Jordyn Woods and Karl Anthony Towns' relationship is a living testament to the age-old phrase that true love conquers all. The model and NBA star, who have been together for over four years, have captivated the public and fans alike with their social media posts, lavish lifestyle, and transparency regarding their personal lives.
Throughout their romance, Woods and Towns have showcased a deep appreciation for one another through their unwavering support during their triumphs and tribulations.
These include the star launching her clothing brand WOODS by Jordyn in 2023, the Minnesota Timberwolves center, and his team's elimination from the 2024 Western Conference Finals. This comes after the Minnesota Timberwolves' historic advance to the finals for the first time in over twenty years.
In tribute to Woods and Towns' resilient partnership, xoNecole looks back at their love story.
2020: Woods and Towns Began Dating
The couple started dating in May 2020, years after they met through a mutual friend. Woods and Towns' relationship didn't initially start romantically.
Although the exact timeline of when the pair initially met is unclear, Towns shared in 2021 during Woods' Instagram series Regular-ishthat they were friends for a while before it blossomed into something more.
"Me and Jordyn met years ago, knowing common people, and just became friends. And ever since then, our relationship grew where we became more than friends," he said, "I'm not saying in that way, but just best friends. And then we started having a deeper relationship."
Towns added that the challenges they encountered during the global pandemic made the duo evaluate their platonic relationship before taking the next step. In 2020, the basketball player lost eight family members, including his mother, Jacqueline Towns, to COVID-19.
"It just so happened, the COVID came and kind of brought its challenges, and it kind of forced us to either pick where our relationship was going to go as friends or something more. And we chose the latter," he stated.
Woods and Towns’ Relationship Become Instagram Official
In September 2020, a few months into their budding romance, the couple became Instagram official after sharing photos on their respective accounts as they celebrated Woods' 23rd birthday in Mexico.
Woods' post featured the pair posing on the beach in matching Versace swimsuits. In addition to the upload, Woods penned a sentimental caption.
"I found you, then I found me," she wrote. Towns followed suit by posting similar photos and expressing how Woods has positively impacted his life. "There are darknesses in life and there are lights," he said. "You are one of the lights, the light of all lights."
That same month, during an interview with Extra TV, Woods opened up about her relationship with Towns and how the pair bonded over their similarities in life, including losing their parents at a young age.
The entrepreneur’s father, John Woods, passed away in 2017 following a brief battle with cancer.
"I just think that when you find the right one, you can really learn a lot more about yourself. It's about learning to evolve with someone," she said. "The right person will bring a lot out of you. I think that we have been friends for a long time, and naturally, we really connected over the both of us losing a parent at a very young age, so it was a very organic relationship."
2021: Woods Extends Her Support To Towns Following His COVID-19 Diagnosis
In January 2021, Towns revealed on his social media platforms that he had tested positive for COVID-19 and planned to follow every protocol as he attempted to regain his health. In the upload, the NBA star explained how this diagnosis had affected his immediate family after losing loved ones to the virus.
"It breaks my heart that my family, and particularly my father and sister, continue to suffer from the anxiety that comes along with this diagnosis as we know all too well what the end result could be," he wrote. "To my niece and nephew, Jolani and Max, I promise you I will not end up in a box next to grandma, and I will beat this."
Immediately after his posts, Woods took to her respective Twitter account to support Towns.
"Praying for you babe. I know you're going to pull through. God's got you and your most powerful guardian Angel up there," she said while referring to Towns' mother.
Towns Praises Woods For Holding Him Down
Following his recovery from COVID-19, Towns took to his Instagram story to shout out Woods for her love and guidance as he overcame various hardships.
"My woman has held me down more than the world knows. From my mother and family members dying (1 on her bday in Cabo), getting hit by a drunk driver (was 2pm in the afternoon FYI) in LA this Off-Season and staying with me in the hospital for the night and helping me in rehab, to this stint with COVID she has been there with me every step of the way and stayed ten toes down," he wrote.
The Minnesota Timberwolves forward added that his love for Woods had deepened as she had seen him through those moments. "My love for her knows no bounds and I would be remiss if I don't acknowledge the power a good woman can have in your life," he stated. "Men, treat your woman like a Queen so she can treat you like a King."
