When we think about Black history, we often see images of major moments in time, like marches, revolutions, political triumphs, innovations, or sports highlights, but how would any of these things come to be without Black love?
Black love, Black marriage and Black history existed long before white Europeans kidnapped and enslaved our ancestors and brought them from Africa to this land. Our very existence today is evidence of our ancestors' strong Black love for us, and hope for a better future. So, in this vein, let’s take a look at a snapshot of the history of Black love and marriage in America, through the ages:
1800s: Black Marriage Through Challenge
While slavery in America stripped many of our ancestors of their rights, including the right to marry who we choose, Black couples still held wedding ceremonies signified by a practice called “jumping the broom.” According to scholar Alan Dundes, this was common during antebellum times and continues in many Black marriage ceremonies today, in honor of our enslaved ancestors.
Post Civil War and emancipation, many heterosexual Black couples’ marriages were made legal, however, in the former Confederate states, “some whites did not want the law to legitimate,” Black marriage, historian Tera Hunter writes in her book, Bound in Wedlock: Slave and Free Black Marriage in the Nineteenth Century. She adds that white supremacists opposed to Black rights saw Black marriages “as a challenge to social order and racial hierarchy.” In America, Black marriage has always been a revolutionary act.
Late 1800s-1940s: Bonds Run Deeper
By the late 1800s, Black Americans married at higher rates than their white counterparts, and from 1890 up until 1940, Black women married earlier than white women. In fact, according to the U.S. Census, the percentage of Black men 35 and older who never married was lower (at about 8%) between 1890 and 1930, than for their white peers. For Black women, the rate teetered at around 7% and steadied at 10% until 1950.
Famous couples of the era include iconic composer Samuel Coleridge-Taylor and Jessie Walmisley (who wed in 1899); champion boxer Jack Johnson and Etta Terry Duryea (who wed in 1911); and entertainer Josephine Baker and Jean Lion (wed in 1937) who also had many relationships with women, possibly including the legendary artist Frida Khalo.
Famous singers Bessie Smith and Ma Rainey were also bold queer women who pushed boundaries during the time. While Smith was married to Jack Gee in 1923, she reportedly had relationships with women, and so did her mentor Rainey. Rainey even alluded to lesbian affairs in her music, and reportedly had girlfriends while married to her husband Will Rainey.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and wife Coretta Scott King
Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
1950s-Early 1970s: Fighting For Rights… Including For Who We Love
Many revolutionary movements have historically been held up by power couples. Even as patriarchy relinquished women and queer people to behind-the-scenes roles in the civil rights movements, the wives of the appointed movement leaders were powerhouses in their own right. From Coretta Scott King to Betty Shabazz, to Myrlie Evers-Williams, to Kathleen Cleaver, to Miriam Makeba, and beyond, these women organized the movement and supported, assisted, and led in building and continuing the legacies of activists Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Medgar Evers and Stokely Carmicheal.
All of these leaders fought for legislation and initiatives to change laws and lives during this period, leading to educational, political, and social freedoms that had not been seen before this time. A key change in legislation related to marriage during this time was the legality of interracial marriage, which came in 1967 when Richard and Mildred Loving won their case in the Supreme Court.
Activists were also fighting for LGBTQ protections and rights, including legal marriage. The first LGBTQ+ Pride was held in 1970, commemorating the one-year anniversary of the Stonewall riots, an event sparked by iconic trans activist Marsha P. Johnson after New York City police violently raided the Stonewall Inn, a popular gay bar, and hauled off Black and brown employees and patrons. Unfortunately, queer unions would not be legalized until decades later.
This period was also a time when marriage rates shifted, especially for Black men. By 1960, those who were age 35 and over had a higher percent of never having married (at 10%) when compared with white men, and that percentage remained steady into the 1970s. Black women during this time were more likely to have been married by age 35 than their white counterparts, according to research, until 1970.
Former POTUS Barack Obama and Michelle Obama
Leigh Vogel/WireImage/Getty Images
Early 1980s- 2010s: Evolving & Elevating
TV shows like The Jeffersons, Family Matters, Martin, The Cosby Show, Living Single, and Girlfriends, began to reflect advancements in Black love depictions, and films like Love Jones, Boomerang, and The Best Man reinforced the notion that Black love is strong, ever-changing, and here to stay. Queer love depictions were also in the fold, with shows and films like Set It Off, The Color Purple, Blackbird, Moonlight and Pariah offering a glimpse into diverse narratives of love.
