

Like millions of black women around the world, I've struggled with managing fibroids. And after successfully changing my diet and eliminating stress triggers, I had to make the tough decision to go under the knife for a myomectomy.
Five days out of surgery and 41 days into recovery, I was relieved but quite depressed and miserable.
I did a lot of thinking and soul-searching in that short period of time, reflecting on major moments from the past three years of my life: running a successful consultancy, living in Jamaica for 30 days, traveling to Ghana with a client, losing two jobs--and my sanity--and meeting the love of my life.
Related: How I Healed My Uterine Fibroids The Holistic Way
Add to that the recent removal of nine tumors from my womb and a C-section-like scar without the baby to show for it, and you've got a nice Netflix rom-com on your hands.
I was hell-bent on using the time of bedrest and healing constructively, so, in an effort to cut the whining, loathing and feelings of utter inconvenient annoyance, I offer the following tips for at least slaying those feelings with a bit of delusion and positive thinking. Oh, and these ain't your Granny's get-well tips:
Replace thoughts of fear, disfigurement and further complications with Netflix binging, meditation and gratitude.
Getty Images
I've never, in my life, had to have any sort of surgery or be admitted into a hospital. Since fibroids crashed my 35th birthday, I've had two blood transfusions, two lengthy stays in the surgery prep area, two life-threatening visits to the ER, several panic attacks, and one too many days in the hospital for surgery and observation—all within a year.
I really don't do well with being sick and dealing with doctors and their medical possibilities. The whole idea of having a scar across my pelvic area, possibly having scar tissue, possibly having new tumors grow back, and possibly not being able to have a vaginal birth (if I am even able to possibly have a kid) has invited anxiety and depression to bang on my door.
To totally rebuke the nasty, utterly terrifying thoughts going through my head, I turned to prayer (thanks to my awesome sister who actually believes in the concept of "prayer warriors" and is fervent in consistently praying with and for me), Netflix series (gotta love a little Maisel and some thrilling crime docs), and my faith that God is in control. These trumped any doomful possibility any day.
Ignore the “Oh yeah, So-and-So went through the same thing back in ’83. You’ll be alright.”
Getty Images
I guess people who lack self-awareness don't see how annoying and a tad dismissive it is to immediately compare your hurt to someone else's.
I heal how I feel.
It's great to be able to relate to other women who've had the same or a similar procedure, but those who have never been through a myomectomy or any sort of surgery may have their self-awareness or sensitivity dials turned down to zero. They'll downplay your pain, question why you have to be out from work for so long, scrutinize you turning down that cheeseburger and fries while recovering, or ask intrusive questions about things that have nothing to do with ensuring your well-being or post-surgical peace. Earphones, selective hearing, and closing my eyes to fake sleep were my best friends in these cases. Get you some.
Surround yourself with elements or things that will make you smile.
Getty Images
After being in the hospital, I felt totally yucky. I'm a super-germaphobe, and I hated wearing that gown. (I could have brought pajamas for my stay, but did you miss the part about me being a germaphobe? I wanted nothing more than the sweats I came there wearing to be in contact with anything from the hospital.)
Pre-surgery, you can't use deodorant, lotions, or perfumes, so, again, I felt disgusting.
After I got home and was finally able to take a real shower, I put on my favorite lotion (along with sesame and coconut oil for my very dry skin after multiple wipes with that God-awful antibacterial liquid they put on you to prep for surgery.) I love Palmer's Moisturizing Body Oil and Bath & Body Works' Shea Butter lotion in Sweet Pea.
(Of course, I also made sure to follow doctor's orders in terms of cleaning my new birthmark—I mean, scar–with nothing but soap and water, patting it dry, and letting none of my good-smelling lotions or oils near it. Today, I still use the oil along with pure African shea butter on my scar, which has worked nicely. My doc--a black medical-industry phenom in her own right --did an amazing job making a clean and neat five-inch incision that will one day become a faint memory.)
My aunt brought me balloons (which I love, even at the ripe age of 36), and my grandmother kept flowers in my room.
When you get the strength, make use of your favorite Plug-in or vaporizer scent, wear a bright-colored scarf to keep your hair under wraps, or play your favorite music. Create a happy atmosphere.
Cliche? Yes, but go ahead and catch up on learning something new.
Getty Images
It took me hours to even figure out how to change the look and font for a new blog I started, but I did it. Oh, and those Netflix docs: I learned how gullible, gluttonous and wicked people could be via the Fyre Fest docs, how complex the whole issue of legalizing marijuana is via a California community that's apparently a hilly, murderous haven of marijuana farmers via Murder Mountain, and how to say hello and thank you in Russian via the Red Queen.
Seriously, take a few free courses, learn more about recovery methods and healthcare options for reproductive health, challenge yourself to daily writing exercises, or play a new game. Maybe knitting wasn't your thing before you had to go under the knife, but that crochet bikini or dress might look damn good on your next vacation!
Embrace visits from people who maybe thought you’d died and want to be sure you hadn’t.
Getty Images
OK, I'm being dramatic but it is refreshing to reconnect with family members you haven't spoken to in a while over stories about fertility, hospital stays and the best pain meds to take. I was truly blessed by it and was able to do something I'd been putting off doing for years: reconnecting with folk. Sometimes it takes a difficult situation to do that, but just thank God for the opportunity.
Enjoy the conversation and take in the love in whatever form it comes.
Dealing with fibroids can be one huge annoyance at best and an expensive health disaster at worst. but you can overcome and thrive through it all. Take it from me. I now smile and wink at the scar that serves as a reminder that I've joined millions of other badass women who survive and slay.
Related Stories:
How I Healed My Uterine Fibroids The Holistic Way - Read More
3-Step Guide To Self-Healing - Read More
Healing: What Two Weeks In A Psychiatric Hospital Taught Me - Read More
I Tried Energy Healing & It Transformed My Life - Read More
- How I Used Holistic Methods To Heal My Uterine Fibroids - xoNecole ›
- Healing Diet Changes For Fibroids - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- da Vinci Surgery l Minimally Invasive Fibroid Removal ›
- 7 Myomectomy myths debunked | MDedge ObGyn ›
- Myomectomy - Better Health Channel ›
- Laparoscopic Myomectomy for Fibroid Removal | CIGC ›
- Abdominal Myomectomy: What to Expect at Home ›
- Myomectomy: Procedure, Types, Recovery, Fertility, and More ›
- Fibroids Surgery: Myomectomy, Hysterectomy Open Surgery ›
- Myomectomy | Conditions & Treatments | UCSF Medical Center ›
- 5 Types of Uterine Fibroid Surgery Explained - Fibroids Removal ›
- Myomectomy - Mayo Clinic ›
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
Be Careful. Those Casual Friendships Can Be Red Flags Too.
A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to someone vent about an area of frustration that they couldn’t seem to get to the root of — why they keep getting taken advantage of by certain individuals. When you’ve been a life coach for as long as I have (and you were a journalist before that), you learn how to ask certain questions that can cause people to consider things that they may never have before.
So, when I asked her, “What is the common thread with all of those folks? And sit still for two minutes before answering,” when she finally heard her own self speak, her eyes got wide and her mouth dropped open: “They’re all people who I’m not really sure what they are in my life.”
Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
There’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
A couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
I’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock