In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
If you've never heard of Miko and Titi Branch before, I don't believe you.
Surely you've heard of their mastermind project, Miss Jessie's, which seeks to offer amazing products for all those in the natural hair community. Taking the natural hair market by storm in 2004, Miss Jessie's products are a staple in many of our beauty arsenals.
Of course, the first question you probably asked yourself was, "Who is Jessie?" Based around Miko and Titi Branch's paternal grandmother, Miss Jessie Mae Branch, the curly hair products are a true ode to their grandmother Miss Jessie and her mixtures and kitchen concoctions that have brought the brand its current successes.
Today, Miss Jessie's is a multimillion-dollar hair care business that many of us turn to, run by Miko, who has taken on majority responsibility of the company after the passing of her sister. However, Miko carries her sister's energy with her in all she does for the company, including tackling the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. With an Instagram following of over 88,000 users, it's evident that Miss Jessie's has no plans of slowing down — and neither does Miko.
So how does she balance it all on top of being a working mom? Read on to find out.
What is an average day or week like for you?
An average weekday typically involves a lot of work for my hair care company, Miss Jessie's. After building the business from scratch, with my late sister Titi Branch, I find myself continuing to be a student in my business — which requires a lot of my time.
A typical day involves working very closely with my team in-office from 9 am to 5 pm. Once I leave work, I try my best to decompress and let work go. A nice meal usually follows. Spending time with my loved ones has become a priority as I try my best to be happy and healthy.
What do you find to be the most hectic part of your week?
The most hectic part of my week would probably be the beginning. Mondays are usually the most hectic day because everything seems to pile up over the weekend!
How do you push through those busier times of the week?
I attempt to have all emails answered by day's end to stay on top of things. I feel a strong sense of accomplishment if I am able to manage that part of my workload. Prioritizing on every level is the best way for me to push through my workload. If I have a handle on things by mid-week, I feel more energized with the confidence gained from completing work during the first part of the week.
With everything that you do, how do you practice self-care?
My zodiac sign is Virgo, and we tend to very particular about most things. I've learned to extend these natural instincts into my personal life and found that narrowing my circle of friends down to the ones that really love and care about me has helped to create the loving and nurturing environment. This is something that has become part of taking care of myself.
Working on good and positive thoughts has become part of my existence, and it keeps me balanced when situations shift and can get hectic. Doing the things that matter, and doing the things that I really want to do are also ways that I care for myself. I try to get the most sleep that I can, and it's become more important as I take care of my health. A nice bike ride or walk does the trick.
Laretta Houston
"Working on good and positive thoughts has become part of my existence, and it keeps me balanced when situations shift and can get hectic."
What is your self-care routine?
First, I check-in with myself to make sure I am feeling balanced, harmonious, loved and protected. I try to go to sleep with positive thoughts and wake up with a clear mind. I also try to listen to what I am thinking or feeling.
A morning walk or bike ride is a really nice way to start the day off, then breakfast for nourishment. After work, I will eat something that I really want for dinner and almost always have a piece of chocolate.
I love Zen music and the sound of rain to decompress. But if I am up to it, I will watch something on Netflix. I drift off to sleep very easily these days so hopefully, my thoughts are positive and loving before I retire for the night.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
Over the years, I've narrowed my circle of friends down to the ones that have unequivocally let me know that they love and care about me. With my workload being as hectic as it is, they tend to understand so we find the time to do things together when we can. That could include a sleepover, cooking, talking, walking or simply doing the things that we love to do together.
Love/Relationships?
I was fortunate enough to reunite with my first kiss and first boyfriend from the seventh grade. We were 13 and 14 years old. We've become inseparable and do a lot of laughing, cooking, exercising, talking and loving one another. Our friendship has become as equally important as our romance, so we do a lot of compromising to make the time for one another and to support our hectic schedules. We lost so much time after not seeing one another for 27 years so we make the time to be together.
Exercise? Does it happen?
Exercise is something that I truly need to do more of, but it takes a backseat to my business right now. When I get the chance to work out, I love to bike ride on the coastline or go to the gym. But my favorite thing to do is to take a long walk so I could exercise my body and also clear my mind at the same time.
Miss Jessie's LLC
"Over the years, I've narrowed my circle of friends down to the ones that have unequivocally let me know that they love and care about me."
Do you cook or find yourself eating out?
