifestation of that idea. I felt like I was really living in my purpose.
"Doubt creeps in regularly and when the universe provided that validation, it helped reaffirm that my idea was viable. These moments helped me know that if I have an idea and I am willing to put hard work behind it, then I can produce a real-life manifestation of that idea."
There were times where I would share the idea and was met with skepticism or confusion on why I was seeking to open a beauty business when I had an MBA, but I knew this was a good idea and that it could be successful. Regardless of how it might appear to those who felt I should be pursuing other opportunities, it was something I was passionate about.
What would you tell budding entrepreneurs who might be waiting for their 'She Did That.' moment(s) to help them see the light at the end of the tunnel?
I have three things I want to share with budding entrepreneurs. I kind of feel like we are all budding in some way. Businesses evolve over time and while you may have been an expert or performing well one year, in an instant, market factors could shift and you could find yourself reinventing or pivoting. So, remember we are all on the path of continual improvement.
Be patient. While you can put your idea out and receive immediate feedback be patient and ensure you are working on your idea/business purposefully instead of with ego.
Do the real work. You can't fake the hard work of starting a business. You can't get the knowledge through osmosis, networking or asking everyone else their opinions or advice. Get started now!
You are enough! When doubt creeps in, just remember that this idea was planted in you and it's your responsibility to foster its growth.
Chioma Ngwudo
Co-Founder, CeeCee's Closet NYC
Courtesy of Chioma Ngwudo
Can you give us a little bit of background on your career journey and the pathway that led you along the one you are currently on?
My very first job was an internship in the Contracts Management Department of a finance firm; that job was just about as interesting as it sounds. I ended up founding Cee Cee's Closet NYC with my sister right around the time I started my first job as a side hustle. Soon enough, Cee Cee's Closet grew enough that I could leave my six-figure job and pursue my business full-time.
If you encountered struggles and uncertainty along that journey, what was the moment where you felt like, 'She Did That.' on your entrepreneurial journey?
One of the moments when I felt like "she did that!" was when we hired our first full-time employee in Nigeria. Not only were we able to get the help that we needed to continue to grow our business, but we were also able to give her a solid middle-class income. It's still one of my proudest moments.
How did that moment define how you feel about your purpose and your path as a whole? Did it change your trajectory?
That moment was incredibly affirming for me. My purpose has always been to have a positive impact on the lives of black women globally, whether it be through the diverse imagery we produce to represent our brand, the black women that we hire to work for us both on the continent and in the US, or the women who are inspired to chase their dreams when they read our story. As long as my work is improving the lives of black women around me, I know that I am on the right path.
What would you tell budding entrepreneurs who might be waiting for their 'She Did That.' moment(s) to help them see the light at the end of the tunnel?
I would tell them to continue to do the work and drive towards their purpose. Behind every "she did that!" moment is hours of work (not all of it enjoyable) but all of it worthwhile for the lessons you learn, the people you meet, and the lives you impact along the way.
Denequa Williams Clarke
Founder, LIT Brooklyn
Courtesy of Denequa Williams Clarke
Can you give us a little bit of background on your career journey and the pathway that led you along the one you are currently on?
I've always been an entrepreneur at heart. I just never knew I would become a chandler. When I think about it, I've always loved candles and making people feel good, so I lucked up in choosing a path that merged the two.
If you encountered struggles and uncertainty along that journey, what was the moment where you felt like, 'She Did That.' on your entrepreneurial journey?
Struggles and uncertainty are inevitable in this thing called life. They are important for growth and development and they help to mold and define you. The moment where I felt like "she did that!" was when I was I was featured in a magazine that my mom had been subscribed to for years, ESSENCE. Another "she did that!" moment was being invited to the Roc Nation office by THE Lenny S. Everyone who knows me knows how obsessed I am with the ROC, so to be personally invited was dope.
How did that moment define how you feel about your purpose and your path as a whole? Did it change your trajectory?
Those moments solidified to me that I was on the correct path because I wasn't looking for them, nor was I seeking it. My head was down doing the work, putting in my 10,000 hours. I never started a business to become popular, I started it to fill a void. The void was providing people who look like me with an opportunity to afford luxury items. And in filling a void, I became noticed; the rest is history.
What would you tell budding entrepreneurs who might be waiting for their 'She Did That.' moment(s) to help them see the light at the end of the tunnel?