In 2003, Black Marriage Day, an annual celebration of the resilience, importance, and beauty of Black American relationships, was founded by Bisa Muhammad and is celebrated each March. And what a celebration indeed, since just five years later, the landmark U.S. presidential election brought in our first Black POTUS and first lady and ushered in an era of the image of Black love in the White House with Barack and Michelle Obama. In 2015, queer unions were finally legalized nationwide by the Supreme Court.
Actress Niecy Nash and wife Jessica Betts
Robin L Marshall/WireImage/Getty Images
Today: Celebrating Black Love In All Its Forms
Today, we no longer have to wait for Hollywood to show us the images of Black love that we long to see. Thanks to the internet and social media, we can see Black people luxuriating in the expansiveness that our love has to offer 24/7, all over the world. Whole platforms have been created to showcase and celebrate the evolution of Black love including IG’s Black Love Feed and Blackqueer Love and shows like OWN’s Black Love.
The exploration of gender identities, polyamory and other non-monogamous relationships, as well as the de-centering of sexual relationships and the elevation of platonic relationships, radical self-love and community-building, are also redefining what Black love looks like, taking away the pressures of marriage as the only legitimate or "official" source of love and putting the prerogative in the hands of the people. Black love–in all of its forms–has always been revolutionary. And it's never looked more beautiful.
Featured image by Bettmann / Contributor via Getty Images
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A Goddard College graduate, who earned an MFA from Pratt Institute and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Marymount Manhattan College, Mahogany offers unapologetic realness with a side of grace and empowerment. "I started touring locally. I started creating chat books so that those poems will go in the hands of the people who were sitting in the rooms," she shared.
"And then I started facilitating poetry workshops, so I used my chat books as curriculum. And that, in turn, allowed me to further invest in my art and show the community and people who were hiring me that it wasn't just a one-off, that it's not just, you know, a fly by night—that I am invested in this art as much as I am invested in your community, in your children's learning, in our growth."
Mahogany has a special way of moving audiences, and her superpower sparks shifts in perspective, post-performance introspection, and strengthening of community bonds, especially among Black women. (One can undeniably recognize her gift for arousal of the spirit and mind merely from her listening to her insights from the other side of a Google Hangout call. I can only imagine the soul-stirring, top-tier sensory encounter when watching her perform in person.)
In this chat with xoNecole, Mahogany reflects on sustaining a creative career, the aftermath of writing a banned book, and using poetry for both healing, community-building, and activism.
Anthony Artis
xoNecole: What are three key things that have laid the foundation for a sustainable creative career for you?
Mahogany L Browne: What has helped me is that I'm willing to go in being an expert at knowing poetry and knowing the way in which art can change the landscape of our lives, not just as a poet, but also as a poetry facilitator. How you move through classes, those things are mastered, right? So when I go into another space that's maybe tech-heavy, I don't mind learning and being, you know, a student of the wonder of how we can make this magic, work together.
Two, you’ve got to know how to pivot. Sometimes we say, ‘Alright, this is what my life is going to be. I'm going to be a New York Times best-selling author. I'm going to, you know, have an album that's Grammy-nominated. And then, say you get dropped from your record label. That doesn't mean you can't make an album anymore. You can also still create an album that can be submitted to the Grammys. So, what does a pivot look like as an artist who doesn't have an institution behind them? Pivot being a student of the wonder.
Relationships also really help. How do I serve the community? And in turn, that tells me how the community can show up. For me, I have long-standing ties with a community that will outlast my one life. So, what does it mean to create space where these relationships can develop, can be nurtured, can be rooted, can be cultivated? Creating space—it happens through relationships.
xoN: With today’s economic challenges, what does your current creative process look like, and what are you working on?
MB: I’m always thinking five years ahead. I just reviewed the pages for two children’s books and recently released a YA novel. I’m drafting an adult fiction manuscript now.
Anything I create is founded with the root of poetry, but it can exist in captions. It can exist in commercials. It can exist as a musical. So that's where I’m at now.
xoN: You started performing "Black Girl Magic" in 2013, had an acclaimed performance of it via PBS and the work went on to viral success shortly after. Talk more about the inspiration. And what do you think about the continued relevance more than a decade later?
MB: I wrote it as a rally cry for the mothers who had been keeping themselves truly in harm's way by, you know, being a part of the community right after the death of their child or their loved one. They are usually mothers of victims of police brutality—and just seeing how they showed up in these community spaces, they are devout to the cause but obviously still grieving.
"I wanted this poem to be just a space of reclamation, of joy and of you, of your light, of your shine, of your brilliance, in any which way in which you fashion. Every room you enter is the room you deserve to be in. What does it mean to have a poem like that that exists?"
And the first time I did the poem, the Weeping that occurred, right? It was like this blood-letting of sorts. The next time I performed it, I'm moved to tears because I'm seeing how it's affecting other women who have just been waiting to hear, ‘You belong. You deserve. You are good. We see you. Thank you, despite everything that they said to make you regret being born in this beautiful brown, dark-skinned, light-skinned, but Black body.’
Black women are the backbone—period. Point blank. And so, that that poem became a necessity, not just to the fortitude of Black women in the community, but like you know, in service of healing the Black women.
xoN: One of your books was banned at a school in Boston, and it was later reinstated due to parental and activist support. What was that experience like?
MB: Well, I think it happened because they were racist. That's it. Point blank. The reversal of it was empowering, right? I realized, oh, I thought we just had to sit here and be on a banned book list. But no, parents are actually the leaders of this charge.
So to see that, the parents said, ‘Nah, we're not gonna let you take this book out of my baby’s school just because it's a Black kid on the front saying, ‘Woke’ and they're talking about being a global citizen. They're talking about accountability. They're talking about accessibility. They're talking about allyship, and you don't want them to have compassion or empathy or have even an understanding, right? So no, we rebuke that, and we want this book here anyway.’ To see that happen in that way. I was, like, reaffirmed. Absolutely.
xoN: You recently organized the Black Girl Magic Ball at the Lincoln Center in New York. Honorees included author and entrepreneur Rachel Cargle and National Black Theater CEO Sade Lythcott. What impact did it have and what expanded legacy do you hope to leave with your creative works?
MB: I was really interested in not celebrating just the book, but celebrating the community that made the book possible. And so I gave out five awards to women doing that thing, like, what does it mean to be a Black girl in this world?
I just thought it was gonna be an amazing time. Everybody's gonna dress up—we're gonna celebrate each other. And boom, I then realized that it responded to like a gaping hole. There was a missing thing for Black girls of all walks of life, all ages, right?
"It's very intergenerational. That was intentional to come together and celebrate just being us."
You have all these instances where just being you is either the butt of a joke or it's diminished and not worthy of a specific title in these larger institutions. So what does it mean to just to be loved up on and celebrated?
It felt like a self-care project at first. You know, for the first couple of years, folks were coming and they were getting that sisterhood. They were getting that tribe work that they were missing in their everyday lives.
I love the Black Girl Magic Ball because we got us. If I go out with a bang, they'll remember that Mahogany worked her a** off to make sure all the Black girls everywhere knew that she was the light. We are the blueprint.
For more information on Mahogany L. Browne, her work, and her future projects, visit her website or follow her on IG @mobrowne.
Featured image by Anthony Artis
And even though I am a bona fide ambivert who enjoys my own company more than anyone else on the planet, I must admit that I really like — adore, really — my circle of friends and enjoy going out on dates with them. Each one brings something different to my life, and each date leaves behind a unique type of experience and set of memories. Yeah, dating my friends never gets old. Not to mention the fact that it’s highly beneficial and, dare I say it, even necessary if you want to properly nurture the non-romantic connections that you have.
And so, in honor of how important it is to care for your friendships, I’ve got a few real-deal reasons why going out on dates with your friends, as much as you can, is one of the absolute best things that you can do — for all parties involved.
Quality Time Is Essential in All Relationships
GiphyIt really is wild, the songs that will randomly come to mind, whenever I’m writing content. Today, it’s High-Five’s “Quality Time” (if you know, you know). I know why it did, too, because, when it comes to going on a date, the main point and purpose of it is to spend quality time with another individual (or at least it should be — check out “Guess What? Dating Was Never Supposed To Be Transactional.”).
And although usually we think of that in the context of getting to know or to spend undivided time with someone who we have a romantic interest in, the reality is that any time you make plans to hang out with another individual without any distractions, that is technically a date. And yes, in order for any relationship — new or otherwise — to grow, quality time is essential.
I don’t just mean on the phone either. My closest female friend? If it’s not a phone call, it’s texting, and if it’s not texting, we are sending each other news links throughout the day, each and every day. However, whenever she comes to my city or I go to hers, the time is just…different. Just being in someone’s physical presence and absorbing their personal energy helps you to connect with them in a very profound way.
So yeah, when it comes to my top reason for why I think that friends should “date each other,” for the sake of mutually spending some much-needed quality time — that comes before all of the rest.
Dating Your Friends Does Wonders for Your Holistic Health and Well-Being
GiphySeveral years ago, TIME published an article entitled, “Why Spending Time with Friends Is One of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Health.” The content in it shared data like socializing with people you care about can lower your stress levels, boost your heart health and even lower your risk of eventually becoming diagnosed with a chronic disease.
