Pulling up in a lime green Jeep Wrangler Rubicon, Fhonia Ellis, all of 5'7", jumps out of the driver's side. She walks around to the back seat of the passenger side and pulls out a pair of white boots and slips them over black distressed jeans paired with a white "Queens Get SHIT Done" tee. She doesn't even curse— much.
"She Has Incredible Tenacity," she explains. "It's my t-shirt line. It's inspired by powerful women that I encounter and I'm inspired by every day. All of the shirts are centered around empowerment, freedom, and confidence."
I offer my help as she pulls out a garment bag, and I'm instructed to carry what I later find out is her sewing kit as we make our way inside a beautiful white bungalow-style home with black trim. Downstairs it's tastefully decorated with modern furniture— chic, but cozy. We clomp up wooden stairs that lead to a den and through a door that opens to a massive closet that would please even Carrie Bradshaw. Ellis drops off her kit and warmly greets her client, Dr. Jarrett ("Doc"), like an old friend.
"Some people when they get to a certain level you would think they'd move on," Doc says. "But she's very down to earth."
Ellis certainly has a roster to boast about. Her list of tailoring clientele includes the likes of Diddy, Missy Elliott, Cardi B, and Marsai Martin, just to name a few. An impressive Rolodex considering that she's only in her third year of full-time self-employment.
But not all success stories sing the same tune. Some start off in a low hum that, with each and every obstacle overcome, grows into a steady crescendo. For grit always comes before glory, and Ellis' story is one with a promising ending.
Becoming a Designer
Growing up Ellis didn't have visions of grandeur as a tailor. "I used to say in high school all the time, I'm going to be a designer," she says. "I didn't even know what a designer was, but I just knew that that's who I was going to be."
A first-generation designer and tailor, Ellis picked up a needle and thread at the age of 15, at first to add some flavor to her "Mom" jeans, which she'd cut up and cut out to reflect her unique style. As her passion for fashion evolved, so did her skill sets. Inspired by the bold and daring details of clothing designers like Betsy Johnson and the late Alexander McQueen, Ellis' own threads never failed to impress. Her custom creations caught the attention of NBA player Derek Anderson, who owned a clothing store and sought Ellis to design a line of jersey dresses for his clientele. "That's how I made money in high school. I was making jersey dresses for people and costumes. I made my prom dress. I would wear all of it."
As word got around town about her hand-stitched designs, the requests started flowing in and her waitlist grew a few months out. But there was one caveat— she didn't know how to use the sewing machine that her stepmom had gifted her. But as she would later learn, there was no problem that she couldn't stitch.
"I called [my friend] and was like, 'Hey, I think my machine is broke.' I didn't want to tell them I didn't know how to sew because at this point everybody thinks I know how to sew on a machine. So I was like, 'Hey girl, I think my needle broke but I don't know how to fix it. Do you think you can come and show me how to fix it?' And she was like, 'Oh girl, don't worry about it. I'll fix it for you.'"
A self-proclaimed visual learner, Ellis watched as her friend threaded the needle and worked the machine, which was all she needed to see to take over the reins. "As soon as she started out, I was like, 'Bingo! I got it.' And I took a Sharpie marker and highlighted it on my sewing machine— the way to thread it like one, two, three, four. Then I started [machine] sewing everything."
As a local socialite, Ellis hit the ground running— showing off her designs to anyone who would pay attention and often hosting pop-up fashion shows at nightclubs and bars around the city. "I always had a mentality of even if you don't let me in the door, you're going to have to see me eventually, and once you see me, you're going to come to me," she says. "You may not give me your money now, but eventually, you are going to want me because I'm going to make myself so marketable that it's going to be hard for you not to want to know who I am."
With a taste of success under her belt, Ellis' dream of being a world-renowned designer could no longer be confined to her small town in Louisville, Kentucky. She had a bigger vision for herself, which required a big move and bigger faith. With her eyes set on New York City, she cold-called the wardrobe department at BET and requested to send over her design portfolio for review. They didn't have opportunities for her at the time, but she kept in contact with the supervisor of the wardrobe department.
Nearly a year later, she landed an unpaid internship in the wardrobe department, which meant moving to a city where she had little money and no friends. "I remember my brother called and he was like, 'You need to figure it out because if you don't get out of here now, you're never going to leave.'"