I'd tell budding entrepreneurs to unfollow everyone on social media and in life that is doing what they are aspiring to do. I say that because there will be moments in your journey where things won't go the way you'd like and you need to be OK with that. We all have seasons and I'm here to tell you, you are setting yourself up for disappointment because you are bound to continuously compare your path to theirs without seeing the behind the scenes, and that becomes very dangerous.
"I'd tell budding entrepreneurs to unfollow everyone on social media and in life that is doing what they are aspiring to do. I say that because there will be moments in your journey where things won't go the way you'd like and you need to be OK with that."
Tonya Rapley
Founder, My Fab Finance
Courtesy of Tonya Rapley
Can you give us a little bit of background on your career journey and the pathway that led you along the one you are currently on?
I've been working in communities since I was in college, first through populations at risk of contracting HIV and then I moved into affordable housing and community planning. Because of my desire to be a catalyst for community change, I pursued and received a BA in Public Administration and an MA in Urban Policy and Affairs. The work in financial education came from my own need as well as seeing how financial insecurity contributed to a lot of the issues communities I was serving were dealing with.
If you encountered struggles and uncertainty along that journey, what was the moment where you felt like, 'She Did That.' on your entrepreneurial journey?
It's happened with each level of my progress and continues to happen. The first time is when someone said the content I created helped them. Then it was when I was on the cover of Black Enterprise. Then when I spoke about financial literacy to women in the Philippines and now on the eve of celebrating my 5th year of being self-employed and generating over half a million in revenue.
How did that moment define how you feel about your purpose and your path as a whole? Did it change your trajectory?
Each moment made me continue to pursue sustainability both as a business owner and change agent. I wouldn't say they changed my trajectory but they reinforced my confidence in myself as an entrepreneur.
What would you tell budding entrepreneurs who might be waiting for their 'She Did That.' moment(s) to help them see the light at the end of the tunnel?
Do the work. You can't get away from that. Eventually, you'll get to a point where you can work smart. A book that's been really helpful for me is The System is the Secret. Surround yourself with people who celebrate you yet encourage you to question what's next.
She Did That. is now available on iTunes, Amazon Prime Video, Google Play, Comcast, Spectrum, Cox, DIRECTV, and Xfinity. Learn more about the film on shedidthatfilm.com and join the movement on Instagram by following @shedidthatfilm!
Featured image courtesy of Renae Bluitt.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Three Influencers Show Off Their 2022 Holiday Hair Looks Using Their SheaMoisture Faves
This post is in partnership with SheaMoisture.
For Black women, there’s one compliment that will boost our confidence like none other: “Come through hair!” You know the vibe! Walking into a room with folks acknowledging that your hair is laid for the gawds, and the effort that it took to get it there, is a top five feeling. And with the holiday season just weeks away, you’ll be hearing that quite often. Between Thanksgiving gatherings with the family, Friendsgiving, company parties, and Christmas get-togethers, the opportunities to let your hair show up and show out aren’t too far away.
Apart from the holiday stuntin’, the end-of-year slow down is also the perfect opportunity to reevaluate the year your hair has had. Whether you kept it cute with protective braids, went big with blowouts, or let loose with textured twist-outs, this is the perfect time to give your hair the gift of TLC - tender lovin’ curls. Like the weather, our hair goes through seasons and has different needs depending on what we’ve put it through. Perhaps the transition into fall/winter has left your curls a bit parched and in need of some serious hydration. Or maybe your strands could use some restorative conditioning after taking it down from a convenient protective style. No matter what category you fall into, SheaMoisture has hundreds of ways that you can clean, treat and refresh your hair for a healthy shine that will bring you into the new year right. Bring your curls back to life with the nourishing and fragrant Coconut & Hibiscus line. Boosted with natural ingredients such as coconut oil, neem oil, carrot oil, and shea butter, this line is the antidote to reviving thirsty, dehydrated hair. Even better - with SheaMoisture’s custom quiz, you can get a hair analysis that will lead you to the right products for your hair needs. Say hello to sleek edges, and moisturized, stronger strands.
In need of a little hair-spiration? We got you covered! xoNecole and SheaMoisture have teamed up with three natural hair influencers to debut their holiday hair looks. Meet Ambrosia Malbrough, Jasmin Moses, and Daye Covington - beauty bawses who’ve created some incredible holiday looks that are stylish and easy to achieve. They also gave us the scoop on the SheaMoisture products they’re loving right now, as well as their 2023 hair goals.