I have been eating much of what my boyfriend cooks, which tends to be very rich and decadent. When we eat out, we typically order all the things that we love which worries me. The good news is that I love fruits and vegetables, and I never tire of eating natural foods. It's important that I incorporate healthy choices as I'm often eating on the run when traveling for business.
Do you ever detox? What does that look like for you?
I actually do detox. For me, detoxing is clearing and removing any and all unwanted toxins in my life and body. I make sure to have positive energy and influences around me, drink water and flush out my system to get rid of any harmful build-up. If I've eaten terribly, it's not uncommon for me to do a natural laxative to help me to rid of unwanted toxins. Sometimes I just try not to eat too much and do a day of liquids in order to flush my system.
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
I have learned to trust and talk to God when I'm feeling uncertain or stuck. I realize that I'm not in control of anything and that everything that has happened or is happening are steps ordered from God. So I've learned to be a better listener, and tune in for his cue and direction on what to do.
The faith that I have tends to alleviate any oncoming anxiety or fear that I may be experiencing. I often have to remind myself, with a smile, that I am loved and protected and I should not worry about a thing.
Laretta Houston
"I have learned to trust and talk to God when I'm feeling uncertain or stuck. I realize that I'm not in control of anything and that everything that has happened or is happening are steps ordered from God."
What does success mean to you?
Success means freedom - that I am able to do what I want to do, and how I want to do it with a good conscience knowing that I was able to accomplish my goals the right way, positively.
What is something you think others forget when it comes to finding balance?
I think others forget what's important and they lose balance when they focus on things that will not be meaningful should the important things be taken away. Staying aware of what's important will help to give you the balance you need when prioritizing.
To learn more Miko and keep up with her company, follow Miss Jessie's on Instagram!
Featured image by Laretta Houston.
You know, it is Mark Twain who once said something that I’m pretty sure you’ve heard before — “The two most important days in life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” He’s right because there is something that is super empowering and self-validating about tapping into “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” (one definition of purpose and in this case the “something” would be yourself) and then coming up with “an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal” (another definition of purpose) as it relates to it all.
You can do this so much easier once you’ve got people who fit your purpose inside of your world. So, let’s take a few moments to dig into what all of that involves so that you can waste less time trying to “make people fit” who probably were never really supposed to begin with (at least not intimately). You ready?
What Exactly IS Your Purpose?
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A hill that I am forever willing to die on is the fact that the reason why a lot of people find themselves getting involved in fruitless relationships and/or wasting their time (check out “These Bad Habits Are Totally Wasting Your Time” and “Love Is Patient. But Is Your Relationship Just Wasting Your Time?”) on various people, places, things, and ideas is because they aren’t clear on what their purpose is. Because listen, I can tell you from very up close and personal experience that once you’re aware of what your purpose is in this life, there is a fire that develops within you that makes you very intentional — violent even — about pursuing who and what will help you to fulfill your purpose as you release who and what is standing in the way of making that happen.
So, why do so many people seem to do the very opposite of what I just said — why do they hold onto who and what is hindering their purpose development which causes them to not focus on who and what will help them to thrive? For many, it’s because they have no clue what their purpose actually is in the first place.
So yeah, let’s start there. Something that I tell people often is, a great sign that you know what your purpose is, is if you can explain it or define it in no more than three words or phrases. Take me, for example. Whenever folks ask me what my purpose is, I say, right off the rip — marriage, sex, and the Sabbath (the actual biblical one). What they all have in common is they are biblical covenant principles and most of my life centers around shedding light on those areas in ways that many people never stop to consider.
It's a long story, how I got to this place. What I will tell you is some of the confirmations include the fact that opportunities abound for me in those areas, I have a lot of peace whenever I’m functioning from those spaces and my needs have always been met when I focus on those three topics. And yes, those are some telling signs that you are indeed operating in your purpose.
And what if you’re still out here struggling to figure out just what you were created to do? Although that’s kind of an article all on its own, I will offer up a few tips.
Do some meditating every morning. The reason why a lot of people have a hard time figuring out their purpose is, is because their mind is constantly distracted. Getting quiet enough to present the question, “What is my purpose?” while being still enough to hear what comes to your spirit/soul is a viable practice. Ten minutes a day should start to shed some light after a couple of weeks or so (if you consistently do it, that is).
Ponder your passions, gifts and talents. Even before I was making money from my purpose, I could talk about marriage, sex, and the Sabbath all day long and never get tired. When I paired that with the fact that I have a gift of writing and then I tapped into my spiritual gifts (if you’ve never taken a spiritual gifts test before, you can here) which include things like wisdom, discernment, knowledge, and giving — it all made sense. Far too often, our gifts and talents aren’t our purposes; they are tools to help us manifest our purpose. Keeping that in mind, think about where your passion lies and if you are using your own gifts and talents to catapult it.
Far too often, our gifts and talents aren’t our purposes; they are tools to help us manifest our purpose.
Jot down how your purpose would serve others. Even a lot of celebrities are not in their purpose. How do I know? Well, one definition of entertainment is “to distract” (no joke) and if folks are out here only doing what benefits them and/or they’re doing what makes the world worse instead of better, they are not operating in their purpose. So yeah, think about what too. As you’re trying to figure out what your purpose is, what about your passion can help others in a very needed, profound, and even somewhat unique kind of way?
Ask yourself what you would put before all else. I’ll get into this point, as it relates to my personal journey, in a sec. For now, I’ll say that when I was writing my first book, I had family members who refused to speak to me for months (how selfish). I was younger at the time and had not mastered how to release toxic people from my space (even if they are in my bloodline), so it was a bit uncomfortable at first to tune out the toxicity and narcissism and finish the task at hand. Oh, but I did.
That said, one definition of sacrifice is “a surrender of something of value as a means of gaining something more desirable or of preventing some evil.” When you’re willing to make great sacrifices, come what may, for the sake of something, that’s a good sign that it’s either your purpose or directly tied to it.
Figure out what brings you joy. Did you see how I said JOY, not happiness? Let me tell it, folks are out here making all kinds of self-centered and/or reckless and/or impulsive decisions because they worship the god of happiness — a fleeting emotion that tends to go as quickly as it comes. Joy is a bit different, though. Although it does bring pleasure, it also creates satisfaction. People with joy feel a sense of contentment not momentary elation. Whatever in your life does that for you, your purpose is probably not too far away from it.
Like I said, finding one’s purpose has articles, blogs, and books for days available (the late and great Dr. Myles Munroe was an awesome voice on the topic). Hopefully, these five points can help to at least initiate the quest, though.
What You Owe Your Purpose
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What do you owe your purpose? In short, EVERYTHING. How could you not when, again, one definition of the word is “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” If you are not doing what you were made to do, not only is that the greatest slap in the face to your Creator, it’s the greatest form of disrespect to oneself as well.
That is why I am very…“aggressive” is probably the most accurate word when it comes to making sure that folks get with the kind of life partner who they not only “love” but will serve as an awesome purpose complement (check out “If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life”) for them. Because what sense does it make to join your life to someone who will make the entire reason for why you were put on this planet complicated at best, totally stress-filled at worst?
Case in point. There’s a man I know who was once a sound engineer. While he was dating his wife, she was fine with it. Once they got married, though, because she had kids from another relationship, she felt that he should make more money to take care of her “package deal.” He went into computers, made more money — and totally started hating his life. Because of that, it made him miserable which made him not as fun to be around which put another kind of pressure on the marriage and ultimately the family as a whole. They’re divorced now and he has told me that one thing he will never do again is put a relationship before his purpose. Good. He shouldn’t. No one should.
And here’s the thing — the right people will never expect you to. It won’t even cross their mind. How do I know? I’m actually thrilled to say that about 90 percent of my world is full of purpose-driven individuals. They are focused. They are intentional. They are extremely careful with their time and resources. And that requires that I make adjustments so that they can remain that way. This means that they must also do the same things for me.
We all know that if we don’t honor our purpose, we’re selling ourselves short and so, it’s one thing that is a non-negotiable. That’s how purpose-minded people roll. Period.
How the Right People Will Fit into Your Purpose. How the Wrong Ones…Won’t.
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I’ve got a girlfriend right now who is going through a divorce. One of the main things that caused so much brokenness in her marital dynamic is her husband doesn’t respect her purpose. He complains about it. He competes with it. He finds ways to make the sacrifices that are required for her to fulfill her purpose a guilt trip that is hard for her to shrug off because he presents them as little “love tests” (ugh).
So, why did she marry him? Well, initially, she was on a bit of a hiatus from her purpose which caused him to see it as more like a hobby than anything else. Now that she’s in a resurgence of it, he puts up more roadblocks (like trying to make her feel bad when she has to travel when they have kids) than anything else. He’s not an advocate or ally when it comes to her purpose — whether he realizes it or not, he’s actually a direct enemy of it. Yes, some people are indeed “sleeping with the enemy” (whether it's figuratively or literally) and it’s all because they didn’t choose someone who would “fit their purpose” — and that is why topics like this one need to be discussed more often. Far more often.
In the hopes that you can avoid some of the pain and disappointment that she’s going through, whether it’s with a life partner, a friend, or a relative, let’s hit on 7 signs that someone does indeed fit your purpose:
- They will be cheerleaders of your goals and accomplishments
- They will seek ways to make purpose manifestation easier for/on you
- They will understand that sometimes they will have to make sacrifices within the relationship so that you can fulfill your purpose
- They will get that they don’t always have to “get it” when it comes to certain things that you need to do when it comes to your purpose
- They will have connections, talents, and resources that oftentimes can help you to go further within your purpose (and they won’t withhold them and weaponize them)
- They will be encouragers in the moments when even you are struggling in manifesting your purpose
- They will be flexible in adjusting to your growth and setbacks when it comes to you fulfilling your purpose
With all of this in tow, now let’s look at 10 clear indications that someone DOES NOT fit your purpose:
- They are vessels of drama and stress which ultimately distract you from your purpose
- They are only supportive when they can find a way to benefit from your purpose
- They might send off vibes of jealousy and/or envy about you and/or your purpose (check out “5 Signs Your Closest Friends Are The Most Envious Of You”)
- They may act like you have to justify or defend YOUR PURPOSE to them (check out “What If It's Your Parents Who Happen To Be The Narcissists?”)
- They might find ways to “punish you” for either fulfilling your purpose or not approaching it in the way that they would and/or they agree with (whew, chile)
- Since another definition of purpose is “a desired aim or goal,” they always seem to make it more difficult for you to accomplish what needs to be done as it directly relates to your purpose
- Whether directly or indirectly, they will have no problem draining you of the resources that you need in order to fulfill your purpose (keep this in mind when it comes to selecting a spouse; a true partner will not break you just for their comfort and convenience…wife or husband)
- They don’t respect the boundaries — including the ones that are connected to your time — as it relates to achieving your purpose
- They will constantly make you feel like you have to prove something when it comes to your purpose
- THEY DON’T RESPECT OR FULLY ACCEPT YOUR PURPOSE (and yes, I am yelling it!)
When you’re not purpose-driven, things like this may be annoying but not necessarily unbearable. Oh, but when you are committed to fulfilling your purpose in life — folks who fit into Category B, they’ve gotta go. The time that you’re spending (or is it wasting?) trying to get them to respect you and your purpose is the time that you could be spending cultivating your purpose…and I’m here to tell you that the second option is always going to be the wiser choice. ALWAYS.
Why It’s Okay to Release Those Who Don’t Complement Your Purpose
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I honestly can’t believe that it’s been almost five years since I penned the piece, “Why I Don't 'Cut People Off' Anymore, I Release Them Instead” for the site — and boy, when I tell you that it’s a life motto that has brought me some joy unspeakable? Listen. Here.
If you want the CliffsNotes from the article, it’s basically talking about the fact that for many years now, I no longer choose to not send myself through the violent ritual of cutting people off. The reason why I say “violent” is because cutting anything sounds that way and when you cut folks off, that’s often rooted in some kind of pain that makes people feel empowered to think that they are hurting others by literally cutting them out of your life. Instead, I now release — I move out of the way and allow the universe to do whatever needs to be done…with them and with the relationship, in part so that I can put my focus on myself and why I was put on this earth.
Because here’s the thing, y’all — whenever I hear the Chinese Proverb, “It’s later than you think,” it sends chills down my spine because it’s the absolute truth. And how sad would it be for me to be out here pining over, worrying about, trying to convince someone either about what my purpose is or why I need them to support it when I could, instead, be out here actually LIVING it? Not only living it but clearing the path for the right individuals, folks who will be more than willing, to help me fulfill my purpose in a peaceful, constant, and nurturing kind of way.
This here was a lot. Trust me, I know. Yet this is an important life lesson — please don’t waste, not one more day, avoiding it. Relationships are important yet NO RELATIONSHIP is worth putting before manifesting your purpose.
Whoever does, salute them.
Whoever doesn’t, release them, even if that means shifting your boundaries.
It will be one of the best decisions you’ll ever make.
Purpose-driven ones ALWAYS are, sis. #standingfirm
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Featured image by Klaus Vedlfelt/Getty Images
