
Then & Now: 10 Black Women Making History, And The Queens Who Paved The Way

When we think about history, oftentimes it brings to mind olden times, ancestral boss moves, or back-in-the-day memories. And that's all good. I mean, you really can't know where you're going until you know where you've been. As Women's History Month continues, it's also good to remember the new-school pioneers who are making an impact today, while still paying homage to those who laid the groundwork for them to even do so.
Here are 10 black women making history—along with the 10 queens who paved the way:
Then: Maya Angelou
Auntie Maya Angelou is a fav among any literature lover, and if you don't have at least one of her best-selling books in your collection, can you truly call yourself an avid reader? Nah, sis. Angelou wrote more than 35 books and hundreds of poems in five decades, expanding the stories of the Black female experience around the world. She was a multi-hyphenate phenom, serving as a professor of American studies at Wakeforest Univesity, a TV and film producer, a playwright, an actress, and a singer. She's recited her works at former U.S. president Bill Clinton's inauguration, for the United Nation's 50th anniversary, and in honor of former South African president Nelson Mandela. (That elegy was commissioned by the U.S. State Department. Talk about a big deal!) In 2011, Obama honored her with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
Now: Amanda Gorman
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Amanda Gorman wowed us all when she recited her poetry at the 2021 inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris, making history as the youngest poet ever to get such an honor. She's also serving as our nation's first Youth Poet Laureate, so she's the official poet of the U.S. She's performed for the likes of other political and entertainment who's who including Hillary Clinton, Lin-Manuel Miranda (creator of "Hamilton"), Al Gore, and Malala Yousafzai (Nobel Prize laurete and activist). She's had poems commissioned by "CBS in the Morning" and has been in front of audiences at prestigious venues including the Library of Congress and Lincoln Center.
Then: Mae Jemison
It's no secret that Black women have contributed significantly in the area of science. (Hidden Figures, anyone?) Mae Jemison, an engineer, physician, and NASA astronaut, set her mark in history when she became the first Black woman to be admitted into NASA's astronaut training program and later explore space in 1992. (Yep, it took that long.) She served as a science mission specialist, conducting groundbreaking crew-related experiments. She's also been a member of the American Medical Association, the American Chemical Society, and the American Association for the Advancement of Science.
Now: Jeanette Epps
Jeanette Epps holds a doctorate degree in aerospace engineering and worked in technical intelligence for the CIA before becoming the first Black woman to join an International Space Station (ISS) crew for a long-term mission last year. This woman is bad, OK! She'll start a six-month trek into space this year, her first ever, giving all of us---especially those of us who are science and solar system geeks---major life and inspiring women and girls around the world to continue to dream beyond Earth's limits.
Then: Ella Fitzgerald
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The first Grammy Awards took place in 1958. (Wow, can you believe that?) Ella Fitzgerald, a native of Newport News, Va., was the jazz singer of the time, touring with the likes of Dizzy Gillespie (the original "Ambassador of Jazz" and the king of bebop). She was famous for popularizing the music and taking it pop, selling out theaters and concert centers, appearing in TV commercials for major brands, and slaying stages as a plus-sized singer way before Lizzo, Jill Scott, or Jennifer Holliday hit the scene. She sold more than 30 million records in her lifetime. Fitzgerald also made history as the first female to win multiple Grammy awards and would take home more than a dozen by the end of her career.
Now: Beyonce
Beyonce was all over headlines when she took home her 28th Grammy on March 14, breaking the record for the most awards of the kind won by a woman and any singer—male or female. But this isn't the first time she's blown the whole industry out of the water. In 2016, her visual album Lemonade debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard charts after just one week, marking the sixth time her solo works had done so. Queen Bey also held the record for highest-selling album on iTunes and been the highest-paid Black artist of all time.
Then: Lisa Leslie
In college, this basketball star led the University of Southern California in a record four consecutive NCAA tournament appearances. By the time she ended her career in WNBA, Lisa Leslie led the Los Angeles Sparks to two Finals, been named an MVP, and become an eight-time first team All-WNBA player, four-time second team All-WNBA, seven-time WNBA All-Star, and two-time WNBA Defensive Player of the Year. She's also won four Olympic Gold medals. Whew, chile! Who said women can't ball? She continues to rally women around sports with her more than 260,000 followers on IG, and she's served as a leading coach for the Big3, a pro 3-on-3 league of basketball legends founded by Ice Cube.