Read on for more:
Daye Covington Kicks Her Twist Out Up A Notch With A Voluminous Updo
“I wanted to create a style that was super cute but also easy to pull together, so I went with a puff and tendril combo! It's a style that can be done on freshly washed curls or one that can be done on old hair. [It’s perfect for] when we're short for time but want to add a little razzle-dazzle to our hair before a special occasion. It's very versatile!”
“I would love to dye my hair back to blue! It was my favorite hair color, but unfortunately, my 9-5 now prohibits unnatural hair colors. I'm pushing it with this dark plum color, but I look forward to the day where I can transition into a new stage of life and go back to blue. In the meantime, I'm focusing on length retention. I've been doing well for 2022 and have had no major cuts so I'm hoping to stay consistent with my routine in 2023.”
Follow Daye on Instagram @dayelasoul
Ambrosia Malbrough Made Magic With Poppin’ And Defined Finger Coils
“[Finger coils] is a style that I don’t do often, it takes much more time than my usual wash and go. But that extra time put in makes it extra special and so worth it. The results are beautiful. It’s a style that offers many days of wear, too!”
“[Earlier this year] I did my 4th big chop. This time around hit different as a mom of two. I don’t always have the extra time on my hands to put into my hair, so the short ‘do has been convenient. I’ve realized that not all wash days are created equal even if I use the same products. However, my 4c coils are loving the products I'm using now”
“Since I’ve been having my hair dyed, I’m looking forward to trying Shea Moisture’s new Mongongo and Jojoba Oils High Porosity Moisture Replenish Hair Masque. I am currently growing my hair out and plan on having fun with more highlights and a new shape - possibly a shag cut in 2023!”
Follow Ambrosia on Instagram at @brosiaaa
Jasmin Moses Shows The Secrets To Her Jaw-Dropping Curly Ponytail
“I love doing a sleek ponytail with my baby hairs laid to a T! It helps so my hair isn't in the way when I am cooking and running errands, but it's still snatched to provoke anyone in the room to stop me to say 'girllll your hair is laid!'. I like to add a little razzle dazzle by adding my cute, naturally curly ponytail extensions. It elevates the look perfectly for the holidays.”
“It took me from my freshman year of college to now, almost seven whole years, to know what works for my hair. I love protective styles like wigs and braids because my hair thrives when I don't mess with it. When I leave my hair alone, it grows the best, so I love taking off my wig when I get home, oiling my scalp and putting my bonnet on for bed! When I do wear my natural hair out, what helps me maintain the health of my hair is to get in a rhythm with my hair. [I do] my wash days on Sunday, wear it in a wash n’ go all week, and repeat the next Sunday.”
“My 2023 hair goal is to get back to my 2021 hair length! Recently, a hairstyle damaged my hair causing me to lose 4 inches in length, which was not fun. So I’m working on getting [my hair] back to its original health and keep growing from there! I am also looking forward to trying the Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie as a one-product wash n’ go! I hear such great things about it and I think it will give me hold while also keeping my hair lightweight and voluminous. I’m also excited about the Coconut & Hibiscus Defining Styling Gel and Edge Gel.”
Follow Jasmin on Instagram @slimreshae
According To Amerie, Women Can Have It All, But With ‘Concessions’ And Sacrifices
When you hear Amerie’s name, you think of her smash hits responsible for some of the most notable R&B lyrics of the early 2000s, like “Why Don’t We Fall In Love” and “1 Thing” - including the Eve remix. But there’s one more thing about Amerie that we can add to her resume in addition to being the sound of 2006, and that’s being an author.
The “Gotta Work” singer released her debut children’s picture book,You Will Do Great Things, inspired by her son River. With the development of her then-future son’s mind at the top of her mind, Amerie would read to River while he was in the womb in an effort to not only hear the sound of his mother’s voice but to relay sweet and meaningful messages as his organs and subconscious began to form simultaneously. “Maybe there would be that kind of cadence and that kind of feel he would be familiar with when he was born,” Amerie told me retrospectively during our phone interview.
Once River was born, she continued to read to him as regularly scheduled programming when he was inside of her, but it wasn’t until she held him in the natural world that Amerie realized how much she really wanted to share with this new life. Between 14 and 16 weeks old, Amerie noticed how her son began to turn the pages of books by himself because he was already so familiar with the cadence of his mother’s reading voice - even down to the indication of when a line was done on a page. While she realized that her son was able to recognize the action of reading, something clicked in the “Why R U” singer’s head that it was just as important for her son to see himself represented in the books that she was sharing with him.
