
Exclusive: Keke Palmer On Music Industry Struggles, Her Mom Bod, And How Her Growing Family Impacts Her Art

Keke “Keep a Job” Palmer, as social media has deemed her, has experienced various sides of the entertainment industry. From acting, hosting, Broadway, and more to creating opportunities for other creatives through her digital network KeyTV, it feels like there’s nothing she hasn’t explored and conquered. However, when you talk to her about her passion for music and layered views on growing up in the spotlight, it’s clear that everything hasn’t always been as picture-perfect as it seems.
In this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Keke shares insight into the struggles she battled within the music industry, what audiences can expect from the Big Boss visual album release, and the impact love and motherhood have brought to her life.
The visual album is a little over 40 minutes long, but in that short amount of time, it taps into many of the multihyphenate’s emotions and experiences, like unhealthy relationships, therapy, family dynamics, and more – all while showcasing Keke’s bops and fire dance moves. One scene that resonated with me most is when she walks into a music studio with someone in the music industry she thought she could trust, played by Harlem’s Robert Ri'chard.
You expect to be greeted by the studio norms, but instead, the room is filled with dead animals and people eating raw meat, while everyone is strangely oblivious to it. Just from that startling scene, it’s clear that her experience within the music industry was a dark one. She explains, saying, “The biggest struggle, simply put, was misogyny and politics, just trying to get people on board with you, people are so clicky and don’t see success for you. It’s just a lot of drama that’s not based on talent, and it gets really exhausting and tears at your spirit."
Keke Palmer
Photo courtesy of Keke Palmer
She continues, “Every artist is sensitive and trying to grow, learn, and be safe in their career, and it’s constantly halted with all of the other stuff. The people I was choosing to be around were not for me. It’s the same people that continued the negative narrative that I became conditioned with from my first record deal.”
As the art continues to dig into what she went through in the industry. It also explores her personal relationships with loved ones and how she unpacked them through therapy. In one emotional scene, she opens up about not fitting in. She tells her mother: “I feel trapped. It’s like knowing exactly who you are, and everyone’s looking at you and seeing something different.” I don’t know if it was the fact that Mama Palmer was actually playing herself or the power of Keke’s words, but it felt very honest, and it made me wonder where it stemmed from.
She expounded on the scene, saying, “Everybody is perceived as someone now in the social media era, but I was coming from my own personal story, growing up in front of people and being seen since I was a kid. I can never go back from that; I can never be a new person again. I’m always going to be whoever people invented me to be. My mom used to say this quote to me, ‘never let other people’s perception of you be a perception of yourself,’ that is hard to do. But I finally had to live up to the quote and resist the temptation to allow people to tell me who I’m going to be and what’s there for me, which specifically happens a lot in the music industry.”
"My mom used to say this quote to me, ‘Never let other people’s perception of you be a perception of yourself,’ that is hard to do. But I finally had to live up to the quote and resist the temptation to allow people to tell me who I’m going to be and what’s there for me, which specifically happens a lot in the music industry.”
You can tell sis is feeling real liberated, and the art isn’t the only reason. She credits the love from her relationship and son for sparking something new in her. “I have such a beautiful bond with my mother, but it’s not something I thought I could realistically have outside of my family,” the new mom explains. “The kind of unconditional support and love they give me is so selfless. I just wanted a partner that felt like my family – one that wasn’t burdened or intimidated by my success, and I think hoping that and thinking about it brought it into my life.”
Keke also feels like motherhood has impacted her creatively and brings a sense of peace. “Nothing is more important to me than my son. It’s this sense of ease because there’s nothing I care about more than him. Everything will be okay. That ease has brought tons of inspiration, courage, and power,” she says. “He’s my everything. At one time, all I had was my career, then it went to building a bond with my partner, and that was the beginning of me really having something of my own. It’s not a part of entertainment; it’s my family, so for that to keep growing, it just makes me that much more creative and full.”
Keke Palmer
Photo courtesy of Keke Palmer
Wait a second – speaking of things her son gave her. We had to get into her mom-bod. Like many, motherhood has changed her body, and the millennial diva looks bomb AF, while she mentioned being appreciative of all the love she’s getting online about it, it made us discuss the pressure women sometimes face trying to fit an aesthetic.
