Marie Kondo, 34-year-old expert organizer, and creator of the KonMari tidying method is solid proof that not all heroes wear capes. Author of the best-selling book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing and mother of two, Marie proves that sometimes big changes can come in small packages. Collectively, her four books have sold millions of copies and has been published in more than 30 countries. The tiny powerhouse released the Netflix series Tidying Up in January, which has since made her methods viral and even more accessible to those looking to define what's really important in their lives.
Marie's method is simple. If something in your home doesn't spark joy, you should get rid of it, but keep in mind that everything you keep should have a designated place. Marie follows a step-by-by step tidying method that if done correctly, will work every time. First clothes, and then books, papers, miscellaneous things, and finally sentimental items. Since the release of her special, studies report that sales of shredders and organizing supplies have grown dramatically, proving that tidying up isn't just a boring weekend chore, it's a significantly more functional way of life.
I learned about Marie after falling into a five-hour Netflix hole one morning at 5 a.m. and I was instantly captivated. Although it's important to me that I keep my spaces clean, I am in no way a "tidy" person. My living space is a reflection of my mind most times: cluttered, anxious, and overwhelmed. Sometimes it feels better to look at my mess rather than muster the courage to clean it up, but with Marie's help, I've definitely had a shift in paradigm.
For me, I normally have to set out a date, time, and prepare my mind for a day of organizing, but Marie teaches us that tidying up isn't about getting rid of things rather than deciding what's important enough to keep.
The most amazing part about the KonMari method is that it's super relatable. This isn't just for hoarders or cat ladies. Marie's tips can help any and everyone who has ever owned anything, because we're all guilty of hanging on to a shirt we never wear just because we got it on sale.
Using Marie's method, I've leveled up my organization game and even though I can't say I don't have a pair of pants on my bedroom floor as we speak, I can definitely see a change in my lifestyle after employing these concepts. Are you ready to let our girl Marie get your life all the way together? Check out these tips:
Have A Vision or A Goal
Before you start your tidying journey, decide what you want things to look like in the end. To reach your desired end result, it's important that you have a clear idea of what success looks like to you. Marie told Elle Decor:
"If you have a clear goal, then the motivation that comes with starting the KonMari Method changes because you have an idea of where you want to be and what you want to attain at the end of the steps."
Keep Your Boxes
That shoebox that you don't have a practical use for but haven't thrown away? Use it for your panties. That tampon box that's almost empty? Save it and store something you don't have a place for. Stop rushing to Walmart to get bins and containers every time you tidy up. Next time, make use of some of those empty Amazon boxes instead. If you're still not digging that idea, Marie Kondo has her own line of Hikidashi boxes that you can use to organize to your heart's delight.
Take Inventory of What Truly Sparks Joy
In her Netflix special, Marie normally starts the process by asking the client to gather all of their clothes and shoes (yes, ALL of them) and put them on the bed. At that point, you should go through each item of clothing and every pair of shoes and decide what sparks joy. If it doesn't make you feel good, let it go, sis. By doing this, you have the opportunity to identify what you have and what you need. After doing this exercise, you may find that you don't need that new pair of jeans as badly as you thought you did.
Store Things Vertically
This has to be my favorite tidying hack! By folding your clothes and placing them vertically instead of piling them, your drawer will look and stay a lot neater. This way, instead of digging through your wardrobe every morning for the right top, you can easily see and choose what you want without making a huge mess. I personally swear by this tip because it's helped keep my space neater for much longer periods of time. Every time I look at a freshly folded drawer, I think to myself, "Damn girl, you did that!"
Everything Has A Home
Say "goodbye" to miscellaneous boxes and junky drawers with this amazing organizing tip. So you've decided what sparks joy, now where do you put it? Marie has a remedy for your nail files and single-socks that cramp your style every time you think you finally have a clean house. Everything in your house should have a home, even the miscellaneous things. Maybe your tweezers go in your medicine cabinet and you store your hairpins in that old tampon box.
Whatever your method is, make sure you identify a home for everything in your house and make sure everything stays in its place. This way, your space will never feel cluttered or messy.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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That’s why, when one couple came to me and asked what was something that they could do to light the fire (pun intended) in their own bedroom, the first thing that I asked was if they had ever tried wax play before. You should’ve seen the expression on their faces. LOL.
When it comes to things like that, I think that it’s still taboo for some, simply because they’ve only seen it on a movie screen or heard about it in true extreme sexual contexts — and so, they don’t think that it’s something that is “for them” when, the reality is, with the right tips in tow, wax play can be for pretty much anyone…and everyone.
So today, let’s add something new to some of y’all’s boudoir list of activities. Here are 10 things that will, hopefully, help you to see the flames of wax play (I’ve got puns all over the place today) in a whole new light.
1. Anticipation Does Wonders for Sexual Arousal
GiphyI once read an article by a mental health expert who said that anticipation is probably the greatest aphrodisiac of all. It builds excitement. It fuels curiosity. At the end of the day, it’s like a mental form of edging because you’re getting close to something that you look forward to — although you’re not quite there yet. Listen, he’s not off base because even science says that anticipation can give you a dopamine hit that can ultimately improve your sexual experiences.
Keeping this point in mind, how can watching hot wax drip from a candle and head toward your body not fuel some level of anticipation? Especially if it’s your first few times trying it? A woman by the name of Ana Monnar once said, “Anticipation is sometimes more exciting than actual events.” Just something to consider, when it comes to entertaining bringing wax play into your world, my dear.
2. Wax Play Is Peak-Level Foreplay
GiphyWe all know what foreplay is, right? Just to be sure that we’re all on the same page, a very basic definition is it’s something that typically happens right before sex in order to arouse the people who are about to have it. And since foreplay is pretty much the prelude to copulation, it’s important that “the appetizer” is damn near as good as the “main course.” Wax play can help to ensure that because, aside from what I just said about anticipation, it can also help you and your partner tap into your more sensual and seductive sides. It’s hot. It requires being mindful. And since so much give and take is involved, it requires both people to be very into the moment. Lawd. Wax play is sexy to even just think about!
3. Temperature Pleasure Is Lots of Fun
GiphyOkay, say that you’ve never played with wax (in this way) before. Have you ever incorporated ice cubes? I ain’t gonna let y’all get ALL up in my business, so…let me just say (for now) that some ice during oral sex ain’t neva hurt nobody…quite the contrary! There’s something about the unexpected cool that mixes around with the warmth of a mouth that is truly unmatched. Along these same lines, wax play brings in the heat and, what makes temperature pleasure/play so awesome is, that it uses the sensations of different temperatures to bring out different forms of stimulation.
Another thing that’s worth noting about temperature pleasure is if you’re someone who considers yourself to be on the sexually conservative side yet you do like this type of activity, whether you realize it or not, you’re low-key participating in a form of kink (yep!). This brings me to my next point.
4. Wax Play Is an Introduction to Kink
GiphyIt’s kind of interesting how some people clam up at the thought of a (sexual) kink when the reality is, at the end of the day, it’s about having a certain type of sexual experience (as opposed to a fetish that focuses on objects or body parts; like a foot fetish, for example). So, if it’s that simple, why does it intimidate a lot of folks? Well, kinks tend to delve into people’s fantasies or unconventional ways of thinking (like BDSM or voyeurism).
At the same time, the cool thing about kinks is you control how deep you want to go. Just know that if you do participate in wax play, there’s no point in turning up your nose to the whole kink thing; wax play technically qualifies.
5. Soy Does One Thing. Paraffin Does Another.
GiphyOkay, so let’s spend a couple of moments talking about the things that you need to get the most out of your wax play experience. First, please don’t be out here imitating movies. While they will have you believing that you should pull a taper candle from your dining room table and go ham with it, it’s best to go with massage candles; they are specifically designed for wax play and body massages (The Knot has a recommendation list here and Women’s Health has a list of their own here).
When it comes to candles, in general, I’m always a fan of soy because they burn cleaner and last longer. However, when it comes to wax play, two other reasons why soy is best is it’s natural and “burns lower;” this simply means that once the wax hits your body, it won’t be as hot as, say, paraffin wax will (because it has a higher burning point).