Woods and Towns Shut Down Cheating Allegations
In March 2021, Towns was accused of cheating on Woods with an unidentified woman after screenshots of an alleged conversation between the NBA star and the individual began to circulate online.
Woods immediately cleared up the rumors on Twitter by informing fans not to believe everything they read online.
"So crazy how someone can make fake screenshots and send it to blogs and y'all believe it my relationship is more than solid and I put that on everything," she wrote. Towns weighed in on the allegations on his Twitter account by denying any wrongdoing.
"So I got the baddest girl in the game and you think I'm gonna waste my energy with anyone else gtfoh," he said. "Same haters we got now are gonna be the same ones we have when I put that ring on her finger."
Woods and Towns Celebrate Their First Year Anniversary
In May 2021, Woods and Towns commemorated their first year anniversary in Saint Lucia.
Woods shared a series of photos from their vacation that displayed the decorations that were plastered around their hotel room and the gift she received for the special occasion, a Hermès Birkin bag.
Towns Defends Woods From Body Shamers
Later that year, Towns stood ten toes down for Woods when she faced backlash online after posting a before-and-after weight loss photo to promote her fitness app.
As speculators claimed that the star's slim figure was due to cosmetic procedures and not diet and exercise, Towns fired back on Twitter in a series of posts denying the plastic surgery accusations.
"I've SEEN the hard work and I've seen the results and trust me, this is all natural. Since she was 10 years old, people been calling this woman vile things because of her weight and instead of letting the Internet run her life, she went out the put the damn work in and changed her whole life. FITNESS SAVED HER LIFE!" he said.
The basketball player also professed his admiration for Woods' willingness to rise above the hate she receives on social media. "I love you babe,” he added. “Every day you make me so proud to call you my Girl, my Queen, my Rock, my everything."
Towns Opens Up About How Woods Helped Him Deal With The Loss Of His Mother
In an appearance on Taraji P. Henson and Tracie Jade's Facebook Watch talk show Peace of Mind with Taraji in October 2021, Towns explained that he felt his late mother, Jacqueline Towns, had a hand in his relationship with Woods because it began shortly after her passing.
"A woman that meant so much to me in my life left my life to be replaced by another woman who took that spot," he said. “I feel, in a way, when my mom passed, she's like, 'I'm not going to leave you alone. I'm going to make sure you know who you are supposed to be with.'"
Further into the conversation, the basketball player disclosed that he leaned on Woods for support during that trying moment in his life because she experienced a similar hardship.
"You know she lost her father four years ago, I believe, he added. “So I leaned on her because she's one of those only people who actually knew how I was feeling and what I was going through."
2022: Woods Denies Pregnancy Rumors
In January 2022, Woods and Towns found themselves in the rumor mill once again. This time, social media users were alleging that the couple could be expecting their first child after Woods uploaded a miniature Nike shoe box photo. After receiving numerous comments regarding her pregnancy status, the model shut down the allegations on her Instagram story.
"It was a gift card box. And no I don't want kids right now nor am I pregnant," she said. "I've been wearing baggy clothes because it's cold AF!!!"
Woods Cheers Towns On After Timberwolves Wins Game On A Significant Day
A few months later, in April 2022, Woods celebrated Towns' and his Minnesota Timberwolves teammates' victory against the Los Angeles Clippers by sharing an Instagram post. In addition to the upload, the star highlighted the importance of the date they won.
"This moment was so special to us because today is the 2 year anniversary of Jackie passing,” she said. “I know how tough it's been doing all of this without her so proud of you @karltowns … it's deeper than basketball!!"
Woods And Towns Celebrate Two-Year Anniversary
The following month, Towns surprised Woods with a getaway trip to Mexico in honor of their anniversary.
In an Instagram post, the model shared that the NBA star took her to the same resort where President John F. Kennedy and his wife, Jackie Kennedy, spent their honeymoon.
Woods’ upload also showcased the many activities the couple participated in, including a dinner on the beach, couples massage, and lavish gifts.
Towns Finances Woods Businesses For Her 25th Birthday
In September of that same year, on her 25th birthday, Woods revealed on her Instagram story that Towns had funded two of her prospective businesses by sharing a heartfelt note he wrote.