Other studies say that spending time with your friends can help to give you a greater sense of purpose; provide the accountability you need to develop/maintain good lifestyle habits; make you feel more confident; reduce your chances of experiencing depression or even having a stroke, and it can increase your longevity overall. In fact, one study cited that “People with no friends or poor-quality friendships are twice as likely to die prematurely” to the point where it’s worse than — get this — smoking 20 cigarettes a day!
What this means to me is, even if you don’t think that you have time to hang out with your friends, you should certainly make it. From all of the research I saw, your physical, mental and emotional health and well-being all depend on it. LITERALLY.
Friends Have Their Own Love Languages Too
GiphyA few years back, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “This Is How To Apply Love Languages To Your Friendships.” I mentioned love languages again in the article, “7 Hacks That'll Make Your Friendships (Even) Better” because that’s how important I think it is to know if your friend’s top way of wanting love expressed to them is quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch (physical touch is affection not sex; that can’t be said enough), acts of service or gifts.
Why? Because no two friendships are the same and when each of your friendships are fluent in each other’s love language, it tends to make communicating and connecting much smoother. For instance, I have a friend who really couldn’t care less about getting a Hallmark card (I like those, though); she is far more moved by when you hear something that she mentioned on a call and you meet the need (like if she said that she’s been too tired to cook and you shoot her a DoorDash gift card) because she’s an acts of service type of gal.
Well, along these same lines, what I have learned is when it comes to planning dates with my friends, it has more of an impact if the date speaks to their love language too. For instance, my quality time friends? It makes no sense to have them be my movie buddy, chile, because they want undivided attention where they can talk and ask lots of questions. Meanwhile, my gifts friends? They don’t care where we go or what we do, so long as I have some type of “thought about you” token in tow. LOL.
Bottom line with this point is, you already get points for asking a friend out on a date. However, you get a bevy of bonus ones whenever you plan a date that centers around their love language. Trust me, I have tested this out.
Remember the Saying: “People Change and Forget to Tell Each Other”
GiphyA quote that I find myself using pretty often with couples is “People change and forget to tell each other.” A playwright by the name of Lillian Hellman once said it. And here’s what’s really insightful about that saying: There are studies which say that we tend to transition so much as individuals that right around every 10 years, there are parts of us that become totally different people. In another article that I read on the same topic, it stated that although our core personality traits tend to remain relatively the same (and I agree with that), “People evolve and change over time...Our interests and approach to the world changes. Our experiences change who we are, and how we internalize and interpret the world around us.”
This is why I’m personally not big on when people are like, “I can go months without talking to my closest friends and we can just pick up where we left off; that’s how close we are.” Chile, even plants need to be watered a few times a week and if you aren’t intentional about nurturing your friendships, emotional distance really can form.
Before long, usually without even noticing it, you realize that you’ve grown apart on some levels and what’s really holding you together is nostalgia not a true connection (and yes, there is a difference). One of my friends, we hung out for the first time in about a year (because her plate is currently beyond full) and we definitely had a few, “Oh, you don’t do like that anymore?” and “Oh, when did you decide to think that way?” moments.
It’s because — just think about it: If it is indeed true that we make a whopping 35,000 different decisions on a daily basis…12 months of that? Yes, some of those choices are going to be impactful enough to alter us and when we’re different, our relationships end up shifting on some level too.
Dating your friends helps you both to keep up with the subtle and not-so-subtle changes, so that your relationship can adapt to them. This one right here can’t be emphasized enough.
You Don’t Always HAVE Time. You’ve Got to MAKE It.
GiphyLet me circle back to something that I said earlier, just to really bring the point of this entire piece home. I think it’s hilarious that when it comes to dating, a lot of women will be quick to be on some, “If he wanted to, he would” — oh, but when it comes to making time for friends, many will go into how busy their schedules are. Sis, the same point actually applies: What is a priority to you, you will figure out…one way or another. And when you see all of the reasons why hanging out with your friends is good for you, them and the relationship overall — why would you not want to prioritize “in your face” time with them?
The problem is that a lot of us try to “cram people into” our lives when, what we need to do is, discipline ourselves enough to actually schedule them into our world. So, at the top of each month, as you’re figuring out what those four weeks are going to look like, shoot your schedule over to a friend or two to see when they can meet up for some type of date. Once it’s on the calendar, I promise you that it won’t feel so stressful; in fact, it will be something that you can look forward to.
You and your friend can go on a date and it will be all good — start to finish. Talk about a pick-me-up that’s always worth it. It never misses. Ever.
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