What all of this means is if you want a more comfortable experience, go with a soy (or even a shea butter or beeswax) candle. If you want to play with the big (wax play) kids, try paraffin.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if you can never use “regular” candles — I mean, it’s your body. All I’m saying is some candles are designed for wax play; birthday candles? They are not. Feel me?
6. Massage Candles Feel Incredible on Your Muscles and Joints
GiphySo, here’s the thing about massage candles: If you’ve ever had a professional massage before, your massage therapist may have used them. And if you’ve gotten a high-end mani/pedi, some paraffin wax may have come into play (no pun intended). That’s because the wax from both types of candles has health benefits that include relaxing muscles, improving joint mobility, and increasing blood flow throughout the body. And when you factor in the fact that the better you physically feel before sex, the better sex will be during it — isn’t that just one more plus for and perk of wax play? I definitely think so.
7. The Aromatherapy Is Incomparable
GiphySomething else that’s awesome about most massage candles is they have a wonderfully alluring scent to them, by design. Yes, that matters too because there is plenty of data out here to support the fact that aromatherapy does everything from reduce stress and relieve bodily discomfort to treat headaches and fight off infections (word on the street is that it may even help with menstrual cramps and menopause).
As far as your sex life goes, aromatherapy is supreme because certain essential oils double up as aphrodisiacs. Lavender, neroli, and rose are proven to improve your sexual function. Geranium reduces anxiety. And listen, if climaxing is your ultimate goal, check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm” and then look for massage oils that smell like, say, vanilla, saffron or jasmine. Bottom line, a good massage candle that smells amazing is going to be worth every cent that you spent to purchase it.
8. You Will Learn Communication (and Dirty Talk) on a Whole ‘Nother Level
GiphyOne of the reasons why I once penned, “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” for the platform is because, if there’s one thing that I think is so awesome about sex, is it finds a way to incorporate all five of your senses (sight, touch, taste, sound and hearing) as well as your top love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and gifts — if you’re open to it).
And when it comes to hearing (and words of affirmation), this is another area where wax play can be a winner because, as you’re learning what works for your partner and they learn what works for you, words have to be exchanged… perhaps even dirty ones.
And why is dirty talk so damn effective? According to scientific research, it has the ability to activate your entire brain (the biggest sex organ that you have) and when this is going on while you’re being physically stimulated — chile, the sky truly is the limit!
9. Wax Play Is Completely Customizable
GiphyYou know back when I was talking about soy candles vs. paraffin ones? Something that I didn’t mention, by design at the time, is that, although I will forever be Team Massage Candles when it comes to this particular topic, there are some known as wax play candles too. What’s the difference? Wax play candles tend to remain pretty hard (after being lit up) while massage candles are designed to melt into a liquid that you can massage on your partner’s body.
Why am I bringing this all up now? Well, it’s to serve as a reminder that wax play can be “dialed up” or “turned down” based on what you want to do. If you just want to put a twist on a massage, you can do that. If you’d like to test your partner’s tolerance level by applying more heat for longer, do that.
Just make sure that you use the kind of wax that doesn’t fully melt on shaved areas of the body (pretty sure why is self-explanatory), that you moisturize your skin beforehand (it’s easier to remove the wax…or whatever is leftover) that way and that you pour around 15-20 inches away from your partner’s body; that gives it time to cool somewhat on the way down. Oh, and if you don’t want to jack up your sheets, you might want to lay down a protective drop cloth (like this one here).
10. It Sure As Hell Ain’t Boring
Season 1 Friends GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyLast point — and it brings all of this full circle. Now that you’ve read all of the ways that wax play can benefit your sex life, how in the world could you associate it with “boring” on any level? Anything that can get you hype, cultivate eagerness, and enhance what you’ve already got going on…that is worth putting on your sex bucket list and trying at least one time, wouldn’t you say? And why can’t that time be…TONIGHT? Shoot your man a pick of a massage candle with a heart and watch him beat you home.
Then report back (with edits…LOL).
Something tells me that you’ll become a wax play fan — SOON.
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