The note read, "To My Birthday Girl, Happy 25th Birthday! After this, you get to say you 18 every year like your moms lol … I know every year I have showered you with material gifts that people wish they could to (King S—) but this year, your 25th year walking this earth, it's time to go from that girl to a full woman. You pick two businesses you want to start, and I will fund them. It's time to take that next step in this thing we call life. Te Amo Mucho, let's take over the world…together. Love, KAT."
Alongside the photo, Woods shared in a caption why this gift was extremely sentimental to her. "He knows how hard I have been working on these projects, and this is the last step," she wrote. Although it has yet to be confirmed if the funds were used, Woods' clothing line was one of the businesses she opened shortly after.
2023: Woods Shares The Key To Her Successful Union With Towns
In late 2023, Woods disclosed during an interview with PEOPLE magazine that her relationship with Towns was a success because they were genuinely friends first.
"Friendship and trust,” she said. “We were really good friends before we started dating, and COVID gave us that free time to really get to know each other."
Woods added that their union grew stronger over the years because they have overcome so much together. "We've been through a lot together,” she stated. “We've seen each other at all different ways, times, phases, so I think we have a very strong foundation.”
February 2024: Towns Raves Over Woods
During the 2024 NBA All-Star Weekend, Towns gushed about Woods during his conversation withPEOPLE magazine and explained the importance of having a good partner.
"She is truly special to me. You know, with my mom and my sister, I’ve seen the impact that good women have on men’s lives,” he said. “I'm just blessed that I saw that firsthand before I got with Jordyn so that I could learn to appreciate her."
May 2024: Woods Celebrates Towns After Timberwolves NBA Playoffs Victory
The Minnesota Timberwolves made history in May 2024 when they progressed to the Western Conference Finals after defeating the Denver Nuggets in a seven-series game.
This event was monumental because this was the team's first time going to the finals in twenty years. Woods basked in the moment by praising Towns on Instagram for his resilience.
"Couldn’t be happier for this team and most importantly Karl," she wrote "He has overcome so much adversity to get to the point in his career, let alone knee surgery earlier this season. I am so proud and in awe of him."
On May 21, Woods and Towns celebrated four years together. In honor of the special day Woods uploaded a video collage of their adventures over the years with a song she wrote.
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There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
So…apparently, there was once a Parade survey of 1,001 married Americans concerning sex.
Surprisingly (at least, to me), 88 percent of them said that their sex lives made them happy or they were at least “reasonably content” with it. The reason why that surprises me is because 1) I’m aware that somewhere around 15 percent of marriages are currently sexless; 2) only about half of people have sex on a weekly basis, and 3) if that many folks are indeed that satisfied in the bedroom, why do so many of us who work with long-term couples always hear otherwise?
Then, I paused and pondered on the “reasonably content” part. I don’t know about you, but to me, that doesn’t sound like hanging-off-of-the-chandeliers kind of sex. That’s more like, “I’ll take it however and whenever I can get it” sex — and, in my eyes, that’s just not good enough. To me, sex is a beautifully wondrous thing that should reach the peak of pleasure as much as possible.
Fortunately, I do know a few couples who profess to have great (awesome, fabulous, and tremendous) sex pretty much every time that they have it. Even though most of them aren’t familiar with each other, interestingly enough, they all agree that while skill and technique play a role in amazing coitus, there are other factors that can prevent great sex from transpiring, too.
I did some researching, interviewing, and reviewing of past sessions that I’ve had with couples, and here are the 10 things that continue to come up, as far as being barriers to the kind of sex that every single person deserves — sex that doesn’t just leave you feeling “reasonably content” (goodness, let’s raise that bar, please).
1. You’re Not the Best of Friends
GiphyBefore getting into this one, let me just say that I’m not referring to a “friends with benefits” dynamic. Although some of those do end up transitioning from being sex buddies to a full-blown relationship, some studies say that only about 15 percent of them do, and that’s not the greatest odds on the planet (for the record, around 28 percent are able to go back to being just friends as well).
No, what I’m referring to here is it’s wise to experience physical intimacy with someone who has the qualities of being one of your absolute closest friends: they’re honest, supportive, compassionate, loyal, communicate well, and they definitely are someone who you consider to be a safe space. When you’re in a relationship with someone who you also consider to be one of your dearest (if not dearest) friends, there is an incomparable level of trust and peace that makes intimacy that much easier — and special.