Now: Allisha Gray
As a college student, Allisha Gray played ball for the North Carolina Tarheels and the South Carolina Gamecocks, and during that time, she excelled, becoming 2nd on the team in double-figures scoring games, a key player in the NCAA Final Four All-Tournament, and a leader in the Gamecocks' NCAA championship win. She left college to join the draft and was selected by the Dallas Wings in 2017. She was also selected as Rookie of the Year, ranked first among rookies in points scored per game, and took home Nickelodeon's Kid's Choice Sports Award for Favorite Newcomer in 2018. Today, the 26-year-old is among the younger players making lists of top promising 2021 WNBA players. Her usage rate and efficiency on the court make her one amazing player to look out for in the coming seasons.
Then: Shirley Chisholm
"Unbought and unbossed" was the mantra Shirley Chisholm made famous, and her run for the U.S. presidency in 1972 made her the first woman and African-American to seek the nomination from a major political party. Before that, she was a pioneer in her role as the first African-American woman in Congress in 1968 (again, it took that long?) and held that seat for 14 years, introducing more than 50 pieces of legislation and advocating for racial and gender equality. Though she did not win the nomination for the Democratic Party's presidential candidate in '72, her journey opened doors for taking the possibility of a woman on a major ticket seriously. She'd later teach at Mount Holyoke College, co-found the National Political Congress of Black Women, and be offered the role of U.S. Ambassador to Jamaica.
Now: Vice President Kamala Harris
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Last year, Kamala Harris made history as the first woman of color to become vice president of the United States. She previously served as San Francisco's district attorney--another first in the realm of gender and race--- and then became California's attorney general, before advancing on to become a U.S. senator.
Today, she has been part of the leadership team to swiftly execute impactful efforts including the finalization and execution of the American Rescue Plan that includes additional stimulus funds, expansion of a national COVID-19 vaccination process, extension of housing and unemployment relief and benefits, and the increase in resources for small businesses, particularly minority-owned. So far, so good, sis!
Then: Judith Jamison
Her powerful solos in some of Alvin Ailey's greatest works have etched her a space among the most prolific dancers of all time---Black or otherwise. Judith Jamison joined the troupe in 1965 and became an international star, dancing in and creating unforgettable shows all over the world in the 1970s and '80s. She's also starred in the hit Broadway musical Sophisticated Ladies, and launched her own successful dance company, The Jamison Project. She would later take leadership of the American Dance Theater in 1989 as artistic director, bringing the company to new heights including a 50-city global tour for its 50th anniversary and two historic performances in South Africa. She's a top choice among everyday dance lovers and the art patron elite. Black Girls Rock! paid tribute to her in 2018, the Obama administration honored her through the White House Dance Series in 2010, and her autobiography was even edited by former U.S. first lady, Jacqueline "Jackie O" Kennedy Onassis.
Now: Amanda Morgan
Amanda Morgan holds her own as the only Black female dancer with the Pacific Northwest Ballet (PNB) corps, one of the largest, most prestigious ballet companies in the U.S. She's held leading roles in some of their most popular performances, and has toured across the globe. She's also founder of The Seattle Project, an interdisciplinary artists' collective that provides a space for community-accessible work, in 2019. When the Black Lives Matter movement kicked off after the death of George Floyd, she used her platform to speak out against racism and advocate for inclusivity—particularly in the ballet world—and has rallied to fight police brutality. She continues activism and community work serving as a mentor for a program that connects PNB School students with seasoned dancers and a leading voice for podcasts and articles on social justice.
Then: Lisa Price
Lisa Price's another OG in the game, but this time it's all about boss moves in haircare. She started Carol's Daughter out of her Brooklyn, N.Y. home in the early '90s—well before the beauty supply shelves were saturated with natural haircare products—and got the likes of Mary J. Blige, Jay-Z, and Jada Pinkett Smith to endorse her line of shampoos, conditioners, and creams. She even reaped the benefits of the "Oprah Effect" when she made an appearance on Winfrey's show and saw the demand for her products instantly skyrocket. Before you knew it, they'd take over the shelves of big-box stores like Walmart and Target and major kiosks at malls around the world. In 2014, when her company was said to be worth more than $25 million, global powerhouse L'Oreal acquired it for an undisclosed—but we're sure quite enormous and well-worth-it—amount.
Now: Courtney Adeleye
Courtney Adeleye is another self-made multi-millionaire who built her hair and bodycare empire, The Mane Choice, from the ground up. In 2013, the medically trained entrepreneur used her knowledge as a registered nurse to create a line of products that cater to all sorts of issues from hair growth to scalp dryness. She made the first products from her kitchen, built up demand, and expanded her brand presence to attract more than 350,000 followers on IG, launches in Target, Walmart and Sally Beauty and millions of dollars in sales. She's been a true rider in supporting female entrepreneurs and advocating for small businesses, so it's no surprise that her next big transition, an acquisition by MAV Beauty Brands that puts ownership of the company in corporate hands, comes at the heels of a partnership that opens funding doors for other women to the tune of $30 million.
