We all know Issa Rae has been the queen of Black girl magic, making "awkward" sexy and bankable in Hollywood and changing the narrative of what Black women look, sound, and act like in mainstream media. (We'll never forget that infamous red-carpet moment when "rooting for everybody Black" became the wave.) So it's no surprise that she lent her voice to a much-needed International Women's Day conversation about Black women in the workplace on one of the most pivotal social media platforms for professionals and entrepreneurs: LinkedIn.
It's also no surprise that Black women face added pressures and challenges in corporate America that have only worsened with COVID-19. New LinkedIn research has found that 1 in 4 Black women (26 percent) feel they may face retaliation for speaking up about racial justice issues or topics around diversity, equity and inclusion in the workplace, and 37 percent feel their workplace "talks a lot about creating a more diverse workplace, but doesn't make any material changes to policies or culture to make it happen."
Image via Giphy
Issa joined an in-depth conversation with Betty Liu, executive vice chairman of the New York Stock Exchange, and LinkedIn news editor-at-large Caroline Fairchild as part of the platform's Conversations for Change series, and y'all know she dropped some keep-it-real jewels that are super-relevant today more than ever.
Check out what Issa had to say about how white allies should really go about putting action behind words, being the only Black woman in the room, and handling issues of race and inclusivity with her own team:
On leading conversations with her team about racial injustice:
"I had team members that came up to me and wanted us as a company to do something, and they inspired me like, yes we are in the spotlight, we should be facilitating conversations and facilitating action. For me it came down to that. We had had so many conversations, and so many conversations were happening just even within the media, and the frustration and despair that I felt was like, is anything going to change this time? And so to know that we were in a position to at least direct and guide people to organizations that were making that change, to actively go out there and make our voices heard just really united us as a company.
"And you know, not everybody in our company is Black, so to educate some people and to again facilitate these conversations so that no one was judged for their ignorance was really important to us. So, that really united us in a way that I'll carry with me for a long time, and will continue to be active about those conversations and the intentions behind some of our projects and initiatives."
Image via Giphy
Issa on finding community as the only Black professional in the room:
"You can't always wait to be approached. Because that was my issue, of just like, 'Well nobody even tried so why should I try?' And now I've made assumptions about you, based off of what you haven't done. So, I think what I've learned is I have to at least extend myself in a way before I make a judgement. And then, if I extend myself and then recognize that there's no one there to receive me, then I can find a community.
"But for me, it comes down to finding a community of people who understand and relate, and I understand that that can be hard within your work environment, but extending outside of your work environment and finding other people and establishing a community there to bounce thoughts and ideas and solutions off of is so, so important."
On talking to white colleagues about the real meaning of allyship:
"A lot of my white colleagues have come up to me just to discuss what they could do, and, you know, I'm always open - some of us can get frustrated, any minority, when you're just like I feel like I have to learn so much about your culture and you, and I don't necessarily ask you questions, I do the research. And so for me it's like, I hope you do the research before you come to me, because I'm exhausted. I don't want to spend time like going down the line of everything that's wrong, I think you have to do the reading and the research on your own. I'm gonna be an open vessel, I'm gonna be patient, but just know that up front. And so to receive those texts constantly about, 'What can I do? How can I help?' I'm like, 'I hope you research this first.'
"There are so many, so many conversations where you can just find out, but for the most part, I have just been like this is where you can take action, this is where you can donate money, and kind of giving a 'frequently asked questions' checklist to colleagues. I've even found that forums, even with LinkedIn, I'm sure you guys are very much aware of how much of a forum that became post- these protests, and people just want a place to express themselves and to learn, and the more accessible that is, the more progress you'll have."
Image via Giphy
Issa on the importance of the word 'Black':
"It just reaffirmed what I knew and what I felt personally. Just that we didn't have this representation and we didn't have these stories being told about us, and there's a constant encouragement to kind of erase Blackness in an effort to integrate and fit in, and I think what we felt was just like, 'No, I want to be Black and fit in.'
"I want to acknowledge my Blackness while still being able to be acknowledged in society. So that only affirmed like, I want to continue to create these stories where I'm intentionally highlighting the Black experience, or one of many Black experiences, and that continues to be my priority."
For the full talk with Issa Rae and more on LinkedIn's Conversations for Change, visit their website.
Featured image by DFree / Shutterstock.com
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Why can’t (more) singles just be single and be okay with that? Good Lord. Why does there need to be some sort of relational play-on-words to make it sound like we’re with someone — even if we’re not?
Now masturdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masturdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masturdating All About?
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Masturdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masturdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masturdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masturdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masturdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masturdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masturdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masturdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masturdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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