“I think I’ve always been body conscious because so much is about your body in the industry. But after having my son – I’m just like, who gives a shit? I still want to be on point because that’s part of my industry. But I think a lot of moms feel that snapback culture because of celebrities and social media."
She continues, “I try to stay on point because of the opportunities I want, but it’s never to the point where it’s life and death. I think there’s a level of confidence I have in this new body. It’s really about how I feel inside, more than what it looks like outside. I never thought I would have this (hips, thighs, etc.), but now it’s here, and I’m so confident. I feel better than ever.”
“I think I’ve always been body conscious because so much is about your body in the industry. But after having my son – I’m just like, who gives a shit? I still want to be on point because that’s part of my industry. But I think a lot of moms feel that snapback culture because of celebrities and social media."
From Barbershop and Akeelah and the Bee to Nope and Hustlers to the endless viral digital moments, Keke continuously works and keeps us entertained. But one of my personal favorite things about her is how inspiring she is, and the Big Boss music and film is a clear example of that. “I think I’ve seen a lot of benefits to the seeds I’ve sown. I overcame a lot. Specifically, I’m not afraid to be my biggest champion. I’m not in a place where I need people to agree. I feel so secure, and that was kinda the energy that we [her and her EP, Grammy award-winning Tricky Stewart] put into the project.
"This Big Boss era is ultimately about ownership, independence, and strength. There’s been moments in my life where there might have been hesitation or confusion, but now everything is solution-based.” Keke embodies the idea that you can do what you love with who you love on your terms. And I really love this Big Boss Era for her and can’t wait to add the music to my playlist. It’s giving, summer 2023 is gonna be one for the books!
Big Boss, the film is available Friday, May 12, 2023, exclusively on KeyTV and available for streaming wherever you stream your music.
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Feature image courtesy of Keke Palmer
'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Pack A Travel Case With These 12 Items For Amazing 'Summer Vacation Sex'
It’s kind of funny that while I’m literally in the process of writing this article, the Los Angeles Times published “How to get lucky on your family vacation” hours prior. LOL. Although this year marks a bit of a dip in the amount of Americans who plan on taking a summer vacation (because this administration ain’t making coin-keeping easy, y’all) — it’s still being reported that around 53 percent will do so in the name of rest, relaxation and spending quality time with their loved ones.
And for many, the loved ones category absolutely includes their bae. And if that is the case, that probably means that sex is somewhere on the menu.
Yep. I actually read one survey (that consisted of 2,000 people) that said folks tend to have twice as much sex while they are on vacation than they do when they’re at home. It makes sense too when you factor in that you have less to do (unless you’re traveling with those folks who act like you need an itinerary for every damn thing — and we all know one…SMDH), which makes you less stressed out, which makes it easier to feel sexy and to want to get sexual.
And so, in the spirit of that indeed being the case, I want to make sure that you carve out a corner of your suitcase or carry-on to include at least half of the following 12 things that are on this list — things that can help to make “summer vacation sex”…that much hotter, y’all.
1. Edible-Grade Sunscreen
It can’t be said enough that, no matter how melanated you may be, your skin needs sunscreen. Not only to protect yourself from the risk of skin cancer (which 1 in 5 Americans will get in their lifetime) but from premature aging that can come from sun damage too. That said, if the urge arises to have sex outside somewhere, I did find some edible-grade sunscreen, in case you’re either worried about what sex in the sun will do to your skin or how all of the chemicals in sunscreen will affect your (digestive) system. The company is called Sky & Sol and you can read up on them here.
2. Flavored Lip Balm
If you’ve ever wondered why your lips are so susceptible to being chapped, it’s because they don’t contain any oil glans to keep them moisturized. This is especially important to keep in mind when the weather is extremely cold or hot because that can do a real number on the sensitive skin that your lips are made out of. That’s why it’s essential to stay well-hydrated and to also keep some lip balm in tow. Lip balm is especially designed to moisturize your lips, reduce chapping, exfoliate, soothe irritation and protect your lips from UV damage. As a bonus, lip balm will also help to keep your lips super soft and kissable; especially if you get the flavored kind. #wink
3. Condoms
I’m still out here, literally shaking my damn head, that reportedly, only one-third of men and one-fourth of women use condoms (and even many of those folks don’t do it consistently). It can’t be said enough that if you’re not in a monogamous (married) or exclusive (dating) relationship where you both are getting regularly tested and are on some other form of birth control (unless you want to get pregnant) — you absolutely should be using condoms and, as a woman, you should not solely rely on your partner to have some that are ready and available.
Not just because you should be responsible for your body and health but because not all condoms are made equal, so you should bring along some that you prefer/enjoy. If you’d like a lil’ help picking those out, check out “These Are The Kinds Of Condoms Your Vagina Would Actually Prefer.”
4. Crotchless Swimsuit
Packing some sexy lingerie? I certainly hope that goes without saying. If you’ve got a hot tub around, though and you want to “get it in” without getting totally naked (so that nosey people won’t see every damn thing), you do know that there are some crotchless swimsuits out in these streets, right? An example of one is here. Of course, you can always do what Beyoncé said in “Drunk in Love” and just move ish over to the side but…I’m just giving you another creative option…if you wanted one.
5. Blindfolds
If you’d like to cultivate an atmosphere of mystery or anticipation, a simple blindfold will do the trick. There is another reason why I think they are great for summer vacation (sex) trips, though — if your hotel room doesn’t come with blackout curtains and you want to have a quickie or two without the room being so bright, putting on a blindfold can solve that “problem” too.
6. Waterproof Sex Toys
Who said that you have to wait until you get to your hotel room to engage in some foreplay? If you bring a couple of sex toys around, you can tease each other practically anywhere — and if they are waterproof, that includes in the ocean or pool. Some, you can pair up with your smartphone in order to stimulate your partner from just about anywhere. Whew, chile.
7. Homemade Sex Toys Too
Speaking of sex toys, you’d probably be amazed at how many things in your house can double up as one. A spatula or wooden spoon is great for spanking. A necktie, some tights and a pair of clothespins work well for BDSM (use your imagination, sis). An electronic toothbrush is its own vibrator. A string of (lubricated) pearls in between your thighs? Girrrl…GIRL. Oh, and cop a silicone ice tray that comes in different shapes.
When you are rubbing ice in the shape of fruit, flowers or even animals over each other’s bodies, you’ll be surprised by how the combination of the cold with the texture of the space of the ice will stimulate you (make the ice out of juice instead of water for an extra sweet treat!).
8. Portable Charger
I don’t know what took me so long to get a damn portable charger but it’s one of the best things that ever happened to me. What I personally purchased is the ANKER Zolo Power Bank, 20,000mAh 30W High-Speed Portable Charger. I can throw it in my purse, it charges fast, I can use more than once before needing to recharge it; plus, it complements most devices. A great thing to keep in mind, so that your sex toys don’t end up going out on you while you’re…wherever you are.
9. Massage Oil Candle
Going through security at the airport can be a HEADACHE. And while, how long it can take, oftentimes varies on the airport you’re at and the time you are traveling (you can read more about that here), the process is going to be especially annoying if they have to go through your bags. Since you can currently only pack a quarter-sized bag of liquid products on your carry-on, my two cents would be to leave the massage oil at home and pack a massage oil candle instead.
That way, you can still engage in some temperature play (check out “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom”) while you’re on the road without going through any security hassle hang-ups. Some edible massage oil candles are located right here.
10. Wine Cooler Sleeve
Say that you end up going on a wine tasting tour while you’re on vacation and you end up purchasing a bottle or you simply want to toast with some champagne but you’re not sure how to store the bottle. Did you know that there are wine cooler sleeves that are lightweight, portable and will help to keep your bottles cold without condensation for hours on end? A brand that comes highly recommended is here.
11. Rose Petals
I think there are a few reasons why rose petals are oftentimes used to create a sexy mood. Red symbolizes love and passion. Rose petals are soft to the touch. The scent of them is considered to be an aphrodisiac as well. For all of these reasons, bring along some fresh rose petals for your hotel bed. If you put a damp paper towel in something like a small Tupperware container and then place the rose petals inside of that, they won’t dry out quickly which will make them feel great once you’re ready to start rolling around in them (you can also keep them in your hotel room’s fridge to further extend their shelf life).
12. Mints
Morning sex. Outdoor sex. Whatever kind of sex — it’s always going to be better when your breath and his smell good. And just so you don’t have to lug around a big bottle of mouthwash, pack some mints. Altoids are always going to be my number one draft pick — yet go with whatever are your personal faves. They’re the perfect hack for unbelievable summer vacation sex. Wouldn’t you agree? Enjoy!
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