Then: Whoopi Goldberg
Her career in Hollywood spans across decades and genres, and there's no doubt that she's a legend in the game who continues to keep the bar high. She was first introduced to the world as a stand-up comic, and in 1983, she starred in a one-woman Broadway production called The Spook Show and won a Grammy for the recording of that performance, renamed Whoopi Goldberg: Direct from Broadway, in 1985. Her landmark role as Celie in The Color Purple would win her an Oscar nomination in 1986, and another as Oda Mae Brown in Ghost would land her a win. She later hosted the highly-rated awards show, becoming only the second actual winner to do so and the first solo Black woman to get the spot. She's also one of few entertainers---and among only two who are Black—to have won all four of the major entertainment honors: a Tony, Oscar, Emmy and Grammy.
Now: Tiffany Haddish
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This "She Ready" comedian has gone from playing local Los Angeles spots to starring in hit TV shows and films including Real Husbands of Hollywood, Girls Trip, The Carmichael Show, Like a Boss, and The Last O.G.Tiffany Haddish has been a spokesperson for brands including Groupon, made Time's cover as one of its "100 Most Influential People in the World" in 2018, and made history the year before by becoming the first African-American female stand-up comedian to host an episode of Saturday Night Live. (She earned an Emmy Award for that gig as well.) Recently, she made history again as only the second black woman to win a Grammy for Best Comedy Album, for Black Mitzvah. We all ready, Tiff!
Then: Dolores Shockley, Ph.D.
Dr. Dolores Shockley became the first Black woman to earn a doctorate from the School of Pharmacy and Pharmaceutical Sciences at Purdue University in 1955, also making her the first in the nation. After earning her Ph.D., she was awarded the Fulbright Fellowship and worked in Denmark at the Pharmacology Institute in Copenhagen from 1955 to 1957. Her key research focused on studying the effects of chemical pollutants on the brain and recognizing pharmacological agents that interact with addictive drugs such as cocaine as to find solutions for recovery. In the '60s, she'd become a professor at Meharry Medical College, a top historically Black medical school that has graduated some of the most successful doctors in the U.S. She later advanced to chair of pharmacology at Meharry, becoming the first Black woman to hold the post, and she would remain at the university for more than 25 years.
Now: Kizzmekia Corbett, Ph.D.
Dr. Kizzmekia Corbett is one of the leading scientists from the National Institutes of Health who has been behind the search for the COVID-19 vaccine. She's been on the frontlines and has been lauded by the top U.S. immunologist leading national pandemic response efforts, Dr. Anthony Fauci, as a key member of the team making history. They've been working with Moderna, the pharmaceutical company that developed one of the two mRNA vaccines that is reportedly more than 90 percent effective. It's already received emergency use authorization from the FDA. Corbett is also spending her time volunteering to raise awareness and dispel myths about the vaccine. Sis has more than a decade of expertise studying dengue, respiratory syncytial virus, influenza, and coronaviruses, and we're more than here for it!
Then: Effie Lee Morris
Effie Lee Morris was a children's librarian, activist, and pioneer in advocating for library services for minorities and the visually-impaired. After beginning her career as a public librarian at the Cleveland Public Library in 1946, she worked for the Philadelphia Public Library before moving to New York for a position at the American Library Association. She also worked for the New York Library for the Blind and served as the first female chairperson of the Library of Congress. Her career would span from multiple posts in San Francisco, and while there, she established a research collection of out-of-print children's books that showcase the diverse depictions of ethnic and culturally diverse groups throughout time. By 1971, she'd became the first African-American president of the Public Library Association. In 1978, she became an editor of children's books, and she was honored in 2009 by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who called her "a visionary" in literacy and education advocacy.
Now: Marley Dias
Marley Dias sparked a viral book donation campaign hashtag 1000BlackGirlBooks back in 2015, and she was only 11, reaching her goal and then some. (More than 12,000 books have been collected to date.) Dias wanted to make books with Black girls as the main characters more readily available to her peers, after becoming frustrated with the options in her own reading journey. She decided to create the change she wanted to see. Her efforts landed her on the Forbes "30 Under 30" list and a Smithsonian Magazine American Ingenuity Award. She'd later pen a book of her own called, Marley Dias Gets It Done: And So Can You!, and continues to advocate not only for youth literacy, but for representation that gives all African-American youth and teens a chance to see themselves in stories that change the world.
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Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
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Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Once upon a time, I knew a married couple who told me that they wouldn’t even discuss with each other who they found to be attractive on television because, in their minds, that was a form of cheating. They’re divorced now, and although there are a series of reasons why, it was always strange to me that things were so restrictive within their relationship that they couldn’t even share a fleeting thought about how someone looked.
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
Whenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
As I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
It’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
During the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
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Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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