"I always had a mentality of even if you don't let me in the door, you're going to have to see me eventually, and once you see me, you're going to come to me. You may not give me your money now, but eventually, you are going to want me because I'm going to make myself so marketable that it's going to be hard for you not to want to know who I am."
A Fearless Move
A girl from a small town with big dreams, New York City greeted Ellis with open arms and its infamous struggles. During the day she worked at BET as a fashion assistant, and after leaving work she'd transition to Starbucks to put in a few more hours of work on her designs, taking advantage of their free internet since she didn't have it at home. Eight months in, she felt that she was no longer growing at the media company, and knew soon she'd have to find something else. "It was a good position, but not a great position," she says in an interview with Blog Talk Radio.
Shortly into her time there, she got a call from her brother with devastating news. Her mother— who was battling cancer— wasn't doing well. Reluctantly, Ellis packed up her belongings and moved back to Kentucky. A few months later her mother passed, but not before leaving her a message. "She was like, 'I want you to know something. I want you to know that I'm proud of the woman that you became, not for everything that you've done.' And I know now that she was speaking to my future self, where I am now."
Her mother also predicted who her next celebrity client would be. "My mother used to watch BET Awards and she would be like, 'Oh, you're going to be there one year. My daughter's going to be a designer for Mary Mary.' And when my mother passed away, the next person I designed for was Erica Campbell."
Ellis continued building her design business in Louisville, despite dealing with the grief of losing her mother. During this time she would be a guest on 106 & Park showcasing the 2013 spring and summer collection of Rebirth, her clothing line launched in 2007 that caught the attention of celebrities like Trina and Diamond. She'd also lead sewing classes and host a motivational workshop entitled "The Life You Want To Live." Nearly three years later, she heard a voice nudging her to move again. "God told me that you have to get out of here because somebody's going to try to do something to you because they think that you have more than what you have. So you're going to have to go to a place that I'm going to show you."
With $1,200 to her name, she left home and traveled down the road to Atlanta. With no job lined up, she began visualizing what her next position would look like at the advice of a spiritual advisor. Wanting a break from the designer's life, she desired something without the stress and with more stability. "Literally Macy's came out of nowhere; they didn't even have my resume. [The manager] was like, 'Somebody's watching out for you.' And he hired me."
For the next three years, Ellis worked in visual merchandising while taking on new clients on the side. Though she had the urge to leave and pursue design full-time again, she felt in her spirit that she wasn't ready to take the leap into entrepreneurship due to her history of depression, PTSD and suicidal attempts. "God was basically saying mentally you're not strong enough to handle the highs and lows of entrepreneurship right now," she says. "I knew God was trying to protect my peace, and He was saying that you're not strong enough for the industry. You're still too emotional or very offended with things. You're going to shut down and this will break you."
Thanks to therapy and an invitation to the gym, she was able to start the process of healing. "I just was so tired of my own shit. I was so tired of being depressed and broken. I was like, I've got to try to save my life because if I don't, I'm afraid I'm not going to have one. The gym has kind of been my saving grace."
"I just was so tired of my own shit. I was so tired of being depressed and broken. I was like, I've got to try to save my life because if I don't, I'm afraid I'm not going to have one. The gym has kind of been my saving grace."
Finding Her Purpose
India Arie plays softly through the iPhone speaker as Ellis flips through her red alteration cards, reading the notes from her session with Doc, who's currently changing into another outfit. Thus far the client has decided to have a pair of plaid pants taken out ("they're a little too tight around the rear") and pair of floral pants taken in and hemmed up half an inch. She reappears in red sweatpants, awkwardly grabbing at the crotch that's been cut out and takes her position in front of the full-length mirror. Ellis crouches into position and does a duck-like walk around her legs, expertly pinning and outlining areas with fabric chalk for sewing later.
"You can tell she's very passionate about what she does, and I'm all about hanging around passionate people," Doc says. "I feed off of energy and she has a really great spirit, and you can just tell that she loves what she does."
Later in a Starbucks coffee shop, Ellis admits to me that having the right attitude was something she had to develop over time. "People don't like being around people they don't like, so if you want to keep the money rolling in you have to learn how to have a certain type of energy and a vibe."
