12 Wives Share Creative Ways To Express Gratitude In Your Relationship
Love & Relationships

12 Wives Share Creative Ways To Express Gratitude In Your Relationship

I won’t lie to y’all — one of the most challenging things about being a marriage life coach is the fact that, a lot of times, people wait until their marriage is literally on its last leg before seeking any type of professional help. It’s like they are pretty much saying, “My marriage is a complete dumpster fire. Now get it back healthy in five sessions or less.” It’s another message for another time that therapy and/or coaching don’t exactly work that way. For now, though, let’s briefly discuss how so many unions get to that point in the first place.

Feeling (or being) taken for granted. I can’t tell you how many calls, emails, or texts I’ve received where a husband or wife is totally at their wit’s end because they feel like their spouse is not grateful for the things that they do. And when you keep on giving, and the other person isn’t appreciative, that really is the beginning of a downward spiral, one that can be hard to come back from if you let too much time pass by.

So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving being just a few days away (where is this year going, y’all?!), I asked 12 wives to share with me some of the not-so-immediately-obvious things that they proactively do to let the number one man in their life know that they see him, they love him, and they are oh so very thankful for him — each and every day that they “do life” together. May it inspire you to stay the course (if you’re already doing something on your own), follow suit, or come up with a way to love on your boo thang in a similar fashion as well.

*Middle names have been used so that people can speak freely*

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Diane. 37. Married for 11 Years.

“If a lot of women were honest, they’d own the fact that most of the dates that they go on with their boo consist of things that they want to do more than what he does; at the most, it’s a compromise on his part. My husband and I try and go on two dates a month: he plans one, and I plan one. What I try to do on mine is either come up with something that I know he will enjoy or at least ask him if there’s something that he would like to do. Not all of his answers are things that I like, but it has expanded my world a lot. I’ve learned about soccer. I’ve gone skydiving. I’ve definitely tried some new foods. And he feels like I care about what he cares about. He feels appreciated, so it works.”

Wychelle. 42 Married for 15 Years.

“Around every six weeks, I have a DIY pamper day at home. It’s not for both of us, it’s for my husband only. I will give him a facial, rub his feet, give him a manicure, run him a bath with some lavender oil and Epsom salt, and prepare his favorite meal while his favorite music plays. He really looks forward to those days, and I’ve found that we have the most intimate conversations then. He said it’s because his guard is totally down because I make him feel cherished during those moments. That’s why I like doing it so much.”

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Astrid. 37. Married for 10 Years.

“I wish I could do it more than this, but I try to let my husband stay in bed, all day, at least once a season [four times a year]. Between our kids and our hectic schedule, even that’s close to impossible, but I will get the kids over to somebody’s house for at least a night, if not a whole weekend, so that he can sleep in, I can make him breakfast in bed, he can have sole control of the remote, we can have some what we call ‘loud sex,’ and he can take long naps. He literally lives for those days, and I’m happy to do it!”

Oakland. 25. Married for One Year.

“One of the ‘wife mentors’ in my life often says that being a Black man in this country is a very thankless position. So, I try and send my husband random thank-you texts throughout the day: ‘Thank you’ for cooking dinner last night; ‘Thank you’ for being cool about my breaking the budget on my Target runs; ‘Thank you’ for just being yourself. I usually get an ‘I love you’ reply afterwards. I love that.”

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Eve. 31. Married for Six Years.

“My husband is an extrovert. I am anything but, so a way that we had to strike a compromise was to do some day or weekend trips since I’m not the biggest people person or traveler. We will take a major trip once a year, but in between those times, I’ll look for a town or city that is no more than 6-8 hours, and we’ll tour that. It helps to keep him not feeling so antsy about always having to stay close to home; plus, he says that he loves that I am willing to step out of my comfort zone that way — because he knows that, if it were up to me, I’d be home all day, every day.”

Larissa. 46. Married for Eight Years.

“I took a big leap of faith and quit my job this year to follow my passion. Our kids are in college, and we saved up enough money for the past three years for me to do it. It’s still a sacrifice on my husband’s part because he’s remaining in a position that he’s not thrilled with so that I can make my dreams happen. One way that I show him how grateful I am for the sacrifice is I purchase things that feed into his own passion projects which are all music-related. I get equipment when I can. I’m constantly sending him podcasts and videos about it. I get him concert tickets. I try to do things to let him know that this is only a season — he will be able to do his thing too…soon.”

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Yvonne. 24. Married for 11 Years.

“At the end of every month, I jot down at least 15 things that I really appreciated that he did that month and I post it on the fridge. I think it’s important that he sees it and our children because they need to know that their mommy sees their father. They also need to get used to seeing what happens ‘behind the scenes’ that they might not know about — things that keep the ball rolling around here.”

Serenity. 46. Married for 21 Years.

“I don’t nag my husband, and it’s as simple as that. How many times have you heard that a man just wants some peace? In my over 20 years of marriage, I’ve learned that the best way to show a man how much you care about him is to give him what he needs, and no man needs to feel like he’s always being hounded about something all of the time. A lot of you won’t listen, but I’ve got some experience under my belt. Give that man peace, and he’ll feel like you’re thankful for him.”

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Chayla. 27. Married for Three Years.

“One of the best things that I ever did for my marriage is actually something that you recommended. Remember how, during our first year, I was in some serious marriage culture shock, and you said that I should try the ‘respect challenge’? I grew up in the Church, and so I knew about what the Bible says about respecting your husband but no one really explained what that looks like. Once a year, I will do the challenge, and it’s like ‘pushing reset’ in a lot of ways. He feels more appreciated, and he goes out of his way to indulge me during those times.”

Lynn. 33. Married for One Year.

“Something that my parents and grandparents did is put a gratitude journal on their nightstand: one for the husband and the other for the wife. They committed to put something that they were grateful for when it came to one another, no less than twice a week. Both [couples] are still married. My husband and I are carrying the tradition.”

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Athena. 33. Married for Five Years.

“I cook four nights a week, my husband cooks two, and we either go out once a week or order in. My husband is gonna eat whatever I prepare, but we’re both foodies. That’s why, once a week, I ask him for his personal request and make that. He loves that. It’s my way of showing him that I ‘see’ him, and since I haven’t grocery shopped in over a year now, it’s not stressful to do at all.”

Thalia. 50. Married for 30 Years.

“My husband and I have been going on ‘I thank you walks’ after dinner for the past 27 years or so. In the beginning of our marriage, we both were resentful because we weren’t raised to apologize or show gratitude. One day, I read an article about a couple who took thank-you strolls in order to get some quality time in and to tell each other why they were thankful for each other. They said it changed their marriage, and it improved ours too. We do it every night. It’s a tradition and, sometimes, the very best part of our day.”


Author Brené Brown once said, "I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude." Just imagine how much more awesome marriage would be to so many, if they applied this to, not only being grateful for their spouse but expressing their gratitude to them. Not just on Thanksgiving but every day. I hope this inspires you to do just that.

Good husbands are a true blessing. Make sure that they know that you know it. Often.

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