2. You Need to Get a Check-Up
GiphyIf you were to ask a group of people if they should get an annual check-up, they would probably say “yes.” Hmph, problem is, only about one-fifth of us actually do it, and when it comes to our libidos, that can be (potentially) problematic as hell. The reason why I say that is sometimes “not being in the mood” has very little to do with anything emotional, psychological, or relational; it’s actually a result of not taking the best care of your health.
Things like obesity, hormonal imbalances (including perimenopause and menopause), certain medications, stress, and good old-fashioned aging can be the underlying culprits, and if that is indeed the issue, as much as you might think that Google can cure everything, you actually need a medical professional to confirm what is going on — and what you need to do in order to rectify the situation.
3. You’re Not Affirming and Affectionate on a Daily Basis
GiphyQuestion: When was the last time that you gave your partner a sincere compliment? Believe it or not, there are studies that support the fact that complimenting others not only boosts their self-esteem and confidence levels but it also creates an atmosphere for clearer communication while motivating and causing the individual on the receiving end to feel valued. Not only that, but the person who gives the compliments ends up feeling happier and more grateful, too.
As far as affection goes, aside from the fact that it helps you to feel emotionally closer to your partner, there are health benefits to consider as well. Kissing, cuddling, and even holding hands can help to decrease stress levels, lower blood pressure, and even strengthen your immune system. The way I like to look at this is affirmations are a verbal form of foreplay, while affection is a PG version of it — and when it comes to experiencing great sex, foreplay should always be in the mix.
4. You Don’t Plan Dates (and Then Actually Go on Them)
GiphyI’ve got a girlfriend who’s been married for several decades and hardly ever gets taken out on dates by her husband. In his mind, it’s kind of a waste of money; he’d rather be a “great provider” than a romantic kind of dude. Problem is, her top love language is quality time, and so, not dating frustrates her more than most. You know what, though? Their story isn’t rare. In fact, some studies indicate that over half of the married couples in this country never go out on dates. SMDH.
There are dozens of reasons why this is not a good idea as far as “divorce-proofing” your marriage goes; however, since this article is about sex, specifically, quality time strengthens emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy improves the quality of one’s sex life. So, if you’re in a long-term relationship, your sex life is ho-hum, and you can’t remember the last time you and your partner actually went out together — perhaps it’s time to connect those dots.
5. Your Relationship Is Not Your Top Priority
GiphyIf I had to choose one main issue that keeps me in business (as far as marriage life coaching is concerned), it’s that one or both spouses in a marriage “forget” (I put that in quotes because sometimes they literally forget and sometimes it’s more of a passive-aggressive choice) to make their partner their very top priority (under God, that is). When it comes to this particular topic, a priority is defined as being “the right to precede others in order, rank, privilege, etc.; precedence” and when you say “I do” to someone, that is a part of what you are publicly declaring — that they are going to take precedence over everyone else in your world.
And what are some indications that your partner is your top priority? You are proactive rather than reactive when it comes to their needs. You are quick to want to resolve problems while being slow to create them. You consistently want them to feel heard, validated, and safe. You make them aware that they are a part of both your short and long-term plans. Empathy is a foundational part of the relationship. And honey, when two people do this for each other outside of the bedroom, how can there not be fireworks inside of it? Straight up.
6. Your Kids Are Taking Over
GiphyI always find it interesting whenever people get triggered by my saying that children should never come before marriage. For one thing, the marriage existed first. Secondly, kids aren’t adults; they don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to find balance in their needs or demands; adults need to be the ones to regulate both. And third, have you read how divorce affects/impacts kids even well into their adulthood?
At the end of the day, children want happy parents and there’s a greater chance that will happen when husbands and wives put their relationship first. Unfortunately, even with all of the data that supports my points, a lot of people still let their kids take over their entire lives — including their bedroom and that can lead to, not only a “less than” sex life but a completely ruined one, if you’re not careful.