She also admits that she's still getting used to accolades from clients, in part because this wasn't the career path she imagined for herself when she was designing clothes at 15.
While at Macy's, Ellis quickly learned that she didn't want to pursue a career in visual merchandising, and felt a strong calling towards alterations. There was only one problem— she had no desire to be a seamstress. "As designers sometimes we may look at people who say oh you're a seamstress as de-valuing in some way. So I felt like I'm not a seamstress, I'm a whole designer out here!"
Despite her disbelief, the cards were saying otherwise. There was the confirmation from her client Karleen Roy, who encouraged her to pursue alterations as a career. Then there were the angel numbers that began to appear, and that when researched indicated that she was about to walk into something new. And after driving by multiple alteration shops on her ride home one day, she could no longer ignore the signs. She finally surrendered to her calling. Shortly after, she landed her first major client, NBA player Kevin Garnett. "I had never made that much money even as a designer. Here I am trying to reject something God is telling me to do, but it actually blessed my life."
After two seasons of working with Garnett, Ellis knew it was time to take another leap of faith and leave her job at Macy's. She turned in a 60-day notice feeling confident about her future job stability, but just two days shy of leaving, she learned that her client was being moved to Los Angeles, and that her services were no longer needed. Thankfully, she had nearly $10,000 saved to help cushion the blow of losing a major client.
"I sat there and I was like, God, you've got to give me a bigger client to let me know that this is still what you're calling me to do," she says. "Because at this point I'm confused."
A few days after leaving her job, she landed Diddy as a new client. "I knew that was God telling me that was my confirmation."
"It's funny because [Diddy] circled back around this year," she continues. "His stylist hit me up one day and was like, 'Oh, I got your number from the Ritz Carlton.' And I was like I've never been to the Ritz Carlton. I don't know who has my number here, but again, it's not for me to know, I didn't even question it. And [Diddy] was also saying, 'I think you really should do this. There's not an African American woman that is on the forefront that really has a tailoring agency. You could be big with this.' He was the second person that put out that feeling of you could be the black Martha Stewart. You could have a whole situation going on here if you do this the right way."
The confirmations didn't end there. In fact, Ellis has an arsenal of stories that indicate that there's a divine calling over her life. There was the trip to ESSENCE Festival, in which she only agreed to go if the stars aligned— a few days later she was in New Orleans tailoring for Marsai Martin ("when you're supposed to go somewhere God will line all of that up."). There was also the BET Awards, in which she took a leap of faith by flying to Los Angeles a couple of weeks before the show with no jobs lined up, only to end up the lead person over one of the wardrobe trailers for the show. And shortly upon her return, she picked up a gig with Cardi B for her baby shower. If life was a movie, Ellis' story would be filled with plot twists.
Yet despite her success, she still finds it hard to embrace that she's working the job of her dreams. As an entrepreneur, a steady paycheck isn't always guaranteed, and when the flashy lights turn off, reality shines bright. "The world sees that you're doing all of these wonderful things, but your money still hasn't changed that much. But I can't not go do my job because the money is not all there; I've still got to keep moving forward. And I think for me it was hard to understand not attaching money to success because again, just from my own trauma that I had experienced, money made me feel validated, and so if I didn't have it, I didn't feel successful."
Trauma is often associated with physical experiences, but sometimes it's the words that are said— or unsaid— that dig the deepest roots. For Ellis, it started over two decades ago, when she was told her dream wouldn't pay the bills.
"I have a very loving family, but I didn't grow up in an environment that was encouraging," she says. "I didn't have the blueprint of you can be anything you want to be. It was like, 'You just need to get a job; that's not a real job.' So that was instilled in me practically my whole life. I feel like it's also crippled me a lot in my life now because I'm constantly trying to prove to myself that this is a job."
It's part of what has led to her idea of opening an alterations shop and starting a temporary agency under the Touched by Fhi umbrella in an effort to help other women of color gain exposure and opportunities in an industry that didn't easily open the doors for her to walk into. After all, she wouldn't be a legend if her legacy stopped with herself.
"The world sees that you're doing all of these wonderful things, but your money still hasn't changed that much. But I can't not go do my job because the money is not all there; I've still got to keep moving forward. And I think for me it was hard to understand not attaching money to success because again, just from my own trauma that I had experienced, money made me feel validated, and so if I didn't have it, I didn't feel successful."
Building a Legacy
As a high school graduate who was unable to afford the tuition at American International University in Atlanta, Ellis had picked up the curriculum from the Art Institute of Indianapolis, found a local sewing teacher, and alongside her godmother who was also a seamstress, taught herself how to sew. Where she lacked in formal education, she gained in experience, even if it meant taking unpaid gigs at different levels of success in her life, just to learn a new skill.
It's those same skills that she's hoping to pass down to generations after her. While she doesn't believe that everybody should know how to sew, she does believe that everyone should have the opportunity to learn. In the meantime, for those interested in getting into the industry, she recommends studying your craft, developing your knowledge on everything from sewing patterns to body types, and always looking for ways to improve your skills.
"You really need to go invest in yourself and really want to be the best at what you do," she says. "I don't even feel like you should touch it if you don't want to craft it in such a way that you operate in nothing but excellence."
One thing's for sure, we're witnessing the making of an icon living. The Elizabeth Keckley, Zelda Wynn Valdes, or maybe even Ann Lowe of this generation— true pioneers that altered and redefined what it means to be successful in fashion.
"Where I'm at now in my life is that I really just understand trusting the process. Everything that God has given you is not in vain. It's still a part of your story, but it might be a different chapter. You know what I mean?"
Featured image courtesy of Fhonia Ellis
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
There’s nothing quite as humbling as navigating adulthood with no instruction manual. Since the turn of the decade, it seems like everything in our society that could go wrong has, inevitably, gone wrong. From the global pandemic, our crippling student debt problem, the loneliness crisis, layoffs, global warming, recession, and not to mention figuring out what to eat for dinner every night. This constant state of uncertainty has many of us wondering, when are the grown-ups coming to fix all of this?
But the catch is, we are the new grown-ups.
As if it happened without our permission, we became the new adults. We are the members of society who are paying taxes, having children, getting married, and keeping our communities afloat, one iced latte at a time. Still, there’s something about doing all these grown-up duties that feel unnaturally grown-up. Enter the #teenagegirlinher20s.
If there’s one hashtag to give you the state of the next cohort of adults, it’s this one. Of the videos that have garnered over 3.9M views, you’ll find a collection of users who are overwhelmed by life’s pressing existential responsibilities, clung to nostalgia, and reminiscent of the days when their mom and dad took care of their insurance plans.
no like i cant explain to her why i had to buy multiple tank air dupes from aritzia #teenagegirlinher20s #fyp
The concept of being a 20-something or 30-something teenager is linked to the sentiment of not feeling “grown up enough” to do grown-up things while feeling underprepared and even nihilistic about whether that preparation even matters.
It’s our generation’s version of when we ask our grandmothers how old they are and they simply reply with, “I still feel 45,” all while being every bit of 76 years old. In this, we share a warped concept of time while clinging to a desire for infantilization.
Granted, the pandemic did a number on our concept of time. Many of us who started the pandemic in our early or mid-20s missed out on three fundamental years of socialization, career development, and personal milestones that traditionally help to mark our growth.
Our time to figure out and plan our next steps through fumbling yet active participation was put on pause indefinitely and then resumed provisionally. This in turn has left many of us hanging in the balance of uncertainty as we try to make sense of the disconnect between our minds and bodies in this missing gap of time.
Because we’re all still figuring out what the ramifications of being locked away and frozen in time by a global pandemic will have on us as a society, there really is no “right” way of making up for lost time. Feeling unprepared for any new chapter of life is a natural rite of passage, pandemic or not. However, it’s important to not stay stuck in the last age or period of life that made sense to us because self-growth is the truest evidence of personal progress.
So whether you’re leaning on your inner child, teenager, or 20-something for guidance as you fill the gap between your real age and pandemic age, know that it’s okay to grieve the person you thought you would be and the milestones you thought you’d hit before you ever knew what a pandemic was. If there’s anything that the pandemic taught us, it’s that we have the power to reimagine a better world and life for ourselves. And if we tap into our inner teenager as a compass, we can piece together our next chapter with a fresh outlook.
Sure, we’ve lost a couple of years, but there are still some really amazing ones ahead.
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Featured image by Stephen Zeigler/Getty Images