“We would have books that feature kids from all different backgrounds, but I wanted more books in which he could see himself,” Amerie told xoNecole. “I really wanted to create a very special universal message book that was also very specific to how I was feeling. I knew that I was feeling pretty much how most parents feel, but that would have that beautiful and strong message about life, and all the things that he can do, and all the great things that I am certain he's going to do, and all the love that surrounds him from the past and the present. All of those things were in a book that featured a child who looked like him. That was extremely important to me.”
Following the release of her children’s book, I caught up with the Grammy award-winning singer-songwriter about prioritizing self-love as a mother and wife, demystifying the notion that women can’t have it all, and addressing the fears of being a mother raising a Black son in America.
It’s This One Thing…About Reading
For as long as she could remember, Amerie turned to reading and the world of literature as a form of self-care and escapism from the physical beings around her. Whenever someone would ask her about her favorite hobbies, she would not hesitate to point to either the art of writing or the wonder of reading. She sees reading as a way to continue to expand her mind as an adult, to learn more about the world around her, and to "develop empathy" for new cultural backgrounds and walks of life.
In fact, she loves reading so much that she has a wall in her home dedicated to her collection of books in addition to all of the books located in her personal library, River's room, the guest room, and throughout her house. As a new author, she recognizes that the amount of vulnerability that she experiences as a writer is not equivalent to the feeling when she's writing a book.
While as a fictional author, people who may or may not like your work are not necessarily connected to you as a human being, Amerie acknowledges the powers that lie within her pen game as an author to convey messages of both society's shortcomings and beautiful beings in a children's book. "On one hand, I feel like there's safety because people could either not like the story or they will. It's no indictment on you, necessarily," Amerie explained. "However, when you write something, you really are letting people into your head. When you create these characters, because all these characters represent some part of yourself, it's really like laying yourself bare. In that way, you allow people to see a lot."
"When you create these characters, because all these characters represent some part of yourself, it's really like laying yourself bare. In that way, you allow people to see a lot.”
Felicia Lasala
The “Pretty Brown Eyes” singer believes in the power of commitment to a book, especially when you have the reader’s eyes and ears for hours to the point in which they become the character. “It's that whole holding up the mirror to society and allowing people to see it in a way that's a little bit more subliminal than someone just having an outright conversation with someone who may or may not want to have that conversation,” Amerie said. “I think you’re able to tackle more regarding life in that way.”
In comparison to her music career, Amerie notes that you can impact someone in a shorter time span than a book because a song only lasts between 3-5 minutes on average. She leans on songs as a way to curate a vibe and evoke an immediate feeling as opposed to encouraging lingering thoughts about the state of the culture and the world around us.
“You can uplift, make them melancholy, make them kind of feel sad, make them reflect, make them want to dance. You really can control. It's almost like you're hijacking a person's emotions when you're creating music,” Amerie noted excitedly as she realized the power she possessed as a Grammy award-winning singer and songwriter.
Amerie continued, “Even though you're not letting them in your head, and you do have much more of a buffer between yourself and your art, as far as people may know how you're feeling, they don't necessarily know what you're thinking about any given thing. They may, depending on what you write, but it's not necessarily a given, unlike a book, where you have all these characters running around that are all these different parts of yourselves, but they will know what you're about to a certain extent when they're listening to the music.”
Nothing Like Loving Mommy
In addition to being a singer, songwriter, and author, there are two more roles that Amerie would always put above all - and that's being a mother and wife. But how does she do it all and take time to take care of herself?
"I actually don't put myself first. That's something I'm working on," she admittedly laughed.
While she acknowledges that she doesn't make herself a priority in her life, Amerie doesn't feel the need to check herself to do so. In fact, she's become so accustomed to how things are that she's begun to accept such is life. "I'm kind of fine with that, but I do realize that I do have to make time for myself too. I certainly don't put myself first. That's not what I do at all," she told xoNecole.
When she does have a moment, Amerie pours into herself through creation and writing, whether that be literary or musical. She even noted how her son is aware of when it's time to be creative and practice solitude, but River still enjoys being around his mother and being involved in all of her activities. "My son knows mommy's writing time. That's when mommy's doing the thing that I love to do," Amerie said. While she usually doesn't record her music while River is home, she does her best to incorporate her son into whenever "mommy's creating" because "it's fun for him."
Like anyone else who may be a full-time parent, career-driven woman, or an overall on-the-go human being, alone time is essential to recharge her battery, but Amerie practices an open-door policy with her son as an exception for interruption.