That’s why I think it’s important for parents to read articles like HuffPost’s “We Decided To Tell Our Kids When We’re Having Sex. Here’s Why — And What Happened After.” and also ones that I’ve penned for the platform like, “Married Couples, Here's How To Make (More) Time For Sex,” “How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids” and even “10 New Moms Share What They Wish They Knew About Sex Post-Delivery.” The takeaway here is kids are to be a part of your life — not all of it.
7. The Chemistry Is Off
GiphyChemistry is an interesting thing because, although it is pretty necessary when it comes to having a fulfilling sex life, science is still trying to figure out just how to narrow it down. According to a particular article that I read, a featured sex therapist said that sexual chemistry is a combination of attraction, hormones, and even a combination of pleasant memories and/or nostalgia. Another article said that the level of brain chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine that naturally arise when we’re around certain people (vs. others) cannot be underestimated either.
To me, when it comes to (sexual) chemistry, I think my biggest takeaway is if there is something that you can’t really fake, that would be it, and so, while you shouldn’t rely on chemistry alone when it comes to cultivating a healthy and long-lasting relationship, if, after about three dates or so, there is no “spark,” don’t play that down. Sex is an essential part of a committed relationship, which means that chemistry, on some level, absolutely needs to be present and accounted for.
8. There Is Sexual Frustration
GiphyWhenever I hear someone say, “I’m not angry; I’m frustrated,” I always appreciate that level of self-awareness because being frustrated isn’t about being resentful so much as it’s about being disappointed — and sexual disappointment can happen in a billion different ways. Maybe the quality of sex has decreased. Perhaps you’re not having as much sex as you would like. Could it be that you want more spontaneity or romance, and your partner rarely, if ever, seems to rise to the occasion? Or shoot, maybe your sexual wants and needs have changed, and your partner doesn’t want to make the necessary adjustments.
A part of the reason why I’ve penned articles for the platform like “7 Questions You Should Ask Your Partner Before Giving Them Some” and “9 Sex-Related Questions You & Your Partner Should Ask Each Other. Tonight.” is because the only way that you can ensure that your partner is truly satisfied as far as sex goes is if you ask. When it comes to great sex, there is no room for ego, assumptions, or taking the “if it always worked, it still should” approach. People who move like that? One way or another, they are going to disappoint their bae as far as sexual satisfaction goes (whether their bae actually tells them that or just…fakes through it instead).
9. Or Sexual Repression
GiphyOn the heels of the last point, one of the reasons why sex is considered to be an ultimate form of communication is that when it’s good — and I mean, really, really good — all five senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch, and sound) are involved (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”). Another reason is that when you can trust your partner to share your deepest sexual desires and perhaps even a sex-themed bucket list or entries from your sex journal, that can open the door to all types of sexual pleasure…and close the door to what’s known as sexual repression.
Probably the easiest way to define sexual repression is it’s what happens whenever you’re holding back feelings and longings as far as sex is concerned. There are several things that can cause this to transpire. It could be fear of rejection, suppressed childhood or religion-related issues, guilt or shame surrounding certain sex acts, or even physical pain during sex.
For instance, I know a wife who was raped in college and never told her husband. For years, they had sex-related issues because it’s almost as if she was stoic during the act, which led him to not find sex enjoyable at all because he felt like he was unwanted. I also know a wife who, because she is a first lady (you know, a pastor’s wife), has suppressed a lot of her sexual fantasies because she’s afraid that her husband will find them to be “inappropriate.”
In both of these instances, a sex therapist could do a lot of good (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”) because they are professionally trained to deal with all levels of sexual repression — something that is very real, even if it’s not openly discussed very often.
10. Orgasms Consume You
GiphyDo you need to experience orgasms in order to have good sex? No. You don’t. Can it be magnificent whenever you experience them, though? Of course. That said, when it comes to having great sex, although orgasms are literally defined as being the peak of sexual arousal, it is important to take the pressure off of both you and your partner. Contrary to whatever you’ve heard (or told yourself), sex can be pleasurable whether you reach a climax or not, together or not.
However, if you want to have more orgasms, don’t make them the goal so much as heightening your intimacy, taking your time, relishing in each other’s erogenous zones, doing some dirty talking, and being in the moment. When you’re “great” at these things, one way or another, great sex — and possibly a few orgasms along the way — is sure to follow. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy