12 Traditional Christmas Items That Are Low-Key Aphrodisiacs Too
Now y'all already know, if I could find a way to make sex have a fall theme, that in the spirit of peace and goodwill, a sista had to tie in one of the most popular holidays of the year to coitus too. To tell you the truth, it really wasn't all that hard. All I did was think about some of the things that traditionally go with Christmas and, based on what I already know about aphrodisiacs, see how they lined up with encouraging sexual desire. Hmph. You might be surprised.
As far as how to make Christmas itself the kind of sex-inspired gift that keeps on giving, be on the lookout for a few tips sooner than later (I got you). For now, as you're out 'n about doing some of your holiday shopping, I'd advise that you pick up doubles when it comes to some of the items on this list—one you can use for traditional purposes; the other, you can take into your bedroom so that you can bring a whole new meaning to yuletide cheer.
1. Eggnog
Although eggnog is not my favorite drink in the world, I can be compelled to partake of a sip or two around the holidays. Almost every time I have it, there is a part of me that wonders how it became a part of Christmas cuisine. From what I've researched, it started out in early medieval Britain (they used to drink something similar called "posset"). The combo of milk, eggs and sherry symbolized good health and prosperity. Then monks began to consume it and eventually, around the 1700s, it made its way over to us.
The reason why it qualifies as being an aphrodisiac is because the ingredients that are in it—especially the eggs, honey, vanilla and nutmeg—are things that can help to boost your libido. Eggs are a fertility symbol. Honey contains boron which regulates hormone levels and nitric oxide which intensifies arousal. The smell of vanilla causes a lot of men to have faster erections, and apparently the 50 percent ethanolic extract of nutmeg increases the sex drive; mostly the sex drive of men.
So, if you've never had or liked eggnog, maybe all of this info will inspire you to give it another shot. In the spirit of Christmas—and good sex.
2. Candy Canes
I recently read a couple of articles that said the cooling sensation of peppermint soap or diluted peppermint oil (make sure to dilute the oil; it is really strong) provides the kind of cooling effect that enhances stimulation in women and can even trigger multiple orgasms. That got me to thinking that sucking on a candy cane and then performing oral sex on your partner must be the total bomb. That's why this signature Christmastime candy made the list.
Just make sure that you use peppermint more as a topical thing than anything else. Studies reveal that the menthol in mint, when it's digested by men, can lower their testosterone, not raise it. And who wants that?
3. Gingerbread Houses
How in the world is a gingerbread house an aphrodisiac? It's due to the ginger that it's made from. Aside from the fact that the calcium, magnesium, phosphorus and potassium in ginger is great for treating motion and morning sickness, menstrual cramps and migraines, on the sexual tip, ginger significantly increases blood circulation in both men and women. The more blood that's moving around in our genital regions, the hornier we tend to be. The better our orgasms end up being too. So, spend quality time making a gingerbread house with the kids and a different kind of quality time with your partner eating it once you're done.
4. Mistletoe
This one should be obvious. I mean, "Kissing under the mistletoe"—duh. But if you've ever wondered why so many of us do that, basically it's this. Mistletoe is an evergreen plant that is a symbol of peace. People started kissing underneath it during the Greek festival of Saturnalia, believing that mistletoe protected them from misfortune, along with granting them long life as well as fertility. If that's got you sold, Home Depot, Lowe's and local nurseries typically sell it.
5. Hot Chocolate
You've probably heard somewhere before that chocolate—preferably dark chocolate—is an aphrodisiac. The reason why is because the chemicals phenylethylamine and serotonin that are in it will not only improve your mood, they are considered to be sexual stimulants as well. Some health experts say that you'll get the most sexual benefits out of chocolate if you eat four ounces, on a daily basis, that is made out of 70 percent cocoa. A fun way to get some of those ounces in is to drink some hot chocolate—or to make some chocolate body paint. Or…do both.
6. Figgy Pudding
I don't think I've ever had figgy pudding before (if any of y'all have, let me know in the comments how it tastes). But I have heard a few Christmas songs that mentions it, so yeah, it makes this list too. The main reason is because figs are considered to be an aphrodisiac fruit. A lot of people think this because they like the smell and texture of fresh figs. Also, the antioxidants, flavonoids, fiber, antioxidants and potassium that are in figs are surefire libido booster. And, since figs are a symbol of love and fertility, it can't hurt to at least have a slice of some homemade figgy pudding cake, right?