"He's the most important thing. He knows that I could be writing, but if it's really important like you really need to give me kisses or you need to tell me something, you can come in. It's an open door," Amerie told xoNecole. "That's important to me that he knows that because I never want him to grow up thinking that this one thing was more important than him, and I don't think he would think that because that's not how I present things."
Felicia Lasala
Retrospectively, Amerie realized that she's only had about three or four massages since the birth of her four-year-old son, which her own husband encourages her to do more of. "The thing is, the way I handle my time is I have a lot to do, [but] I'm never going to sacrifice time from my child," she said adamantly.
Amerie continued, "Whatever I need to do, I can fit it in. We'll make it work. I'll stay up late or whatever it is, but those times are very important, like going with him to school, picking him up, family meals. Sometimes though, Mommy might have to miss dinner, and I don't like that, but [I'm] never missing bedtime because there's other certain things that for myself are important to me. "As she buckled down on her non-negotiables, she added that every parent has theirs, but she stands ten-toes down on hers, no matter how tough achieving the balance is.
"You always feel like there's a ball dropping somewhere, but my own personal thing is, I refuse to let the ball drop in the mom zone. I'm not going to do that," Amerie said powerfully. She thought back to her own parents, who she said were present in her life and encouraged her to do the best she can and always put her child first. However, she knew that it didn't mean to put herself on the back burner and not care for herself at all, but to know that child care and raising a human being is more than just cute Instagram moments and first words."It's such a beautiful gift, being a parent, and it's one that I take really seriously and that I love."
Why Don’t We Let Women Do It All?
Amerie has always been a proud multihyphenate, and she's not the first woman to do so by balancing motherhood, personal time, her professional life, and all while looking good doing it. We've seen Rihanna run her beauty empire with Baby Fenty No. 1 and No. 2 on the way, and we've seen Beyoncé be a mother of three while planning a world tour and dropping one of the best albums of the decade with Renaissance.
But why is it that we still don't have total faith that women can truly have it all? We asked Amerie, and she said that we certainly can - but with some caveats.
"I've always been a big believer in any person, and we're talking specifically about women, can have it all, but not necessarily at the same time. Because there will be concessions you have to make," Amerie explained. She continued to express that you can make sure with every fiber of your being that nothing goes wrong while you're in mommy mode. You may slow up or backlog in other areas of your life because you're not giving it that same energy or attention.
Amerie added, "Let's just say you are 'hashtag mommy-ing,' and you are able to balance your work as well because maybe you're staying up later. You're tired, but maybe you are not seeing your friends as much as you wanted to, so it's been harder to maintain more of your friendship. I do think that these things all come at a cost, and maybe you're just balancing it all, but that can be very, very difficult."
She fully acknowledged that women routinely carry a lot of the weight of parenting, both physically and emotionally, in addition to the weight of keeping their marriage alive, having friends, and keeping food on the table. In the same breath, Amerie wants women who empathize with her to know that they're doing the best they can with what they have - and it's okay to give yourself time and grace.
"I've always been a big believer in any person, and we're talking specifically about women, can have it all, but not necessarily at the same time. Because there will be concessions you have to make."
Felicia Lasala
"It's important, I think, for moms to know and women to know that you're not failing. It's very easy to see people doing things and [seeing] they're doing it well, and they're making it look so effortless, and it's just like, Well, why can't I get this right? Why am I struggling? Why am I not able to be on top of everything? And no one's on top of it," Amerie reassured. "You can't compare because you don't really know what's going on in everyone's life."
As a suggestion, the singer noted that instead of focusing on how life can be in disarray and escaping for a few moments in between, one would be better off establishing balance by picking two areas to excel in and putting them at the top of the priority list.
"Everyone has those fears. Everyone wonders if they could do it. You can do a lot more than you think. You can handle a lot more than you think, but it's not something that you have to do just because you feel like everyone does it," she encouraged first-time moms about entering the journey of motherhood. "If it's something that you feel called to do or you feel excited about, absolutely, but if you're feeling like you don't want to, then there's no need to do that. You don't have to follow anyone else's path."
Amerie added, "It is a very amazing thing, and it is a very life-changing thing. It is a very miraculous thing. Even though there are 8 billion people on this planet, the birth of a child, bringing another human being into this world, shepherding in another soul, that is a miracle every time."
For more of Amerie, follow her on Instagram @amerie. Her book, You Will Do Great Things, is out now.
Featured image courtesy of Amerie