These Mental Health Advocates Are Empowering Black Men To Take Up Emotional Space
Although major depressive disorder (MDD) is less common among African American men than white men, African American men with depressive symptoms often are misdiagnosed, according to the Association of American Medical Colleges. Depression, anxiety or any mental health issue amongst Black men is often dismissed or unaddressed in the Black community, which deeply affects the quality of life for Black people as an entirety. In fact, according to the U.S. News & World Report, the suicide attempt rates amongst Black teen males continue to rise in comparison to any other ethnic group and suicide still remains as the second leading cause of death between the ages of 10 to 38.
As we begin to break the stigma and create changes in our community by starting positive conversations and speaking up about mental health, we subconsciously create a safe space for young Black boys to relieve any feelings of loneliness, fear and hopelessness. xoNecole had the opportunity and pleasure of speaking with these powerful Black men across psychology, social work, and mental health advocacy about their personal journeys and advice for young Black men fitting the same shoes that they themselves have walked in.
A Black Man’s Mental Health and Stereotypes
We don't notice it off-rip, but societal norms and gender differences cause a disruption in how we should be dealing with mental health in its entirety. According to the Psychological Health Center of Excellence, "gender stereotypes are fixed ideas about men's and women's traits and capabilities and how they should comport themselves, based on their biological sex". Gender stereotypes are omnipresent in everyday life, but especially so in the realm of mental health and its impact on each gender.
"There are few stereotypes about Black men such as they don't have the capacity to express their feelings or emotions, they're angry or aggressive, or they're not monogamous. I think regardless of ethnicity or race, some men prefer not to be emotional or talk about their feelings," shares Dr. Erlanger A. Turner. The author, clinical psychologist, and assistant professor of psychology at Pepperdine University vocalizes his disagreement with these stereotypes by stating that most Black men do not fit into the categories given to them. "In regards to stereotypes of Black men, I think because of these perceptions Black men are assumed to have poor mental health and engage in unhealthy behaviors such as substance use or sex to cope with life."
He continues, "I do think that based on each man's views about adhering to ideals of masculinity, that it may influence their decisions about when and to whom do they express their emotional side." Unfortunately, pertaining to those ideals of masculinity, especially when diving into a deeper conversation about gender as a social construct, in the Black community, being vulnerable and honest about your emotional well-being is deemed as "soft", "weak", or "unmanly".
From The Womb To The Tomb
Osadeba Omokaro, co-founder of DEAD THE SILENCE, chimes in with a thought about his childhood and how gender roles play a part in his emotional well-being, "As a child, all the people that were around me that were emotional were feminine, and the more stoic individuals were manly. The interesting part of this is as an adult I believe men can be internally emotional yet remain unwavering as long as they truly process those emotions, but if a male has emotions yet cannot identify them, they are lost."
"As an adult I believe men can be internally emotional yet remain unwavering as long as they truly process those emotions, but if a male has emotions yet cannot identify them, they are lost."
Osadeba continues to reflect on his upbringing as a child and recalls that he was not initially encouraged to open up about his emotions. "I was told not to show my emotions from my brothers, OGs, girls and my dad," he says." It made me hard and a fighter."
"A lot of men are conditioned at a young age not to show emotion or express feelings. This follows many men into adulthood and manifests itself in various parts of our lives. There is a shift happening though, where men are realizing that holding everything in does not serve them," co-founder of HealHaus Darian Hall adds. As a Black man as well as a member of a Black fraternity, Kappa Alpha Psi, Darian realized the importance of creating a space for people of color in New York City to practice mental wellness and combating depression and anxiety.
"A lot of men are conditioned at a young age not to show emotion or express feelings. This follows many men into adulthood and manifests itself in various parts of our lives. There is a shift happening though, where men are realizing that holding everything in does not serve them."
On the impact of his childhood on his emotional structure as an adult, founder of The Lives of Men Jason Rosario ponders retrospectively about how his poorly-given childhood advice was transferred. "I think a lot of boys, not just me, received those messages directly and indirectly. What that does is separate us as men from our humanity and capacity to feel. When we get older, we've become so good at compartmentalizing and suppressing our emotions that we become emotionally repressed and unable to identify, much less articulate how we feel," he says.
"I think a lot of boys, not just me, received those messages directly and indirectly. What that does is separate us as men from our humanity and capacity to feel. When we get older, we've become so good at compartmentalizing and suppressing our emotions that we become emotionally repressed and unable to identify, much less articulate how we feel."
As We Go On…
When coming into one's adulthood in today's society, men are oftentimes challenged of their manhood with financial and physical tasks such as taking care of their families by bringing home the primary source of income or lifting an old three-ton chiffarobe out of the basement. However, as a society, we have failed our Black men by not providing them with the proper safe space to express their mental health concerns to their friends, spouses, peers, colleagues or even conditioned them to believe that a therapist is an option.
"The fear that many Black men experience around expressing their feelings is rooted in mistrust, which goes back to the days of slavery. Black men were tortured, abused, and/or ridiculed for expressing their feelings," Dr. Randy "Dr. S" Sconiers states with historical context. Furthermore, he added that society continues to perpetuate those narratives by creating harmful stigmas around Black men expressing their feelings, thus being associated with weakness and inferiority. "For these reasons, Black men have been conditioned within systems such as schools and social constructs to hold feelings in order to be viewed as strong and manly. In other words, 'man up and keep your feelings inside.' That's totally wrong and damaging to the psyche of Black men."
"Black men have been conditioned within systems such as schools and social constructs to hold feelings in order to be viewed as strong and manly. In other words, 'man up and keep your feelings inside.' That's totally wrong and damaging to the psyche of Black men."
The podcast host and founder of Mental-Hop also thinks about the impact of love, women, and romantic relationships on today's Black men. When asked by xoNecole about his thoughts on women expressing their lack of respect for a 'beta-male' or a man that wears his heart on his sleeve, Dr. S responds with, "I believe that kind of thinking by women only further harms the overall well-being of Black men."
Because men put so much stock into the feelings and thoughts of what women think, if there's a widely accepted consensus that women don't want a 'beta man', it only reinforces that they should not express themselves in order to be deemed as more attractive by the opposite sex. "Conversely, if a woman expresses that a man who expresses his feelings signifies a strength and attractiveness, men may ultimately see that as something to aspire to do more often."
The Next Generation…
'Train them up in the way that they should go,' is something I've been hearing all my life whether I overheard people talking to my mother about me and my siblings or church folk gathered around gossiping about the latest young people scandal. Everyone, from what I've experienced, takes this term as forcing a child to live the life that you'd want them to live as opposed to the emotional healthy, non-scarring life that they should. When asked by xoNecole if he had any advice to share with the next generation of young Black men about mental health and wellness disparities, Jason wants to remind them that they are simply enough. "That their existence alone makes them worthy of love, respect, compassion," he adds. "I want boys to grow up knowing that it's OK to access the full spectrum of their emotions because that along with their masculine essence is what makes them special."
"I want boys to grow up knowing that it's OK to access the full spectrum of their emotions because that along with their masculine essence is what makes them special."
Anthony Duncan, co-founder of DEAD THE SILENCE alongside Osadeba, pulls from his own tragic experience of the loss of his sister to give advice for the next generation of young Black men to emerge. "I was not able to show my emotions when my younger sister passed away from suicide. Everyone around me was heartbroken and I did not feel that I could express my emotions. I felt I had to be strong for others around me," Anthony shares with xoNecole. "I would like to teach them not to be afraid to express how they feel. Being strong is showcasing your vulnerability and being able to lead as well. Connection is key to communication and without it we do not have anything."
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month and continuing to be the light he wishes to see in the world, HealHaus' Darian Hall is offering $10 off unlimited monthly live yoga and meditation classes for xoNecole readers. For seven days only, use the code: "xonecole" when you sign up on HealHaus.com.
Featured image courtesy of Darian Hall
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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What Astrology Can Reveal About Your Relationship With Your Father
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
The Sun in Astrology represents your personality, ego, and purpose, and your father and your relationship with him. Depending on what sign the Sun was in when you were born, you can dive deeper into the correlation between who you are and your experience with your father or the father figure in your life, as your sun sign represents your father’s traits and how you perceive him. You can see the strengths and significance of your relationship with your dad, where challenges may be more likely, and how to navigate this energy in life.
When diving deeper into the dynamics of your family, where you come from, and how to understand more about this aspect of your life, Astrology can point you toward clarity.
The Sun Sign and The Relationship With Your Father
When looking at your relationship with your parents overall, you want to look at your moon sign for your mom , and your sun sign for your dad. You look at your 4th house for your home life and quality of it, your 5th house for your children, and your 7th house for your marriage. The sun sign, however, and the house your Sun is in, is telling when it comes to your relationship with your father and highlights where you shine in life and where this comes from.
What Your Sun Sign Says About Your Relationship With Your Father
For example, Leo Suns tend to have very outgoing fathers who take a lot of pride in their children. Pisces Suns tend to have more creative, emotional, yet maybe a little more distant dad who takes on a more vulnerable role in their life. It makes sense that your sun sign also rules your personality and goals in life because a lot of the time, this stems from what we learned when we were younger and who led us towards these types of revelations, which often come from the father figure in our lives.
By understanding your Sun sign deeper, you can better navigate how your father shows up, how you perceive him, and what you need and value from this connection.
Read for your Sun sign below to learn more about your father and to find out more insights about your relationship with your father.
Aries Sun Relationship With Their Father
Your dad is most likely very high-energy and active, and you may take on a lot of the physical traits of your father. He has a strong sense of self, is independent, and prefers to be the leader of the family. He could be someone who is a little impatient and who doesn’t beat around the bush. He says exactly what is on his mind and may be a little short-tempered.
Your father was most likely always on the go, but also someone encouraging you to follow your goals, focus on yourself, pursue sports, and overall have a direction in life. Aries tend to have more masculine-energy fathers.
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Taurus Sun Relationship With Their Father
As a Taurus Sun, your father is dependable and someone you can rely on. He is someone who is focused on the stability and financial security of the family, and someone who took on a lot of responsibilities. He could be a really good gift giver or love to spoil you with gifts or financial investments. Your father could also be very stubborn and strong-willed, and it can be hard to get through to him at times as well.
His biggest concern is making sure you are comfortable and safe, and does a lot in life to make this so for you. Your dad tends to be someone who makes you feel stable.
Gemini Sun Relationship With Their Father
With a Gemini Sun, your father is likely more of a wildcard in your life. He is creative and communicative but may be hard to pin down and truly understand. He is someone who has a lot going on in his life at once and can be a bit emotionally distant. He may be busy a lot or have a somewhat detached sort of personality.
He is not someone you would necessarily go to about your emotions, but someone who you can always count on to make you laugh and lighten the mood. Your father is most likely someone with high intelligence and someone clever and fun.
Cancer Sun Relationship With Their Father
As a Cancer Sun, your father tends to be nurturing, supportive, and emotional. He is someone who is more prone to mood swings and tends to keep to himself a little more than most. He may be somewhat overprotective of you, and he prefers to keep his family close. He is someone who is there for you when you need him and is often your go-to person in life.
You see your dad as someone who is nurturing and compassionate, and you tend to like to spend time with him or be around his energy. Your dad is someone who shows he cares in the little ways.
Leo Sun Relationship With Their Father
As a Leo Sun, you are someone who most likely looks up to your father or the father figure in your life. You have a lot of respect for your father and may even see him as a hero.
Your dad is someone who is confident, prideful, and fun. He is someone you see as gregarious and successful and someone you tend to put on a pedestal in your life.
Your dad may also be highly connected to his ego and may have problems with anger issues or abrasive energy. Your relationship with your dad may change a lot as you get older, as you try to create a life of your own and move out of your father’s shadow and strong influence.
Virgo Sun Sun Relationship With Their Father
Your dad may be meticulous, hard-working, and detail-oriented, Virgo Sun. He may be a little hard on you or someone who has very high expectations for you and the family. He is someone who is very encouraging of you to go after your goals and put in the effort, and he is somewhat predictable for you as well.
He likes for things to be clean and orderly in the home and may put this same type of expectation on you, too. He may be the person in your life who demands a lot from you or who will put some extra responsibilities on your shoulders.
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Libra Sun Relationship With Their Father
As a Libra Sun, your father is the peacekeeper in the family and tries to create a harmonious life. He is someone who can see all points of view, and he is the mediator that everyone goes to. Your father may have a more feminine energy; he has good taste and is outgoing. He is the type of dad you can go shopping with, and he’d have fun doing it.
He is someone who may be a bit passive-aggressive, as he is not one for confrontation and doesn’t like having disagreements with you or others. He may also be someone who is hard to get a hold of or a little unstable and flaky.
Scorpio Sun Relationship With Their Father
Your dad is fun, optimistic, and generally positive, Scorpio Sun. He likes to be active, travel, and explore the world, and sees himself as someone adventurous. He is most likely well-educated, intelligent, and someone who teaches you a lot about life and encourages your educational pursuits as well.
Your dad is very in tune with his fun and youthful side, Scorpio Sun, and he is the guy that everyone loves. He may have a different background than your mother or where you are from and, overall, has a lot of insight to share with you in life.
Capricorn Sun Relationship With Their Father
Your father is someone who is very headstrong and capable, Capricorn Sun. He is someone who taught you early on in life that you can do anything you put your mind to with hard work and logic, and he is a very no-bullshit type of dad.
He is someone who pushes you to be the best that you can be, and he puts a lot of responsibilities on your plate because he believes you can handle it.
He most likely instilled some traditions in you that he grew up with, and he is a more nostalgic father. He is big on legacy and wants to make the family name proud.
Aquarius Sun Relationship With Their Father
Aquarius Sun, your father is someone who you find different from most fathers. He is unique, nontraditional, and inspiring for you, and you most likely have a good friendship with him as well. He is someone who encourages you to think outside of the box and to use your mind more than anything.
He could, however, be a little unpredictable, and someone a little more distant, and it’s difficult to know what to expect with him. You may take on a lot of your father’s more different or unusual traits, and he is someone who shapes your future a lot in life.
Pisces Sun Relationship With Their Father
Your dad is more emotional, creative, distant, and moody. He may be an artist, a musician, or someone who has a more creative career. Your dad is someone who shares how much you mean to him, someone inspiring, and someone who is compassionate towards you, Pisces Sun.
However, there could also be some issues with substance abuse, escapism, or not feeling stability with your father. He is someone who is vague and may not have very much influence in your life or someone who you see very often. You may feel very vulnerable around your father or see him in a weaker sense in life.
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