7. Pine
Back when I was a Christmas-observer, something that I adored was the smell of a live Christmas tree in my home. Well, believe it or not, pine pollen is a proven aphrodisiac. Aside from the 200 nutrients that it contains, the fact that it has DHEA in it, that means that pine pollen also levels out testosterone and estrogen in our bodies. Since it can also help with muscle pain, headaches and nausea, why not keep some of it in your house?
8. Ribbons
A woman had me cracking up when she told me that while she loves to be tied up during sex, what will turn her off instantly is if a man pulls out a pair of handcuffs. "How woke can a ninja be if he thinks that with all of this police brutality going on that I want to reenact that bulls—it?" I mean and I'm sayin'.
To me, the alternative would be satin ribbons. They are definitely a Christmas tradition, they are softer and sexier than cuffs and, if you use them instead of cuffs, you won't have to worry about you or your partner being triggered. #MerryChristmas
9. Sleighs
I've been sledding before; it's fun. I've never actually been on a sleigh ride before (you know, when a horse or some reindeer are actually pull the sled), but I will definitely put it on my bucket list. Know what else is going to go on there? The sleigh ride sex position. What the heck is that? From what I've seen and read, it's a spin on reverse cowgirl. The twist is, rather than the woman doing most of the work, her partner (who is lying on his back with his knees slightly bent) helps her out by lightly lifting her pelvis up and meeting her halfway with each thrust. A sleigh ride indeed!
10. Stockings
As far as the Christmas tradition of stockings goes, from what I've read, St. Nicolas once heard about a man who was too poor to pay for his daughters' dowries so that they could marry. The man was also too proud to accept handouts, so one night, St. Nick climbed down the man's chimney and put gold coins in his daughter's stockings (hmm…).
Fast forward to 2019 and, as a male friend and I were discussing what can make a sex life go stale, something that he said was, "When women stop dressing up. It can be just as fun to take off sexy clothes as it is to have sex." When I asked him if there was a particular article of clothing that turned him on especially, he paused for a minute, smiled and then said, "Stockings."
That's cute because I once read another man describe stockings as being "jewelry for women's legs".
That's why stockings are on this list. Extra points are definitely given if they are thigh-highs (like these). Based on the tradition and what the guy shared with me, when stockings are around, all sorts of nice surprises end up…popping up.
11. Toys
Toys ain't just for children. In fact, this is how much the xoTribe is a fan of sex toys. There's the article "8 Crème De La Crème Sex Toys You Can Buy On A Budget". There's "5 Discreet Vibrators That Will Fit Into Your Carry-On". There are also "A $2K Sex Toy Gave Me The Ride (& The Orgasm) Of My Life" and "Yoni Investments: 4 Standards Your Sex Toys Should Meet". So, if you'd like to gift yourself with a toy of your own, those articles should help you out. Or, you can get ahead of the 2020 sex toy trends and treat yourself to a tongue vibrator. (Have mercy!)
12. Color Red
Red is definitely a signature hue for Christmas. As far as color psychology goes, red symbolizes love, passion, energy, sex and intensity. So, if you're trying to figure out what to get your partner, you can never go wrong with some new red lingerie or even some red satin sheets—even if they're just for Christmas Eve or Christmas night. Make it a very Merry Christmas—and to ALL a good night!
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Originally published on December 12, 2019
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next October (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
You're In A Relationship. You Wanna Pause Sex. What Now?
With the way our culture is going, Grandma (it’s probably more like great-grandma at this point) would be proud.According to semi-recent findings, not only are folks out herehaving fewer sex partners, but abstinence seems to be on the rise as well — and whether you choose to believe it or not, it’s actuallymore young men who are choosing to chill out on the bedroom activities more than young women are (interesting).
The reason why I’m leading with this when it comes to this particular topic is that if you’re someone who has been sexually active for a while, you’re contemplating going into a season of abstinence or celibacy, and a part of your hesitation is you think that you’ll be one of the very few who’s done it, that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s becoming more common than ever for individuals to at least go 6-12 months without sex…for a variety of reasons.
Okay, but what if you’re thinking about doing it, and you’re in a relationship with someone who you’re currently sexually active with? Not only that, but your partner is absolutely not on the same page with you when it comes to making this type of move. If that’s your challenge of the day and you’re not sure what you should do about it all, I’ve actually got a few tips, ones that, hopefully, will at least give you some of the clarity that you may be seeking in this particular season of (temporary) transition in your life.
What Is Your Reason?
GiphyPopular life coach Michael Hyatt once said, “When you know your why, you’ll know your way,” and when you’ve made the decision to go without sex, no matter how long that season may be, no greater words could be spoken. So, if abstinence is what you’re considering, definitely ask yourself what is your reason for that. Is it Scriptural or religious? Is it because you feel like you are confusing good sex with a solid relational dynamic?
Is it because you think that you and your partner are in an endless pattern of “making up to break-up” (check out “Make-Up Sex Might Be Doing Your Relationship More Harm Than Good”)? Perhaps you’re on some form of birth control, and you want to give your body a break from the hormones. Maybe you recently had a pregnancy scare that has caused you to do a bit of life reevaluating, and you don’t want to risk another chance of having a positive sign on a test until you get clear on how you want the next couple of years of your life to look.
I know when I decided to enter into my LOOONG season of not-getting-any, it was because I decided to see if I was in a pattern of counterproductivity — not just when it came to sex but with the people I chose to have sex with.
For me, I entered into my abstinence phase without being in a relationship (I did it after breaking up with the last boyfriend that I will ever have in this lifetime — check out “Why I'll Never Call Someone A 'Boyfriend' Again”), so my shift was virtually drama-free (well, minus all of the detoxing that I went through; that first six months or so without sex is a MUTHA). However, I have had times when I’ve wanted to go several months without sex, after having sex with someone, and it did not make for a smooth sailing between the two of us.
Anyway, when it comes to figuring out what you should do about your own situation, being very clear about your reasons can make it so much easier to do the next thing: come up with a plan.
What Is Your Plan?
GiphyFor the sake of time and space, I can’t address every dilemma for this, so let’s go with one of ‘em. Say that the (main) reason why you want to be abstinent is because you know you have a pattern of mistaking good sex for actual intimacy (check out “What If The Sex Is Great? But The Relationship Sucks.”). The guy you’ve been seeing, the relationship is under six months old, yet you could see a real future with him. Thing is, you’ve been having sex with each other for about three months now, and you just recently decided to go exclusive.
You know, with everything in you, that a big part of the reason why he was cool with not seeing anyone else is because sex is consistent (and good) between the two of you, so you’re not (completely) sure how he’s going to handle your new decision.
Well, what’s your plan? What I mean by that is, well, a few things:
- How long do you plan on being abstinent?
- What kind of abstinent do you want to be (no oral, no foreplay, no making out, etc.)?
- When you remove something, it’s wise to replace it with something else; how do you want to fill that void in the meantime?
- Where do you see the relationship going as a result of making this kind of shift?
- While you’re thinking about what’s best for you, what do you think is best for your relationship as well?
You know the saying goes “Fail to plan, plan to fail,” and when it comes to being abstinent when you’re in a relationship, I’ve dealt with this myself (and via clients) enough to know that when men are approached with this, what they tend to be the most interested in is 1) abstinent for what; 2) abstinent for how long, and 3) why abstinence would ultimately be beneficial for the relationship overall.
Listen, in a lot of relationships, sex is a significant part of it. That’s why you don’t want to go into something this paramount with a “winging it” mindset. The clearer you are about how this can be helpful for you both, at least on some level, the more open “he” will be willing to hear you out and take it into some serious consideration.
How Serious Is the Relationship?
GiphyLight at the end of the tunnel. I’ll tell you what, when you’re in a season of abstinence, and you know that there is some end in sight (because very few folks want to be abstinent forever), it can make going without so much easier to bear. That said when it comes to abstinence while in a relationship, there’s a big difference between telling someone who you’re in a new relationship with that you want to “press pause” for an indefinite period of time vs. telling someone who you recently got engaged to that you want to wait until your wedding day. The first one? Who knows where things are headed? The second? There is a date that is attached to the decision; indeed, there is “relief” on the horizon.
So yeah, that’s something else that needs to be considered because I’ll be real with you — based on how serious the relationship is, your decision to be abstinent may be a “me” decision or a “we” decision. Meaning, a guy who you’re just starting to see and dig, if there are no real lasting guarantees on the table, you really need to focus most on what’s best for you and kind of let the chips fall where they may. On the other hand, for someone who you are in it to win it with long-term (mutually so, not just in your own estimation), you would be silly to think that abstinence wouldn’t have the potential to significantly impact your relationship’s future. Why?
Because if sex was a part of your “house’s” foundation, if you pull some of the foundations out, it can cause the house to “shake” a bit — especially if some trying times present themselves during that same season. So yep, you factoring in the “weight” of the relationship is also what needs to be taken into some serious account. (Tip: You probably need to get him to weigh in on this as well. It’s not uncommon for one person to think a relationship is one type while someone else estimates it to be something totally different.)
Please Remember This at All Times: You Have Free Will. So Does He.
GiphySomething that I will forever say until the cows (and all of the other animals on Noah’s Ark) come home is people really need to stop dating like they are married — if you want to be married, get married. At the end of the day, dating is all about seeing if you’re a good fit for someone and if they are a good fit for you. Unlike marriage, no vows were taken before the Lord, your family, and friends. There is no paperwork involved. There is not the all-in intention of being with someone, no matter what, until death parts you. So, you know what that means? If one or both people come to a fork in the road where there isn’t room for compromise, no one is the bad guy for deciding to end things — yes, even when it comes to something like one individual wanting to remain sexually active while the other doesn’t.
I mean, how would you feel if the guy you were seeing decided that he didn’t want to spend money on dates or special occasions anymore because he needed to focus on getting out of debt? I’m not talking about for a couple of weeks either — I mean, several months or even a couple of years. If you can hang, he needs to keep you because you’re a real one. You know what, though? If you can’t, that doesn’t make you a gold digger or siren. If dates and gifts are what you feel like you need, again, especially if the relationship is relatively new, you need to do what’s best for you….just like he needs to do what’s best for him. It would be totally unfair on his part to expect you to be as invested in his self-development as he is.
IT'S NO DIFFERENT WITH YOUR DECISION TO BE ABSTINENT.
You are doing what’s best for you and he is not the devil incarnate if what is best for you is not what’s best for him. Husbands and wives have to make life-altering sacrifices; boyfriends and girlfriends (or the “untitled”)? They don’t. As unpopular (and perhaps even difficult) as it may be to hear, just like the Bible, Quran, Torah, and taxes don’t give a category for boyfriends and girlfriends (you’re single, married, divorced, or widowed), you should live your life in a similar fashion.
What I mean by that is, you’re single until you’re not. This means that you need to prioritize yourself above all else until someone vows to provide for and protect you (as you vow to help and nurture him). If you need to be abstinent, you don’t owe someone your body. If your partner doesn’t want to follow suit, he doesn’t owe you the sacrifice of going without either.
And so, if you can’t find any compromise, break up. Maybe you’ll cross paths in the future, maybe you won’t. What this season will reveal to you, rest assured, is what is best for you, who complements your life in the now, and how you should move as far as interactions with others go. Yet again, he’s not a villain for not wanting something that is different from what he initially agreed to. Don’t gaslight yourself or him into thinking otherwise. It’s not fair.
Always Do What’s Best for You
GiphyListen, as someone who knows long-term abstinence very up close and personally, very few things in life will teach you more about yourself than going without sex for a season will. It will teach you self-control. It will teach you how to figure out the difference between loving someone and “loving it.” It will teach you how to not settle just because someone makes you feel good. It will teach you how to exert self-discipline in other areas of your life. It will teach you how to not be afraid of losing someone if that means gaining more of yourself.
And honestly, that’s the biggest takeaway that you should get from all of this because, while there is a chance that your relationship is solid enough that your partner can roll with your decision if he chooses not to, choosing you above him and your connection, that is already making abstinence a bomb decision. Because when you do what’s best for you, you tend to choose who is ultimately best for you — whether it’s immediately or eventually — too.
___
Bottom line, if you know that putting sex on pause is best for you, for now, PLEASE don’t let a relationship keep you from doing that. It might feel good to ignore your innermost needs now…yet I can almost guarantee that you will regret it later.
And it’s NEVER worth it, while you’re single, to ignore or push aside you…for “him”.
Trust me on that, sis.
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